Balk

by Joy Eileen

  I stared at the spot he had just disappeared from for what seemed like forever, wishing he’d come back in and make everything better. When I realized he wasn’t coming back, I cried myself to sleep on the couch. My sandwich forgotten.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The opening and closing of the front door startled me awake. I sat up stupidly thinking Trip had come back to make everything better. It had been over a week since he’d slammed his way out of my life. A long miserable week.

  The amount of times I snatched my phone to text him was ridiculous. What was worse was every time my phone rang I lunged at it, hoping it was Trip. And I was disappointed each time.

  My plan with Coach Rutching was coming along with revolting ease. Surprisingly, Claire unintentionally helped me come up with a legitimate plan. Claire assumed my flirting with Coach Rutching was my way of keeping my starting pitcher position, and she began a little flirting of her own. Not so quietly telling me two could play at my game. Clarity that I didn’t have to put myself in the compromising situation and still get Coach in trouble hit me like a sledgehammer.

  Thank you, jealous Claire.

  Coach Rutching must have felt like he’d landed in heaven. Having both of his pitchers vying for his attention, fawning all over him as if he were the last piece of chocolate inflated his ego to an enormous size. The way he preened around the locker room and field was pathetic.

  Renee sniffled and it was then I noticed her red swollen face, washing away my thoughts of Coach Rutching. I jumped off the couch to comfort her.

  “Hi, Aunt Kenna,” Norah said, holding her mom’s hand and looking at me with big, fearful eyes.

  “Hey, squish.” I picked her up and sniffed her neck, making her giggle. “Go get a juice box, squishy face.”

  Norah struggled to get out of my grasp, laughing as I kept latching onto her, not letting her get away. When she finally escaped and ran to the kitchen I gave my full attention to Renee.

  She looked awful, or at least as awful as someone as gorgeous as Renee could look. Her eyes were smudged with black at the bottom and her trembling bottom lip was proof she was trying to hold back tears.

  Fear rippled through me, wondering if Trip told her about Coach Rutching. With nervous hands I led her to the couch, my mind racing with what could have caused her so much stress. Norah ran out from the kitchen with a juice box and an apple.

  It was then I noticed Norah was dressed for school, and if we didn’t leave soon she’d be late. I glanced at the clock and Renee caught my cue.

  “I was wondering if you wanted to go with me to take Norah to school. It’s been a while, and I figured we’d brighten your day,” Renee announced, trying to infuse some cheer to her voice.

  “That sounds perfect. I couldn’t think of anything else I’d want to do.” I grabbed my sunglasses and slung Norah on my hip as we walked out of the apartment.

  Once Norah skipped happily out of Dora and was safe on school grounds I turned the radio off and waited for Renee to tell me what was going on. When she stayed quiet my anxiety ratchet up another notch.

  “Do you want to go back to the apartment?”

  Renee shook her head and bit her lip. Not knowing what else to do, I drove to a drive-thru coffee shop, giving her time to get her thoughts in order. After handing her coffee I parked, waiting until she gave me directions on where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do.

  “The wedding’s off,” she finally said after taking a large sip.

  “What happened?”

  Shit, I was afraid something like this was going to happen. Even though Renee was letting Brian through her walls she still had unresolved issues. Brian seemed to understand her insecurity and handled certain subjects delicately. It appeared as if he’d misstepped, hurtling Renee back behind her wall.

  Now it was up to me to decide if Renee was overreacting and I needed to calm her down long enough so she could talk to Brian and work things out, or if I needed to find a hole in the desert where his body would never be found.

  “He’s cheating on me.”

  Images of the Nevada desert flitted through my head. “Did Norah see?”

  Renee’s head snapped toward me. Her eyebrows rose over her sunglasses. “What? Why would Norah see?”

  “So she was at school when you caught him?”

  “Kenna, I didn’t catch him in the act.” Her voice went shrill as she realized what I was asking.

  “What exactly happened?”

  I needed to walk on eggshells on this subject. If she thought for one second I felt she was overreacting, or I was doubting her, Renee would clam up. But sitting next to her while she pulled herself together was torture and I was at her mercy.

  “I overheard him on the phone. He’s been acting really weird ever since he proposed. When his phone would ring he’d step out of the room to answer it. At first I assumed it was baseball business and didn’t think anything of it. But then I noticed he was becoming super stressed out and then he’d get a phone call and it seemed to calm him down.”

  “Maybe it is about baseball. Baseball business is really stressful. Did you ask him what was going on?”

  I saw the way he looked at Renee. He was madly in love with her and to me this wasn’t adding up. I hoped this was just a misunderstanding; if Brian and Renee couldn’t make it work then I would never have a chance with Trip.

  If he decided to call me.

  “I tried to ask him, but he said to trust him.”

  “Okay, maybe it’s a surprise for the wedding.”

  Renee’s shoulders relaxed as if my suggestion reassured her, but then they raised right back up with tension pulsing off of her.

  “I didn’t think of that, but this morning when he took a shower I checked his phone.”

  “Nene.” I shook my head and clutched her hand.

  “I know. I know. It’s a stupid high school move, but I knew he was keeping something from me.”

