Brighter

by Rochelle Allison

  Jude hopped out of the Jeep and strode toward us, his silhouette soft against the purple sky. Why wasn’t I surprised he knew Nora and Eli? He swung Sadie into his arms, making my heart skip a beat.

  “Hey, Larsen,” Nora said, leaning up to accept a kiss on the cheek.

  “Hey, Taylor. Hey, littles.” He set Sadie down and ruffled Sydney's hair, messing up my work. I glanced up to give him a look, but he surprised me by swooping down to kiss my cheek. People here greeted each other that way, sort of like my Cuban friends back in Miami. “Hi, Alina,” he said, staring down at me.

  “Hi, Jude,” I said, loosening Sydney's hair so I could start over.

  “He's out back,” Nora said, jerking her thumb.

  Jude nodded and headed in to the house, the screen door swinging shut a moment later.

  I went for casual. “I didn't know you guys knew Jude.”

  “I didn’t know you did,” said Nora, glancing curiously at me.

  “We’ve met a couple times downtown.”

  “He and Eli went to the same high school,” she said.

  “Really?” The connections between people here were endless—it was crazy. “On St. Croix?”

  “Yup.”

  This surprised me. “I guess…I thought they were from the States.”

  “Well, Jude was born here. His family goes way back. Eli came down in fourth or fifth grade.” She handed me an elastic. “He and I met in Vermont, in college. We got married and moved back here a couple of years after.”

  “And had these two.” I tied off Sadie's braids. “Island babies.”

  “We sure did.” Her eyes twinkled.

  “Are your in-laws still around?” I asked.

  “Yeah, they still live in the same house Eli grew up in, on the south shore.”

  “And you said Jude’s family is from here?”

  She nodded. “The Larsens are a really old Danish family. They’ve been here forever, and have the most beautiful estate. It still has a lot of the original architecture and flooring and stuff. Jude lives there now.”

  “Wow.” There was a lot more to Jude than I’d realized. “Are his parents not around?”

  “They’re in the States.” Nora plucked Sydney from my lap. “All right, little girl, time for a bath.”

  ~

  “You sure you don’t want to come?”

  Theo shook his head, stretching in the doorway. “Bodhi and Cole’ll probably come over. We’ll play poker or something.”

  “Ah. More male bonding.” I tossed a bottle of water into my bag, making sure the all-natural bug spray Ivy’d lent me was in there, too.

  He chuckled, coming into the room. “You love teasing me about that.”

  “I know.”

  Theo opened his laptop, clicking quietly as I finished packing my bag. I sneaked a peek at him. His skin was damp from a recent shower, and he looked good. He always looked good, but something felt different. “Are we weird?” I asked.

  He skimmed the screen, scrolling. “What d’you mean?”

  “I mean, everything thinks we’re together…but—”

  “But we’re just friends who fuck?”

  “Such a gentleman.”

  “I thought it had a nice ring to it.” He sat up, eyes gleaming like he wouldn’t mind getting some right now. “Would you prefer ‘friends with benefits,’ Madame Keller?”

  “Shut up,” I giggled, flopping back into the blankets. “Caroline thinks we’re weird.”

  “Caroline’s been with one guy for half her life. Of course, she thinks we’re weird.” He shrugged, shoving is laptop aside. “I mean, do you…”

  “No. I’m just saying.”

  “Women rarely ‘just say’ anything,” he said, eyeing me.

  He was right. I was thinking about the physical aspects of our relationship and how different that felt to my little crush on Jude Larsen. Technically I had feelings for Theo too—unrequited—and technically our exclusivity was born only out of convenience, but still. Was I cheating emotionally if we weren’t officially together?

  “Sometimes I wonder why we’re missing that one component, you know? We’re friends; we’re lovers, but we’re not together. It is kind of weird.”

  “What we have is every dude’s dream scenario,” he teased, disappearing into the bathroom. “And I’m not saying that to be a dick.”

  “You still sound like one,” I said, snickering as I followed him to the bathroom.

  “Sorry.” Theo ran a comb through his hair, eyeing me in the mirror. “You know I love you.”

  “I know. You’ll be a great husband one day…to someone.”

  “Someone like you, probably.” His eyes softened in a way I’d never seen, and a frisson of worry flickered through my chest.

  “If you’re lucky,” I said. And then I left, because in talking about it I’d probably broken the one unspoken rule of our relationship: to keep it simple.

  ~

  “And then Keisha told Mrs. Maxine that I hit Hunter, but I didn’t, so she lied on me, but I still had to go to the back of the line and stay with Mrs. Maxine and…” Sadie paused to take a bite of her brownie before resuming her tales of day camp. “And so then I told Keisha I didn’t wanna be her friend…”

  It was nearly dusk, and we were in the back of the family minivan, heading to Sandy Point National Wildlife Refuge. I couldn’t wait. I’d worked with several species of sea turtles in Costa Rica, but I’d never been this hands-on.

