Saving Us

by Heather D'Agostino

  “Maddie?” He lifted his head slightly and began to stare out across the bathroom at nothing in particular. “You’re gonna drown in my ocean of problems. We haven’t even scratched the surface yet. We’re like the Titanic, doomed from the beginning.”

  “Don’t say that,” I murmured as I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him. “Don’t you start this now, you hear me? You helped me, now let me help you…please Cole? I’m begging you.” I rose up on the balls of my feet and pressed a kiss to his mouth. He didn’t respond at first, but as I kept the pressure on him, he finally stopped holding back and gave in.

  He growled as the hands that had been hanging limply at his side found my hips. I had discarded my robe when we came back in the house, and as his hands slipped down my hips, he began kneading the soft skin of my bottom.

  “I love you,” I whispered against his lips as I broke the kiss. “I’m gonna save you, just like you’ve saved me,” I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek then lifted my shirt and tossed it to the floor.

  Cole shoved his shorts and boxers down as I reached for him, and we stepped into the now full tub. The water rose around us cocooning us in its warmth as we sank down and relaxed into one another’s embrace. This was what he needed, not beating his body into submission. Cole needed to feel love. His father had him believing that he’d never deserved it, and even though he acted fine on the outside, I knew that on the inside, he was still broken.

  “Thank you,” he whispered as he settled behind me wrapping his arms around me, and pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

  I glanced back over my shoulder and offered a soft smile. “Don’t mention it.”

  We sat in silence for quite some time just letting the steam relax us. I hadn’t slept well the night before, and Cole hadn’t slept at all, from what I could tell. The water felt nice, and the firm body behind me had me almost believing that life was better. Cole always made me feel special: his touch, the loving words he would utter, the way he kissed me, and made love to me. He always knew how to worship my body in a way that proved I was worth more than Richard had ever told me.

  Cole had suffered a different kind of hurt. The people that were supposed to protect him hadn’t. Parents are supposed to love their children, but Cole’s father didn’t know how to. His mother hadn’t been able to stop the beatings, and now Cole seemed to be trapped in the past. I could tell that even though he was responding to me, his mind was locked far away in the torment he’d kept hidden from me.

  “Want to tell me why you decided to work out in the middle of the night?” I whispered as I ran my fingertips lightly up his thigh.

  “It’s a long sordid story,” he murmured.

  I waited patiently, knowing that if I pushed, I’d upset him. He’d been clear multiple times that he didn’t want to talk about it, but I knew he needed to. I always felt better after he made me talk to him.

  His head was leaning back against the wall behind the tub, and his eyes were closed when he started talking, his voice barely loud enough for me to hear him.

  “I told you about my dad,” he sighed, not opening his eyes. “Wes was always there for me. He did the things that a parent should have been doing for me. He took care of me, gave me a safe place to escape to, kept my secrets, made sure that my dad didn’t kill me, and I wasn’t there for him when his world fell apart.

  “He’s your best friend,” I offered. “I’m sure he did it because he cared.”

  “You don’t get it,” Cole’s eyes popped open as he lifted his hands and ran them down his face. “He was always there, and the one time he needed me to be there for him, I wasn’t. I was out partying with a woman and his career was going down the drain. The woman he loved ruined him with a few well-placed phone calls and rumors, all of which she made sure looked true.

  “He needed me to be there, to have someone tell him that he’d be ok. He needed to know he wasn’t the loser Victoria made him out to be, that he was a good man and a good friend. His career tanked, and as much as I know I couldn’t have stopped it, I still should have been there. I told him to stay away from her, not to get involved, I told him she was a gold-digging bitch, but a nice ass and a great rack blinded him. He didn’t see the snake behind the fancy clothes and smooth words.”

  “Stop beating yourself up,” I soothed as I turned on his lap. “You didn’t cause what happened.” I didn’t know exactly what this Victoria had done, but based on what Cole said, it had been bad.