  “And what did you find?”

  Tears ran past her sunglasses and she swiped at them.

  “It was from a woman Shelley.” Renee’s tone turned snotty when she spoke her name. “They were talking about secret places to meet. She asked if I suspected anything and he told her no.”

  “There might be another explanation.” I squeezed her hand and she dejectedly shook her head.

  “She told him it was going to be difficult sneaking around on me, and do you know what he texted back?”

  I braced myself, already planning on buying a shovel.

  “He said it was worth it.”

  My stomach rolled around, sloshing the coffee in it. “What do you want to do?”

  “Can we move back into your apartment? He goes out of town for an away game next weekend and I’ll go get our stuff when he’s gone. I texted him screenshots of his conversation and told him the wedding was off. I also texted him to leave us alone and I’d be moved out by the time he came back.”

  “You know you’re always welcome at our place. Are you sure you don’t want to talk to him first? See if he has an explanation?”

  Renee crossed her arms over her chest, letting me know the subject was closed. I drove back to the apartment, keeping my mouth closed. Unsure if it was horrible friend etiquette that I was thinking of sneaking into the bathroom and texting Brian when we got home.

  Brian made my etiquette question void when we found him sitting on the floor by my apartment. His hands were thrust in his hair as he studied the ground. When he heard us approach his head shot up. His eyes rimmed with pain.

  Renee turned around and stormed off.

  “Wait, it’s not what you think,” he shouted to her back.

  She whirled around and shot him with a death glare. I stood in the middle, wondering what I should do while I shuffled my feet back and forth.

  “And what do I think?” she asked, setting her hands on her hips.

  “I’m going to go inside and let you two talk this over.” I moved to unlock the door, wanting
to remove myself from the awkwardness.

  “Stay, Kenna. It’s Brian who should leave.”

  Well, there went that idea.

  “I’m not going anywhere until you let me explain.”

  “Can we please do this inside?” I begged them, hoping the neighbors weren’t calling the cops.

  “Fine,” they both said.

  Renee stalked into the apartment, avoiding touching Brian while Brian raked his fingers through his hair and followed her.

  When I shut the door Brian launched into his explanation before Renee could make it to her old room. “The conversation you read wasn’t what you think it was.”

  “Right. Here’s a tip. Next time you decide to cheat on someone make sure you hide your phone better,” Renee told him as I tried to sneak into the kitchen. “McKenna, don’t leave.”

  I plopped on the couch, stuck.

  “I’m not cheating on you,” Brian told her, walking closer. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize how suspicious I was acting. I should have known once you asked me, but I truthfully thought you’d trust me. I was so caught up in trying to figure out my next move I didn’t think. It was a stupid move and I should have told you before you felt the need to rummage through my phone.”

  “How could I not? You’re a playboy baseball player who’s starting his season. Why would you want to be held down with a teen mom and her kid?” Renee swiped at the tears running down her cheeks with shaky hands.

  Brian grasped them when they moved to go back to her hips. “I’m not being held down. I love you. I love Norah. All I’ve ever wanted was a family. Sure, I messed around, but I hadn’t found you yet.”

  “So what, you wanted someone on the side?”

  “Shelly’s a lawyer. I was talking to her about adopting Norah. I didn’t want to tell you until I knew all the specifics. She was helping me figure out if I needed to contact the birth father. I didn’t want to tell you about it until I knew for sure because I know how much talking about him stresses you out.”

  “I don’t believe you,” Renee said, but I watched some of the fight slowly leaving her.

  “Call her. Ask her.” Brian thrust his phone in her hand.

  Renee glanced at me before pressing the send button. “Uhm, hi, is this Shelly?” Renee asked, holding the phone up to her ear.

  She glared at Brian as Shelley on the other line must have been talking.

  “No, Brian knows I’m calling you. He’s standing right here actually. I wanted to know what is the relationship between the two of you.”

  Renee listened as tears slowly leaked out of her eyes. She moved her head until she stared at the floor, her knuckles white as she held the phone. “Thank you for clearing that up. I’ll call you later to discuss Norah. I have some groveling to do at the moment.”

  Renee handed the phone to Brian, still not looking up. My heart went out to her, but this was a good lesson for her to learn.

  “Holy shit, I’m an asshole,” Renee stated as more tears poured down her face.

  Brian smiled and wiped away her tears. “You’re my asshole.” He pulled her in for a hug and Renee clutched his T-shirt, looking like she was never letting go.

  “I’m sorry,” she sobbed harder.

  “Shhhh, it’s okay. I should have known not to be sneaky around you. Please know I’m not going anywhere. You two are stuck with me. You’re my life.”

  With teary eyes Renee leaned up and kissed him.

  My cue to leave.

  “I should have listened to you, Kenna. I’m sorry.” Renee stopped me before I reached the hall.

  “I keep telling you I’m always right.”

  Renee laughed and pulled me in for a hug. Brian wrapped his arms around both of us.

  “Thank you for keeping my girl sane,” Brian whispered into my ear.

  The happy couple left to make up before Norah got out of school.

  Once again, I was home alone with my thoughts, something that proved to be trouble.