  Sydney touched my arm. “Alina, you cannot and I mean cannot take a picture. You just cannot. The sea turtles will run away, okay?”

  “Okay.” I nodded, as serious as she was. “I promise I will not take any pictures.”

  “Okay.” She gave me a dubious look before returning to her iPad game.

  Eli glanced at me in the rearview mirror, chuckling. He had the whole hot, intellectual thing going, with his blond man-bun and glasses. “You ready for this? We tagged a lot of these guys earlier, so tonight’s mostly about follow-up. We might be there a while.”

  “Born ready,” I said. “I’ve wanted to work with sea turtles again since my trip to Costa Rica.”

  “That’s right.” He nodded. “They’ve got hawksbill too, right?”

  “And green, and olive ridley.”

  “It really is too bad you’re leaving so soon,” Nora said, twisting to look at me. “There’s so much to be done, and we always need volunteers.”

  “Nora, leave the girl alone,” teased Eli. His eyes met mine again. “She’s always trying to recruit people.”

  I sighed. For the first time since I’d come to St. Croix, the thought of leaving made my heart pang.

  Sandy Point was about as far west as Cole’s house had been east. We hit the dirt road and kept on going until we reached a paved parking area tucked into the bushes. Sydney and Sadie ran ahead, chirping excitedly as they ran down the path to the beach. Several other people had gathered, talking in groups.

  I stepped onto the sand, stopping as I looked up. The sea was calm and the sun was setting, slipping beneath the horizon in a whisper of gold. Tucking my flip flops into my bag, I sank my toes into the still-warm sand and followed Eli and Nora.

  Chapter Seven

  “I'm going spear fishing with some of the guys from town,” said Theo, poking his head in the bathroom. “Heading out in a minute.”

  I wrinkled my nose. We’d spend the last couple of days at home, and I didn’t feel like hanging solo for another. Especially without the car.

  “Is that cool?” he asked, coming to stand behind me at the sink. “I probably should've mentioned it before...”

  “No.” I sighed. “Not really. I just...wanted to do something today.”

  “Come along. Bring a book or something.”

  “What, is spearfishing only for the man-folk?”

  He snorted, sliding his arms around me. “If you want to fish, baby, you can fish.”

  “Nah, I’m good.” I gave his arms a quick squeeze.
“I would like to tag along, though. Get some sunshine.”

  Throwing a camisole and cut-offs over my swimsuit, I packed a beach bag. I wondered if Jude would be there. Our lives were weirdly intertwined through mutual friends, and the more I tried to ignore the pull the tighter it tugged.

  Nora giggled when she saw me lingering on the porch, carrying some of Theo’s gear. “You going fishing with the guys, Alina?”

  “Something like that," I said. “Why, is Eli going?”

  She nodded, calling for Sadie to hurry up.

  “What’re you up to?”

  “Bringing the girls to a birthday party,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Fingers crossed it's not a total bore. Anyway, I'll be grilling whatever Eli catches today, so, come to dinner later okay?”

  “Will you make those rice and beans, too?” I asked. They didn't eat any meat besides fish, but she was a phenomenal cook.

  “Pfft, of course,” she said. “And plantains.”

  The weather was mild at the beach; the sky was a pale gray. I found a tree to lay my blanket under and stripped down to my swimsuit, glad to be back by the water. Theo, Cole, and Eli joined the guys who’d been fishing since early morning, and I relaxed quietly for a bit, watching them between paragraphs of my book.

  “We've gotta stop meeting like this.”

  I looked up, shading my eyes. Jude dropped on to my blanket with a smile, getting it all wet.

  “Seriously,” I said with a small laugh. “Are you following me?”

  “Nope, but it's a small world.” He rang a hand through his wet hair, shaking droplets all over me. His tattoos swam just below my line of sight, begging to be examined. “Although I am surprised to see you here.”

  “Yeah, well. Nothing else to do. Theo was coming, so...” I laid my book down, marking the page. “I didn't even see you out there.”

  “I didn't know you were looking,” he said, eyeing me with a little grin.

  Pursing my lips, I looked away, refusing to give him evidence of the chaos inside of me.

  “So, how's life?” he asked. “Eli says you're doing okay at their place?”

  "I love it,” I said, wondering when he’d spoken to Eli about me. “It's really peaceful."

  “I’m surprised you guys didn’t move straight to town.”

  I trailed a fingertip through the sand. “Why? Is that what our type usually does?”

  He paused, and I knew he was watching me. “What’s the story with you and Theo?”

  Surprised, I looked up. “What do you mean?”

  “How long have you been together?”

  “That’s complicated.”

  “When isn’t it?” He snorted softly.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “Because you’re cute, and I wonder how a guy like that lands a girl like you.”

  “Oh, come on.” I scoffed, side-eyeing him. “Theo’s my best friend. He’s a great guy; you have no idea.”

