My Date From Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy Book Two)

by Tellulah Darling

  Festos looked at her like she was stupid. “Moi. Anyhoo, this is Hermes’ way of leveling the power dynamic between them.”

  “Relationships are never equal,” said Theo.

  “You can’t believe that?” I looked around at all of them. Theo’s gaze challenged me, Festos looked rueful, Hannah seemed neutral, and Kai, well, I couldn’t read him. Poker face king.

  There had to be some relationships that were based on equality. I thought through all the ones I knew. Fine, those might not have been the best examples, but I’m sure that somewhere out there were two people who loved each other on an even footing.

  Theo’s phone rang. An old school rotary phone briiing. He handed it to me.

  The screen read “Aphrodite.” I tried to shove it back at him but he refused to take it. With a glower, I answered the phone. “Hello?”

  “Youse found him yet?”

  “We thought we did but he was just messing with us.”

  “Sheesh! A’course he’s messin’ with ya. He’s God of Tricksters. Don’t you know nothin’?”

  I hissed with fury and Kai took the phone away from me.

  I snuck a look at him, watching covertly as he slid down against the wall until he sat on the floor. His head tilted back, legs sprawled. He caught me staring and rolled his eyes, holding the phone away from his ear for a moment as Aphrodite continued to natter away at him.

  “Enough, already. Where’s Jack? Is he on his island?” Kai said, cutting right back to our mission.

  “Tres sexy. I like his ‘don’t mess with me’ voice,” Festos whispered to me.

  “Me too.” Mercy. I didn’t want to give Kai the satisfaction of seeing me fan myself so I ate another cookie instead.

  Kai tilted his head and regarded me with half-lidded eyes as he listened to Aphrodite. Later, he mouthed.

  “This date is over,” Theo said, coming to stand beside me.

  I elbowed him in the ribs. “It’s. The. Arrow.”

  “Please,” he scoffed. Then he sighed, resigned. “If you need to do him, I’ll help you. But we’ll try to contain you to one time. Just to bind you two. For the good of the universe.”

  “There’s a mood killer,” Festos said.

  My eyes widened at Theo’s presumption. “If that ever happens, you won’t be there ‘containing us,’ you perv. Go watch porn online like a real teen boy.”

  Kai hung up and tossed Theo his phone. “Useless.”

  I watched Theo and Festos struggle with trying to lower the ward for another minute. I had a funny thought. “What we need is another manacle.”

  “Say what?” Festos asked.

  I explained about how we’d used his manacles to capture and hold the wards in the trailer.

  “I’m more of a genius than I ever realized,” Festos said, and disappeared. He blinked back a moment later holding a set of manacles.

  Hannah reached out to touch it and I knocked her hand away.

  She whipped her head toward me.

  “Just don’t. Please.” Rationally, I knew that they couldn’t hurt her like this. My pounding heart didn’t care.

  Festos placed the manacle in the glowing hole. It popped, flashed, and then cleared. “Ladies first.”

  Hannah practically knocked me over in her excitement to jump through.

  We landed on a tiny sandy outcropping a ways from shore. It was a bit disconcerting to see a hole hovering about three feet off the ground with a view back to Maia’s laundry room. “Hurry up!” Hannah called to the others.

  They tumbled after us. Festos came last, the manacle held fast in his hand.

  With another flash, the ward sealed up before us and the portal hole disappeared.

  I scanned the area. No nasty welcoming party. For the moment, at least, we seemed to be safe. And warm even though it was still night. Warm was a pleasant change.

  “Neat,” Festos said, examining the manacle. “Had no idea they’d do that.” He blinked them away.

  Kai indicated the island in front of us. “We’ll be safer over there.”

  I eyed the stretch of brilliant turquoise water between us and Jack’s island. The bright moon illuminated the bay in which we’d landed. The shore lay about fifty feet away, white sand in a sweeping curve around us. It wasn’t a large beach, maybe thirty feet wide. Beyond it was dense foliage—mostly palm trees at the outer fringe.

  It was all very dark jungle and I didn’t particularly want to go traipsing into it, but since I didn’t see a house, obviously I’d be finding myself there shortly. New trees to be around? Very cool. Things in, under, or around the trees to kill me? Not so much.

