Brighter

by Rochelle Allison

  “Bodhi and I work out in his garage.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. But…” He ran his hand up my thigh, raising goosebumps on my skin. “You have a beautiful body.”

  I rolled over so I could face him. “Uh, thanks.”

  “You don’t think so?” He squeezed my thighs.

  Giggling, I squirmed away from his grip. “I don’t know, Jude…”

  His hand crept between my legs, parting them. “I could work you out.”

  My heart stuttered. “I bet.” I traced my fingertips over his chest, the dips and curves, the tattoos I’d have to ask about later. I touched his stomach, feeling it ripple as if tickled, and then further down, where the sparse sprinkling of hair disappeared into his pants. He watched me, those beautiful brown eyes inviting me to fall.

  I rose to kiss him as he rolled on top of me, pressing me back against the bed. His kisses grew deeper, bolder, and soon I felt him hard between my thighs. I sank my fingers into his damp hair, holding him close as we kissed and kissed, deeper and harder.

  We fell to our sides. His hands wandered, smoothing up my stomach, under my camisole. He touched my breasts, his fingertips catching on my nipples. I opened my eyes, and he opened his, and all I could see was his face, and how he was looking at me.

  He took my top off, covering my throat and breasts in kisses. “This is what I thought about the night I met you,” he said, licking a circle around my nipple. “Beautiful. I wanted you.”

  “I wanted you, too,” I whispered, closing my eyes, falling, gratefully giving in.

  He sucked my nipple into his mouth, and I moaned, melting. But he'd listened before, when I'd said I wasn't quite ready. He never took things further, leaving my underwear on, learning my body in other ways as I explored his.

  We kissed this way forever, drifting as the sun came up.

  ~

  New sounds accompanied waking at Jude’s. Mourning doves, water trickling somewhere outside. In the warm light of late morning, gauzy leaf shadows played against his pale, yellow walls.

  The window was still thrown open wide. A brisk breeze blew steadily through the room, bringing the scent of rain. Turning onto my stomach, I gazed out into the wet, green morning. Massive banana leaves framed the window, keeping the sun from shining directly inside. I yawned, pointing my toes beneath the covers as I stretched. I could stay here forever.

  There were other things keeping me in bed, too—like Jude, and how indescribably sweet he looked while asleep…even with the black eye. I studied him for a moment, watching his eyelids flutter as he dreamed. Scenes of last night flickered through my mind on automatic playback. I touched my lips, thinking of his touches and kisses, craving more of them, knowing I was getting attached.

  It had happened quickly, this not-so-innocent little crush evolving into Full-Blown Feelings. I stared at him, glad he was asleep. I needed a minute. I felt like my hormones and affections were running away with me, leaving logic and good sense in the dust. The smart thing would be to just talk to Jude, explain where my head was at. He deserved that.

  Because he mattered, but he wasn’t the only thing. Finishing grad school meant something to me. Having a career of my own, being able to take care of myself…meant something. I loved my mom, but she’d paid a steep price for love. “You take care of you,” she liked to say. “Everyone else just lets you down” And then she proved it, over and over, one failed relationship after another.

  Relationships were distracting, and they were unpredictable. Look at what had happened with Theo. We’d been on the same page, able to dabble and pull back before any real damage had been done, but it had still been messy.

  And yet, my heart had never led me to a cliff like this, never asked me to jump. Why Jude, why now? Head versus heart. Everyone had to make a choice like this sooner or later, I supposed.

  The room dimmed, as if clouds had passed over the sun. I shook off the crazy train of runaway thoughts and crept out of bed, desperate for the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror again, after, washing my hands, naked except for my underwear. My hair was everywhere. I worked it into a knot, hoping I’d tossed my brush into my bag last night.

  But my face was the face of a girl in love. I'd never seen myself look quite this way, both older and younger at the same time. I let my eyes drift down over my body, past the faint dark marks on my chest, my nipples, rosy from his mouth...

  Jude walked in, startling me. He smiled sleepily, rubbing his eyes. “I was wondering where you went,” he said, making a beeline for the toilet.

  I blushed at his comfort level, skittering away so he could pee in peace. But he came for me anyway when he was done, tugging me back toward that bright bathroom. He started the shower again, and leaving his boxers on, brought me inside.

  I looked up as the warm water hit me, marveling at the blue sky “I love it,” I said, bowled over by this happy feeling, like everything was good, or it would be soon.

  “Me too,” Jude murmured, pressing against me once again. “I’ve imagined you in here so many times.”

  I looked away from the skylight and into his eyes, at the water droplets on his eyelashes. “Imagined me while in here, or…imagined being in here with me?”

  He backed me up against the wall. “Both.” Tangling his fingers in my hair, he fit his mouth to mine, picking up where we'd left off, complete with my breathlessness and his morning wood. I ran my hands over his smooth, wet back, pulling him closer.

