Gone By

by Hajong, Beatone

  “Good Morning” I replied her.

  “I would never forget the last night” she said.

  “Me too”.

  “What have you been doing this early morning?” She questioned.

  I was having my diary held in my hand. Seated on a chair, with the effect of morning breeze blowing from the North of Arabian. I gave her the glimpse of my pen gesturing at her.

  “So you have been sitting with diary” she squinted.

  I answered her nodding my head. She slipped out the bed and walked towards to me. Curled her hand through my shoulder and gave a kiss on my forehead.

  “If I was Anannya, what would you have done to me” she smiled and sat on my lap.

  “I don’t know”.

  She gave a smile on that comment.

  “Can I have a look what did you write”.

  “Sure”.

  She took the dairy from my hand and flipped pages to read certain parts from the lines I have written. She freed herself from my lap and walked closer to the window reading a page out of it. I was still seated on my place. Gazed her back thoroughly like I was addicted to her. She had just covered her body with the bed cover she pulled out of the bed. She had been naked since the last night we made love. I shuffled my steps closer to her from behind and kissed her neck. She turned to face me.

  “You have been very hardworking Guy” said Isha folding her hand over my shoulder.

  I placed my hand holding her hip very close to my body.

  “Do you think so”.

  “Yes! You are”.

  “You are beautiful” I added.

  She kissed me on my cheek once again. She had only two more days remaining in her hand. When then we shall move out of Goa to Mumbai.

  “I don’t know if you go I would be lonely here” my eyes turned red with emotions that overflowed.

  She gently rubbed my cheek through her soft palm. She didn’t manage to say any words out of that. She just embraced me for a while.

  “I’ll always be there in your heart no matter how far you may be” she said softly.

  Those golden rays began to shine on us. Even the beach was under the effect of such rays. It gave a pleasant morning day. I knew that my life wouldn’t be the way I had been living. Within few days it’s going to have different shape where I would have to walk alone.

  “Hey, you said you have one good friend there” Isha inquired.

  “Yeah! It’s Peter”.

  “Peter, Yeah! I recalled the name”.

  “I said about you. He said he would love to see you, would love to read the thesis”.

  “So you both have been the best buddies”.

  “He’s like brother to me, wonderful Guy”.

  “I have only Mom in my life, all I have been doing for her although this years. No matter where life takes I would walk with that” Isha said as she turned away from me.

  I realized her eyes turned red and could feel the tears that floated. She was very emotional but strong in heart. Very brave girl yet something softness she had in her personality. I have never seen someone like that before. With a positive approach she makes her way. That’s was one thing I liked about her.

  “Why don’t you come back to India”.

  “My Mom would never like that idea. And I can’t do nothing to persuade her”.

  I joined by her side gazing at the ocean waves somewhere from the window view.

  “Look everything’s going to be alright” I added.

  She nodded and glanced at me for fraction of seconds when then she turned her face again. “Moreover we’ve got no one in India”.

  “Well, I’m here for you” I said.

  She smiled and I could see her eyes blinking at quick rate.

  “I know you wouldn’t go anywhere” she added.

  I pulled her closer to me. Under my arm she had been.

  “I don’t want you to go”.

  Her eyes still red with that floating tears which she had been managing to control.

  “I’m not going forever, I’ll be back...you’ll always be in my memory and my heart” she said with her palm placed on my cheek.

  “I’ll wait for your return”.

  She smiled and patted on my head.

  “You don’t need to wait for me, I’ll come into your arm” she said as she crawled in more into my arm.

  I gently rubbed her eyes that were filled with fearful tears.

  “You’re truly rare and beautiful, Beatone” she looked deep into my eyes.

  For few minutes I was lost in her spell.

  “So, did she come to meet you” she said suddenly.

  “Whom you’re talking about”.

  “I mean Anannya”.

  “Oh! Yeah She did came to meet me. I was lost into you actually, I couldn’t realize what you’re were talking about”.

