Pleasures of Christmas Past (A Christmas Carol Book 1)

by Lexi Post

  His heartbeat increased. The opposite side had given way, part of the road sheering off and something terrible had happened. A carriage had tilted into the water, but even as he stood there he was sure he hadn’t been in it. Why was the carriage important?

  There were people in the carriage, coming to see him, but as hard as he concentrated he couldn’t see their faces. He could hear screaming. He had to help.

  His chest filled with terror, but as he stood looking at the placid surface, he couldn’t bring the memory up. Why had he been so afraid? What had he done?

  He whipped around. Had he been attacked? Even at that thought, he shook his head. He looked back at the opposite river bank. He’d been here, standing here. The screaming started again, urging him to action, to do something? What did he do? Why?

  He turned away from the bank, walking away. He had to remember. Cameron had said he’d loved once, but he couldn’t remember ever loving a woman. He halted. That was why he recognized the hopelessness in Jessica’s eyes.

  He had felt that. He had given up finding a woman to love. Once he’d stopped looking, he’d been able to enjoy life, taking all it had to offer, minus a companion to grow old with. He’d thrown himself into every experience, hunting, fishing, playing golf, dancing, drinking, sex. But he never stayed long enough to fall in love, convinced he wanted the unobtainable. He’d been right. He had wanted what Cameron and Holly had.

  He never found it. Of that, he was absolutely sure.

  He strode back toward the burn. The upturned carriage was the key. Cameron said he’d loved. As he approached it again, the screaming filled his head. It was a woman. She was beautiful despite her wet hair and soaked gown. He focused on her. He’d known her intimately, but he had no’ loved her. Just another woman among many he had lain with. He stepped to the edge again and the need to take action struck him hard. He was desperate, but why? For what?

  He fisted his hands as he dropped to his knees, frustration and anger surging through him. Why couldn’t he remember?

  White-hot pain filled his head. “Nay!” He grabbed it and phased, the pain immediately lessening. He took his hands away from his head and stared. They were wavy again. If he went to Jessica like this, she wouldn’t be able to see him. He had to hold on just a little longer. Blackness started to enshroud him, the burn slowly disappearing.

  He couldn’t let it go. It was an important part of remembering, in order to save Jessica. Despite the agony that waited for him in a puddle at the back of his skull, he needed to become solid to thwart the darkness. A tiny part of the flowing burn still within his vision assured him he remained in the afterlife plane.

  He solidified.

  Razor sharp shards splintered through his head and he moaned, but he refused to phase. He bent over, burying his hands in the grass, digging his fingers into the dirt to withstand the agony. He held on, determined to stay solid and in the afterlife. He refused to be taken away yet. His tensed biceps grew tired as he grasped hard to his land, refusing the painless darkness. He forced his muscles to hold on…like he had once before. Right here.

  The muscle memory triggered another. It hadn’t happened on the bank. He’d been swimming in the burn, through the raging water. It was imperative he keep his head up. He had to stay alive. Is that what Cameron meant, that he loved himself?

  He brushed the idea aside. It didn’t feel right. It was something else. He’d taken action to conquer the terror he’d felt. He hadn’t been afraid of the waters. He’d been motivated by something else, something…love.

  Peace soothed the pain radiating through him, allowing him to release the earth and sit back on his haunches. He had loved. He still didn’t know who, but the memory of that feeling grew in his heart. Relief, hope, wonder swelled inside him. If he had loved before, he could again.

  Duncan jumped up, his body rejuvenated. He could save Jessica if she’d been able to disconnect from Holly. The blasted “episodes” messed with his time abilities. He just hoped that too much time hadn’t passed among the living. He’d try to get as close to when he left the women in the town square as he could get.

  He just needed to reach her before he was taken by the darkness. Even as he flew through space and time, his gut twisted. He didn’t want to be taken. He had something worth existing for now. Something special he’d never had while alive and he wanted to experience it to the fullest.