  “I know you’re right, but all that talking last night,” he squeezed his eyes shut and blew out a breath, “it’s bringing up all the things I thought were in the past. My father’s haunting me, and I can’t do a goddamn thing about it,” he growled.

  “You can tell me,” I tilted my head to the side as I wrapped my arms around his neck. The water sloshed around us as I settled myself across his thighs. “I’ll always listen to you, and you can tell me anything.”

  “I don’t want to add to your worries,” he glanced away.

  “Stop,” I murmured as I leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I love you, Cole. You’ve helped me in more ways than I can ever explain and I’m eternally grateful. However, I’m not made of glass. You can tell me stuff, too. I want us to heal each other. We’ve both got cracks that need to be fixed.”

  He nodded slowly before sliding his arms tighter around me and squeezing me to his chest. He took a deep breath and sighed as he placed a kiss to my forehead. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m gonna do everything I can to keep you.” When he felt me shiver against him, he pulled his head back and looked down. “Water’s gotten pretty cool. Ready to get out? Maybe we can take a nap, and then see where the day takes us?”

  “Sounds good, but I have a plan,” I smiled at him as I loosened my hold and began to climb out of the tub.

  “Plan?” He grinned up at me with a confused expression, and a light laugh escaped me as I took in his boyish expression.

  “Come on,” I motioned toward the bedroom as I scurried away all the while rubbing a fluffy towel over my body trying to dry myself quickly.

  After we’d both dressed ourselves in shorts and T-shirts, I grabbed a quilt off one of the chairs in the corner of the room, and made my way downstairs.

  “I thought we were going to take a nap?” Cole called after me as he stood at the top of the steps.

  “We are,” I motioned to the front door, “out there.” I pointed toward the boat dock and smiled. “It’s a beautiful day, and I want to be out in it.”

  He chuckled as he came down the stairs and joined me at the door. The tension that had filled his body moments ago was now gone as he smiled at me. “Lead the way,” he opened the door and let me pass in front of him.

  We walked hand in hand down to the dock, and when we reached it, I spread the quilt out in the soft grass of the shore. The water sparkled in the late morning sun, and the slight breeze in the air made small waves lap against the sandy edge. “It’s so pretty out here,” I mused as I sank down on the quilt.

  “Yeah…it is,” he murmured as he skimmed his fingertips across my shoulder.

  “I used to love to study outside at school. We had a grassy quad in the middle of all the buildings where I had classes,” I murmured as I settled on my back and closed my eyes against the sun. Cole had shared with me, so I only thought it fair to give him another small piece of me. “Richard didn’t like it when I studied outside. He said I was letting people stare at me, that I did it for attention from men,” I grumbled as I lifted my arm and draped it over my eyes to block out the bright light. “That was the first time he dislocated my shoulder. He’d found me with a study group after class.” I couldn’t see Cole, but I heard him suck in a breath and felt him tense beside me. “I spend as much time as I can outside now,” I continued. “That’s why I go to the dog park so much. I want to prove to myself that I can do whatever I want, and if I want to be outside, I will,” I clenched my jaw, but relaxed when I felt Cole settle beside
me.

  “You’re one of the strongest women I know, Madison Kennedy. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise,” Cole’s voice was firm as he reached over, took my hand, and laced our fingers together.

  “Keep telling me that,” I mumbled. “I’m still having a hard time believing it.”

  “I’ll tell you as often as you want,” he lifted our hands and kissed mine. “Sleep,” he whispered. “We both need it, and we’re both safe here,” he sighed as if he was trying to convince himself as much as he was me. I knew in the back of my mind that we were safe, but hearing him say it made it more believable. We were safe for the moment in the present, but our past…that was another story entirely. Every time we seemed to find solid ground, it appeared our past tried to wreck things.

  Chapter 10

  Maddie

  “Everything ok?” I called as I stepped out onto the deck. After we’d woken up from our nap, we’d made our way back up to the cabin and had been lounging on the deck most of the day. It was late afternoon now, and Cole had been pacing around as he offered clipped answers into his cell phone.