  “Oh! C’mon you don’t need to explain much, I know you were lost for minutes” she smiled wide.

  “Do you want to write”.

  “Yeah!”.

  She walked to get a pen from the table. He back faced me I could see her naked side of it. She had just wrapped her front side of her body with the bed cover. The pictured still filmed on my eyes about the last night we made love. She was a kind of very tempting lady. Although we didn’t fail to make love for the first time. We were nervous initially but then we could go on and on. She came holding a pen in her hand and opened the diary.

  “We are going to spent the day completing my diary”.

  “Yeah! I want it complete before I leave for Houston” she added.

  “Sure..I dedicate to you”.

  I made her sit on the chair facing towards the window where she could see the open view of morning sun. The panoramic natural beauty did charmed the morning with it’s wonderful colour out from the Sun. I began to tell her while she listened with great care to penned down every words she heard from my mouth.

  I waited sitting at backyard market for her. At some point I thought, I knew I was desperate for her knowing that she had become of someone else’s. Inside, I knew I was numb and fragile. Even my heart was vacant. I kept waiting long for her. It was almost fifteen minutes I had waited for her. Somehow I could collect decisive thoughts to tell her. I realized perhaps I have lost the meaning of love in my life. Someone whom I admired more than anyone else never became a part of my life. I considered it as a reward that I have received for my deeds. I was seated pondering about the moment that would occur before my eyes. It would be after a one year gap I would talk to her. How would I address her, I had no idea. Would I behave like friend to her or someone whom she knew in her heart. It was half past nine by now. I could hear a sound of an engine. I stood up and shuffled few steps forward out of my posture to look if it were they. Few metres away I could see her. She was seated behind. Her hand placed on his shoulder. While the other held him at his waist. Her lips whispered something into his ears. As they approached closer I could see Gagan riding the bike. She was in love with him. I finally got it confirmed by now. I was on the other side of the road which led to her college. Inside, I was broken and crushed. Every decisive thought of mine flashed out of my head. My heart began to tremble while I could realize my body shook, not because of fear but something which I never wanted to see for myself. The bike stopped before me. She came down of her seat.

  “Hey” said Gagan.

  I wasn’t compel to greet him back. I could feel the floated tears rushing out of my eyes. I stood quiet like a marble statue. I had nothing for myself.

  “Hey” said Anannya.

  I looked at her with my eyes full of emotional vibes. My heart inside shivered out of broken moments. Gagan parked his bike and stood beside Anannya.

  “How have you been” I managed to ask her.

  Even my mouth was shuddered like it never wanted to speak out. Million pieces of broken feelings and emotions tangled out on my face. I knew my heart was already half gone.

  “I’m fine” she replied but it was unlik
e the way she used to.

  She never intended to know more about me. Instead I realized she was in hurry for dating with her new Love, Gagan.

  Gagan said nothing but stood beside her. He had been acting like a protective shield for her.

  “I was here for a purpose so I thought of meeting you” I said forcefully.

  “It’s good you’re doing something” She added.

  “So, you have been in network market” Gagan asked.

  I just nodded my head. I felt very low that moment of my life. It was like a beggar who had been begging to comfort his stomach. Perhaps that was I. Lately I couldn’t say anymore. Stood numb before them. I had nothing more to relate myself with them. Anannya spoke nothing to me. Her intentions never seemed fine towards me.

  “I’m Sorry I have called you both and wasted your evening” I said softly.

  “No, it’s fine. We have met after a year” Gagan added.

  “It was lovely to see you both together again” I looked at Anannya sharply.

  “Great to see you too” said Gagan holding Anannya’s hand.

  I couldn’t hear a single word out of Anannya. I just stepped little closer to her. Looked at her with tears floating on my eyes. I knew I had to control until they are gone.

  “I’m Sorry..if I ever hurt you in my life, if I ever made you cry for no reason. Forgive me if couldn’t be the perfect person. I wish you a success life ahead”.