  As he sped over Scotland toward Deervale, he tried to put together the instances that had triggered all his pain and one thing stood out. Each time he’d been emotionally charged. When he won the bet against Cameron for the first time, he’d been elated. On the castle roof he’d been ready to come inside Jessica. Anger, frustration and a combination of the two had set off the other episodes.

  Did that mean he couldn’t feel the love forming in his heart without the pain and darkness? Doubt clouded his view for a moment before he recognized the square where he’d left the women.

  Only Christmas lights blinked in the silent night. No one was there. Blast.

  * * * * *

  Jessica and Holly floated next to the Christmas tree watching the antics of Holly’s friends. It was clear the three men were very close and the women got along well as women do at parties, but they obviously weren’t friends outside of these gatherings. Holly said Brody was still seeing Sarah, so this must have been early in their relationship.

  Cameron’s cousin, Brooke, kept glancing at Ethan. “Holly, I think Cameron’s cousin is more interested in Ethan than he realizes.”

  Holly turned her gaze from staring at Cameron to watch Brooke. “Oh wow, you’re right. I never noticed.”

  Jessica winked. “Probably because you were too googly eyed over Cameron.”

  She blushed, but didn’t deny it. How could she, even at the gathering her gaze drifted to him regularly. “I hope Ethan catches on. He needs a woman in his life. He dates, but none of them seem to stick.”

  The men called the women over to take seats and the gift exchange began.

  Holly floated to where her former self sat, cuddled up to Cameron in their love seat. Sarah sat in one of the chairs while Brody perched on the arm. Ethan stood next to the chair where Brooke sat.

  Jessica drifted back toward the kitchen, her worry about Duncan growing. He should have arrived by now. While she had the ability to still move through time and space among the living, so she could return Holly, she couldn’t then return to the afterlife. Unless…

  Maybe since she felt Holly was well on her way, her connection had diminished. She glanced at Holly, who remained riveted to the party. No time like the present to try. Focusing her mind on her little cottage she flew up through the roof of the house toward her own little home. The darkness of time swept by and then she landed.

  In Holly’s house exactly when she’d left.

  Fear grew deep in her belly and she pushed her glasses up as she turned away from the happy scene in the living room. Why couldn’t she leave? She had faith the next spirits could help Holly further.

  She planned to ask Cameron if she could serve as Holly’s Spirit of Christmas Present, but if not, she would ask to be part of his decision on who to send. That’s how she’d done it when she was alive. As the social worker passing along the case, she always had a say in who would best work it. Well, not always, but certainly most of the time. It was in the best interest of the client.

  “Jessica, you’ve got to watch this.” Holly’s voice was filled with undisguised anticipation.

  She turned back toward her and drifted into the living room again. “What am I watching?”

  “What Brody got us for Christmas.”

  Jessica smiled at Holly’s excitement and watched as Cameron opened a box with an envelope in it. He glanced up at his friend. “A card? You shouldn’t have.”

  Brody laughed. “Open it, smart arse.”

  Cameron proceeded to, making a big production of it. When he opened the card, a certificate fell out. He picked it up and immediately
lost his grin. “We can’t accept this.”

  “What is it?” Ethan took a step closer.

  The young Holly stared open-mouthed.

  Cameron addressed Ethan. “It’s a week stay at Dailloch Castle hotel.”

  Jessica inhaled hard. She had planned to stay there, but work had once again called her more strongly. If she remembered correctly, it had been a pregnant teenager thrown out of her parents’ house with nowhere to go.

  Ethan whistled then turned to Brody. “What did you do, sell your flat? Are you living in your car now?”

  Brody laughed, obviously fully enjoying the awe he’d created. “Ach, no. My friend manages the place, so I got a really good deal.”

  Young Holly spoke up. “But Brody, that’s still expensive. I hear their cheapest room is almost a thousand pounds a night. That’s where all the American stars stay who don’t want anyone to know they are there. It’s got those huge walls around the property, which helps. Even if you got this for half off, it’s still too much. We can’t accept it.”

  Brody sobered. “You two never got to take your honeymoon because you put all your money into that fantastic shop next door. I want you to have a decent honeymoon.”

