Balk

by Joy Eileen

  “I’m twenty-three.”

  “And you’re going to graduate this year?” she inquired.

  “In a couple of months actually. I took classes during high school, so I’m finishing up my doctorate in PT and I’m going to take the NPTE next month.”

  Selina nodded her head, not paying attention to her food. “I think you need to talk to Trip. I have a feeling things aren’t as they seem. ”

  “But he told the team,” I finished weakly.

  Selina and Al nodded in unison without another word on the subject. During the meal they told me stories of Trip when he was younger. I think they realized how uneasy I was with the previous conversation and wanted to ease my tension. After lunch I hugged his parents and agreed to another lunch in the near future.

  I sat in Dora for a long time in the parking lot. My phone rang and Trip’s face plastered itself on my screen. Norah had taken it on one of our family dinner nights. Trip was slurping up a spaghetti noodle with sauce all over his face.

  Not ready to talk to Trip just yet, I let it go to voicemail. I had my fill of the Butler family for the moment. My mind kept screaming Selina’s words on repeat.

  In love with Trip. There’s no way I could be in love with him.

  My inner voice howled with laughter the whole drive home.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Raine,” Trip’s deep voice vibrated down my spine, hitting each vertebra before leaping to the next.

  Ever since leaving Trip’s parents I’d replayed the conversation we had on a nonstop loop. Ignoring Trip’s calls as I got ready for the game was my main focus.

  When I arrived on the field I was able to continue avoiding Trip. Coach Mae was my savior when she had us warm up together as a team. Trip tried to catch my eye whenever he was near, but with my wicked ninja skills I was able to evade him.

  With the team now broken off into our different positions there was no way of avoiding him anymore.

  Ninja skills deactivated.

  I threw a wild pitch and Trip stalked over.

  “Raine, we need to talk.”

  “Girls, locker room now,” Coach Mae yelled.

  That woman has impeccable timing.

  I shot Trip an apologetic smile and jogged to the locker room. Every game Coach Mae gave a pregame pep-talk and I’d never been happier to listen to her than I was at that second.

  “Ball four, walk,” the umpire yelled again.

  I lost the count on the amount of times he screamed that phrase.

  Trip decided to start me, and the way I was pitching it was the wrong decision.

  Who’s the baseball genius now?

  “Time,” Trip screamed, his hand pushing the brim of his hat up and down on his forehead.

  “Raine, it’s not what it looks like,” Trip said quietly as if someone would overhear him on the mound.

  “It looks like I’ve walked and gave up more hits than I have since the beginning of my softball career.”

  “You know what I’m talking about. I’ve been trying to call you so I could explain, but you haven’t answered your phone.” Trip lifted the bill of his hat and his blue eyes pleaded with me to listen to him.

  “Trip, if you’re talking about your relationship with Robin there’s no reason to explain. We’re friends, remember?” My fingers dug into the leather of my mitt as I fought the tears wanting to form.

  Trip’s jaw worked side to side as his eyes narrowed.

  “We’ll talk about this later. You cannot avoid me, friend.” He spat the word friend out like it was vile, and at the moment it was. “Just pitch like I know you can so we can get this miserable inning over with.”

  Trip stomped off and I waited. I waited for the remark that would light the pitching fire under my ass. I had to blink away the tears when it didn’t come.

  By some miracle I was able to strike out the next three batters. I felt nothing. Even relief the inning was over didn’t engulf me. All I wanted to do was go home and lick my wounds. Well, that and avoid Trip.

  My parents waved at me from the bleachers, and I returned it with a half-hearted hand movement, too pathetic to be called a wave. Renee and Norah stood and screamed my name before I dove into the safety of the dugout.

  “Practice, tomorrow. Don’t be late. I hate losing and I especially hate losing because of sloppy playing,” Coach Mae’s voice was steel as she dressed us down after the game.