  “It’s fine,” he sighed before he turned his back to me and placed his elbows on the railing. “Yeah, man,” he grumbled into his cell. “I hear ya. No, don’t worry about it; we’re fine.” His head dipped down as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Nope, no plans. Sure,” he glanced back at me with a pained expression before, “see ya, later,” slipped from his lips and he disconnected the call.

  “What’s wrong?” I moved around the lounger to stand in front of him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and pressed a kiss to his chest. “Who was that?”

  “Wes,” Cole placed his phone on the railing then wrapped me in a hug. “He’s coming up in the morning.

  “Why? Did something happen?” I wrinkled my forehead. “Is he ok?”

  “He’s fine,” Cole murmured. “Sit down, I gotta tell you something.”

  “You’re scaring me,” I muttered as I released him and went back to the lounger, lowering myself onto it.

  “Sorry,” he winced. “The DA came by the gym looking for me. The trial date was moved up, that ex of yours has pulled some strings apparently. Anyway, we go to court in two weeks. They want to go over a few things with me. Wes is bringing me some papers they left for me there. They need to be signed, or so he says.”

  I nodded silently as I processed this new information. It seemed that no matter what I did, or where I went, Richard was always there. He was always wrecking any little bit of happiness I found. “This is a good thing, right?” I twisted my hands in my lap. “I mean, the sooner you go to court, the sooner we can move on with our lives.”

  “True, but Maddie,” he paused as he looked at me, his eyes holding a silent apology, “A lot is going to come out at trial. All that stuff I’ve told you about my past…it’s all going to come out. Richard’s going to drag up anything he can find to make me look bad. He’s going to talk about how I killed my father. He’s going to drag me through the mud. I don’t want to put you through that.”

  “Don’t you dare do this!” I shot to my feet. “Don’t you dare use this as a way to push me away. I’m stronger than you think.”

  “I’m not,” he reached for me, and pulled me into his lap as he settled in the spot I had just vacated. “I’m not going to push you away. I just want you to be ready. Who knows what he’s gonna drag up. This is going to affect you though, and I just want you to be ready.”

  “That bastard has taken too much from me already. I’m not letting him take you, too,” I growled as I turned and buried my face into the curve of his neck.

  “Where has this Maddie been?” Cole chuckled. “I like her,” he ran his hand soothingly up and down my spine. “Did getting out of the city do this?”

  “Maybe,” I mumbled into the soft skin of his neck. “I don’t know. Maybe, I just needed to get mad,” I lifted my head so I could look him in the eyes. “I’m tired of being afraid. I’m tired of letting him control me. I’m tired of worrying about everything all the time. I’m tired of him making me believe that everyone out there is bad. I’m just tired,” I stared into his eyes, unblinking as I watched for him to understand.

  “I know,” he whispered. “He’s never gonna control you again, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure of it.”

  “So Wes is coming tomorrow?” I deliberately changed the subject knowing that I didn’t want to talk about my fears any longer.

  “Yeah, sometime in the morning. I don’t know if he’s staying or not,” Cole smiled as I settled against him.

  “Guess we better change rooms,” I mumbled.

  “Fuck, no!” he chuckled. “We are staying right where we are. He can sleep in one of the guest rooms.”

  “It’s his house,” I gasped.

  “So what? We were here first,” Cole pouted like a little boy. “Besides,” he snickered “I don’t want to have to change the sheets.”

  “You’re terrible,” I giggled burrowing into his chest.

  “But you still love me,” he chided as his arms tightened around me.

  Our light conversation and easy banter continued long into the night. Because we’d napped in the afternoon, and stayed up most of the night before, we weren’t tired when we should have been. My sleep schedule was off, and I knew when I got back home that I’d pay for it, but at the moment I didn’t care. I was finally letting loose for the first time in years, and it felt good. I felt almost normal as Cole and I talked about normal everyday stuff, things that most people take for granted. It had been so long since I hadn’t had to worry about my surroundings that it was surreal being with Cole. He’d maneuvered us indoors without me even knowing. One minute we were kissing on the deck, and the next he had me naked in our bed.

