Gone By

by Hajong, Beatone

  “Are you sure you are going to write up my story” my tone feeble out.

  “You will narrate it that’s it” said Isha.

  “Well..I should look out for new change”.

  “That’s what I meant to say...since I met you” her voice sounded husky.

  “Yeah!”.

  “Do you think she still loves you?” Isha puts a question mark before me.

  “I guess not....perhaps she found a better hunk by now”.

  Isha gestured her head and burst into smile.

  “What’s the best thing you liked about Anannya” she crackled deep to know.

  “I must say she was very diligent, caring ,loving etc”.

  Isha rolled her eyes on me. “Did she ever loved you truly”.

  Now my eyes saddened to answer neither my voice hissed out nor did I felt to reply back. There occurred paleness on my face driven by the darkness with blissful of sorrow and renting thoughts that squeezed underneath my heart. Isha pretended to peek at me. She got that intention on my face and avoided asking further. The air of silence hovered around between us for a while. Until we could see the tall building approaching nearer to us. The hotel building exclusively painted in white that shone brightly under the rays of densely heated sun. The taxi finally braked it’s wheel before the hotel entrance. Isha helped herself to get out of the car. So was I opened the door for me from the other side. She was still silent and my words broken. We proceeded with our steps together. I could sense she wanted to say something. I emerged out of silence to voice out “When shall we get going” I whispered softly.

  She blinked her eyes in shallow expression, lingered at me “I shall call you” her voice softened out.

  We walked through the elevator side. We were too much prim and proper with our gestures of talk.

  “Are you ok” she asked as we waited together for the elevator to slid down before us.

  “Yeah...I’m absolutely fine”.

  “Did you mind asking about her”.

  “No..It’s ok”.

  She swept her face and put a smile to get looked charm. I slightly brim my face with slow expression of joy and smile to flourish out. The elevator halted before us. We gathered to step in together. This time I took the chance to press the floor button of her floor. The scene floated before my eyes that once occurred in the same elevator. But this time we both tried to console the inner demons and stayed protected from being getting closer to each other. The elevator stopped at her level floor. I avoided to drop till her door. She walked out handing me a salute of goodbye for a while. I immediately slid higher up to my floor. The sliding door of the elevator slid side wards spacing a way out as it halted on my floor. I grabbed my foot to walk out with tendency of speeding up my steps. The locked door opened with the key. And my motion followed. I didn’t realize to hand over the book carrying in my hand. Tentatively I placed it on the table. The watch ticked to be 4:00pm. And I stood restless with the sort of things blocking my mind. So much deeply lost into the fusion of Anannya’s love that I couldn’t put a wait state on my mind without a single day thinking about her. Besides Isha overlapping the controversial conflict on my mind. I could say I love Anannya but not Isha. I laid stable on my bed with my head slightly lowered down focusing the deep vision of my eyes into the floor that screened before me. I have decided to spent a weekend with Isha, was it my fate or the luck that carried me. I couldn’t be more impulsive now then what I was earlier. Indeed, my every thoughts whispered out just one name Anannya.

  “There was nothing impure feelings I had about Isha but what troubled me was my magnetic attachment with Anannya” my subconscious revealed at me.

  How do I get over to this dilemma of pain and conflict which I had been bearing with strong emotions and fearful obscenity. At a sudden, the phone starts to ring up. My head turned to look upon from the posture I was in. I managed to pick up the receiver from that level. I was seated at the corner edge of my bed. The wire elongated into few centimetres from the dialler box of the telephone until it reached to my ear level.

  “Hello” I whispered softly.

  “Hey...get ready and pack your things up” her voice sounded husky.

  It was Isha preparing for the journey to Goa. She demanded me to obey her rules and be with her like the shadow of her life.

  “Does She liked me a lot” my subconscious suppressed me.

  Even if it would be, my heart wouldn’t space for her since I had the long term wish for Anannya. “Yeah!!!” with my casual tone.

  “What’s wrong....are you okay”.

  “Yeah! I’m fine”.

  “No..you’re worried about something. I’m coming up to you” she hanged up the phone.

  For I knew she was very much induced up to visit Goa. Still now there was something missing in me which desperately I needed. I never knew what was it rather I let it flow with no obligations on my mind. A minutes later, there’s a knock at my door. Isha had swiftly raised to my room now. I took up the toil to open the door for her. She was ready with all her belongings yet I was still unpacked.

  “Why do you think so much about her” she squirmed.

  “That’s because I love her”.

  “C’mon now pack up the things we got to move out soon” she handed me my journey bag. “Look...I can understand the inner erupting emotions and feelings, the trauma of pain and suffering you’re going through but you can’t get what is gone” with her consolidated tone.