  Our winning streak was over. We’d lost by three, even with Claire relieving me the third inning. Trip kept stealing glances at me, but I lurked in the middle of the herd, keeping him away.

  “Get home and think about your playing today.” Coach Mae’s eyes flitted over my face and guilt assaulted me.

  It was my fault the team lost, and by the way the girls avoided talking to me they agreed. The urge to remind them I was the second string pitcher was strong, but somehow I was able to refrain. With Trip’s weird magic he wove, most of the team saw me the starting pitcher. I’d let them down today and it could all be blamed on the word friend.

  “Coach Butler, meet me in my office.” Coach Mae walked to her office without waiting to see if Trip would listen.

  Trip looked at me, his face shadowed by his hat.

  “Later,” he growled as he pivoted on his heels and followed Coach Mae.

  The breath I was holding came out in a wheeze. I ran to my locker, not bothering to change out of my uniform.

  Only thinking of escape.

  “Aunt Kenna.” Norah raced toward me and I caught her in a big hug.

  She was the best Band-Aid for a broken heart.

  “Grandma and Grandpa are taking us out to dinner. Go home and get dressed.”

  My parents, Renee, and Brian followed behind Norah at a normal speed. They all smiled and hugged me as they murmured over the loss.

  “Don’t say no. You’re going to dinner with us. Go take a shower and meet us at Gaston’s,” my mom said, cutting off the refusal she saw I was about to give her.

  “Hurry, Aunt Kenna. Grandpa said we’re going to get a surprise.”

  “Well, how can I say no to a surprise?” I kissed her on the nose and handed her over to Brian.

  After I showered and dressed I refused to look at my phone. It was a weak move, but I was owning my cowardice status.

  When I was turning out of the parking lot, I spotted Trip’s red Explorer headed toward my apartment complex. I zipped down a back street and fixed my gaze on my rearview mirror. When Diego didn’t appear behind me I figured I was safe. I drove the back ways to the restaurant as I pulled my cowardice around me like a tight jacket.

  “What the hell happened at the game tonight?” Renee asked when I sat next to her.

  Norah was on her other side in between her and Brian. They made an adorable family.

  “My head wasn’t in the game,” I gave her a weak excuse as everyone at the table except Norah listened.

  “It didn’t happen to have anything to do with a certain coach and a certain Olympic softball player, would it?” Renee asked.

  I stabbed a tomato in my salad and chewed on it like it killed my family.

  “Have you talked to him, McKenna? Trip hasn’t once mentioned Robin to me. I have a feeling there’s more there than what the tabloids are reporting. Believe me, the tabloids blow things out of proportion. I figured that’s why Trip has been so cautious with your friendship. They can be brutal,” Brian said.

  “That’s what his parents said,” I admitted, pushing a piece of lettuce around.

  “When did you talk to his parents?” my mom latched onto that tidbit, putting down her fork, giving me her undivided attention.

  I summarized my lunch with Trip’s parents, leaving out some stuff they didn’t need to know.

  “Honey, I’m sorry they treated you like they did in the beginning. I’m glad they invited you to lunch so they could apologize,” my mom said, resuming her dinner as if all was right in the world.

  “I have to agree with them. I think
you need to talk to Trip, Kenna,” my dad added, looking concerned.

  “I will. Enough about me. Wasn’t there a surprise I was promised?”

  “Yes, what’s the surprise, Grandpa?” Norah asked sweetly, coming to my aide.

  “It’s not my surprise to give,” my dad answered cryptically.

  “That would belong to me,” Brian chimed in.

  We turned to him as he scooted his chair back and kneeled down on one knee.

  Renee reached back and squeezed my hand while her other hand held on to Norah.

  “Renee Thorne, I fell in love with you the first time I fixed your sewing machine while you cussed at it behind me.”

  I giggled and gripped Renee’s hand tighter.

  “You and Norah have brought so much happiness into my life. I can’t think of life without the two of you in it. Would you please make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

  Renee released my hand and got down on her knees in front of Brian. With tears streaming down her face she nodded.