  That night was about pushing our demons aside, and letting the light in us burn brighter. We’d excised the nightmares earlier in the day, and tonight was about freeing ourselves. When we’d both worked our bodies to the point of exhaustion, we collapsed in one another’s arms and fell into a deep sleep.

  ooooooooo

  “What do you want for breakfast?” I called from where I was perched in the kitchen.

  “Doesn’t matter to me,” Cole’s voice rang out from somewhere in the living room.

  “I can cook something, or we could just have cereal,” I stood in front of the refrigerator. “Ahhhh!” I jumped when I felt two arms wrap around me from behind. “Don’t do that!” I slapped at his chest playfully as I turned in his arms.

  “I’m fine with you for breakfast, to tell you the truth. We could just uncover this a little,” he pushed at my yoga pants and dipped his hand down to cup my rear. “I could…” he trailed off as I arched into him. A moan slipped out as his fingers slipped in, and I knew I wasn’t going to be cooking anytime soon.

  “Hey! Douche bag!” Wes’s voice sliced through the sexual tension like an icy knife causing both Cole and I to freeze.

  “What the fuck dude? Don’t you knock anymore?” Cole growled as he ripped his hand away, turned, and pushed me behind him to cover my body along with my embarrassment.

  “This is my house,” he rolled his eyes. “I don’t have to knock.” He shook his head as he moved closer and tossed a manila envelope on the counter beside us. “Do I need to step outside and let you finish, or???”

  “You’ve effectively killed the mood,” Cole grunted as I stepped out from behind him. “Sorry,” he apologized to me.

  I shrugged before glancing over at Wes, “We were just getting ready to have breakfast. Would you like something?”

  “I bet you were,” Wes snickered and Cole shot him a death glare. “Easy dude. I was just making an observation.” He crossed his arms over his chest before giving me a killer smile, “I’d love some breakfast, and then I’d like to kick your ass downstairs if you think a pansy like you is ready for it.”

  “I’ll show you who’s a pansy you fucker,” Cole muttered before turning to press a kis
s to my forehead. “I’ll be out on the deck if you need anything,” he whispered as he turned and motioned for Wes to follow.

  “I’ll let you know when it’s ready,” I called to their backs as they both gave a salute.

  ooooooooo

  Cole

  “So how’s it going?” Wes flopped down in a chair and crossed his ankle over his knee.

  “How’s what going?” I didn’t really know where to start, so I thought avoidance might be a good place to start.

  “Don’t bullshit me,” he scowled. “You know what I mean.”

  “Well, I fucked up pretty bad yesterday,” I looked out toward the lake glistening in the late morning sun.

  “And?” he shifted in his chair.

  “And we worked it out,” I mumbled.

  “Ok, so what’s really bothering you?” he shifted again his arms over his chest.

  “They’re back,” I muttered. “The nightmares, they’re back, and they’re worse.”

  “Did you stick with the plan?” his voice dropped so I could barely hear him.

  “Yes,” I sighed. “I went out to the gym and worked myself to the bone. It didn’t really help this time, and she found me there.”

  “Found who?” Maddie’s voice came from the doorway.

  “Nothing,” both Wes and I answered at the same time as he looked at me and grimaced.

  “Well, breakfast is ready if you two are going to eat,” she smiled before turning and heading back from where she’d come.

  “You don’t have to ask me twice,” Wes laughed as he sprang to his feet and began following her. “Sorry man,” he looked back at me.

  “I told her,” I reached out and caused him to pause right before he entered the cabin, “about my dad. She knows all of it.”

  “All of it?” He nodded at me like he was impressed.

  “Yes, all of it. Now let’s eat, and then I’m gonna kick your ass,” I clapped him on the back before shouldering in front of him causing him to stagger back slightly.