  I sighed “I do know that”.

  “You got to move on with your life...She knows that you love her still”.

  With that peak of short conversation finally I was done with my packing things up.

  “Well...do you know anything about Goa” Isha grinned.

  “A little knowledge about the place”. I answered. She smiled.

  “I don’t want to see you demoralised next time” Isha flattered her voice firmly. She peeked at me with serious concern.

  “Alright”.

  “Put a smile at your face now” she suggested me with ray of joy in her eyes.

  “So crazy about Anannya” she giggled.

  “Well, since I saw her the first time”.

  “Hmmm!!!” she grunted.

  Six

  ..............

  We were ready with our belongings. All we needed was to leave now. We walked out together from my room. There the elevator stood empty. Nothing big baggage I had but a sporty look alike bag which I carried on my back. And the heavily weighted book on my hand. It added to my weight with my feet grasping hard onto the ground. Whereas Isha on the other hand carried a trolley alike bag that had wheels to roll on the ground. She looked superfine holding that wheel bag and the fine movement through the wheel it rolled. We came closer to the elevator, it laid empty. We strolled in with the bag and baggage.

  “So, where do we move now” as she pressed the lower floor button of the elevator key pad. “Well, we’ll take a Volvo”.

  The elevator slid swiftly down crossing every floor with no call of stoppage. Her perfume smell covered the area under her influence. Every breath I took in, felt the smell of an air turned into her smell of perfume indeed some sort of addictive drug it was. As the elevator slid there were no room for words inside me instead my breath got lengthen out. Isha at some point peeked her eyes, passed a smile that seemed similar to please someone. The elevator finally halted at the lowest floor. The door smoothly slid to open up. As it opened up, we could see mass of people gathering around before the halted elevator. Some rushed in to occupy space for themselves. Somehow we managed to pull ourselves out of its rushing crowd and marched towards the reception for final transaction. We had a clear cut view point with the hotel manager and paid the necessary amount. The keys of the room were handed over to them. She looked very appropriate with her dressing which went matching according to her nature. We began our steps together that led us to the glass door of the entrance. The door guard stood outside, pulled outward to allow a room
for us to exit. Isha followed out first and I took her way. We halted a little thinking about the management how should we proceed.

  “So, we got to catch a taxi” Isha murmured leading her way through the subway.

  Her steps seemed much faster than mine. And I had to race my foot to match her up.

  “Walk quick” she chuckled.

  She stopped for me at a certain distance and urged to reach her fast. We took the pedestrian way to cross the other side. We gloomed out onto the other side of the busy road. I waved my hand at a running taxi, but ignored at my command instead the taxi accelerated faster. Some distance ahead there laid a taxi parking ideal. Isha rushed her feet towards it. So was I following her behind. She called me “Hey there’s taxi here”.

  I calmed down my steps before her. Before I could undergo the deal with the driver she asked me a thing that literally triggered my eyes into surprise.

  “Would you make me learn Hindi” she politely smiled out.

  Now I was bound to say yes with no obscene act I had to utter out “Surely”.

  I made the necessary dealings with the driver mentioning him to drop us at Volvo stand. The clock ticked out to be 5:00pm by now glancing at my wrist watch. I opened the door for Isha and then I let myself follow in. Our luggage safely placed under the car’s trunk. Isha comfortably settled herself with her small belongings which she carried with herself and I joined beside her. Our car accelerated with constant speed. The air blew in that rushed into us, giving it’s touch on our naked skin. Isha’s hair fluttered out in many directions. She settled it properly as it got more wilder. Both of us in state of silence and the only thing that moved was our eyes that rolled outside through the car’s window. My mind always tempted me with flock of thoughts. Even now I was thinking of the day when I first met Isha as stranger. And now she had become a one corner part of my life yet she still had no strength to replace Anannya from my heart. I could never feel the swell of my heart with joy and happiness with Isha unlike it was with Anannya. Isha never opened her depth words which she carried heavily with severe symptoms of consequences instead she drizzle my inner emotive notion which I kept nourishing for long. And now she wanted me to convert those into words of life so as to keep the evidence of true love.

  “So, tell me was you and Anannya good friends” her voice smoothly whispered suddenly breaking the long term silence.

  Our taxi still heading on its way. “Yeah! We were classmate the 11th and 12th standard”.

  “Did she knew anything about you”.

  “Not much I guess. But I wanted to let her know”.

  “Did you then” She asked.

  “Yes.. but not completely I could”.

  “Does she knows where are you now”.

  “I’m not sure about it”.