  “I need a verbal on this one,” Brian teased, smiling brightly.

  “Yes, I’ll marry you,” Renee answered, throwing her arms around him.

  The restaurant exploded into applause, while some people had their phones out recording the proposal.

  My mom’s hand landed on my shoulder and I covered it with my own. Norah climbed off her chair and hugged her mom and Brian.

  After Brian slipped a ring on Renee’s finger he pulled out a necklace and clasped it around Norah’s neck. The happy couple left with smiles on their faces while tears streamed down mine.

  “She’s going to be all right,” my dad said, hugging me.

  “I know. I’m worried about me,” I told him with a pathetic laugh.

  “Don’t be worried about you, McKenna. Out of both my daughters you were the one I didn’t have to worry about.”

  “It could be because Renee didn’t become your daughter until our senior year and she was already pregnant. Out of the two of us, worrying about the socially awkward one would have been useless.”

  My dad kissed my forehead. “Renee just needed us at the time. But you were the one who brought her into this family. You were the one who found a sister. You’re a kind-hearted person and you always do the right thing. Don’t worry, this will all work out.”

  I hugged my parents good night and left the restaurant with warring emotions. My eyes were tired and heavy from crying with Renee and my bed sounded fantastic.

  Unfortunately, when I climbed under the covers I couldn’t sleep. My asshole brain refused to shut off. Thoughts of what Trip was doing with Robin burned into my eyelids until I threw off the blankets and stomped into the living room.

  Broken Faith, by the JackholeS started to play for the fifth time on my speakers. I swear those boys knew what I was feeling better than I did. My mouth opened wide as I belted out the chorus.

  A banging on the door stopped me from singing back up. I winced, assuming it was one of my neighbors complaining about the noise. I wasn’t in my right mind and didn’t think about the racket I must have been causing.

  “Sorry, I’ll turn it down,” I started to say as I opened the door.

  “Raine, are you okay? I thought someone was killing a cat in here.” Trip’s eyes roamed over my face as he walked past me into the apartment. His lips were pitched to the side as if he was trying not to laugh.

  I closed the door and leaned my forehead on the cool wood.

  Why didn’t I check the peephole?

  Although it would have been impossible to pretend I wasn’t there, especially with me singing at the top of my lungs.

  Trip’s hands landed on my shoulders and spun me around. Without saying a word he pulled me into his chest and ran his fingers through my hair.

  “What are you doing here?” I sniffed into his shirt, my traitorous eyes filling up with tears.

  “Brian called me and told me Renee said yes to his proposal. He was supposed to wait until the next Pappies game and do it on the field. I guess he couldn’t wait. I wanted to make sure you were doing all right since I didn’t have a chance to warn you.”

  His words slammed into the wall I’d built up to keep my tears in place. My breath hitched as tears streamed down my face. I grabbed handfuls of his shirt to keep him where he was and sobbed.

  Trip held me until my tears subsided. He leaned down, picking me up, and carried me to my bed, tucking me under the covers.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  I nodded into the darkened room, unsure if he could see me. I listened as Trip moved around my living room, turning off the music and locking the door. I refused to think about the changes life was throwing at me.

  “Here.”

  I reached out and took the bottle of water Trip held out, my eyes already adjusted to the dim light. I gulped the bottle down in one long drink.

  “Thank you.” My voice sounded scratchy and I closed my eyes to try and ease the pain behind them.

  “Scoot over,” Trip ordered.

  He slid into my bed next to me and my heart rate skyrocketed. It wasn’t the first time Trip had lain in bed with me, but this was the first time we weren’t connected by ear buds listening to a magical adventure. This felt different, more intimate.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Trip asked, lying on his back with his arms under his head.

  “I don’t know what to say,” I answered truthfully.

  “You do know Brian loves Renee and Norah and will treat them both like princesses?”

  “I know. I told Renee the same thing last night. She has a lot of trust issues when it comes to men. I’m glad Brian was the one to get through to her.”

