by M. Sembera
His lips gently brushed my cheek as he spoke, “You were supposed to come to me…You should have…I wanted you to come to me.”
Trying my best to feel emotion and gain some understanding on why Hert would think I should have come to him instead of him coming to me, I reminded myself it was a different time. Hert and I had a difficult friendship; we were either extremely happy or fighting. I didn’t want to look at him.
With my eyes still fixed on the ceiling, I asked, “Will you go get Sophia?” Before he got up to get our daughter, I could sense my detachment of emotions when Hert pressed his forehead against my cheek.
Chapter 6
Hert came back into our room handing me Sophia.
He asked, “Do you want me to go get her bassinette?”
Shaking my head, I slowly stood up and said, “No, I’m going to Sophia’s room.”
With a wounded look, Hert pleaded, “Renni, don’t do that.”
I couldn’t look him in the eye as I stated, “I can’t be in here.”
He didn’t move or speak as I walked out of our room.
In Sophia’s room, I sat in the chair by her crib and rocked her. Smiling sweetly at her I put all that had happened out of my mind, concentrating on my love for her. Her eyes were big and brown. Her face the sweetest thing I had ever seen. I held her until she fell back asleep and I placed her in her crib.
Kissing my fingers, I touched them to her forehead whispering, “I love you my Sophia.”
After watching Sophia sleep for a few minutes, I did not want to leave Hert, but I needed time myself. I stretched out on my bed contemplating how much Hert loved Sophia and decided their relationship should remain intact. Reminiscing on close calls we had before we were married, how I felt that night in the dining room and even our wedding night did nothing. Maybe once my mind was able to process everything I would be able to feel something for Hert again. For now, I was empty, at a loss, seemingly devoid of all emotion with the exception of my Sophia.
Instead of going to sleep, I decided to make things easier on myself by getting organized. That way I would only need to leave the room if I wanted to. I walked out of Sophia’s room and into Hert’s. He was sitting on the corner of the bed.
Immediately standing when he saw me enter, his hopeful look quickly faded as I informed, “I need to get some of my clothes and my stuff out of the bathroom.”
Hert sat back down watching me walk back and forth gathering my things. When I was done, I walked back to Sophia’s room. After making sure she was still sleeping, I put my things away and lay across my bed.
Jumping a little when there was a knock at my door, I quickly got up and opened it. Jackson had an ‘oops’ look on his face as I quietly fussed at him for almost waking Sophia. I sat down on my bed motioning for him to take a seat. Wondering if Jackson’s smile would bring any feeling out of me, I noticed he wasn’t smiling.
He appeared serious, imparting, “Hert wants to know what your plans are.”
It was almost humorous, Jackson being in here on Hert’s behalf. Especially after the argument I overheard earlier.
I replied, “I will let him know when I make some. For the time being I am staying in here with Sophia.”
Apparently fulfilling his duty to Hert, Jackson changed the subject, “Are you mad at me for not telling you?”
Shaking my head, I said, “No Jacks. I’m not mad at you. I’m not even mad at Hert. To be honest, I’m not really anything.”
He looked concerned, “What is that supposed to mean?”
Taking a deep breath, I explained, “I’m just at a loss… I think. All I feel right now is confusion.”
Jackson scooted a little closer making it possible to easily place his arm around my shoulders, asking, “What are you confused about?”
Leaning my head to the side, resting it on his arm, I replied, “I guess I really don’t understand. I obviously didn’t know my father. Em spent the entire night my parents died, laughing and having fun with me knowing the whole time they were burning to death…And Hert...Hert who I have known my entire life, who knew my parents, didn’t even bother to show up here, because he had the idea that I should come to him when I found out.”
Jackson moved away, questioning, “And me?”
I placed my hand on his arm assuring, “I know you would have told me if you could,” then giving his arm a squeeze, I continued, “I get that you’re not allowed for whatever reason to tell me, but you could tell me what it is you do. Right?”
Jackson’s disposition seemed to improve as he answered, “I’m just an accountant. I have always been good with numbers so when our firm landed Mr. Roberts’ corporate account, he asked for me personally to oversee it.”
Moving a little closer, I asked, “So what’s all forbidden now that I’m Hert’s wife?”