  To the right side of the island were steep stone cliffs. Truthfully, they looked more like enormous boulders. Fit for a giant, with more jungle on top.

  I slapped Kai on the back. “Okay transporter, do that funky party trick of yours and get us over there.”

  He shook his head. “Nope. Jack could have some mean trick rigged on shore. We swim over and approach cautiously.” He motioned for me to head into the water.

  Swimming in the dark was a no go. I stood there. “I don’t recall agreeing to this.”

  Kai gave me his most arrogant “look down on the puny figure” glare. “And I don’t recall starting that statement with ‘If you would be so kind, Your Majesty.’”

  Hannah shut us up with a sharp whistle. “Look!” She pointed out into the water. A fin had circled around our bit of land. Her joyful expression was pretty much the opposite of the one the rest of us wore.

  “Doo-doo-doo-doo,” Festos chanted in his finest Jaws theme imitation.

  “It’s not a shark,” Hannah said, as a short way out in the water, a dolphin popped its head out, almost dancing before us. “Isn’t he the cutest? Maybe he’d help us get across.”

  I raised my hand.

  Hannah, knowing full well what I intended to say, ignored me.

  This got Festos curious. “Class recognizes Sophie Bloom.”

  I planted myself directly in front of Hannah, forcing her to look at me. “Weren’t you the one who put the fear of Flipper in me with like six hundred links about how there’d been an increase in dolphin rapes. And how a dolphin’s penis can physically lift stuff up?”

  Kai peered out at it. “Now I’m just picturing skeezy dolphins cruising for unsuspecting back floaters.”

  I laughed.

  Theo huffed in disgust. “You’re spending too much time together. That arrow is melding your brains.”

  “We’re gonna need more dolphins,” Hannah said, motioning at it.

  The dolphin made some clicking noises in response.

  “You want us to catch a ride with those freaky humptramps? I think not,” Theo said.

  Kai disagreed. “It’s a good idea. Dolphins are incredibly loyal to Poseidon, and far as I know, he’s neutral in all this.”

  “And Aphrodite likes them, which has to be good for this mission,” Festos pointed out.

  Kai and I both laughed. Yeah, right.

  Four more dolphins appeared.

  “They are damnably adorable,” Festos said.

  I regarded the little monsters through narrowed eyes. “Yes. Emphasis on the damned. Their cuteness is just their evil M.O.”

  Festos removed his fedora for a second to fan himself. “We’ve got two gods and a goddess with active powers, an ex-Titan with a deadly chain, and a hot blonde. What exactly do you think they’re going to do?”

  Hannah frowned. “Okay. Now I’m feeling like the weakest link.”

  The first dolphin moved closer toward us, clicking and squeaking.

  I glanced over at Hannah. “Translation, Dr. Doolittle?”

  Hannah leaned forward to listen to the dolphin.

  Dear God, I’d been kidding.

  “He says Sophie is a giant asshat,” Hannah said.

  “Ladies and Gentlemen, Hannah Nygard. She’s here all week.” I walked forward, tugged off my boots, tucked them under my arm, and waded into the warm water. In th
e bright moonlight, the water was crystal clear enough to see the shallow bottom, but I had no idea how deep it got between us and the island. “What’s your problem, fish?”

  “Mammal,” Hannah corrected me.

  The dolphin grew more agitated at my presence. He began dancing forward and back, with random left and right flipper flaps against the water.

  Festos laughed and began to hum the music from his arcade dance program.

  My mouth fell open. I peered at the dolphin again. “No freaking way.”

  “What? Tell me.” Hannah had come up to join me.

  “The dolphin is doing the same dance routine Fee had me do to try and get Persephone’s memories back.”

  Now Theo laughed. “And you fell for that? Sucker.”

  Festos and I both turned to glare at him. “It wasn’t a joke,” Festos said coldly. “The software is based on years of research on how dance increases temporal and prefrontal activity—”

  “To improve memory,” Hannah said, excited. “You were trying to create new formations of interconnection to help the memory pathways. That’s so cool!”

