Brighter

by Rochelle Allison

  On our table sat a stack of postcards. I picked one up, heart fluttering at the bright yellow fort in downtown Christiansted, Fort Christian. It was one of St. Croix’s historic buildings.

  Jude’s handwriting was scrawled across the back: You should be right there.

  The next postcard was of the Frederiksted pier: We're jumping off again this the minute you get back.

  Lump in my throat, I went through the rest of the postcards, shaken to the core that he'd thought about me enough to do this. Every card had a different note, and each one made me love him a little more. Caroline sat beside me, murmuring quietly at how lovely the island was, and how much she wanted to go back. She rested her hand over mine. “This was really sweet.”

  I wiped my eyes. “It was.” Grabbing my phone, I snapped a picture of my postcard-strewn kitchen table and sent it to Jude with a text.

  I can’t wait to come back.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Despite the hole in my heart named Jude, readjusting to life in Coral Gables was disconcertingly easy. Days after I’d come home, it was as if I'd never left. Like St. Croix was a dream. I scrolled endlessly through the pictures I’d posted online, reliving that dream.

  But Jude—his texts and pictures—was my tether, my proof that island life was very real. And if it was a dream, well, it was one I could return to one day. He sent me the fantastic and the mundane:

  Sunrise on the North Shore.

  Paperwork (angry emoji)

  Ivy's catalogs. :/ She keeps leaving this shit on the bar.

  Your empty barstool.

  Watching the game with my Pops.

  I sent him pictures of my goings-on, too:

  Garbage pickup. Ok, so I appreciate this. I don't miss taking the trash to the dump.

  Mom's sweet potato casserole.

  Caroline’s succulent. We haven’t killed it yet.

  Adam’s latest manga. He says he’s on chapter 763 or something!

  I’ve been going to this bookstore since I was a kid. I’m taking you one day.

  I put my phone away after that last one, wanting to be present. We’d come to Ollie’s Books to spend our gift cards, Christmas gifts from my father. That was one thing I shared with Dad, I supposed—a love of reading and learning. Adam rushed straight to the manga section, intent on stocking up, while I wandered the aisles.

  A colorful book on cupcakes caught my eye, reminding me of Sydney and Sadie. An aisle over sat a bartender’s guide to the most popular drinks in Key West. The photography was killer, so I grabbed a copy for Jude.

  Thunder boomed outside. I jumped, nearly dropping my growing stack of books. It had been overcast a lot lately, rare for this time of year. Even the cold fronts were weird—for South Florida, at least. Adam walked over, already reading his manga. “Ready,” he mumbled, not taking his eyes off the book.

  Later, after I’d dropped Adam back at the townhouse, I returned to the apartment. The rain was really coming down now, chilly and miserably wet. I’d just hung my dripping jacket when my phone rang.

  Theo’s name came up. I answered, surprised. We’d had dinner just the night before, saying our proper goodbyes and promising to keep in touch no matter where the year took us. “Hey, you! What’s up?”

  “Hanging out. Just had dinner with my parents.”

  “Aww, how’re they?”

  “Fine.” He chuckled. “Same old, same old.”

  “That’s cool. Early day tomorrow, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  He didn’t offer more. Frowning, I flicked on the lights as I walked through the apartment. “Is everything okay?”

  “Everything’s fine.” He sighed. “Look. I told myself after our whole…thing in St. Croix that I’d be more open about things. More honest, but also more willing to try being in a relationship.”

  I sat quietly on my bed, digesting his words. Part of me was proud of him for allowing that vulnerability. I felt it could only serve Theo well. But part of me envied his decision. I wished I could be as free.

  “Alina?”

  “I’m here. Thinking about what you’re saying.”

  “We’re a lot alike, me and you. It’s all about that bottom line. The degrees, the career. We come at it from different places, but the result is the same. And that worked for a long time. But we’re different people than we used to be, Alina.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “That if you can have school and a relationship…you should. Stop waiting,” he said. “I’m never going to like Jude, but he makes you happy. You should be with him.”

  “I want to be with him.”

  “Then make it work. Figure it out.”

  “This is a little more complicated than a lost internship opportunity.”

  “Is it?”

  My heart pounded.

  “I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow night, so I’m wishing you a Happy New Year’s,” he added.

  “You too. Have a safe flight.”

  And so later, when I was in bed after a hot bath, I logged onto my checking account, eyeing the meager savings I’d put together while working in St. Croix. Between that and the cash I’d gotten as Christmas gifts, I could swing a trip—despite the currently astronomical price of tickets to the Caribbean. Chewing my nails, I scoured every travel site I could find, trying to justify what I was about to do. I’d be broke. But I’d be happy.

  I’d thought about doing something like this, just buying a ticket to go back for a couple of days, but money was tight after my travels and the financial strain of the holidays. Jude had offered, but I’d said no, not wanting to do that to him. I couldn’t. It had been my decision to leave in the first place.