  “How are you feeling?” Trip asked, turning his head toward me.

  “Sad and happy. Renee deserves a good guy. Norah’s dad really screwed her over, and I was afraid she’d never recover. Brian’s great with Norah and she really does need a father figure in her life. Not that my dad doesn’t do a good job, but she doesn’t live with him,” I rambled.

  “He’ll be a good dad. He was an only child growing up. His mom always liked to make fun of him because he’d beg her for a sibling. This will be good for all of them.”

  I tried to smile. It was weak and barely lifted my cheeks.

  “You know, you’ve never told me about Norah’s dad. Is he still alive?”

  I swallowed the nasty words wanting to spew out. Even though he did help produce Norah, and I wouldn’t give her up for the world, my gut still burned with anger when I thought about him.

  “I’m sure he’s still alive. We haven’t heard from him, and I promised Renee I wouldn’t keep track. She wanted him out of her life, so I stopped keeping tabs.”

  “Is that all I’m going to get out of you on the subject?”

  I could tell he wanted more. He was curious, and I didn’t blame him. Hell, Trip wasn’t the only person in our lives to try and wheedle out more information on Norah’s dad. To this day we had continued using the story that Renee had a boyfriend in the military, and he broke up with her when he found out she was pregnant.

  “Yep. Unless Renee decides to tell you, that’s all you’re going to get out of me.”

  “She told Brian.”

  I sat straight up. My heart hammered in my chest as it fought against the iron bands wrapped around me at his words. I knew it would make sense for Renee to discuss those topics with Brian, but my stupid brain still felt betrayed. It seemed Renee really did trust him, and I was slowly being replaced.

  “She loves you, McKenna. She isn’t going anywhere. You two are sisters and nobody’s going to get in between you. Just think of Brian as an addition.” Trip tugged on my ponytail to get me to lie back down as he expertly read my fears. “I need to talk to you about Robin.”

  “Trip, it’s fine,” I stuttered, not wanting to hear about the perfect girl who had captured his heart.

  “I know it’s fine. Or at least it will be, when you let me expl
ain.”

  I moved to get out of bed, knowing he wasn’t going to stop and the only way to get out of the conversation was to remove myself. Trip grabbed my arm and kept me anchored to the bed.

  “Robin’s gay.”

  “Well, I’d be happy too if I looked like her and was the star of the women’s Olympic Softball team.”

  “Stop being difficult. Robin’s in love with a woman. She doesn’t want it to get out, because her girlfriend’s pretty famous, and she’s trying to protect her.”

  Trip’s hand stayed glued to mine. I relented from trying to escape and lay back down next to him.

  “Gwen came up with this scheme, and at first I was resistant.”

  “What made you change your mind?” I refused to look at him and studied my ceiling instead.

  “You, Raine. I changed my mind because I wanted to be good enough for you. Gwen’s reasoning made sense. By pretending we were a couple it would protect the person Robin cared about, and after seeing the team, the tabloids, and my fans, turn on you so viciously, I thought this was a good way to protect you too.”

  “Trip, I’m a big girl. I don’t need protection.”

  “I know you’re a big girl, but you could be put in a dangerous situation because of me. When people read the tabloids they react, not caring about the person they are talking about. A person with feelings. They can be ruthless. You could be thrown off the team and ostracized from school and the people you work with. This is the only way I can protect you.”

  “I told you before. I’ve played my share of softball. It isn’t a big deal. If it wasn’t for you I would have never pitched again and been completely content.”

  “And what about graduation? What about your reputation?”

  “What about them? I don’t need to walk down an aisle in front of a group of people. I don’t know, just to prove my accomplishments.”

  “What about your job? I talked to Dr. Bert the day the article came out. He wanted to remove me from your care. What if that isn’t the only thing he wanted to remove from you? You’ve planned to take over his office since you were in junior high. I can’t be the one to take that from you.”