Sweetness

by S Gonzalez

  Chapter 14 For the past two weeks I have kept my distance. I am at the venues before they show up and gone by the time they arrive, so needless to say my nerves are on edge tonight. The show tonight is bigger then the others. This place holds about a thousand people or so. This is the last show in California before we all head out to, Seattle, on Monday. After that, I go back to New York. Back to…hell, I don’t even know what. Since I started at HMA, I was with Dominic. Work was a distraction until I got to see him again. With nothing to look forward to now, I guess work is all I have.

  They guys have begged me to come back on the bus with them but I keep telling them I can’t. Dominic has called and text me every day, begging for me to talk to him. I can’t. Hearing him say that we are over would be the final nail in my coffin. The horrified look on his face when he found out about, Glen and me, was enough. Enough for me to know that he will never want me the same way he did before. I love him, more than words can say, so to have him look at me as if I disgust him; I just can’t do it.

  I know I was just prolonging the inevitable by putting him off. But as luck would have it, I don’t have much choice in the matter now. We will all be at the same hotel tonight and since this is a bigger venue, I have to hop up on stage for our usual performance of, Sweetness, as Justin so callously informed me. I told Justin to have Julie take my place but he said that Dominic wouldn’t do it without me. I guess I should be overjoyed that he kept his promise to never perform my song with anyone else, but I am scared to death.

  Strolling in the backstage door wearing a short, tight red dress and my black heals, with the skulls on the back, I’m terrified. Lucky for me I was late enough that the band was already two songs into the set when I arrived. I stroll around backstage and stand off to the side, watching the band perform their hearts out. It has been two weeks since I’ve seen them play and I am enjoying watching them play together in perfect harmony. They certainly are the epitome of performers.

  I eye them all like a voyeur. Rocco is sporting a black and white bandanna around his head while thumping the drums wildly. Chris is strumming his bass with his eyes closed, like he’s the only person in the room. Justin is lost in his riffs while making eyes at the woman in the crowd and sticking out his tongue provocatively, and Dom…he’s watching me. My breath caught at the sight of him wearing a pair of light ripped jeans, a tight red shirt, and a black leather vest; holding onto his microphone like it is his last possession in the world while never taking his eyes off me. I don’t even think he blinked through the last part of he song.

  Tears fill my eyes while I watch him. I missed him so much these past two weeks. I was finding it hard to eat or sleep. The nightmares of Glen sneaking into my room at night, kept me awake. Truth is, I’m scared to be alone.

  As the band starts the next song I feel a single tear slip out of my eye and down my cheek. I can feel my resolve to walk away slipping every time our eyes met. I could see the pain in his eyes and the hurt expression on his face. I did that. My fucked up life and my stupid family did that. I quickly wipe away the tear and take a deep cleansing breath so I’m not a bubbling mess when I go out on stage.

  After a few more songs and a huge knot in my stomach, it is time for me to join the boys. But this time its different. As the lights dim there is no box for me to sit on, only one lonely stool near the mic stand. After all the guys exited the stage on the opposite side, Justin comes out with an acoustic guitar and sits on the stool a few feet away from me. On the darkened stage Justin gives me a small smile, but says nothing. Is he going to perform instead of Dominic? Clearly not. He couldn’t. Dominic wouldn’t let him sing this to me, it means too much to him. Or at least, I thought it did.

  As I step onto the stage the lights go down and a single spotlight shines on the middle of the stage, just like it had all the times before. Justin starts playing the guitar and it takes me a few cords to realize he is not playing, Sweetness. Its not until Dominic walks out from behind the black curtain and starts singing that I recognized the song is, “Marry Me” by Train.

  The man who had sung to me a dozen times before has me mesmerized with his husky voice and shaky tone. The hypnotic way his body vibrates nervous energy as he belts out each lyric, as if it were a prayer, makes me think I have hurt him more then I could ever repair. It’s not until he starts singing the chorus that my eyes widen and realization sets in. I take a step back to each of his steps forward but the spotlight follows me. Even after I turn and practically run off the stage, it never leaves me. Just before I disappear into the darkness, stage left, I feel strong arms catch me around my waist from behind. The smooth drawl of his voice in my ear, and the intensity of his touch after two weeks of absence, have me melting against him.