“You mean other than the obvious?” he smiled.
Doing my best to smile back, I nodded.
Serious again, he stated, “You have to understand Ren, you married Hert and that means only he can decide what you are and aren’t told.”
At that moment I truly believed that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard.
I threw myself back on the bed with a sigh, snapping, “And what if I decide, like you said before, this isn’t what I want?”
Jackson stood up announcing, “That changes the rules a little bit but you can’t just say it, you would have to really mean it. Right now, I don't think you are ready to walk away, do you?”
Narrowing my eyes, I stated, “Maybe,” then relaxing I admitted, “No.”
Jackson smile grew wide as he encouraged, “It’ll be okay Ren, just give it some time.”
Looking up at Jackson, I nodded as he left the room.
Chapter 7
Everything became very routine, after that day. I spoke to Emerson or Hert only when I absolutely had to, refusing to make eye contact with either of them. Two weeks passed and it was time for Emerson to go back to Spain. Hert, Sophia and I were alone in the house with the exception of an occasional visit by Jackson. Except for Sophia the house was very quiet. She was six weeks old now and full of a variety of sounds. Hert faithfully took her downstairs every morning until about noon and came in to tell her goodnight every evening. She was sleeping less during the day and a little bit more each night.
Hert was at the end of his leave. Anticipating the freedom that would come with him being gone all day, I was eager for the next two days to pass quickly. It was very late and Sophia had finally fallen asleep, after crying for what seemed like hours. Listening closely, it sounded as if Hert was in his room so I grabbed a pair of socks and crept downstairs. I walked into the kitchen, deciding to make myself a sandwich. Sitting down at the table to put my socks on, I looked up and saw Hert standing in the doorway. Mentally shouting, ‘Damn it!’ I finished putting on my socks and walked to the refrigerator. Opening the door I looked around, no longer hungry, I grabbed a bottle of water.
Thinking I could get away with just walking out of the kitchen and back upstairs, I headed towards the doorway.
Clearing my throat, I snapped, “Excuse me.”
I waited for Hert to move. Trying to look past him, I could feel him looking down at me as he continued to block my path. Sighing and repeating myself I took a step closer. Still he wouldn’t budge.
Irritated, I looked up at him and shouted, “Damn it, Hert move!”
There was a smile on Hert’s face as I yelled at him. Wishing I had kept to my no eye contact policy, I crossed my arms and waited for my heart to stop pounding before taking a breath.
“Will you please move?” I asked.
Raising an eyebrow and smiling wider he replied, “Nope.”
I was furious. Instantly every emotion possible coursed through me causing me to lose my composure and hurl my bottle of water at him.
He immediately shouted, “Ow!” and I slipped through the door way.
In my rush to get back upstairs, I forgot I still had my so
cks on, lost my footing and slipped before I reached the third step.
Slowly picking myself up off the floor, I could feel blood running down my shin.
Hert quickly asked, “Are you okay?”
Sitting down on the bottom step, I muttered, “Yea, I think so.”
Disappearing into the kitchen he came back with a wet rag and a bag of ice, saying, “That’s a pretty big gash. Are you sure you’re all right?”
Taking the rag from him, I nodded.
Hert suggested, “Come over to the couch and put your leg up so it’ll stop bleeding.”
Holding the rag over my cut, I limped over to the couch, sitting down and stretching my leg out. Hert sat down lifting my leg and placing it across his lap.
Pain mixed with tingly sensations as Hert lightly brushed the rag across my shin. Placing a dry towel on top of my cut he laid the bag of ice over it.
“Does that feel better?” he asked.
Nodding, I apologized, “I’m sorry I threw my water at you.”
Laughing a little, he stated, “See what happens when you throw things at people.”
Rolling my eyes and shaking my head, I leaned back against the arm of the couch, infatuated by the careful way Hert lifted the towel to check my cut and gently replaced the ice.
Glancing over at me, he said, “Looks like the bleeding has almost stopped. I’m going to get a bandage and check on Sophia.”
He lifted my leg off of his lap and went upstairs.
Several appealing scenarios crossed my mind before it occurred to me that my enthusiasm shouldn’t be wasted. Unsure of how I would feel in the morning, it could be a momentary abundance of repressed emotion that never revealed it’s self again. I wanted to temporarily let go and enjoy my desire for Hert while it lasted.
