Reclaiming Love (Tainted Love Book 2)

by Lily Zante

  In the bloated silence Melissa felt eerily restless. She wanted to talk to him, had imagined this moment during her days away. And yet she also felt a little uncomfortable standing in that gap of possibility, suddenly afraid to cross that line. She moved to a safer topic. “Did you have a good Christmas?” But she wasn’t prepared for the way his face darkened at such a simple question. Reading people’s moods was a skill she’d acquired from an early age, and being with Matt had enabled her to hone in on it. She’d know instantly his moods, his lows and highs, and be able to adapt herself to them.

  So it was now with Noah. Something had happened during Christmas and he didn’t seem keen to talk about it. Maybe it would be better if she didn’t ask him about his move either.

  But before she had the chance to fix it, he beat her to it. “Did you?”

  She smiled thinking back to her time with her family. Christmas had been amazing but she tempered her exuberance. “I did. I spent time with my family and friends from back home. It was great.”

  “That’s good.”

  She tried to think of questions she could ask, safe ones. And there was the obvious one: whether he was single, or not.

  “I moved a couple of days before the break,” he volunteered, omitting reference to Christmas altogether.

  “Great. I was wondering how that went.” She gave him space to disclose more.

  “It was time to move on.” That was all he said about it. They stood politely, like faltering neighbors—unsure and afraid yet interested all the same—each waiting for the other to say something, to say anything.

  “Are you getting something?” she asked, indicating pastries behind the plastic covered counter.

  “I’m not sure,” he replied, and took another good look at the selection being offered.

  “Hey, Melissa. How’s it going?” It was her friend from accounts. “You coming? I’ll wait for you.”

  “Sure,” she told her friend. “I’d—uh—I’d better go,” she said to Noah, reluctantly.

  Noah stepped away. “Me too.” He held onto his cup. “It was good to see you.” He paused as though he didn’t want to leave.

  “Good to see you too,” she said, not wanting him to go. “Have a good day.”

  “You have a good day, too.”

  She joined her friend and looked back at Noah as he walked past the window. Disappointment already dragging her day down.

  Chapter 19

  One step forward and three back.

  Noah wasn’t ready to leave her yet. He’d been waiting for her to get back and bumping into Melissa first thing in the morning had been the best thing to happen to him in days. He could have happily stayed and continued talking to her. Instead, he was on his way to work, and as he glanced back through the window he saw her looking at him.

  He’d been almost on the verge of asking her if she wanted to sit down. Maybe they could have caught up on things. It wasn’t such a crazy idea; they’d had lunch together a few weeks ago and she’d stolen into his thoughts ever since.

  He sometimes felt guilty for thinking of Bree. And sometimes he felt guilty for thinking of Melissa when he should have been thinking of Bree.

  He had survived Christmas—that was the main thing. Moving into the new apartment reaffirmed his belief that he was moving on with his life. Returning to the city, to the routine of work made things easier.

  His parents had wanted him to stay longer; he knew they were worried about him. But he was going to be fine. It was Bree’s parents he found harder to look in the eye. Faces so haggard they’d aged overnight in the space of a few months.

  He could see how losing a child, even a grown woman in her early twenties, would do that to people.

  Visiting her grave had been the hardest thing and he had left as soon as he was politely able to. Paul had gone home for Christmas and would be back tomorrow; so for now it was him and the other guy who he only met once when he came to pick up his key.

  Noah held onto his coffee cup, and wondered for a moment whether to walk back to the coffee shop and ask Melissa if she was free for lunch. He could swear she had perked up as soon as she’d seen him. She had telltale signs, and the way her face tinted warm pink, he knew wasn’t completely from the cold. It was the perfect giveaway.

  She did feel it. It wasn’t just him. Maybe Melissa would be the girl that made him believe again. She was gorgeous—not in a show-off way. She didn’t scream big hair or short skirts because she was so understated, so quietly gorgeous, as if most of the time she had no idea she was so pretty.

  Even though he knew he liked her, he had to be careful. The last thing he wanted was to have her think he was some sort of creep who stalked her.

  Maybe she liked him too.

  But maybe she had a boyfriend.

  Or maybe not, because she’d never actually mentioned one.

  He’d have to think about throwing that into a conversation casually.

  Seeing her first thing on his return to work was almost like a sign. Maybe this year good things were in store. He had walked much further down the street, but he turned anyway and dared to look back on the off chance. There she was, a figure in a dark coat, with a splash of purple around her neck.

  A girl like that—what were the odds that she was single?

  Chapter 20

  She got into the elevator, her spirits lifted and her attention consumed by the recent sighting of Noah. As the doors slid shut, Matt scrambled through, and his excited-to-see-her face held her captive.

  “Welcome back.” He slipped his hands so familiarly around her waist as she heard the doors close. Too familiar, she thought, especially since they’d barely spoken over Christmas.

  He moved in for a kiss and pecked her on the lips. “I’ve missed you.”

  A heavy weight descended in her stomach, painful and slow, pulling her spirits down along with it. She scarcely had time to catch her breath, to put her sweet thoughts safely away.