  “You, I love,” Festos said, coming to stand with Hannah. “The rumpled Greek, not so much.”

  “I’m sorry,” Theo said. “It’s just, it sounded like a practical joke. Kai, wanna help me out here?”

  “Nope.”

  “I think he’s started the routine again,” Festos said. “And look, he can do the whole thing.”

  “Very good.” I looked at the dolphin. “You’re better than me. High score dolphin. Can we get on you now?”

  Hannah elbowed me in the ribs. “I think he wants someone to do the dance back to him. Like the password to cross.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” I said, bending to roll my now wet leggings up above my knee.

  “Not really,” said Theo. “Generally, there is a toll for safe passage. And especially across bodies of water. You don’t want to be trying to rip off the ferryman. Or in this case, dolphin.”

  I motioned to Festos. “Your program. Go ahead.”

  He lifted up his cane. “No can do.”

  “I think that’s a pretty selective use of your otherwise very able foot.”

  ‘Doesn’t matter,” Kai said. “He wants you to do it. Watch him.”

  I did. And reluctantly conceded that yes, I would have to be the one to do this. “I’ve got one condition though. You all turn around. Bad enough I have to look like an idiot, I’m not having you lot laugh at me.”

  They didn’t move.

  “Turn.”

  They turned. Festos decided it would be helpful to hum the dance machine tune for me.

  I began the sequence. Front front front/back left right right …

  The dolphin clicked at me.

  “I think that means you screwed up,” I heard Hannah say.

  I glanced over my shoulder but they were all still turned around.

  Fine. It was turn two. I was still game.

  By turn seven, Theo lay on the ground, trying to wash himself out to sea. Hannah was halfway through buidling a sandcastle, and Festos was using his cane to dig out a moat for it.

  Only Kai hadn’t moved, watching me unwaveringly.

  By turn thirteen, I was sweaty, tired, and frustrated. My friends had stopped being supportive three turns ago and I think the dolphin was swearing at me.

  It was so bad I started wishing for the minions to arrive. “Kai, please just take us across.”

  “No!” Theo said. “No cheating. It’s bad juju.”

  Kai got to his feet and strolled over to me. He pulled my sweaty hair away and pressed a soft kiss into the happy spot on the left side of my neck. “Two left feet, Goddess?”

  I nodded, dejected, and tilted my neck up for another kiss. Kisses good.

  Kai leaned in close. I could feel his lips brush my ear. “Sixteen hours until your meeting. We’ve got no Jack, no Pierce, and no clue what’s ahead of us. If you don’t cross and complete everything, you risk expulsion. Which means no saving humanity and for the brief period that it exists, Bethany is the fairest of them all.” He smacked me on the butt. “Now dance.”

  As a pep talk, that worked surprisingly well. I dug deep and danced the crap out of that routine.

  Once I’d nailed the tricky bit, I even started embellishing with little sways and shimmies, until I landed the final step.

  Cheers and whistles broke out behind me.

  Flushed, and only partially from exertion, I turned around to find all my friends laughing and clapping.

  Except Kai. “Nice shimmy.”

  “You bastards. All of you.”

  “Your pride for dolphins,” Hannah said happily as our rides came close enough for us to touch. “Excellent trade.”

  Okay. It was pretty cool. I’d never imagined that anything could feel both velvety and steely at the same time. And when my dolphin cut through the water pulling me with it, it felt like flying. Without the awful heights part.

  “This is incredible!” I cried, loving the feel of the wind and the warm, salty spray on my face.

  “Watch out for penis,” Theo said.

  “Next time, I’m finding myself a less morbid boy,” Festos replied.

  “Who said you have me?” Theo asked him.

  “I so have you,” Festos replied.

  Theo splashed a cascade of water at Festos.

  “Stop with the bickering,” I cried with a grin. “Enjoy the ride.”

  In my books it was a massive plus that we crossed safely with no dolphin molestation or being eaten by weird sea creatures. The transport dropped us a few feet from shore, then disappeared back out to sea.

  Kai slogged toward the shore, pulling me with him.

  “So near, yet so wet,” Hannah said following us.

