by Lily Zante
“Some guy bumped into me at the coffee shop.” She would have to change her top.
“Some guy?” It seemed that Nadine had no intentions of talking about work this morning. It was unusual for her boss to make much small talk, which made Melissa wonder whether things between Nadine and Ethan were a little cool at the moment. “I noticed you and the IT guy seem friendly,” said Nadine, with a smile.
The color rose in Melissa’s cheeks. She wondered whether Nadine could tell that she and Matt had had sex last night. She stared down guiltily at her clothes: she wore the same black skirt and purple blouse as yesterday.
“We’re—we’re—” She felt her blush deepen.
“I figured,” said Nadine, “considering the number of times I see him up here.” She smiled again.
Melissa looked away, embarrassed. She was sure her boss could see right through her, down to her unchanged clothes.
“I knew there was a reason you rushed out each evening all dressed up,” said Nadine.
“Making an effort. You know how it is,” said Melissa, remembering how she’d felt the need to impress Matt, especially in the early days.
Ever since she’d started seeing Matt, she’d felt the need to make more of an effort. She dressed more carefully, taking extra time with her makeup. Matt told her he liked her in pencil skirts mainly, short but not too short. He told her he didn’t like too much “paint” on her face but sometimes, in an effort to look good for him, she overdid the makeup a little. Then he’d tell her she looked like a tart.
Heather overdid her makeup all the time.
“The first stages of getting to know someone—nothing beats that,” said Nadine dreamily.
“Have you and Ethan had a fight?” Melissa asked. It wasn’t like her boss to openly talk about her problems or love life.
Nadine sighed and crossed her arms loosely in her lap. “No. Not really. It’s hard to figure out what’s best for you as a couple. I don’t think I’m good at it.” She flicked through the documents Melissa had given her. “Thank you for doing these.” Melissa took that as meaning Nadine wanted no further discussion on the matter.
“Do you need anything else?” Melissa asked.
“I’ve got to give a presentation for next month’s management meeting. We’ll get together at some stage in the next few weeks so that I can tell you what data I need. We can pretty the slides up later on.”
“Sure.” Melissa nodded. “If you find anything needs changing in the minutes let me know.” She got up to go, knowing their little chat was over. Her boss was hardworking and ambitious, and often worked a little too hard for the company. Still, at least she wasn’t nasty like some of the others. Like Sandra Donnelly for example.
Back at her desk, Melissa saw the email icon flash on her screen, and when she read the sender’s name, her heart tripped with a flutter of excitement. Still, she hesitated before opening the email.
Sorry about last night. I’m not sorry about you know what. I’m sorry if you didn’t feel right about the photos. You’re amazing and I didn’t mean to upset you. Meet you for lunch?
He knew he’d upset her and he apologized. He had a heart. He had feelings; he understood her. He’d taken her to dinner, bought her lingerie. It wasn’t as nice as the silky things she’d seen in Victoria’s Secret, and she hated the slut-red-and-black lace. But if he wanted her to wear it she would. She had. But she’d have to tell him about the photos. She didn’t like him taking them. Eventually, he’d understand.
The sex hadn’t been great…but at least he cared about her and that was what mattered.
Chapter 4
“You see?” Matt stared at her thighs in the mirror before dragging his gaze to meet hers. Melissa cringed at the reflection of her in black Lycra leggings and a tight sports top. She would never have worn this; it made her more conscious whenever she walked into the cool, metallic, mirrored, machine room.
Treadmills, ellipticals and rowers stood to attention in neat lines in a corner of the gym and were more welcoming than the hostile looks she was usually met with, noticeably from women, as she trailed Matt. The men, all sweat and pained concentration on their faces, were too far gone into the ecstasy of their workouts to look up. The veins in their necks and arms corded, their butts as hard as cricket balls.
She’d never had an issue with her soft curves before—Heather for one had always envied her figure. But Matt had decided she could improve.
“Baby, you could do with some toning,” he’d told her one evening when they’d been making out on the couch. At first she’d put it off, thinking her constant refusal and total lack of enthusiasm to want to go anywhere near the gym might give him the hint. Only, he never seemed to let up. The more excuses she gave him the more he seemed to want to mold her to his way of thinking.
She’d managed to hold him off for a while but then, unable to put up with the constant lecturing, she’d given in. Now here she was, a supposedly regular gym-goer, albeit one who had been hammered into going.
She felt like a surly new recruit, made to work out two to three times a week at seven o’clock in the morning. Her figure had never been an issue until Matt had made it one.
“They’re so much tighter now.” He sounded smug, as though his prophecy had come true. Because she’d done as he’d commanded.
She threw another glance at herself in the mirror, her gaze falling to her legs, while Matt stood behind her, his arms possessively around her body.
She smelled the patch of sweat under her arms and felt her heart beating furiously. Twenty minutes on the cross-trainer no longer seemed as much of a challenge now that her body was used to the regime. Her thighs looked the same to her; the only difference was that they were a teeny-weeny bit firmer. As her gaze trailed up to meet Matt’s, his hand traveled up to caress her bottom lightly. He moved back a little and examined her behind as though it were a rump joint.
