Shine On

by Jewell, Allison J.

  When she came into focus he noticed her face was red and splotchy. Her eyes were swollen and glassy.

  “Emmie girl, what’s wrong?” he asked, his tone softer now.

  She shook her head and felt her eyes fill up with unshed tears again, as she turned and walked away from him.

  “Nothing. It’s nothing,” she repeated.

  He didn’t believe that but was unsure how far to push her. Had she somehow seen him digging through her stepfather’s room? An unexpected wave of guilt rushed through him. He did his best to brush it away. He hadn’t taken the money… and even if he had, it was his. There was no reason to feel any shame. He made a halfhearted attempt to reason with himself but it did no good. He still felt bad and he didn’t like it. The dog barked again, prancing in front of the bedroom door. Apparently the dog didn’t like it either. Silas glared down at the dog, willing it to shut up.

  Silas walked up behind her at the stove, put his hand on her shoulder, and rubbed it down the length of her arm.

  “You can tell me things, you know.” He hoped she found those words comforting. He never really knew what to say at times like this.

  She nodded, keeping her back to him. Emmie was having a hard time keeping the tears that threatened to leak over to her cheeks at bay. She grabbed the applesauce pot and quickly put it in the sink. She plunged the cooker into water and began rinsing it out.

  Fear. She felt fear. Fear of being caught, fear of her mistakes, fear because she didn’t know what in the heck she was doing with anything in her life anymore… Fear overtook her and came out as a sob. She rested her hands on the counter to stop their shaking.

  Silas pulled her into his arms, saying nothing. Sometimes if he couldn’t find the right words to say in a situation, he would just jump to action. Granted, if he couldn’t find the right words the next action was usually more violent than hugging… but it was the same principle. To his surprise she hugged him back. He felt her hands dig into his vest. He rubbed her back, then her hair, brushing the ebony waves away from her face. When she finally calmed he pulled away from her a little bit, put his hand under her chin, and brought her eyes to his.

  “Whatever it is, it will be okay. I promise, Em.” And that’s when he knew without a doubt he would weather whatever this storm was through to the end. He didn’t make promises to anyone that he didn’t intend to keep.

  She swallowed hard and nodded. Just when he was sure she wasn’t going to tell him anything she started to speak, “I’ve been up on the hill. At my mama’s grave, talking to her a little.”

  Silas only nodded. He’d learned from working with people at the law firm, and in other affairs, that when people started talking it was best to shut up and listen, even if it left long awkward pauses. Which is exactly what was happening right now. It was a good three minutes before she started talking again. She just pulled away from him and continued cleaning up her canning mess.

  Emmie sighed and continued scrubbing the pot. She washed it much longer than necessary. She just couldn’t quite get it clean enough to convince herself there was no way Silas was going to smell the moonshine in it. Maybe she should just tell him. Secrets never led to anything good. She knew that. But after he hugged her so tight and made her feel so safe, Emmie was afraid to risk what might happen if she told him what she’d been up to. She knew there was no way he expected what she’d actually been up to this morning. It wasn’t really her character, so she didn’t have to feel guilty about it, right? Wrong. She felt awfully guilty. Maybe Walt was right. It was time to just put this ugly mess behind her.

  “Ya ever feel like you’re just messing things up over and over again? Like when something bad happens and then you just make the wrong choices trying to make it better. Then find out you are in even worse shape than when you started?” she asked, drying the dishes.

  The dog started making an awful racket in Ronnie’s room. He was whining and clawing at the floor. She pulled him by the neck and closed the bedroom door. The dog sighed and lay down in front of the door.

  “You have no idea,” he muttered under his breath staring at the dog. He opened his mouth to try explaining his comment but was startled at her reaction. She was smiling. “Misery loves company?” he asked.