  Both his hands clasped possessively around her, stuck to her body like glue. She stood with her arms bent awkwardly at the elbows, holding a coffee cup in one hand and the calorie-laden muffin in the other.

  She wriggled out of his grasp. “I’m going to spill this,” she warned him, moving away.

  Judging from the scribbled notebook in his hand and the slight whiff of body odor that hit her, he appeared to have been here a while. It wasn’t the start of his day.

  Had he even taken any time off? Had he spent time with loved ones?

  “We didn’t get to say ‘bye’ properly before you left.” He was unusually calm, given that she had pretty much run like hell that last day to avoid bumping into him.

  “We did say bye—Nadine was there, remember?” she reminded him, even though she knew he was right.

  “I’ve still got your Christmas present,” he said flatly.

  She remained silent. She had his. Somewhere. But had no intention of swapping presents with him anymore.

  “How come you didn’t get in touch much over the holidays? I sent you a couple of texts.”

  “I thought I told you not to send me those pictures anymore.” And he would never be able to take any more of her again. He shrugged in answer. Though they both knew his anger had drawn out over the whole of the Christmas break. Luckily, it had suited her just fine.

  “How have you been?” she asked, more to fill the void than anything else when he cast a disapproving eye over her muffin.

  “I’ve missed you.” His gaze penetrated deeper, as if he was trying to figure out her aloofness. She couldn’t say it. Couldn’t tell him she missed him back because she hadn’t.

  He leaned back against the elevator wall, observing her carefully as he took a pen out from behind his ear and fiddled with it. She knew he sensed that all was not right. Not wanting to lie, she changed the subject. “Have you been here the whole time?”

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, straightening up and ignoring her question completely.

  She coul
dn’t deal with it first thing in the morning. “First day back blues. You know how it is.”

  The elevator stopped at the floor before hers and he paused, looked her way. “I’ll come by once I’m done with a few calls,” he said.

  “Sure.”

  Sometime after, she sat at her desk, doodling away on the jotter pad in front of her. It was quiet all around and empty; people would stagger their return to the office and it would be a few days yet, probably after New Year’s, that it would be at full capacity again.

  Perfect. Because it gave her plenty of thinking time, daydreaming time, decision-making time.

  She knew what she needed to do. Now she had to summon up the strength to do it.

  Was it happenstance that the guy she had run into first thing in the morning was the same guy who had occupied her thoughts the entire time she had been at her parents? Had she unconsciously sought him out each morning?

  It both frightened and excited her. Because even though she sometimes felt that she hardly knew him, there were many times when she thought she knew him too well.

  Seeing him this morning felt like a sign: out with the old. And that included Matt. No starker contrast had there been than to have him plaster his sloppy kiss on her when taking her completely by surprise.

  In with the new. Did that mean Noah? She shifted in her chair, shook her head; she barely knew him. He was still, to all intents and purposes, a stranger, even though they’d shared a few heartrending glances, a knowing smile here and there, veiled words, stolen moments.

  Today she felt sure he was about to ask her something—just as it always seemed to her that he was about to ask her something. Or maybe she had high hopes that he would.

  Had her friend not interrupted, perhaps he might have asked her whatever it was he was going to ask her.

  Now, as she doodled away, she knew she couldn’t delay it any longer; she had to tell Matt. Seeing him this morning, the way he’d kissed her, assaulted her by mouth, she knew she had to end it.

  There would be fallout from this and she would need nerves of steel to deal with it.

  “Good morning, Melissa.” Michael Zimmerman, the head of the company, stopped at her desk.

  “Good morning, Mr. Zimmerman.” She smoothed her arm over her doodled artwork. Something was going on and Melissa wasn’t sure what it was, but Mr. Zimmerman had lots of meetings already scheduled for the first week back after the New Year.

  She hadn’t seen any managers around. Even Nadine wasn’t in, and only a few of the administrative support staff were scattered about, like her. Something was definitely going on behind the scenes and Melissa knew that in time Nadine would tell her.

  “Somewhat of a quiet day, isn’t it?”

  “It sure is.” She smiled back, keeping her arm over her jotter pad.

  “Make the most of it; we’re going to be busier than ever once the new year starts.” And with that lofty assurance, he left her to think about work again.

  She wondered what Ethan and Nadine were up to. Nadine had mentioned something about going home to see her parents over the New Year. Any time that woman had away from work was a blessing.

  Talking of the New Year, she wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She and Heather had talked about it briefly, mulled over their options: spending a night in, or braving it and going out to a New Year’s Eve party with a group of Heather’s friends.

  One thing she knew, she didn’t want to do anything with Matt, but timing was crucial and she had to act fast. If she left it any later, if she dragged it out until tomorrow, it would be a huge mistake.

  Breaking up with someone on New Year’s Eve was a sin. And God only knew she didn’t want to drag this mess into the new year.

  It had to be today. When he’d ventured up to her desk, soon after lunch, she’d managed to throw him a signal which she hoped would prepare him for the ending that would come later. She’d arranged to meet him in the lobby at the end of the workday.