  “Do you know where she is?” Isha questioned.

  “No Idea...She must be happy somewhere”.

  “I can feel the strong and immense dedicating love you’ve got for her. It’s really pitiful and heartbreaking” her voice softened.

  I sighed with my eyes with the anxiousness that traced upon me. The taxi finally stopped it’s engine. Couldn’t realize due to the emerging trend that aroused within me due to the ongoing conversation and the nostalgic memories that flashed out. Isha whistled her voice out into my ears. With a sudden jerk I was back to normal. She was out of her seat. I opened my door and stepped out. We were finally at the spot where we were supposed to be. The taxi flew it’s engine and wheeled away. It took almost more than forty five minutes to reach. We headed off to a ticket counter. Paid for two tickets to Goa. The departing time that gave us was 7:00pm. We had to wait the hour until then. Isha managed to put the luggage safe into her cabin. So, I could manage to keep safe. We decided to walk around for a while. Time left was just little hour, almost thirty minutes to spend before the departure. Isha came closer to me as we gathered our steps together. She began to inquire me about Anannya. She never stopped to know about her.

  “Give me a beautiful description about her” she grinned.

  I smiled for seconds with lips widen out. I glanced at her eyes once.

  “Well, She was a life giving drug to me. Every smile she had it charmed me. Her beautiful eyebrows never went missing like every morning I dreamt about her. Her words I never missed. When she whispered, I felt like the king of this world and she my queen. I always preserved her safe in my heart. Never let her feel the worst about me. She was my dream. Every morning she was my first thought and the last before I would go to sleep at night. Every day my love for her grew. We felt the passion of being as one. Dreamt of being forever. Wanted to show her all those things in this world that she dreamt about. Songs and poems I used to write for her every night. My feelings and emotions I used to reciprocate to her. And I knew for sure she couldn’t stay without a day out of my sight. Was my love so impure?” I sighed with deep line of traumatic sorrow floating on my eyes.

  Isha grooved in with the touch of my words. Indeed she felt the disheartening misery that one could be going through at this hour of the time.

  “Your love was traditionally very true. You wanted to fulfil everything which every women wants from Men” she said softly.

  Following our conversation we clutched in to our bus. The departure time arrived shortly and all were inside. There was a sudden outbreak of rain and everyone occupied their respective seats. We sorted our seats together. I smoothly occupied beside her. Some still searching their seat allotted, holding tickets on one hand and the luggage on the other. We calmly settled and were just laying ideal waiting for its movement.

  “Where did you first meet her” Isha squished.

  “It’s a long story”.

  “I must say you should script the story to give a good shape to your love” with a concern shown on her eyes.

  Finally the driver blew it’s horn for the departure. The Volvo had the most exquisitely designed cuisine seats where one could smoothly run through the night hour with pleasant journey. Isha waggled her hand at the window forcing hard to shift the glass backward. She somehow does that, while my eyes kept maintaining to look at her. The Volvo started its engine and began to race on through the way. So finally we are going to Goa. It’s 7:15pm now shown on my wrist watch. I had no idea how long it would take to reach Goa, perhaps it may take hours at the extreme of eleven to thirteen hours from here. The moment flushed back in my memory when I met Isha the first time asking me out to occupy a seat beside me. And now it’s again we are together. But this time were not on any sight visit, instead it’s long hour journey where we have to toil the suffocative air for long. She always glamour out in every dress she puts on. She peacefully closed her eyes and rested herself in silent. In the mid she makes a quick glance at me. My face directed straight with my head leaning at the supportive pillow of the seat that suitably comforted my resting head on it. She pressed the button that shifted her back support of the seat and she smoothly leaned against it. Her face looked tired and in urgent need of rest. Our bus smoothly geared it’s speed moving swiftly through the wide highway.

  “You need some rest. Go to sleep” with my advisable tone to Isha.