“Huge improvement,” he remarked with naked admiration. His fingers dug into her bottom and squeezed as she squirmed under his touch, conscious that the place was already busy so early in the morning.
“Now, this”—he squeezed harder still—“is beautiful firm ass.” His hot breath grazed her ear. “You don’t know what it makes me want to do to you.” She blushed, horrified that he’d had the audacity to touch her up so roughly in front of everyone.
“Stop it,” she cried, subtle anger burning into her. She wriggled for release but his hand was firm against her bottom. He barely loosened his hold.
“I can’t help it.”
Disgusted, she removed his hand and shifted out of his grip. “Don’t,” she warned, hating the way his dick seemed to take over his brain sometimes.
“I’d do you here if I could.” His words fell bullets, and her heart shattered like shrapnel. The way he spoke, the things he did, made her wonder how he saw her.
Or what she saw in him.
She cringed, darting her eyes from side to side, checking to see if any heads had turned their way.
“Do you have to be so gross?” She moved away, wanting to leave. He could go from being the nice guy who showered her with gifts and tender kisses, to the control freak who seemed obsessed with her body. She was starting to find excuses to not meet up sometimes.
“You’re hot, Mel. You don’t see it.” He made to move towards her, but she stepped back again.
“I’m going.” The coffee shop beckoned.
“Ten minutes and then you can call it a day.” He seemed to think he could dictate her day.
“I can’t. I’m going to be late.” Nadine had asked her to come in early today.
“Whatever.” He skulked over to the neatly lined up rowing machines demanding to be taken. “Ten minutes,” he said, his voice cold.
“I can’t. I have to go back.” Nadine was a stickler for time and Melissa knew she’d be waiting.
She’d done forty-five minutes and she’d had enough. She was calling it a day. Visions of neatly lined up blueberry
muffins called out to her. She’d made a habit out of rewarding herself with a muffin on extremely stressful days, and a cup of coffee any day she worked out.
A gift to herself for surviving the morning ritual.
Though lately, ever since the encounter with the guy in the coffee shop a few days ago, she’d found herself going to the coffee shop every day. Even on non-gym days.
She gave Matt a backward glance. He pushed back and forth on the rower with force, his forearms and biceps straining. The workout god, taut, lean, muscular and he never seemed to tire of pushing himself to the limit, as if the high from the grueling workout re-energized him.
“I’ll see you later.”
He didn’t answer.
Have it your own way. She walked off, leaving him furiously rowing. She hadn’t noticed this sulky streak in him in the beginning, but now it was starting to piss her off.
Later, freshly showered and smelling like verbena, she walked along the sidewalk, almost tasting the muffin she hadn’t even bought yet.
The gym, only a few blocks from work, was subsidized by her employer. Matt had been coming religiously ever since he’d joined the company. Until she’d started dating him, going to the gym was something that other people did. Though that was why his body was so hard, and the guy looked good, strutting about the way he did. Her friends in accounts still grilled her for details about him.
Now, more than a few months into their relationship, Melissa didn’t have many good things to brag about anymore. The Matt she had met seemed to slip away, only coming out occasionally. She was beginning to discover a darker, more sinister side to him. A side that often had her acting like a Melissa she didn’t know—a shell of herself, always eager to please him.
Of course, it wasn’t only him. She’d had lots to contend with at work too, what with Nadine being away for so long. But now with Nadine back in San Francisco, things were even busier. It helped that her boss was just a door away from her. But workwise, the pressure at the advertising company never let up.
She walked into the coffee shop and scanned her gaze around casually. No sight of him. She placed her order and waited, looking around every now and then. Now that they’d managed a few words, that he’d come to know her name, she’d been hoping to run into him some more.
She hadn’t stopped to think about it—the fact that she looked out for him now. And she only came to this realization because her disappointment at his absence highlighted the fact.
A few minutes later her order was ready, taking her by surprise. It depended on who worked there on what particular morning. This morning, it was the speedy pony-tailed guy working the coffee machine. He was a whiz at it and it was no wonder her order was ready so fast.
She turned around, having picked up her muffin and skinny latte—it had taken her weeks to get used to drinking skinny milk, but Matt said it was best. Even though he wasn’t here, she still felt obliged to order it, now that she’d gotten used to the bitter taste of coffee when she had it.
Balancing her muffin in one hand and her coffee in the other, she grabbed a napkin from the side counter.
“Blueberry muffin day?” A smile and a finger pointed at the package she held in her hand.
Soft brown eyes, long lashes. It was him.
“I like blueberries,” she replied, though blueberries were not the cause of the goose bumps that suddenly popped up all over her arms.
“I prefer chocolate chip.” He held out his own muffin for her to see.
“Nice but too many calories for me.” She paused, stopped smiling when his face hardened.
“You don’t need to worry about calories,” he said, his face serious.