  “Something like that I guess. I just let a friend down today and I feel awful. That’s just one of a thousand things lately. Mr. Thomas is a horrible man to work for and I dug myself into that deep mess. And school… I’m starting to think that dream’s already set sail. I mean I’m already twenty-one. Ronnie wasn’t a fan of the idea. Then when he died… I thought, maybe I could work it out,” she paused for a second looking up at him. “Isn’t that awful that I thought that? Of course, I was sad that he passed but I need to take care of myself.” She tried to explain and hoped that he understood. He nodded in approval of her thoughts. “You know, I think today’s just turned into an Emmie pity party,” she laughed trying to make a joke of all the things she’d just told him.

  Only he didn’t let it go at that. “I can’t really speak to your problems with your neighbor but I’m sure it will work out. Mr. Thomas… that may be a better discussion for another time. But about school, you are certainly not too old. I had people in class with me that were much older than you are and they did great. There is no timeline for life, Emmie, other than a starting and a stopping. What happens in the middle are your choices,” he said.

  They sat in the quiet of the moment again for a bit before he went on. “I believe you can do this, you know. I could probably get you in this semester. You wouldn’t have missed that much yet and I can get the cash. All you need to do is to say the word.”

  “I appreciate that, really. It’s just that this school thing… I want to do it for myself. That’s why I found the job at Mr. Thomas’s, then it turns out I needed the money for the mortgage. But I’ll work it out. It’s not your problem. I’m sorry that I started all this…” she let her words trail off.

  “I thought you’d probably turn me down. But I just want you to know the offer is out there,” he said and she nodded.

  The dog sighed and plopped down in front of the bedroom door. Barking one time in Silas’s direction. “Spotty what has gotten into you?” Emmie laughed.

  “Spotty?” Silas questioned. “There isn’t a spot on that dog.”

  “Yes there is. He has two. His eye and his back,” Emmie answered with a laugh.

  “If you say so.” Silas shook his head. “I just stopped in to check on you and make sure everything was okay. You know, make sure that we were okay after last night.”

  With everything that had happened today she had practically forgotten about last night. “Yes, I had the best night. Maybe we could go out like that again sometime?” she asked.

  He smiled from ear to ear. “You just let me know and I’ll set it up.”

  “Well I’m pretty much ready to go again whenever,” she said then worried maybe that was too forward. She wasn’t really sure how she was supposed to act.

  “Actually, I wondered if you would want to go to St. Joseph with me sometime for Mass. I know you’re not Catholic but in a couple weeks they’re having some kind of dinner after and everyone is supposed to bring something. I’m not much of a cook and if this applesauce tastes half as good as it smells, I sure would like to take it to this potluck with me.” He reached up grabbing one of the jars from the table giving her one of his million-dollar smiles. “And you too, of course.”

  She laughed out loud. This sure was the start to an interesting relationship. “My applesauce would love to go with you… and me too, of course.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  The alarm rang early the next morning but she was already awake. Spotty was barking at the window. The dog had been acting crazy since last night. Emmie let him outside and headed back upstairs to get ready. She dreaded the workday that awaited her. Emmie put on her baby blue work dress, grabbed purse and started into town. She was just moving through the motions. Her heart wasn�
��t in this job. When she stepped out onto the porch she let out a sharp high-pitched scream as a man came into focus. Even after she recognized him, her heart still pounded out of rhythm.

  “Good Lord, Gabe!” She grabbed her chest. “Are you trying to scare me to death?”

  “Sorry, Emmie. I wasn’t sure what time you woke up, so I thought I’d just wait out here until you left for work,” he said with a grin. “Not much a guard dog, this one?” He rubbed Spotty’s belly.

  She was glad her heart attack had amused him.

  “Now, please don’t take this the wrong way because you know you are always welcome at my house… but why are you here?” She glanced around at the car and rocking chair on the other end of the porch just to be sure he was alone, which he was.

  He ignored her question and asked one of his own, “Do you have time to talk to me a minute?”

  “Well sure. If you’ll give me a ride to work, I should have about twenty minutes. What’s going on?” she wondered. She was pretty sure this was the only time she had ever been alone with Gabe.