  I wanted him to touch me, but other than a gentle squeeze of my breasts, he behaved.

  “Come on," he said, giving my neck a quick nip before pulling away completely. He handed me a bar of soap. “I'm hungry.”

  “Me too...” For other things.

  We shared the soap, talking about things like any couple would. And maybe that’s what we were now, just like that.

  ~

  We were driving down Centerline, also known as the Queen Mary Highway, when raindrops began speckling the windshield. It rained in Florida almost daily during the summer, but in St. Croix it always passed quickly.

  By the time we reached the bakery, Jude wanted to go to, the sun had joined the rain, giving us a sun-shower. The trees in the parking lot sparkled, dampening my shoulder as I passed.

  “They have the best butter bread,” Jude said, grabbing my hand.

  I loved that he knew these things, that his love for this island was so ingrained and deep-seated. This was no passing fancy for him; no adventure he'd get over...it was his life. It was the place that had raised him. He belonged.

  The bakery was packed. We stood in line, and when it was our turn, Jude ordered butter bread and cheese, a loaf of raisin bread, and several tarts of different kinds...guava, coconut, pineapple. Some of the stuff in the glass case reminded me of Cuban pastries I’d had back in Miami.

  “Is there anything else you want?” he asked, resting his hand on my back.

  “Anything with guava.”

  Smiling faintly, he ordered a few more guava tarts and paid.

  We ate on our way to Dorsch Beach, which turned out to be, perhaps, the most crystal-clear water I'd seen so far. “This is gorgeous,” I mumbled, crumbs flying as I inhaled my butter bread and cheese. So simple and yet, so satisfying. I could see why Jude had stocked up.

  “It's probably my favorite beach on St. Croix.”

  “I can see why. Are we near Rainbow Beach?” I asked, squinting. The Frederiksted Pier jutted out in the distance.

  “Right down there,” he said, pointing. “Around the corner and further down.”

  That brought back memories of our ride through the rainforest. I’d barely known him then: the hot, mysterious bartender who filled me with nerves and conflict. Those nerves had abated somewhat, but I’d traded one conflict for another.

  When we were done stuffing our faces, we went for a swim. The water was tepid and calm, the beach appealingly empty. It felt like ours.

  “I wish I had a mask,” I lam
ented, gazing down as a school of tiny silver fish glimmered by.

  “We’ll come back.”

  I tipped onto my back, floating. “You say that like we have all the time in the world.”

  “St. Croix isn’t going anywhere.” His hand touched my foot, keeping me from drifting away.

  “But I am,” I said, shading my eyes. We looked at each other. He pulled me close, wrapping my legs around his waist as I sat up to grasp his shoulders. “Remember that Full Moon Party? Why were you such a jerk to me?”

  He pushed my hair over my shoulder. “Didn’t I apologize for that?”

  “You did, but you never really explained what that was all about. I felt like you were accusing me of being some…rich, shallow, tourist girl who was just gonna use St. Croix and then leave.”

  I half expected him to laugh along, but he didn't. Instead, he looked at me, like really looked. “Well, a lot of people do just that.”

  “But you didn’t even know me.”

  “I think…” He exhaled suddenly, forcing a laugh. “I think I was trying to keep you at arm’s length.”

  Whatever I’d been about to say fled my mind. “Oh.”

  “You came down here with someone. And I liked you, but you weren’t available. Happens all the time.” He pushed his hair back. “You’d leave after a few weeks, just another cute girl passing through. But then you said you were staying. And it bugged me. Now, I’d have to watch you and that preppy fucka—”

  “Theo’s not preppy.”

  He cut his eyes away. “Whatever; I’d have to deal with you being in my space, and it was obvious we had chemistry. Every time I looked at you, you were looking at me. I wanted you, but I wasn’t going to go for a tourist girl with a boyfriend.”

  “Have you ever hooked up with a tourist?”

  “A few.” He smiled, tilting his head. “But none of them got under my skin the way you did. Which sucked, because I knew it would never work.”

  I stared up at him, loving how the sunlight brightened his eyes. “Because of Theo?”

  “You tell me.” He looked past me, toward the horizon. “St. Croix isn’t for everyone. People get island fever. Or they get tired of the ‘quirks,’ like potholes and the power randomly going out. ATM running out of cash on holiday weekends…”

  “No.” Frowning, I shook my head. “I love it here.”

  “Even I get sick of it sometimes, Alina. But then I look around and I remember where I am, and it's like...I love my life. I don't want to leave. Not now, and maybe not ever.” He focused on me, his eyes intense. “I've seen people fall in love with this place and then fall out of love with it so fast it makes your head spin. Couples break up because of it.”

  Our eyes met, and I saw so many things in his. He didn't want me going anywhere, that much was obvious, but I thought maybe...I saw some caution, too. Like he didn't want to get too attached and then get burned. I could understand that, because I felt the same way, even if for different reasons.