Nice to hear verification that I’m fine the way I am. A guy like this wouldn’t tell her what to eat or how hard to work out. A guy like this…
She closed her eyes, blinking away the mere possibility of what it might be like.
It wouldn’t do to dwell on things like that. For now, it was enough to run into him every now and then since it lessened the blow of Matt’s put-downs. She wasn’t sure if she noticed them more as time went on, or whether Matt had become more critical of her the longer she knew him.
“You don’t, Melissa,” he said, when she didn’t say anything back.
In the empty gap between them, where words should have come easily but didn’t, she struggled to find something to say. Because she wanted to say something. She didn’t want to move on past him and walk out the door. She’d been thinking about him, in the background of her conscious thought, and here he was. She intended to savor this moment for as long as possible. But the line he was in shifted, and either she took a step backwards to keep up with him—giving him the wrong impression that she was interested in him—or she could continue on her way out.
“I hope you enjoy it,” she replied, getting ready to leave.
“You too.” From the subdued tone of his voice, it didn’t seem as though he was too eager for her to go either.
She dragged herself away. Nadine would be waiting and Melissa knew she couldn’t stay much longer having a conversation with a total stranger.
Even if he did make her feel happy inside.
It was only when she crossed the road to head into work that she realized she still didn’t know his name.
Chapter 5
Seeing her this morning had been a bonus and he’d been half tempted to jump out of the waiting line to continue talking to her. But it was hard—hard to take a subtle interest without coming across as a stranger who seemed to stalk her. Of course he wasn’t but he still didn’t want to take the risk of her thinking of him like that.
Maybe next time he’d be better prepared. He liked to think she was single but knew that this was based more on his wishful thinking than on any real evidence.
Yet she seemed happy enough to want to talk to him. Had he imagined it or had she lingered a moment before she’d left? And what the hell was this about counting calories?
What the hell?
A part of him warned him to run. The other part of him seduced him to stay.
In the end, everything always came back to Bree. Her words, the ones she’d kept from him, the things she’d hidden from him, all the skeletons in her closet—all of these things now haunted him.
Perhaps he could have saved her if only he’d known.
They’d talked about moving in together. Second time around they’d been even stronger. It wasn’t a high school romance anymore. This was real.
Love the second time around, with them in their early twenties, had been stronger, more overwhelming. Real. If it was real how could he have been so blind to everything?
Only now did he understand how hard it had been for her to be with him as long as she had, to have lived the lie and kept her secrets to herself. That she hadn’t trusted him, meant he couldn’t do a thing to save her. And this truth slapped him with guilt every single day.
Next time, he told himself. Next time, he’d make a bolder move.
His thoughts rushed back to Melissa. At first he thought it was only him that was noticing her, but now, the way she blushed each time she saw him, the way she stared and then looked away, the way she lingered, her body language telling him she wanted to stay when her words said otherwise.
She did like him.
But he would need tangible proof.
He figured that the other sex had it easier. Even in these days of equality, women still wanted the guy to make the first move.
So if she did like him—and he wasn’t even seventy percent sure that she did—he’d have to make the first move. But only when he was one hundred percent convinced that this girl, the one who’d started to make him forget, might be worth making a move for.
Chapter 6
All she could do when she returned home was to collapse on the couch alongside Heather.
“Hey!” Heather admonished her, as she carefully painted her toes while reality TV spewed from the screen.
“Sorr
y.” Melissa hadn’t noticed this delicate operation. She watched her friend wipe away the blurred edge which she’d caused.
“No date with the mysterious Matt tonight?” Heather asked, as she slowly painted fluorescent orange with concentrated precision.
“No,” replied Melissa. “I had a crazy day.”
“You have lots of crazy days.” Heather stopped long enough to give her an accusatory glare. It used to be that she and Heather would catch the bus together downtown. They’d been lucky enough to find Diana, a biotech research scientist who had advertised for two females to share her beautiful condo —a place they’d never have been able to afford otherwise, not within such close distance to downtown San Francisco.
“It’s even worse now that Nadine’s back.” Melissa closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. The gym workout first thing in the morning hadn’t helped.
“And you thought things would slow down a little when she got back.”
Relatively speaking. She had thought they might. But whenever Nadine was around, the pace picked up. She’d assumed it would be easier having her boss in the same country so that she no longer had to send documents back and forth and be mindful of Paris time.
Heather patted her knee. “Don’t worry, it’ll be Christmas soon. Your mom will fawn all over you when you go back.”
Three more weeks to go. Melissa looked forward to the break. She walked into the kitchen, finding herself hungrier than ever. She’d missed lunch. Not on purpose—she loved her food—but because she’d been so busy, and by the time she stopped to take a breath, it was late afternoon. She’d started counting calories, something she’d never done before, once Matt had put the idea of consuming no more than half her usual intake a couple of days a week. She didn’t diet. But she’d tried this out for a few weeks and it hadn’t been so bad. Coupled with her working out regularly, her body was firmer, less fluffy than usual. The fitness regime was definitely working and she was living proof.