  “Hang tight,” he told us. Carefully, Kai waded onto shore, his jeans sopping wet.

  I was fine with this delay. I stopped beside Hannah and took a moment to enjoy the view.

  The island, too.

  Then the twitchy came over me. I couldn’t stand the distance anymore. I took a step but Hannah grabbed me around the waist.

  “Good cling,” she said, blatantly checking out Kai’s butt as the pants molded themselves to him.

  “Agreed,” Festos said, tilting his head.

  “Back off. You’ve got your own god playthings,” I said, forcing myself to relax in her hold.

  “Nice objectification, Magoo,” Theo muttered.

  Festos smirked. “Oh please. You love it.”

  Kai came back to us.

  Hannah released me. “Run along, little doggie.”

  To my shame, I did. Although Kai sped up a bit to meet me, too. This, let’s call it “induced insanity”, had taken hold but good.

  “The good news is that we’re not going to blow up when we step onto shore,” he said, resting his hand on the back of my neck.

  I scowled. “That doesn’t inspire confidence for the bad news.” And it would be really nice to be able to rest before I had to deal with it. After everything that had gone down in Athens, I felt drained.

  ‘We’re in a dead zone,” Kai said.

  Hannah frowned. “There is no happy way to spin that.”

  “Let me rephrase,” he said. “I mean that our powers are useless here.”

  Festos and Theo were not pleased about that.

  I shook my head, a panicky feeling coming over me. “That can’t be right.” I ran to the shore and tried to fire my vines, but nothing happened.

  I ran back into the water to where everyone stood. Powers fully functioning.

  Grrr. I trudged back to shore. I glanced back at Kai, who strode right behind me. “I thought you said this was Jack’s island.” The sand was cool and firm beneath my toes as I hit the beach. It clung to my wet skin and clothes in a fine film. That was going to be a bitch to get off.

  “It is,” said Kai.

  “That makes no sense,” Hannah said, joining us on shore. “Why would Hermes c
reate an environment where he’s leaving himself vulnerable?”

  Theo wrung out his pant leg. “I’m betting his powers work just fine.”

  “So, for all intents and purposes, we’re a bunch of regular humans?”

  “I wouldn’t say regular,” Festos said, shaking himself out like a dog. “Or human.”

  Hannah jumped out of the way of flinging drops. “Stop being difficult.” She surveyed the island and brightened. “At least there’s a jungle.”

  “That’s not a plus in anyone else’s books, kitten,” I informed her as my knees buckled from exhaustion.

  At my distress, Kai immediately swung me up in his arms.

  “The state of you two,” Festos called out, “is not nearly as entertaining in its execution as I’d imagined it to be. More sad, really.”

  I felt drained but was still extremely aware of the clock ticking. “Give me a sec then we’ll look for Jack’s house.”

  I was crashing hard. My cookie sugar rush was spent. I slid out of Kai’s arms and slumped onto the sand.

  Theo stood over me, looking concerned. “You need to rest.” He turned to Hannah. “Stay with Sophie. We’ll scout a bit and come back.”

  Kai shook his head. “I’ll stay with Sophie.” His expression left no room for argument.

  Theo rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He turned to Hannah. “You good to go?” At her nod, he said, “Let’s head out. We’ll cover more ground if we split up.”

  Festos planted himself in front of Theo. “Why yes, Festos, I’d love for you to join us. Let’s set a rendezvous spot.”

  “Here,” Theo said. “Three hours.”

  He and Kai synchronized their watches and Hannah, Theo, and Festos set off. “Remember,” I could hear Hannah telling the boys, “If you get hungry? Dark berries are generally safe, red you’ve got a fifty percent chance of them being poisonous, and stay away from light-colored ones. So, how would you describe the state of your relationship?”

  Ha ha. I could practically feel Theo’s glower at that question. Their noise faded, leaving Kai and I alone.

  With the last of my energy, I peeled off my clothes, which were soaked. The sun was rising, streaking the inky indigo sky with shots of lavender and a wide band of orange at the horizon, the air slowly heating up. So my clothes had some chance of drying.

  “What are you doing?” Kai asked in a strangled voice.