  And yet here was Theo, spoiling me one more time—but with his blessing, not his wallet. My heart ached…with gratitude.

  ~

  It was barely four a.m., still dark out, because the only way I could get back to St. Croix was by leaving at the butt crack of dawn. Mom was a saint for driving me.

  “What kind of mother would I be, putting you into a taxi, or an Uber, like that?” she asked, watching me lock the front door.

  “The practical kind.”

  We climbed into the car, shivering in the pre-dawn chill. “For what it’s worth, I approve of this.”

  I smiled, nodding. “I know you do.”

  “It’s something I’d have done.”

  That didn’t worry me the way it might have before. “I know.”

  “But I’m going to miss you tonight.”

  I took her hand. “Me too.” We’d always celebrated as a family, even once I got old enough to go out with friends afterward.

  Before leaving, I took several pictures: my breakfast of cereal and coffee, a random shot of our Christmas tree, a book I'd picked up at the store. I planned to send them at intervals throughout the day, to cement in to Jude's mind that I was still in Miami. He had no reason to think otherwise; my plan to come back was a secret to everyone (except for Nora, who was picking me up). I felt bad tricking him, but the surprise would be worth it.

  My resolve nearly wavered when I sent my ‘good morning’ text, along with the picture of my frosted flakes. He took a minute to get back to me, finally sending a shot of a couple at the bar, cuddling over drinks. It looked like Jude had taken it from afar, where they hopefully wouldn't see him being creepy.

  I miss you

  I miss you too. Put your phone away b4 they catch you creepin.

  Wish I was creepin on you ;)

  I sent a heart.

  “Which airline, Alina? American?”

  We’d gotten off at the airport exit. “Yeah.”

  “Well, I must say—I’m surprised you’re going, but I know how special St. Croix is to you,” she said, rubbing my shoulder. “How special Jude is. I wish I could meet him.”

  “You will,” I said, not even surprised at how deeply I felt that. “I have so much to show you.”

  “Those pictures don't do it justice, I bet.”
/>
  “Not even close.” I tucked a few errant curls back into the long braid hanging down my back. I’d twisted it into a fishtail; something Nora’d taught me back in St. Croix. “And the way it looks is only half the magic. It’s the lifestyle. Laid back, low key. It’s not perfect, but I feel like people appreciate everything more.”

  “I’d love to experience that with you,” she said, pulling up to the curb.

  “You will.” Life was just one good-bye after another lately. Leaning across the console, I hugged her. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Text me when you land.”

  “I will. Love you.”

  “Love you too, honey.”

  I jumped out of the car, hurrying my suitcase from the trunk before the TSA officer lingering nearby got annoyed. Mom and I hugged and then she was gone. I stepped through the automatic glass doors, realizing on the deepest level that Miami was no longer the only place I felt home. No matter which place I was in, part of me would always long for the other. But this felt right, too. Going back to St. Croix felt like going home.

  Or maybe home was a person.

  The flight I’d been able to secure connected in San Juan, and it was nauseatingly bumpy. I closed my eyes and imagined Jude the last time I saw him, waving as the door between us closed. The flight to St. Croix was on an even smaller plane, and not much calmer. Anticipation bubbled through me like carbonation.

  I landed just before noon, texting Nora as we taxied in. I stared out the window, nose pressed to the glass. Memories of standing in baggage claim with Theo and Cole, months ago on a hot summer day, washed over me.

  A text came through—from Ivy, of all people. It was a photo of Jude, sitting at the bar, a bottle of beer between his hands. He looked pathetic, and my heart swelled in sympathy. Ivy had written pobrecito—poor guy.

  I sent back a sad face. It took everything I had not to text her back and confess my plans. Nora, Eli, and the girls picked me up, scooping me into the van with hugs and questions.

  “Are you gonna surprise him?” Sydney demanded, after listening to my “plan.”

  “Hopefully,” I said with a laugh, thinking of Ivy’s picture. If I was lucky, I’d get to him before he got too wasted.

  Meanwhile, we jetted east, stopping at the house to drop Eli and the girls off.

  “We’ve been out all morning; I’m gonna grab a bottle of water,” Nora said, sliding out of the van. “You want to come in for a sec?”

  I nodded, following her inside. I’d only been traveling for a few hours, but that was enough time for my look to wilt. Washing my face and fixing my hair, I slipped into a strappy, soft pink dress I’d gotten for Christmas. Falling to my knees, it was casual but pretty. Romantic.

  Nora dropped me in town. “Call me if anything changes!”

  “I will!” I waved, hurrying to the sidewalk. Thankfully, I’d packed light this time.

  Christiansted was stunning, a twinkling festival of Christmas lights and decorations. It was more crowded than usual, and I suspected that it would be jam-packed by midnight. I saw a couple of people I knew, and we chatted for a moment. I was anxious to get to Larsen’s, however, so I extracted myself as politely as possible and kept going.