Walking back downstairs, Hert resumed his previous position on the couch, placing my leg back across his lap. Carefully lifting the towel off my leg he put a bandage over my cut.
Asking, “Do you still need the ice?”
I thoughtfully answered, “No thank you.”
Reaching back he dropped the towel and bag of ice on the end table behind him saying, “You should probably stay down here with your leg up for a little bit longer, to insure the bleeding stops. I checked on Sophia. She’s still sleeping.”
Doing my best to look endearing, I widened my eyes and nodded.
Hert cautiously touched the area of my leg around the bandage assuring, “You’re going to have a really good bruise too.”
He relaxed his fingers resting his hand just above my knee, making me want to spasm.
Staring at him so hard I barely heard him ask if I was hurt anywhere else, until he raised his voice, “Renni!”
I snapped to, saying, “Hmh. Oh no, I don’t think so.”
Why did he always have to be so difficult? There was no way Hert didn’t realize how much I wanted him but just to be on the safe side, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to coax him into making a move.
Tensing up, I expressed, “Mmm…my leg is starting to ache,” which wasn’t entirely a lie.
With concern in his voice, he questioned, “Where does it hurt?”
Sliding my hand down the front of my thigh, I replied, “All over,” pleased with myself for having night shorts on.
My satisfaction was quickly thwarted by Hert offering, “I’ll help you upstairs and bring you some aspirin.”
Wanting to slap him, I stated, “That’s okay, I can manage.”
Cringing as I moved my leg off of him and again, when I took my socks off, I got up limping to the stairs. I made it all the way to the top before I had to sit down. Hert walked up the stairs stopping in front of me.
“Are you sure you don’t need help,” he asked.
Frustrated and in an extreme amount of pain, I snapped, “I’ll be fine!”
Walking around me, I watched him go into Sophia’s room, come out and go into his. The pain in my shin was so bad I could feel it radiating up my leg. Grabbing hold of the banister, I pulled myself up debating if it would be better to crawl back to my room. As I stood there deciding Hert walked back out of his room.
Shaking his head Hert rushed over to me, scolding, “That’s enough Renni, come on before you hurt yourself again,” as he picked me up.
There was instant relief in my leg once I was off of it.
He carried me to the hallway then into his room instead of Sophia’s.
“What are you doing?” I fussed as he dropped me on his bed and left the room.
Coming back with the pillows off my bed he declared, “You’re staying in here so I can make sure you don’t get up in the middle of the night and fall down and hurt yourself some more. I brought the monitor in here. If Sophia wakes up, I’ll hear her. Put the pillows under your leg. I’ll be right back.”
Mildly shocked by the way he was ordering me around, I waited until he walked out before doing what I was told.
Hert walked back in handing me two aspirin and some water. Quickly taking them, I set my water down and fixed the pillow behind myself so I could lean against the headboard.
Sitting on the bed next to me, Hert handed me a new bandage saying, “Here let me check your leg and we’ll put a new one on.”
I could tell by the look on his face it was worse than I thought.
After putting the new bandage on, he suggested, “You may need to go to the doctor.”
Hoping that wasn’t the case, I promised, “If it’s not better in the morning I’ll go.”
Wanting the circumstances of being in bed with him to be different, I wished the pain would go away. I stared at the bandage noticing the skin around it was already turning purple.
Hert seemed irritated as he pressed, “Then I’m going to check it better, tell me when it hurts, okay?”
He carefully felt around while I nodded vigorously. When he reached my thigh all I could do was watch his hand moving.
Taking a deep breath when Hert asked, “Does this hurt?” I slowly shook my head.
With a curious expression, he said, “Umm..Renni..”
I exclaimed, “Yes!” before I realized that I was practically panting.
Hert’s eyes changed as his curious expression turned to a smile. Moving up slightly, he slowly caressed his way from my leg wrapping his arm around my waist. Resting his forehead against my cheek, he lightly pressed his lips to the side of my neck. Taking another deep breath, I reached over placing my hand against his chest slowly grabbing hold and pulling his shirt.
Slightly moving up a little more, his lips were now at my ear whispering, “I want you.”
His words swam through me, making it impossible to think. