Brighter

by Rochelle Allison

  “It’s been easy as pie with you from day one. You’re on my level, you know?” He came closer, running his hands down my arms. “And even when things got physical, even when you started acting like you had feelings, you never pushed or tried to change me. You’re a fucking dream girl, and I’m the dick who let you be satisfied with a half-assed relationship.”

  Shaken, I turned my gaze to the window over the sink, to the jar of wilting, yellow Ginger Thomas blossoms. Theo had always been clever. Observant. So, which of us had been more dishonest? Me, for pretending my feelings were platonic when they were more, or him, for pretending not to notice?

  How ironic we’d have this conversation now, when I’d started to fall for someone else.

  “That’s not true. You’ve always been good to me.” I sighed. “Yeah. I like you. Just like Caroline said I would. But our friendship comes first—always has. We both came into this with eyes wide open.”

  Theo’s eyes burned into mine. “Do you regret it?”

  I dropped my arms. “Do you?”

  “No.” He looked at the floor, releasing me from his stare. “But things are definitely changing between us.”

  “I know.”

  “I just wish I could be what you need.”

  “You are,” I said, pushing his hair from his eyes. “You’re my best friend. You make me laugh. You push me when I need it. You take care of me. And…you’re a great lay.”

  That earned a smile. “I am, aren’t I?”

  “I love how that’s all you heard.”

  He tugged my braid. “So, what does all of this mean?”

  “That…maybe it would be better if we kept things platonic. I don’t think I can be with someone without actually being with them.”

  “If I was going to be with anyone, it would be with you.”

  “Pretty sure you have been with me.” I gave him a small shove. “We just didn’t call it that.”

  For the first time since I’d known him, Theo Wesley looked sheepish. “Are you accusing me of having my cake and eating it, too?”

  “Listen.” I thumbed his chin up, forcing him at look at me. “Don’t forget that my plans are as important to me as yours are for you. Grad school, law school…that was always the end game. The ten-year plan? Relationships just…get in the way.”

  His gaze softened. “They don’t always get in the way. It’s all about timing.”

  “Our timing is shitty.” I broke away, pouring myself a cup of coffee.

  “Maybe.” He passed me the milk from the fridge. “And I do love you, by the way. Enough to stop fooling around if it’s going to make things complicated.”

  “They’re already complicated.” I stirred sugar into his coffee, and then, flooded with relief we’d had this discussion and survived, I kissed his cheek. “But…yeah. I think that would be for the best.”

  “You sure?”

  “Theo.”

  A small smile tugged at his mouth. “Okay.”

  “Okay.”

  ~

  The next day, bored after an afternoon of moping around the apartment, I went next door.

  “It’s open!” called Nora.

  I edged inside, careful to close the door properly. Thanks to the heavy rains we’d been having, the mosquitos were out of control. We hardly even sat out on the porch after sunset. “Hey, guys.”

  Sadie and Sydney knelt on chairs at the breakfast table, frosting cupcakes. They were about half a dozen in, faces dusty with flour, or maybe confectioner’s sugar. Sydney’s mouth was purple. “Hi, ‘Lina…” she murmured.

  “Yummy,” I said. “What’s the occasion?”

  “It’s Uncle Jude’s birthday,” said Sadie, licking her fingers.

  “Oh.” As much as I hung out with Jude at the beach, there was still much I didn’t know about him. It stung, a little, being out of the loop.

  Nora yawned, folding into a chair. “Yeah. The big 25.”

  I picked up a green cupcake with blue sprinkles. “Are you having a party for him or something?”

  She shook her head. “We were going to drop them by the bar. I’d wait till tomorrow, but the girls want to do it tonight.”

  “He has to have birthday cake, Mom.” Sadie ate another spoonful of frosting. “On his birthday.”

  “Okay, that’s enough, Missy.” Nora plucked the spoon from her and brought it to the sink.

  “Can I help?” I asked, glancing at the time.

  “Of course.” Nora gave me a bag of frosting she had behind the counter. “You know how to do it?”

  “My mom taught me. She used to work for a pastry chef.” I smirked at a plate of perfectly frosted masterpieces. “These must be yours.”

  “My grandma taught me.” Nora smiled. “After Mass on Saturday nights, when I was a kid. I wanted to open a bakery.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “Fell in love with the sea and its creatures.”

  “I hear that.” Holding the bag steady, I squeezed fat swirls of frosting onto the rest of cupcakes. Sadie watched in anticipation, her mouth slightly open. “Okey-doke,” I said, licking frosting from my finger. “All done.”

  Nora boxed Jude’s cupcakes, smiling through another yawn. Pregnancy was kicking her butt these days, making her lethargic and sleepy. “Thank you, Alina. You rock.”

  “It was fun. Hey,” I said, clearing the table. “You should nap. I’ll take the girls to town, so they can surprise Jude.”

  “He’d like that,” she said. “For more reasons than one.”

  “Speak plainly, milady. Cryptic isn’t your style.”