  Dominic pulls me back into the spotlight. Once he is sure I’m not going anywhere, he pulls a yellow rose out of his back pocket and runs the petals along my face. Dominic sings the rest of the song watching me, pleading with his eyes for me not to run. Before the song ends he drops to one knee, emphasizing the last line to the song, encouraging me to answer. My heart is beating out of my chest and my mouth is arid as I try to find the right words to say. The crowd erupts into loud wolf calls and whistles while chanting, “Say, yes”. Girls yelling, “I’ll marry you” echo off of every wall in the venue.

  Justin takes the mic and silences the crowd so Dominic can continue. Our eyes never break contact, as if we are in a trance. I watch him, kneeling down before me with sweat pouring off his face, and nervousness causing his hands to shake in mine.

  “Do you remember when we first met? I do. The second I saw you through the window of that coffee shop I was done for. I loved you from the second I saw you, when you were seventeen, walking into that coffee shop wearing a yellow sundress. I thought about you for years when we were apart. I never fell out of love with you, Emma. When I saw you in New York at the club, after I thought I had lost you forever, my heart skipped a beat and I knew that if I didn’t show my hand quickly, I would lose you again. That was never going to happen. I love you today more than I could ever possibly express. I will promise to love you and protect you for the rest of my life, Sweetness. So, because I am a fool in love, with a girl who I will never let go of, I have to ask. Emma, will you marry me?” The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop as he pulled out a pale blue box and opened it revealing the prettiest diamond engagement ring I’ve ever seen. I look between the ring and Dominic a few times before I open my mouth. With each passing second, Dominic’s eyes grow wider and wider with fear.

  Marry him?

  After a long uncomfortable silence Dominic stands up, never taking his eyes off me. “Emma, answer me. I love you, you love me. All the other shit we can work out. Don’t walk away because you’re scared. He took too many years from us; he is not a factor in our lives any more. Please baby, marry me?” He whispers so only I can hear.

  He’s right. If I walk away now, Glen wins. I have lived in fear for years. Afraid that people would find out. That when they did, they wouldn’t believe me and I would be alone forever. Glen took Dominic away from me once, and I will be damned if I am going to let him do it to me again.

  Feeling like the weight of the world just lifted off my shoulders I peek at Dominic from the top of my eyes and nod my answer.

  His eyes widen, “Say it!”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes! Yes, you will marry me, yes?”

  “Yes. Yes, I will marry you.”

  Dominic yanks my arms until our bodies are pressed together tightly as he kisses me. The room erupts with cheers and applause as we continue to kiss, probably a little inappropriately for public. We seem to have completely forgotten we we’re not the only people in this room. The rest of the band bum rushes the stage. I feel Rocco’s strong arms pull me away from my new fiancé as he jerks me into a big bear hug. Chris and Justin gave Dominic a one-armed guy hug, then turn to hug me just as Rocco sets me down. The crowd goes absolutely insane with excitement.

>   Over Justin’s shoulder I see Julie glaring at me from the side of the stage. No doubt she will be telling her loving, caring boyfriend what just happened. But for the first time ever, I could care less. Dominic knows the truth and he doesn’t care. He could have left me and I wouldn’t have blamed him in the least, but instead he proposed.

  Holy shit, I’m engaged.

  Before heading over to the hotel, the guys have to stop by the bus to get their stuff. We don’t have to leave until Monday morning, so for the rest of the weekend a swanky hotel room is home. While the boys grab their stuff I call Wanda and tell her the good news before she hears it from someone else. Dominic’s proposal wasn’t exactly low key so it isn’t going to take long for the paparazzi to get wind of this juicy story.

  “What’s up chica? How was the show?” she answers without as much as a hello.

  “Wanda, I’m engaged!” I shout.

  “Shut up!”

  “No, seriously. Dom proposed at the show tonight.”

  “And…you said yes? You were ready to walk away when I talked to you this morning. What changed?”