  “Aha.” Jude nodded, smiling smugly. “I do now.”

  “Why do I feel like you’re playing me? Are you always this perplexing?”

  “I prefer enigmatic.”

  “Whatever, Jude.”

  “I’m just messing around.” He leaned in, bumping me. “But I’m glad Theo’s good to you.”

  “He is,” I said, but something told me Jude wasn’t being as transparent as he pretended.

  “There you are.”

  For a second, I thought it was Ivy, but no...it was Ariel. My heart sank. I hadn't seen these two together much, but as far as I was concerned not at all was preferable. She was a little on the snotty side.

  “I've been here.” Jude peered up at her. “What's up?”

  “I brought lunch. Come on.” She held her hand out to him, and he accepted, getting up. Unlike the other times we'd seen one another, she didn't say a word to me. I doubted it was coincidental.

  “See you, Alina,” Jude said.

  “See ya.”

  Ariel grabbed his hand as they walked away, amusing me with her lack of subtlety. But then she glanced back at me, her gaze hardening when our eyes met.

  Guess words hadn't been necessary, after all.

  ~

  “St. Croix is like a parallel universe.”

  We were side by side in the tiny bathroom, brushing our teeth. Theo spat, rinsed, and wiped his mouth with a towel. “Not quite reality?”

  “Like a different reality.” I leaned against the wall, running my fingertips over the tiles. “I think part of it’s that we’ve been here so long.

  He nodded, hanging his towel. “Yeah. It’s almost like we moved.”

  “Exactly! What’s it going to be like now, going back?”

  “That’s why I took a gap year, babe. I wanted to decompress before going back to the grind.”

  Back to the grind. I sighed heavily. That didn't even begin to sound appealing.

  “What’s up?” he asked, following me to the living room. “I thought you loved the grind.”

  “Well, I do. I mean, I did. But it’s so different here, like things don’t have to be so busy all the time. Doesn't it feel life changing to you?” I sprawled out on the couch, beneath the fan. The breeze that usually blessed the house had died down for the time being, leaving the trees outside listless and still. “It does to me.”

  “Of course.” He sat down beside me. “Every place has the capacity to do that—it’s why we travel.”

  I stayed quiet, brushing my hand absently over his leg.

  “Are you having second thoughts about grad school?” he asked.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I just wish I had more time.”

  “I know. But stay focused on the plan,” he said. “We can deviate here and there, but in the end...there’s a plan. Coming here doesn’t change that.”

  “I know,” I said, but did I?

  “I’m glad we carved out time for this, though. I’m glad you did. Imagine if you’d stayed in Miami?”

  “I can't imagine,” I admitted.

  He and I were both goal-oriented people—it was one of the things we had most in common. We both believed in making plans and following through, whether it was a weekend itinerary or getting a bachelor's. Theo took it a little further, though. Per his father's mentorship, he had one-year, five-year, and ten-year plans. He gave time to the things that interested him, like traveling, but he always kept his long-term goals in mind. Like law school at Cornell.

  I had never been a part of Theo’s long-term plans. That’d stung sometimes, but it was also very clarifying. Safe. I could enjoy the perks of a relationship without having to worry about getting derailed. My mother made that mistake with my dad, and though she always said she had no regrets, sometimes I had them for her.

  Theo was right, as usual. St. Croix wasn’t my life. It was a fantasy I’d been allowed to love, and when it was over, I’d work the plan.

  ~

  We fell into a rhythm. Our bucket list days of chasing thrills relaxed into a laid-back flow of napping at the beach and discovering new places to eat. Most nights we ended up at Larsen’s, hanging with Jude or Ivy while trying their latest brews. Sometimes Cole and the guys met up with us when they got off work. We ate pub food and played cards or dominoes, and I pretended Jude was just the bartender, as if my heart didn’t quiver like a bird in a cage every time I found him staring at me.

  On rainy days, Theo and I curled up in bed, watching spotty cable or Netflix, eating overpriced ice cream (everything had to be shipped, so the grocery stores were pricey) or treats from one of the local bakeries.

  “I should join a gym,” I said, polishing off another guava tart.

  “Don’t start,” said Theo, but he’d been complaining of a beer gut just the night before, so I didn’t know what he was on about.

  But my favorite thing to do was volunteer at Sandy Point with Nora. Sometimes Eli and the kids came, but mostly it was just us. I loved those nights beneath the stars, lying on the cooled sand as we observed the leather
backs Nora and her team had tagged. Volunteering made me feel like I was part of something big, like I was living the things I’d been merely studying for so long.

  Yeah, I’d been involved in my share of hands-on research and internships, but there was a deeper connection here—a community, and I was part of it. Theo came along once to see what the fuss was about. Ever the gentleman, he asked questions and observed, getting a feel for the work, but when it was time to go home, he was more than ready.