  Emmie still wasn’t a hundred percent sure about his character. What kind of man pulls a disappearing act with no word sent to the person he supposedly loves? That still felt like trouble to her. But, in fairness, he had seemed sincere since he had come back to town.

  Emmie took in the sight of him as she walked closer to the swing. He was tall, about the same height as Silas but his shoulders were broader. His face was sharply angled with a wide jaw. She noticed for the first time the depth of the scar that pulled down from the center of his nose to his full upper lip. On some men a scar made them look weak but that wasn’t the case with Gabe; it made him seem stronger. Most days he wore a suit like the other guys but today it was just a white button-down shirt and navy pants. His shirtsleeves were folded up to his elbows. She’d never noticed his hair was nearly as dark as hers.

  He slid across the swing and patted for her to sit next to him. She sat close enough to the edge that her toes brushed against the porch as she pushed them back and forth. He didn’t start talking right away, which made her feel even more anxious.

  She turned and looked at him square in the eyes, “Are ya all right, Gabe?” This was beyond weird.

  “Yeah,” he nodded. “It’s just… I know you don’t think much of me.”

  He was direct and honest. She guessed she had to admire him for that. She opened her mouth to correct what he had said but he cut her off.

  “When I left Ava like that,” he nodded again to himself, “I screwed up. No matter how important things were I should have called her. But I don’t pretend to be perfect.”

  “Gabe really, you don’t need to come here and explain yourself to me. We each have our own cross to bear, really,” she said.

  “I know. It’s just… she thinks a lot of you. I’ve already had to face her family. And they all understand because they know my business,” he attempted to explain but fell short because all the things he couldn’t tell her. He ran his hands through his hair like he might pull it out. She’d never seen him so uncomfortable.

  “Gabe let’s just let this one go. You two seem to be fine. I’ve got no judgment on you. Lord knows, I’ve had my share of screw-ups. Ava’s happy, you’re happy, I’m happy. It’s fine,” she shrugged her shoulders.

  He let out a long sigh and plopped his feet down abruptly stopping the motion. Emmie lurched forward. She had to grab the chain to steady her. Gabe stepped out of the swing and turned to face Emmie.

  “I need your help,” he said quickly. Like if he didn’t say the words they would get hung in his throat.

  “Okay. What can I do for you?” she asked genuinely. He smiled in relief.

  “I want you to help me pick out a ring,” he said. As soon as the words came out of this mouth he immediately looked like he might toss his cookies.

  Emmie’s eyes widened with surprise. Ava had nonchalantly talked about marriage that night before they left for the club but she wasn’t expecting it this soon.

  “You… I mean you are going to…” Emmie was having a hard time spitting out the words.

  “Yeah. I’m going to ask her. I’ve got it all planned.” He smiled, proud of himself. “I want everybody there. I’ve talked to her folks. My parents are happy. Her parents are happy. You think she’ll be happy?” he asked, looking sick again.

  Emmie thought for a minute still trying to process all of the information he’d thrown at her. “Are you kidding me? Ava’s been planning her wedding since she was about two years old.”

  He nodded soberly. “That’s why I need ya. A ring is going to be the first part of this wedding, right? And Emmie, you know how hard she can be to please. I’m not sure I’d ever pick out the right one. But you know her better than anyone. So if anybody can get it right, it’ll be you. Plus, she already said it. You know more about this stuff than I do. As soon as those words came outta her mouth, I knew I had to ask you.”

  “Okay.” Emmie put all of her effort into a smile. Really, she felt as uneasy about this as he did. What did she know about weddings? She had only been to a handful in her whole life. But her insecurity wasn’t going to make him feel any better, so she faked it.

  She stood from the swing and slowly closed the distance between them. She grabbed his arms and looked up at him. “But you have to answer this for me, honestly before I will help you.”

  He was serious again. Lines of concern marked his face and he almost looked like a boy.