  “You have to understand…grad school is important to me. I want to finish. I want a career in conservation, and St. Croix would be a great place to build a life.”

  He remained expressionless, the world’s best poker face. “After grad school.”

  I nodded once. “Yes.”

  “You’re a smart girl. You should do it.”

  But I was beginning to know his tells and right now, he was full of shit. “Am I supposed to just give everything up for you?”

  He blinked, shaking his head. “I’d never ask you to.”

  “You don’t have to ask,” I said, my chest tight. “The way you look at me, the way you make me feel…you have no idea how hard this is for me. You make me want to risk everything, and I can’t. I won’t!”

  His eyes softened. Holding my face, he brushed his thumbs over my cheeks. “Then don’t.”

  “Why do you think I’m still here?”

  He raised his eyebrows, smiling. “The sea turtles?”

  I gave him a shove, laughing when he dipped us underwater.

  Didn’t he know? Couldn’t he tell?

  I was in love with him.

  Chapter Fifteen

  what days are you off this week?

  I looked at my schedule before answering Jude’s text.

  Most, except for opening shifts Tues/Wed.

  He replied with a thumbs-up emoji.

  I put my phone away, wondering if we'd get to hang out later. Though I was leaving St. Croix soon, I’d kept a couple shifts a week at the café. A little money never hurt, and besides, Larsen’s Brew was only five minutes away. I fed Jude breakfast on his way in, and he gave me my very own happy hour once I got off.

  Sometimes I went home alone. I caught up on emails and hung out with Nora, helping her with dinner or playing with the girls. But sometimes I went to Jude’s. He had a hard time keeping his hands to himself, and I had a hard time stopping him, especially once I learned his fingers could make me come in under a minute.

  A large group came in, forcing me to focus on work. By the time they left, it was already two, and time for Keya, the new hire, to relieve me. I cleaned up a little, greeting her when she came in.

  “I’m going to head out,” I said, slinging my purse over my shoulder. “I'll be at Larsen’s Brew if you need anything.”

  “Bye, Alina.” She waved from behind the counter.

  I stepped out in to the day, breathing deep the scent of salt and sunshine. Town was moderately crowded; as Christmas started to draw near, a lot of the kids who'd left for college started coming home. There was a festive feeling in the air. Part of me regretted I’d be missing Christmas here.

  But I already had my plane ticket. I missed my mom and Adam, my friends, and knew that once I stepped foot in Miami, it would feel so good to be home.

  Ivy was behind the bar when I got there, talking with a customer. She wiggled her fingers at me when our eyes met, but her smile was a little forced. I faltered, slowing down. She scooted down to where I was sitting and leaned close. “Hey, hon.”

  “Hey,” I said, tapping her hand affectionately.

  “Ariel’s here, okay?”

  My heart sank to my toes. “Oh. Is she...?” I didn't know what I wanted to say. Is she okay? Is she here to mess with Jude? Is she staying?

  She gave my hand a quick squeeze. I felt a rush of sympathy for her, caught between loyalty to her twin, and her friendships with Jude and me. She could've treated me like crap, but she never did. “They're just talking. Ariel hasn't been back since the day she left.” She wrinkled her nose. “Anyway. What're you drinking today?”

  I ordered one of the brews of the day, my eyes drifting toward the back, where the office was. Trusting Jude wasn't really an issue. If he said it was over with Ariel, then I believed him. Still, knowing they were in there together made my stomach turn to stone. Why was she here?

  Jude appeared so quickly I almost spilled my beer. He hesitated when he saw me, but then shook his head and came to me. “Hey, you.”

  “Hi.” I smiled up at him, wishing my heart would calm down.

  He bent to kiss me. Caught off-guard, I kissed him back. Ariel was at the end of the bar now, talking with her sister. Our eyes met, and a look of such disgust came over her pretty face that I nearly cowered. But I didn't. Drama was not my thing, never had been. Instead, I returned my attention to Jude, who'd sat down. He turned to face me, his knees hugging mine as we sat on our stools.

  “Everything okay?” I asked.

  “Sorry about her.” He looked down at his hands, which I'd grabbed out of nerves. I started to untangle them, but he held fast. “I was going to ask you over, but Margaret's sick, and Ivy has to bring Ariel back to the seaplane.” He sighed heavily.

  I squeezed his fingers. “Tomorrow, maybe?”

  “You have the weekend off, right? Want to sail to St. John for a couple of days?”

  “I’d love to, but how?”

  He took a swig of my beer. “My cousin Tommy and his
wife have a catamaran. He stopped by earlier, asked if we wanted to go.”

  “And there’s room for me?”

  “Wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise. But I gotta get back to work,” he said, standing. “Sticking around?”

  I eyed Ariel, who was on her phone now. “That was my plan.”

  He returned to his spot behind the bar while I people-watched, entertained by drunk people in their habitat. A rowdy table emptied, leaving the bar, and the noise ebbed a little.