  Both Hollys teared up. Even Jessica found herself swallowing hard.

  Cameron held out the certificate. “We really appreciate the thought, but it’s too much. Do you think you can get your money back?”

  Brody folded his arms. “I can’t.”

  Young Holly gasped. “Why not?”

  “Ach, you’re making me spill it all, aren’t you?” He threw up his arms. “Fine. It didn’t cost me anything. Some rich American who scheduled two weeks canceled. Said he broke up with his girlfriend but had a new one and booked a week a month later. My friend told him he’d lose his deposit, but he didn’t care. So there was one week already paid for and no one to use it. But you have to go over Hogmanay as that was the week that was paid for.”

  Cameron stood and gave his friend a heartfelt hug before young Holly followed.

  Jessica barely noticed. The timing was too perfect. Jacob’s father had died leaving him a huge inheritance and they were supposed to spend two weeks in Scotland, over New Year’s. A month later he said he had a business trip. Was it just coincidence?

  Her gut said no, and an angry burn started in the pit of her stomach, not at Jacob, but at Cameron. He just had to throw it in her face one more time that Jacob wasn’t faithful. Well, she certainly hadn’t been either. She’d been married to her job. If she’d spent any time with him, she would have figured it all out years ago.

  Or did she drive Jacob to it by ignoring him? She shook her head. No, she wasn’t taking the blame for that. He knew what he was getting into, and from Holly’s first Christmas party, he saw other women while supposedly in love with her.

  “Jessica, are you okay?”

  She refocused her attention on Holly. “Yes, I’m fine.”

  “You don’t look fine. You’ve faded more.”

  Her heart raced even before she focused on her hands. Holly was right. She had faded more.

  “Jessica, what’s happening?”

  Tears threatened, but she had to remain calm. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I just need to get you back to your own time. Are you ready to go?”

  “What about Duncan?”

  Jessica’s heart twisted with despair. He must not have been able to find a way to help her and couldn’t face her with his failure. She really would have liked to see him one more time.

  She pulled her glasses off and hid her tears by pretending to clean the lenses on her blouse. At least they’d made love. At least, like Holly, she’d known what it was like to truly love someone even if he never loved her back. It wasn’t his fault. He just wasn’t programmed that way.

  Settling her glasses on her nose, she took a deep breath and looked at Holly. “Are you ready?”

  “Jessica!”

  Duncan floated through the front window, his heart breaking as he took in everything in one glance. She’d given in to Holly and was already starting to fade. He couldn’t let her be a ghost. To no’ be able to hold her in his arms again would be torture. Is this what Cameron felt?

  “Duncan, where have you been?” The anguish in her eyes destroyed any anger he had because she’d been swayed by Holly. It was simply who she was.

  “Yes, where have you been?” Holly crossed her arms. “If it wasn’t for Jessica, I would have missed my entire last visit.”

  He ignored Holly and grasped Jessica’s hand. He could still feel it, but it wasn’t completely solid. His heart tumbled with fear.

  “I was worried about you.” She looked back and forth at his eyes. “Did you have another…um, headache?”

  Blast, the woman was fading into a ghost and she was worried about him? “Yes, and it affected my ability to come to you at the proper time. This was the closest I could get.”

  She looked over at Holly, who continued to scowl at him. “We were just going back to her place so she could resume solidity.”

  He nodded. She’d realized she was fading and wanted Holly to be safe. How could a woman with such a heart be trapped as a ghost? He wanted to rail at Cameron, but right now he had two women dependent on him.

  “Holly, lass. Take my hand and we’ll get you home to the right time.”

  Reluctantly, she grasped his free hand. Immediately, he flew them forward in time, not even trying for a different spot. Within seconds they were in Holly’s house, in the same place. He loosened his hand from Holly and put it on her shoulder.

  In seconds she was solid again.

  “That was an amazing night.” She glanced at the clock. “Oh wow, it’s not even midnight yet.”

  Duncan stared at the clock. It was five minutes before midnight. A sinking feeling settled in his soul. If he couldn’t reverse Jessica’s fading before midnight, she would stay a ghost forever.