  I saw Ivy first. She and Margaret were behind the bar, already busy at work. Another, smaller bar had been set up nearer to the boardwalk, and behind that one stood Bodhi's girlfriend, Jen.

  I didn’t see Jude. Looking around, I hurried over to the bar. “Ivy!”

  She spun around, jaw dropping open. “Alina! What’re you…” Her eyes roved over me, taking in the backpack on my shoulders. “Are you here for Jude?”

  “Am I that obvious?” I grinned, wiping sweat from my forehead. “He’s here, right?”

  She tilted her head toward the office. “He’s on the phone.”

  “Should I…” I hesitated, adjusting the straps on my backpack.

  “Grab a seat.” Prying the top with practiced ease, she handed me a beer. “I’m warning you, though—he got going early today, so he might be a little sloppy.”

  “I gathered that from the picture you sent.”

  Ivy nodded, fiddling with something behind the bar. “He’s been down since you left. He plays it off, but sometimes, like today, he gets like this.”

  My heart sank. “I know just how he feels.”

  A group of girls swarmed into Larsen’s, crowding the bar with chatter and drink orders. I snagged a high-top table in the corner, settling in with my crisp, cold beer and the book I’d brought on the plane. I couldn’t read it, of course. Nerves kept my stomach tense and my eyes on the hallway that led to the office, barely visible from my vantage point.

  My phone buzzed, an angry bee atop the table. I glanced at it, replying to my mother’s text. When I looked up again, Jude had returned to the far end of the bar. He said something to Ivy, who handed him a draft beer.

  Fingers trembling, I snapped a picture of him and sent it with a caption.

  This is what I see.

  I watched as he patted his pocket, almost absently. He took a swig of beer. One of the girls at the bar, a thick, curvy blonde, said something to him, beaming. I was about to send another message, when he suddenly reached down, retrieving his phone. He looked at it. And then he glanced over his shoulder, the rest of his body following as our eyes met. He shook his head, and the utterly breathtaking smile on his face was worth everything. I went to him, caught between dual urges to laugh and cry.

  “Alina.” He swept me up, his face buried in my neck. “You’re here.”

  “I hope you don’t mind,” I said, pulling back so I could pepper that fine face with kisses. It had only taken a few days for me to forget just how deep those beautiful, brown eyes were, how perfectly my body fit to his. “Because—”

  “I don’t fucking mind.” Tilting my face to his, he kissed me deeply, sliding his tongue over mine.

  A chorus of catcalls and hoots rose above the music and din—Miles and Tommy and Bodhi had just walked in.

  But Jude shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re here. You had me feelin’ a way.”

  “I know.” I released the sentimental urge to cry, letting my happiness rise to the top instead. “I’ve been feeling a way, too.”

  He laughed, tugging me close, and I kissed his cheek, giddy. Jude smelled like a brewery, and I loved him even more. “Guess you’ll have someone to kiss at midnight.”

  “I have someone to kiss right now.” His voice was honey now, warm and melting. Hungry eyes trailed the length of me, landing on my lips—which he kissed, again. And again. Apparently, he’d missed my mouth as much as I’d missed his.

  ~

  Famished by the day’s adventure, I wolfed down a sandwich and ginger beer from the restaurant upstairs. It was busy, as always, but decidedly more sedate than the bar, which grew increasingly loud as the day faded.

  By the time night fell across the harbor, the crowd at Larsen’s had hit high tide, spilling out onto the boardwalk. Liquor flowed. Amari, the DJ, spun tunes nonstop, infecting everyone with good vibes. I sat atop the bar, legs wrapped around Jude as we surveyed the scene in front of us. We'd settled there about half an hour before, when my insanely long day started to catch up with me, and I couldn't stop the yawns. Margaret had given me an energy drink from her secret stash, and I was almost done with it, waiting to catch my second wind. I’d gotten several texts from friends and family—Theo was living it up at a rooftop bar in Manhattan; Mom was at a fancy party with her latest beau, and Caroline had gone to Orlando with her sister. Mild nostalgia fluttered through me, but I felt good about where I'd chosen to be.

  Meanwhile, Jude was laughing so hard my body trembled from it. Miles and his friends were in fine form, dancing, apparently, like drunk tourists. I cringed, wondering if that’s how I’d looked, or God forbid, still looked. After all, hadn't I been a tourist up until recently? Still, it was impossible not to laugh, especially when Miles grabbed Ivy, pulling her to his chest so he could work up on her
from behind. Never the wallflower, Ivy played along, pushing back against him like a music video vixen. The song ended then, but they continued dancing, making me wonder how much of their flirting was a joke.

  Jude had sobered up some, and I'd gotten tipsy, so now we were on the same page. It was too loud to talk, but I kept catching him looking at me, dark eyes glimmering.

  The music faded, and Amari grabbed the mike. “One minute to midnight!”