  “Well, nothing really. I saw him and…it was just…I love him, Wanda. I can’t explain it. I know it’s impulsive, but everything in my life since I met Dominic has been impulsive. I have never been happier.”

  “Uh, huh. What about the other stuff? Your family?”

  “I can’t let Glen and all that shit take me away from him. He knows what Glen did. It’s all out in the open now, and he doesn’t care.”

  “I don’t know about that,” Dominic says from behind me. When I turn I notice his jaw is clenched so tight his teeth looks as though they are going to crack under the pressure.

  “Wanda, I’ll call you tomorrow,” I say as I watch Dominic closely. I don’t know what he is thinking and I am sure there will be lots to discuss but I am not getting into all that in a parking lot where everyone and their brother can hear us. We provided the crew enough entertainment for one tour.

  “You got it, babe. I am happy for you, Emma. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks, Wanda.”

  I hang up the phone and shuffle from side to side, looking at the ground. Dominic uses his long index finger to tilt my chin up, forcing me to look into stormy emerald pools of emotion. Sympathy fighting against anger; love against pity. I can deal with a lot, but I don’t do pity.

  “Don’t look at me like that.” I complain, pushing his hand away from my face and taking a step back. Suddenly the broken gravel under my feet is the most interesting thing in the world.

  “Like what?”

  “Like you feel sorry for me. Don’t. You said it yourself, don’t let him take any more time away from us.”

  “Lets talk about this at the hotel.” He gives me a delicate kiss on the lips, dismissing my request.

  “Get a room,” Chris yells as he exits the bus with Justin and Rocco trailing behind.

  “Fully intend to,” Dominic replies, kissing my hand and pulling me into the SUV. Ryan is already at the wheel and congratulates us as we pull out of the parking lot and into the highway.

  “So, lovebirds, when are we getting married?” Justin asks.

  “We?” I question with a raised brow.

  “You marry him, you get us. That’s the way it is, doll face,” Rocco chuckles.

  “Oh God, wait till you tell Nancy. She is going to flip,” Chris laughs from the passenger seat in the front of the car.

  “Shit, yea. I have to call my mom,” Dominic pulls out his phone and hesitates before pressing the send button. He looks more nervous to tell his mother that he is getting married, than he was asking me to marry him.

  “Hi, mom...no everything is fine…yes, they’re fine. We just finished our show…okay, hold on.” Dominic pulls the phone from his ear and presses the speakerphone button. “Okay mom, they can all hear you.”

  “How are my boys?” Nancy’s excited voice floats through the car.

  “Hi, mom,” Chris replies, earning an inquisitive glance from me. He calls her mom? That’s nice.

  “Sup, Nance,” Rocco shouts from the back seat.

  “Well, hey there, pretty mama,” Justin adds, earning a thump on the head from Rocco who shakes his head in indignation.

  I look between all of them, unsure what I should say. We have never been introduced and she doesn’t know I am even in the car so I guess I am not being rude when I don’t respond. I unexpectedly feel like an outsider in this group. The loving face splitting smiles on their faces tells me, Nancy Ross, is an important person to them.

  I know Rocco and Chris were like brothers to Dominic, and Dominic and Justin have been friends forever. I guess it just never registered that they’re not just friends, they’re family. I better get used to the fact that if I am with Dominic, I get the whole crazy crew.

  Wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “Mom, listen. I have some news,” Dominic states, his nervousness seeping though his tone. Why though? Is he afraid that she won’t approve? Oh hell, what if she doesn’t approve.

  “Oh, no. What did you boys do now? Ya’ know, I thought with a girl keeping y’all in line you would stay out of trouble. Where is that sweet little thing of yours anyway?” Even in the dark interior of the car I can make out Dominic’s bright red blush. He shakes his head at his mother’s bluntness, but makes no apologies for it.

  “Emma, is sitting right next to me ma’. Say hello.”

  “Well howdy darlin’. Nice to know you really exist. If I didn’t see pictures of you two in those story telling magazines, I would think my boy there made ya’ up,” Nancy drawled in a thick southern accent. I could hear shuffling papers and voices in the background coming trough a loud speaker. I remember Dominic telling me once that his mother was an ER nurse, so I chalk it up to us rudely interrupting her at work.