  “So now what?” Holly looked around expectantly. “Do you two fly off and I go on with my lonely life?”

  “No.” Jessica tried to pull her hand from his to go to Holly, but he held firm.

  “Yes.” He pointed to Jessica. “As you can see, she needs help. If I can’t break her connection to you in the next five minutes she will be doomed to haunt you for eternity.”

  “Me?” Holly stepped back. “Why me?”

  “Because she cares so much about you, she put your needs above her own.”

  Holly’s face softened. “Jessica, you shouldn’t have done that. I’m a strong woman. I will figure things out…eventually.”

  “But you were so sad.” Jessica’s voice sounded confused.

  “Oh I was, and I still am, but I have a much better perspective on my life thanks to you. Please, you have done so much for me in my lifetime. I’m incredibly grateful. I would hate it if you were hurt because of me.”

  Duncan gave Holly an encouraging smile. He needed her to break the tie first.

  Holly’s eyes widened just slightly as understanding dawned. She moved to her chair where the cat sat watching the proceedings. “Me and Mac will be fine. It will take time, but I now know Cam will be there when it’s my time and that makes living without him so much easier. That and remembering all the wonderful things we shared.” She picked up the big cat and held him close.

  Jessica tried to step forward again, but he held her in place. “But can you live without being so sad.”

  Holly looked at him and then returned her gaze to Jessica. “Yes, I can. In fact, thanks to you, I can treasure what Cam and I had now without regret. I’ve learned so much from you. Now I’m anxious to see what tomorrow will bring.” She smiled as she sat in the chair, the cat in her lap.

  Duncan nodded slightly at Holly before Jessica turned a confused face to him. “I guess we’re done then?”

  He glanced over her shoulder at the clock. Three minutes. “Yes, we’re done.” He looked at Holly. “Thank you, lass. Goodbye.”

  Jessica waved goodbye as she obviousl
y fought tears.

  He brought her to the land where his ruined castle stood in Holly’s time. Just far enough from Holly but no’ too far to sap Jessica’s strength. As they landed next to the one tower left standing, she barely noticed.

  Fearful of letting her hand go, he pulled her toward him and touched her face. His fingers felt her cheek, but his thumb went through her chin. “Jessica, you have to let go of Holly.”

  “I know, I’m trying, but I’m worried about who will be her Spirit of Christmas Present. What if it’s not a good match? What if—”

  Duncan silenced her with a kiss, thankful he could still feel her lips. Once she responded to him, he pulled his mouth away and leaned his forehead lightly against hers. “Lass, Cameron is her husband. I think he knows best who would help Holly the most.”

  She gave him the barest of smiles. “You do have a point.”

  “Besides, I need you a whole lot more than Holly does.”

  She pulled her face back to stare at him. “You do?”

  “Aye. I didn’t realize it until we were on Loudon Hill and I tried to take you home with me. When you weren’t able to come back to the afterlife, my world fell apart.” He pulled her glasses off and gazed into her fading green eyes, trying to will her to understand how he felt.

  She shook her head. “But you can’t love anyone. You said so yourself.”

  “I was wrong. Cameron helped me remember an event in my life which is why I was away so long. I did love once. It came just before my death, which was why it was so easy to forget. But I can love.”

  She cocked her head as if afraid of what he’d say next. “And you love me?” Her voice was barely a whisper. Her hand in his started to fade. Aye, he did, she had to believe him, terror swept through him and with it a memory surfaced.

  He jumped in the water. Fuck it was colder than the top of Ben Nevis.

  The woman’s screams had meaning now. “The baby! Oh my God, she’s in there!”

  The torrent propelled him downstream, but the bundle of white was being swept away faster. He struck out with strong strokes, gaining. He had to save her.

  His daughter!

  A swirling eddy caught the bundle slowing it up, but sucking it toward its middle. Just as the baby’s head went under, Duncan grabbed it up and held it close to his neck. Its cries turned to little whimpers that buried themselves deep in his heart.