  I was hoping to let my plan sink in a little deeper, get Claire more invested, but it seemed I needed to move soon. With that in mind I took longer getting ready for practice, banking on Claire’s desire to become the starting pitcher.

  “Hey, Coach, good practice,” I purred, running my finger up and down his desk.

  His pupils dilated as his eyes wandered over my body. The urge to shudder went through me and I was barely able to contain it.

  “What can I say? It’s easy when you have someone so willing to listen.”

  I smiled widely and looked back to make sure Claire was within earshot. This was a long shot, but it had to work.

  “I’m very willing to listen. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming in early tomorrow for some one-on-one practice.”

  “I think we can arrange that.”

  “Two hours before practice? Is that enough time?” I batted my eyes and pushed my chest out.

  “For the first time that should be enough.”

  “I’m looking forward to it.” I sauntered out of his office, swallowing the bile as I went. Claire was at her locker, pretending as if she wasn’t just eavesdropping. Or at least I hoped she was pretending.

  When I climbed in Dora I cranked up the heat, unable to get warm even in the summer sun. This was the most underhanded thing I’d ever done. It was completely out of character for me, and I was sick over it. The only thing holding my resolve was knowing this would protect Renee and Norah in the long run, securing their happiness.

  When I got home I scrubbed myself until my skin was raw. All my planning would come to an end tomorrow. This was the first time my future was unsteady and I was ecstatic it was almost over.

  The next day I made sure everything was in order before I grabbed my bag and headed to the field. There were a lot of variables in my plan and I was sick with worry one of my players wouldn’t show up.

  My phone rang while I was driving to the field. Fear shot through me that one of the pieces was backing out. It would have been smart to have a backup plan, but this was all I had and it had to work.

  I pressed the speaker on my phone and Trip’s voice surrounded me. “McKenna.”

  His southern drawl startled me and I swerved a little, not expecting to hear from him. My heart sped up, my body reacting to just one word.

  Why of all the times he could have called me he had to do it now?

  “Hey, Trip.”

  He sighed heavily and my eyes averted to the phone as if I could see him. “McKenna, we need to talk.”

  I pulled Dora into the parking lot and took Trip off speaker. As much as I wanted to talk to him I needed to get into Coach Rutching’s office before everything blew up.

  “Trip, I completely agree we need to talk, but can we do it after practice?”

  “McKenna, wait, what do you mean after practice? Where are you now? Practice doesn’t start for almost two hours. I’m sorry I haven’t called you. This is the first chance I’ve had.”

  “Or you finally decided to stop avoiding me?”

  “I wasn’t avoiding you, Raine. I went into intensive training and the coaches took my phone away while I was at camp.”

  Relief surrounded me like a warm cotton blanket. I was terrified Trip was through with me. Knowing he didn’t have access to his phone the last week made it easier to breathe.

  “Trip, I really need to go. Why don’t you call me later tonight if you get a chance?”

  “What the hell are you up to?”

  “Trip, I’ve got to go.”

  “Raine,” Trip yelled through the phone before I hung up.

  My phone rang immediately.

  “Stupid,” I muttered to myself before answering it.

  “Raine, I don’t know what you’re about to do but please don’t do it.”

  “Trip, it’s not as bad as you think. I promise everything will be okay.”

  “As your friend. As my best friend. I’m asking you to stop and really think.”

  I let out a disgus
ted laugh. “Think about it. All I’ve done is think about it. I have thought this through ad nauseam. And I would have maybe talked to you about it if you had called me. After today everything will be good. Trust me.”

  Tears stung my eyes as I turned my phone off to guarantee he didn’t call me back. I would have to do a lot of groveling after this was over to get back on Trip’s good side. Or at least I hoped groveling would be enough. His mother declaring I was in love with him was just the tip of the iceberg.

  Thirty minutes later I convinced myself to get out of Dora. Each time I reached for my door handle I froze thinking of all the things that could go wrong. This wasn’t science. There were no studies and there were a lot of variables. This kind of fly by the seat of my pants stuff was not me, but I didn’t have time to research what I should do. I was trusting my instinct and hoping it wasn’t going to let me down.

  I crossed the parking lot with the Mission Impossible theme song playing in my head.

  Hustling into the locker room, I checked around to make sure none of my other teammates decided to come in early. When I was certain it was empty I took a couple of deep breaths and crossed my fingers.

  A low throaty moan followed by a shhh assaulted my ears. My face squished together as I moved closer to Coach Rutching’s office. It was slightly ajar and from the noise coming from inside I had a feeling it was open on purpose.

  Promising myself I’d bleach my eyes out later, I peeked through the crack to confirm my players were on the field so to speak. Claire was on her game. I naively thought I’d catch them making out. What I saw was way more than I had bargained for.

  Coach Rutching’s ass was pumping into Claire on top of his desk, his hand over her mouth as his ass cheeks clenched with each thrust. Seeing how much effort he was expending I figured I didn’t have much time. I just hoped Coach Mae was being a team player today as well.

  I quietly moved away from the door and sprinted toward Coach Mae’s office. Before I was able to knock a loud roar echoed off the wall from where I had just been. A roar I’d never heard before, but knew with certainty to whom it belonged.