  “Hello, Mrs. Ross. It is very nice to meet you.”

  “Dominic?” Nancy gasps.

  “Yea ma’.”

  “Is Grandma with you?”

  “What? No. Grandma’s dead, ma’.” I stare quizzically back at Rocco who puts his hand on my shoulder and gives me a “this is what you are getting into” shrug.

  “Oh, thank fuck. I thought for a second the old bat rose from the dead and joined you on tour. That means that sweet thing of yours is talking to me when she says, Mrs. Ross, huh?”

  The boys all burst into full-blown belly laughter. My face heats up with embarrassment. “Sorry ma’am.”

  “Ma’am?” Nancy’s shocked voice makes me slink further into the seat. Dominic pulls me closer to him and kisses me on top of my head. “Oh, sweetheart, if you expect me to like ya’, call me mom or Nancy. Mrs. Ross was my wretched mother in law, and she is long gone. May she rest in hell.”

  “MA’!” Dominic chuckles.

  “Sorry, son. So what’s the news?”

  “Emma and I are engaged.” Silence on the other side of the phone causes all eyes to fixate on the phone that is illuminating the middle row of the SUV. “Mom? You still there? Did you hear me?”

  “I heard you,” Nancy sniffs. Her voice cracks as if she is trying to hold back her emotions. The guys gave a small smile as I look between them. Justin, who was sitting behind Dominic, puts his hands on his best friends shoulders and rub them in a show of comfort. “I am proud of you baby boy.”

  From Dominic’s glassy eyes, I can tell he’s getting emotional talking to his mom. I remember the way he reacted when I told him in New York that I was proud of him. He insinuated that his parents weren’t. Which now is odd because I can tell she is very proud of all him, of all of them; I don’t know why he would think otherwise.

  “Thanks, mom. I have to go, but tell dad I love him and tell him the good news.”

  “I think he’d rather hear it from you, Dominic,” Nancy scolds.

  “Maybe. I’ll call him tomorrow but just tell him for me, okay.”

  “Okay. I love you, boys. Y’all be safe. Justin?

  “Yeah.�
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  “Don’t forget condoms, son.”

  “MOM!” Dominic shouts. Justin just sits back in his seat and crosses his arms over his chest as he snorts quietly into the darkness.

  “What? The boy is hornier then a lap dog in heat.” Nancy states, earning more laughter from everyone, including Ryan. “Rocco?”

  “That’s me.”

  “You take care of my Chrissy. I love you, big guy.” Rocco rolls his eyes but smiles and agrees.

  My eyes shoot to Chris who is shyly smiling through the visor mirror from the front seat. “Thanks, mom,” he says sarcastically, “I love you.”

  “I love you too, Chris,” Nancy sobs through the phone.

  “Emma?” Nancy clears her throat and her new stern pitch tells me she means business.

  “Yes, Mrs.- I mean Nancy.”

  “You take good care of my boys. And y’all come to visit real soon. I miss ya’.”

  “I will. They will be home by November.”

  “Good. I gotta’ go. They are bringing in a trauma. Y’all be good. Bye.”

  “Bye!” we all say in unison.

  Wow! Dominic’s mother is certainly…interesting.

  Since we left the venue Dominic has not stopped touching me. He has been holding my hand, rubbing slow circles on my thigh, and kissing my temple every few minutes. It is like he thinks if he doesn’t touch me I will disappear. We have much to talk about but if he keeps touching me, the talking will have to wait for another time. Just as I contemplate straddling him right here in the SUV, the car comes to a stop outside the hotel.

  The concierge greets us at the door. The short balding man hands everyone their room keys and tells us the bags will be delivered right away. Dominic whispers something into the man’s ear before palming him a tip. He must be eager to get me alone because as soon as he is finished having his secret conversation he grabs my hand and practically drags me through the lobby.

  When the guys catch up to us at the elevator bank Dominic holds up his hand for them not to enter. “This is a private elevator.”