  She nodded with her half closed eyes and snuffed a deep breath. She gradually fell asleep. The rushing air struck in due to the speeding of the vehicle. Her hair clipped out from all direction spread out violently. Some reached up to my face that blew wildly and the smell of her perfume fading away. I managed to shut down the glass. She was in long peaceful sleep. She rested her head on my shoulder and her hand grasped one of my hand firmly. My eyes gazed at her, never knew she would be so life full. It seemed she was out of this weary world where she had only love and peace, that’s what it was reflecting from her face. And I felt that instant charm that flourished on my face. She was happy even though she lacked the love of a Father whereas I turned out to be more of a kind into love addiction for a heart that once touched my soul. I couldn’t close my eyes to put myself into sleep but some renting thou
ghts began to whirl on my mind. I pulled out a diary from my side bag. A pen I plucked out of my pocket. At first I flipped the page which went blank. In fact the diary was brand new. Once I used to maintain diary writing for myself but since the time Anannya went missing in my life it gradually deceased from my practice. I forethought what to begin with as I needed to compensate the time. There was a screen with a movie on. But my interest pulled me away from it. I was completely blank now on my mind. Sitting ideal with the diary and a pen in my hand. On the other side Isha shimmering in peaceful sleep. What should I initiate with this empty diary my thoughts began to hunt me. The speed of the bus kept constant along with those vehicles moving simultaneously through the same highway. I began to think about Isha’s advice of writing a book. I could formulate inside now what should I write. I began with deep sigh thinking about my love Anannya. I placed the pen on the sheet and the ink coloured blinked blue that shone bright into my eyes. I initiated to write with a titled at the top. The only thing at that moment that kept striking my mind was Anannya. So finally the first page of my diary took the shape of her name with initials in block letters. I named it as “Dear Anannya”. This is what I thought of giving the title to my book. I gathered some memories which were confined within me and began to drop out my long lasting feelings and emotions on the white sheet. At moment my pen stopped to move on cause it’s indefinitely haunted out into my heart. Even then I cautioned to be strong enough and blew out all the inner simplicity that I possessed. I thought of taking a new paragraph and a new line to begin with.

  Seven

  ...............

  Dear Anannya,

  I still remember the day when I saw you the first time. You were gleaming out with a feeble smile. Your eyes spoke a words that I kept noted into my heart. I could watch those shimmering glow on your face. Your were dressed beautifully, the skater dress with scoop neck perfectly matched on you. And I stood wondering about who is this beautiful queen, as your feet swiftly moved through the corridor. I didn’t knew your name, had no idea from where you were but that day something fascinated me about you, desperately my heart knocked for you. I knew for sure I fell for you at my first sight. I stood smiling there watching you close as you walked by. Felt the peace and serene call of my inner thoughts. Someday I would be yours and you would be mine. Your every gesture I kept following. Every day and every night you were my first thought and the last. The fire ablaze and I could feel the touch of your warm simplicity that you carried so innocently. The picture on my mind flushes out bright and you were incomparable the one that I needed. Your whispers into my ears and the affectionate words still binds my heart. Never knew how would I reciprocate to you. In the days gone by, their approached a time, I felt I was more into you. I felt like loving you every tomorrow like new forever beginning. Although I had no control over me every thought about you bulging out inrush waiting for the day when you and I be together as one for everlasting. The evince that I could develop for you gradually erupted up to its brim. And now you were like my everyday diary. Not a single day I went empty without thinking about you. Every feelings and emotions evoked, trespassing me into new kind being fallen in love with you. I was lost into you from the very moment. Reluctant to say but I was very obsessed about you. I felt you were the beginning of my life and the end. To that day I salute that I finally loved someone so much that even my words lacked the meaning to express out and that mystery of my life was you. Your name, Anannya constantly pricked on my mind with every sunrise and sunset. The night felt lonely when you went missing. Prior to anything I couldn’t isolate from you and I didn’t expect to happen it in real. And today here I’m waiting for the right session to be with you all over again. The memory holds strong with a hope to see you again. The faith commands on my aura that I shall be the one that loves you more than anyone else could do. Yet, the demons of miss faith troubled with its dominating instincts that evolved between us. How could such, uncertain aspects trembled us, all I was shifting back my brain recalling the days when you were gone away. Still I say every day I love you. Is it fair, sometime I put myself on a question mark, thinking about you. The long term separation I wish to end, had you been there I could perpetually joined the bond of strong promises between us. With my heart touch concern I promised to myself to give you all I could. Possibly all went right except for one thing that clipped out between us. The glee of our love faded away gradually. Eyes glazed out with exasperation, still wants to be forever together. How fair was it, you went numb. Ever since I loved you, I knew only one thing that you’re the realm of my life and even today you’re still the same like you were before. I have the same place for you in my heart like I had for you and still It beats for you. No one could replace you no matter how exclusively the other maybe, cause I loved with my pumping heart and mystified soul. Those nurtured historic moments reminds me about you. The endless words of love and affection blinks on my mind. My dreams calls us back to be together again. The myth of our story shall be preserved for long years, your name shall shine into the sky above high. Yet, my love for you never ends. The strong foundation of my inner heart membrane fails to bear the grieve of being all alone without you. It sheds out blood out of tears charged with the pain of lost love. Yet, it opens its valve with great endurance. This love shall never end because Anannya was the name of your that I shall farm out to glow in my life.