  That was the last thing I had told her. Her face turned pale. She feared to speak out. She gestured through her eyes, blinked for once. It was the last time I had seen her ever. Perhaps, I may not be able to stand before her anymore. Even if it happens all I could just try to smile out at her as a stranger. They both walked off towards the other side of the road where coffee shop laid. I stood alone at the same place watching them walking away from me. Tears began to roll out of my eyes. It strolled down through my face, until it fell on the ground. I stood with my shattered heart until I watched them entering the coffee Shop. It was 9:45pm. Just fifteen minutes conversation we had. I felt very pathetic standing there all alone. For few minutes I watched them together. Finally, when I realized I had my tear drops fallen into the ground I walked out of the place following the street where ever it led me. I followed through subway where it guided me towards the station.

  I couldn’t walk fast anymore but the haunting thoughts began to capture on my mind. The pictures still haunted me seeing her with someone else. I hated seeing her with someone. I don’t know what was the reason behind that, perhaps my love still existed for Anannya. But, I was helpless neither I wanted her to be unhappy. While walking through the street all I thought about her. Her eyes and everything about her reminded me. Moreover she wasn’t so free to talk to me now. I could still feel the light stain of tears on my face. Managed to pulled out a hanky, somehow I could wiped it out. I proceeded on my way. She wasn’t in mood of meeting me I could realized later. Neither she spoke to me with interest. I never knew I had walked miles. I was into the station to catch up a train for my return. I couldn’t know myself anymore. Felt like I was lost into the world where nothing belongs to me. Now I could see myself standing all alone waiting for my train. That night wasn’t good night for me, since the evening crawled in. From the time I met Anannya until the next day. It wasn’t that possible for me to forget her. Yet, with memories I began to live my life. She only exist on my mind now. A name that will always stay in my life, Anannya.

  Isha looked at me while I narrated her. She halted her pen and stretched her hand pulled me closer to her. She was comfortable on chair. I knelt before her, her both hands on my cheek. Her eyes were in deep red like she wanted to shed tears.

  “What if I’m not that girl” she whispered softly very close to my face.

  I uttered nothing. Kissed on her forehead.

  “You’re different” I said softly kissing her left cheek.

  I stood upright on my feet, walked towards the window.

  “Do you want to dance” I asked her.

  “What dance and me...no..no” she said smiling.

  “C’mon give me your hand” I pulled her out of the chair close to my body.

  She was wrapped in white bed sheet like the angel of heaven in colours white that glowed milky. I played the music system that was available in the room. I could feel her breath very close to me. With every step we turned she was perfect. I never knew she was a good dancer too.

  It gave me a nostalgic memory about the time I had spent with Anannya. I could still remember the day when we both danced in an open park. People gathered around and applauded us. But, today I was holding someone else in place of her. I could see Anannya in her. No matter how strong I turned out to be, her face still hovered before my eyes. But, somewhere I had to keep it hidden from the world. That’s what I had been doing for the past few years of my life. It’s because of the new soul Isha, that I could see myself smiling all over again. The music stopped and we were done with the little step we could dance. She sat back to cushioned chair. I knelt before her all over again.

  “I never knew you’re a good dancer” I passed a compliment.

  “Thanks..so were you” she was slightly exhausted.

  “I want to write again” she demanded.

  “What made you so fascinated about this story”.

  “You” she said.

  “Alright I’m at your service” I smiled out.

  She opened my diary again.

  “So you have no plan to move out today”.

  “Yeah! I just want to write for you” she said softly looking in my eyes.

  I waited for seconds and recalled back the line I had stopped. She was staring at me until I spoke the next lines.