  “And clueless isn’t yours.” She bit into one of the cupcakes she’d kept aside. “You should know Jude’s never patrolled the beach as much as he does these days.”

  Hope warred with the guilt and ambivalence I lived with every damn day. I shrugged. “And yet he didn’t even tell me it was his birthday. Anyway, the offer still stands.”

  “Okay.” She wiped Sydney’s mouth with a cloth. “They have to be back soon, though—school tomorrow.”

  “We’ll go and come right back, promise.”

  “Cool. The keys are on the counter,” she said, helping Sadie into a pair of sandals. “Give Jude a happy birthday from me.’

  “I will.” I grabbed the keys. “Be right back.”

  Theo was napping on the couch, a muted football game on the TV. “Hey, the girls and I are bringing Jude cupcakes for his birthday.”

  “Mm.” Theo stirred, peeking up at me. “Want me to come?”

  “You can.” I ruffled his hair. “But you don’t have to. We won’t be long.”

  Pulling the blanket to his chin, he smiled sleepily and closed his eyes. “Hurry back.”

  ~

  Christiansted was a ghost town on Monday nights. I parked as close to the boardwalk as possible, balancing the box in one hand as I wrangled the girls from their car seats. Sydney wanted to carry the cupcakes, but I shook my head. “I’ll give it to you when we get there.”

  “Fine.” She folded her arms and stomped ahead, distracted in seconds by a pelican on the boardwalk. By the time we got to Larsen’s, she was bouncing next to me, yanking Sadie back and forth. “That’s it, Alina! That’s it!”

  It certainly was. If town was dry and dead, the bar was an oasis of noise and excitement. I stood on tip-toe, trying to spot Jude at the bar, but there were so many people it was impossible. Black and gold balloons, a DJ…maybe he was having a birthday party. I tried, unsuccessfully, to squash feelings of being left out.

  I’d wanted to help Nora, yeah, but I’d wanted to see Jude, too. Now, I just felt silly. I hadn’t imagined the connection between us, I knew that, but maybe I’d taken it for more than it was. Embarrassed, I held the box close.

  Sydney pulled my arm. “Can we go in now?”

  “All right.” I set the box of cupcakes into her eager arms. Swinging a suddenly-shy Sadie onto my hip, we pushed through the crowd until we got to the bar.

  Ivy’s eye
s widened in delighted surprise. “Ms. Syd and Ms. Sadie! What’re you guys doing here?”

  Sadie removed her finger from her mouth long enough to point at Jude, who was across the bar, surrounded by people. I helped Sydney onto a stool. “These are for Jude,” she said, holding the box out. “For his birthday.”

  Ivy grinned, winking at me. “Then I better go get him.”

  A moment later, Jude made his way over. He was more dressed up than usual, in a black button down and slacks. “Hi, ladies,” he said with a grin. “You here to party hardy?”

  I tugged self-consciously at my cut-offs and tried to smile. “Hey. Happy birthday. Sydney and Sadie have something for you.”

  “Coconut tarts?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows.

  “Ta-da,” sang Sydney. She pushed the box to him, watching as he opened it.

  “Cupcakes!” His eyes grew wide. “All of these are for me?”

  “Yes!” Sadie clapped. “It’s birthday cake!”

  Jude laughed, leaning over to kiss each of their cheeks. “Best present ever. I can’t wait to eat ‘em.”

  There was a shriek of laughter, followed by a chorus of yells. Jude’s party was dialing up, and probably not the best place for kids. “I have to get these two home,” I said, gently tugging the girls from their barstools. “But I’m glad we got to see you.”

  “Hold on a minute.” Jude frowned, picking Sydney up. “I’ll walk you out.” Back on the boardwalk, a small breeze blew in from the water, lifting my sweaty hair. Putting Sadie down, I tossed it up into a bun. Jude’s eyes followed my movements, settling finally on my face. “Thanks for uh, coming by. I—”

  “Nora’s pretty wiped out. She sends birthday wishes, by the way,” I said. “Didn’t realize you were having a party.”

  “It’s not exclusive, or anything. You’re more than welcome to come back if you want.” I glanced over his shoulder at the balloons. And at Ariel, who was sitting at a high-top with her friends. She rolled her eyes, turning to someone at their table.

  “Theo’s already in for the night.” I shrugged, taking the girls by their hands. “Thanks, though.”

  “I was inviting you.” Jude stared into my eyes, long enough for it feel inappropriate. “He came by, you know. Earlier.”

  “Really?” This was news. “Guess he wanted a beer.”

  “Nah, he just wanted to bring my hoodie back.”

  ~

  Ivy texted me while I was at Café Coco the next morning. Emma had a dentist’s appointment, so I’d taken the morning shift.

  Come by Larsen’s when u get off?

  I eyed the clock. It was noon, which meant Emma would be in any minute.

  Everything ok?

  Yeah. Need to talk tho.

  Ok. See you soon.