  Five thirty, she’d told him, and in case he got to thinking about any ideas, she had forewarned him with her words. “We have to talk.”

  Chapter 21

  At exactly 5.30 p.m., Melissa waited in a corner of the lobby, her eyes darting in the direction of the elevator bank every so often. Her stomach churned as she counted the slow minutes, willing for this moment to be over.

  All afternoon she’d run through the numerous permutations of how their conversation might turn out: what she’d say, and how he would respond.

  Her heart stopped in her mouth when she saw Matt get out of the elevator and look around for her. Their gazes locked and he swaggered over to her, to the corner of the huge white marbled lobby, the color broken up by swathes of potted green plants and a couple of men in dark navy blue at either end of the huge open space.

  This time his arms remained locked by his side. He faced her wordlessly, no greeting or acknowledgement, as if he was waiting for her to deliver what it was she had to say.

  She glanced at the security guard, who caught her eye and nodded at her. Had he sensed her unease? Was it that apparent?

  The look Matt now gave her was so cold that she wondered if this was the best place or the best way to do it.

  “We have to talk,” she said, her voice serious, trying to get out her message before she chickened out of it.

  “You said.” He shoved a hand into his jacket. “Does it have to be here?”

  “I think it’s best.” Even though she wasn’t so sure that doing it here was the best course of action.

  “Why’re you acting so weird?”

  Melissa looked around again. “I’m not,” she said. Even though her chest constricted and she felt as though she was wearing Spanx one size too small.

  “Why don’t we at least go someplace else?” He seemed to sense her hesitation and then he reached out for her hand. This one motion convinced her that it had to be now. There was no reason to string it out any longer—and there was a danger of that happening if they ended up going elsewhere. It would only prolong her decision and would give him unnecessary hope.

  She moved her hand away, and drew in a long breath. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

  His face drained to white. “You don’t think?” Typical. The thing that had him annoyed the most was that she’d made the decision.

  Finding strength from somewhere, she held fast, and kept her voice low. “I’ve been thinking about things and I think maybe we ought to take a break.” She regretted saying that, because the last thing she wanted to give him was hope. But it helped to put a salve around her words—a salve she needed, judging by the cobra stare he gave her. If she gained any strength, it was from knowing she was in a public place and that the security guard was right across the lobby in direct line of sight.

  “You managed to think this up when you were home over Christmas?” he said quietly.

  This was good, he was quiet, holding it in well, bearing up and seemed to hold it together. She knew he wouldn’t take it well; hadn’t expected him to shake hands and walk away, but she had prepared herself for more outpouring of anger.

  “I missed you, the whole time you were away. I couldn’t wait for you to get back. And this is what you hit me with?” He acted as though he was the one who’d been hurt, as if he hadn’t seen this coming at all.

  “I’m sorry.” She instinctively moved toward him, feeling a little guilty, for the shock of it, for hurting him. But he sprang away, as if the mere touch of her now repulsed him.

  “Don’t,” he warned.

  “Don’t be like that.” She didn’t want it to end like this, with such ill feeling. She moved forward again, this time her hand landed on his forearm before he smacked it away. Hard. The idea of it hurt more than the physical action. She stayed back, knowing things could escalate quickly, knowing what he was like.

  “Is everything alright, ma’am?” The security guard stepped in.

  Matt gave the man a contemptuous look. She gave h
im a smile, and tried to make it stay on her face as she turned to address Matt. “Yes, thank you.”

  The security guard gave them both a knowing look and departed but remained closer this time, not too far from where they stood. “I don’t want to hurt you, Matt, but I think it’s the right thing.”

  “You think it’s the right thing?” His face was an angry mess of furrows and fear. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” The venom in his accusation frightened her.

  “No.” She shook her head, wanting him to dismiss this idea completely. Because she hadn’t met anyone at all. Not even Noah. Noah didn’t exist in that capacity.

  She wanted to break up because he was cold and cruel and twisted. He had a side other girls might like, but she despised. How could she tell him that?

  “I haven’t met anyone. I’ve only been with you since we’ve been together. Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.” She’d been foolish to think it would be easy. Oh, by the way, I don’t want to see you anymore. Bye.

  His lips curled slightly at the corners of his mouth. “Harder? You’ve gone and ruined everything.”

  “I don’t feel we belong together.” She was desperate for him to hear her.

  He laughed out loud, then hooted louder. “You’re soft in the head, not just around your stomach. You’ve watched too much of that Twilight crap.”

  He left her standing there, a quivering, shaking mess of numbness.

  Chapter 22

  “You told him outright?” Heather gave her a look that blatantly told her she didn’t believe her.

  Melissa nodded. “It’s God’s honest truth.”

  She’d come home in a daze, every so often looking over her shoulder to see whether she was being followed. But then she would shake her head at the absurdity of the idea. Matt might be controlling at times, but he wasn’t a stalker.

  She’d barely walked through the door when Heather glanced at her and seemed to know that something had happened.

  “When did you realize?”

  “When did I realize what?” asked Melissa, absentmindedly.