  So, I walked back with my million pieces of heart back to my institution. The next morning I had shuffled to meet Peter for new business proposal. He was quiet impressed with the information I gathered. Life changed nothing between us but engaged ourselves in our professional life. Money was no more a problem. We could make out our own pocket money. When the summer arrived, we had to prepare for our semester exam. I avoided thinking about Anannya although I knew she would stay always in my mind. Someone whom I won’t be able to forget all through my life. Someone who gave me a concrete memory to remember. She has become like a dream to me which had become very few percent chance to happen in real life. It’s almost going to be two years and I know nothing about her now. No idea what she must have been doing. Although I knew she wouldn’t want me to see again. And I wouldn’t do that to make her feel worst. So, I was preparing for my summer semester now. Just a month to go with the exams. Perhaps I would return back to home again when the exams are over.

  Summer was always the best time I had at home. Not because it was hot nor I could stay in air conditioning room but I could meet up every relatives I wanted to. Because that’s the period of time where everyone is on holiday. Summer in Satara was absolutely burning. It melted our skin like the wax candle where our colour did used to change into black. So, the best place I could do was to come back home. Like always Dad reserves a task for me. Every vacation I went home Dad’s library never stopped to expand. He even started to give advertisement on papers. He wanted to fulfil his dream creating one of the most prolific library in the town. Mom always did gave her helping hand to my Dad. Sometimes I see them working together in Dad’s library I feel great. I have a wonderful Parents in the entire world. Being the only Son I had kept a big dream for them. Always wanted to see them happy. After retirement Dad gave his whole life in framing a library which was his dreams. I always missed them. His library, Mom and Dad, sometime debating against each other. It’s when I return home that’s the best part of their lives I could give to them. And I’m still waiting to give something bigger. My parents always appreciated me in whatever I did. They are my real life inspiration and I’m born for them. I never knew at some point of my life I would fall in love. It changed me and here I’m today with a new vision of my life. Even the w
ounds of my heart I have transformed into something constructive. All I could just go on with my life now with regrets and loss I had earlier. I regret that I loved a girl very much more than anything else who had never thought the same way. That girl was nobody else it was her, Anannya. To be honest I can’t stay without taking her name. Although I know she is only a fractured memory to me now.

  “I don’t know how you could say such feelings after years later when she’s gone from your life” Isha interrupted.

  “I don’t know that love is still alive in my heart and I do still think about her sometime” I said.

  She shrugged and stood up from the chair. Came closer to me.

  “How important am I in your life” she asked.

  “A new era and a new beginning you have given me and I don’t want you to go away from me”.

  She shuffled back to chair and sat holding the diary open.

  “Do you trust me”.

  “More than myself” I replied.

  She looked at me and smiled.

  “Well, begin with your narration we ought to complete by today” she insisted me. I cleared out my tongue and began with the narration.

  I never saw Anannya anymore till today. Sometime it came up in my mind, I would want to see her but I couldn’t neither she did thought about me anymore. We were almost like unknown now. Just with the flow of life I kept going on. Yes, that gallery of friends circle I still lack. Peter was the only one I had. Perhaps I could never match with other people. I never tried to understand that reason why. I lacked certain skill of that. Till today, I’m an introvert and I don’t have that talent to make friends with all. Just the dreams are my world. My home, my Parents and Dad’s Library are the greatest part of my life. I still ponder someday I’ll meet my new angel who would never tear me into pieces. That day I would smile again like before. I would feel like the king of this world while she would be my new queen.

  It was the summer holidays I had gone for a vacation back to home. My Dad talked a lot about his Library. He was very proud of that. Finally he could make something from his dreams and he fulfilled it. Now, he is the owner of two storey library building with all kinds of genre books available. Mom also turned herself as Librarian as Dad’s assistant. The whole day they open the library where students always spent their time. I also add myself into them spending some time with the students who would love to read books. Issuing books, that what’s I had been doing through the whole of summer vacation. I really felt great working with Dad and Mom. They are rich now and great. They have the best knowledge ever could give to people. I spent reading books anytime I would be free from any Dad’s work.