  Ivy was seated at the bar, looking rather forlorn, when I joined her. “Are you still working, or…?” I said, sitting.

  “I am, but it's always dead this early.”

  “Why don’t you open later, then?”

  “The restaurant does breakfast.” She shrugged. “Might as well.”

  “Speaking of breakfast…” I shoved a bag of treats at her. “Want some banana bread?”

  “No, thanks.”

  It wasn't like her to turn down food. In fact, Ivy looked like someone had run over her dog. “What's wrong?”

  She sighed, running her hand over her face. “The shit hit the fan last night.” My heart sank. Somehow, I had a feeling this had to do with her sister and Jude. Sure enough, she added, “Ariel saw you guys giving Jude whatever—”

  “Yeah, cupcakes from the Taylor family.”

  “Well, she didn't know that. Anyway, she just...lost it. She and Jude had a huge fight.” Ivy sighed. “I don't even know how it escalated the way it did.”

  “That sucks.”

  “I've been telling her to get over this for years, and she picks his birthday, a night he always parties, to tear into him. There were so many people here. Jude came back to the bar all pissy, yelling for me to bring Ariel home because she was “drunk and crazy,” and then he and I got in to it because—you know—I'm tired of his shit, too. It was just...really bad."

  I grimaced, imagining the drama and heartbreak. A tiny part of me, the petty part that couldn’t stand Ariel’s bitchy attitude, could admit to an icky sense of satisfaction. Mostly though, I felt for her. I’d watched my mother go through one shitty relationship after another—starting with dear old dad—so I barely dated, myself. Theo had been the closest thing I’d had to a relationship since high school, and look how that had turned out.

  “She’s taking a job in St. Thomas,” Ivy said. She looked at me. “I know you guys don't get along, but she's my best friend. I hate when she’s hurting.”

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry. Truly. I never meant to make her think—”

  “Just stop.”

  Frowning, I traced my finger around a coaster on the bar. “Well, what do you want me to say, Ivy? I mean it sucks, but it sounds like their issues pre-date me.”

  “You know what? You’re right.” She smiled contritely. “I get a little protective over my sister.”

  “I get it.”

  She sighed. “Anyway, I’m gonna be out of town for a few days. Ariel’s flying to St. Thomas to find an apartment, so I told her I’d go with her.”

  “I’m glad you’re going with her.”

  Ivy nodded. “Maybe this was the kick she needed. She’s always loved St. Thomas.”

  “Change is good. Trust me, I know.”

  Chapter Ten

  I jabbed impatiently at my phone, groaning when Theo’s voicemail came on.

  He'd gone sailing with Cole, so I didn't really expect him to answer, but I didn't know who else to call. Ivy was visiting Ariel in St. Thomas again, and I hated harassing Nora at home when she was napping or resting.

  Our junky car wouldn't start. My one advantage was that I'd parked in town, so there were plenty of people around. Locking the doors, I hoofed it to Larsen’s Brew, hoping to catch someone I knew. If all else failed, I’d just wait until Cole and Theo returned from their trip.

  Jude was alone at the bar. He raised his eyes to mine, an unreadable expression on his face. We hadn't seen each other in a week or so. Between Café Coco and spending time with Theo, or the Taylor family, hanging at the bar just didn’t factor in. Plus, Nora and I were back at Sandy Point.

  But I knew, and he probably knew, that there might have been a little avoidance going on. The Ariel debacle put a bad taste in my mouth, and though they weren’t ‘official’ I knew she and Jude had been close for years. Friends, hook ups, whatever they were.

  Nothing was ever simple.

  “Hi,” I said, walking up to the bar. “Long time no see.”

  His eyebrows rose. “I’m in the same places I always am.”

  “Yeah, that’s probably true.” I sat, tapping my fingers on the mahogany. “So, uh, my car won’t start.”

  “You need a ride?” he asked. “I think Margaret's heading out soon. She has to pass your place to get home.”

  “Oh.” I looked away. I didn’t really know Margaret, and…I missed Jude. “Okay. If she doesn't mind.”

  “Or if you can wait a half hour, I’ll take you.”

  I watched him closely, wondering what he wanted to do. “Either way," I said, wimping out.

  He knew it, too. Exhaling roughly, he tossed his bar rag aside. “I'll just take you now.”

  Before I could respond, he rounded the bar and jogged up to the restaurant. Bodhi came down, grinning when he saw me.

  “Hey, Alina.”

  I waved. “Hi, Bodhi.”

  He cocked his head. “You going home soon?”

  I nodded, running my fingers over the keys in my purse. “As soon as Jude comes back.”

  “Can you deliver something to Nora for me?” Whirling around, he headed upstairs again. “Eli called in an order earlier, but I had to cover a shift.”

  “Of course.”
>
  He reappeared a minute later, holding a to-go container from upstairs. “It's fish n' chips. Eli says she's been craving it.”

  I took the food, nodding. “Sure.”