  “You promise me you didn’t go up there to Chicago for some other girl. Because you know how Ava is. She acts all confident but inside she can be a mess. If you were up there hanging around some floozy and she was down here just trying to put one foot in front of the other…” Emmie started with the toughest voice she could muster.

  Gabe laughed, literally he belly laughed. “I wish I’d have just had to go up there for some floozy.”

  Emmie put her hand on her hip and stared at him incredulously.

  He quickly held up a hand and tried to back peddle. “No, that came out wrong. I’m just saying, I didn’t have time for another woman. I was up there for business. I swear, Emmie. I don’t want anyone else or I wouldn’t be doing this.”

  She let out a breath. “Alright. I believe you,” Emmie said, and realized she did. “She is going to be ridiculously excited. Where do you want to pick out the ring?”

  “There’s that jewelry store on the square,” he suggested. She was impressed that he’d noticed it. He really had been thinking about this.

  “Yeah, that’s a good one,” Emmie smiled. This might be fun after all. “It’s not cheap though.”

  “Well that’s good because I don’t plan on buying anything cheap. You do know Ava, right?” he laughed.

  Gabe leaned over and gave Emmie a hug, squeezing her much harder than necessary. For the first time he reminded her of Vince. As he pulled back the lines in his face were gone. He looked so relieved. “I do love her.”

  Without waiting for Emmie to say another word he turned and headed to the car and opened the passenger side door for her. As she settled in for the short ride it was on the tip of her tongue to ask when he how he planned to pop the question but she didn’t have the chance.

  “So, you and Silas huh?” he said, never looking up from the road.

  Emmie really didn’t know what to say… or even what he was asking. So she just smiled and shrugged her shoulder, “Yeah…”

  “Well, that’s good. Got to admit though, I wouldn’t have put you two together,” he said, grinning. “I mean because you’re so… Emmie.” His voice was kind and soft. “And he’s so… Silas.” His voice was sharp and mockingly deep. “But eh, it’s good, right?” He looked over at her to see her reaction.

  She had absolutely no idea what all of that was supposed to mean so she just nodded, “Yeah.”

  He kept talking, “You know I told Ava to stay out of it. But oh, she was so excited when she got back to town and saw the Silas and Tr
ick here.” He laughed and mocked her voice, “Oh wouldn’t it just be perfect if she fell for my cousin? We’d be a real family.”

  Emmie’s eyebrows knitted together thinking through what he’d just said, but Gabe just kept talking.

  “The truth is she’d picked out Trick for you first. She thought you’d think he was funny. And maybe he’d help you lighten up a bit. But then, things didn’t work out like that did they?” He laughed out loud remembering something funny. “Silas dropped that coat on your shoulders and I knew he’d never let Trick have ya.” Gabe glanced over and grinned at her.

  “Okay, wait.” Emmie shook her head trying to process one thing at a time.

  “She planned to set me up with Trick? She planned all this?” Emmie asked as they pulled up to the store.

  Gabe laughed out loud. “She did pretty good with it too, eh? Even if she does stick her nose where it doesn’t belong.”

  Emmie was livid. She was humiliated that night and Ava knew all along. She was going to be in so much trouble.

  “You can’t tell her you know though. I don’t want her to know I came to see you. She’ll get all suspicious. I want to surprise her,” he said.

  She sighed and pursed her lips annoyingly. “Alright, but after you pop the question she is going to have to answer to this.”

  He slowed down the car as they neared Mr. Thomas’s store. “Can we go at lunch today, to that jewelry store?” he asked, looking nauseous again.

  “Today,” she shrugged, “I don’t see why not.”

  “Thanks a million, Emmie. You’re a good friend,” he said through the open window as he pulled away from the curb.

  She walked into the store to see a vase of fresh cut flowers sitting next to her chair. Lying next to the flowers was a card bearing her name in a small unfamiliar handwriting.

  This was going to be an interesting day after all.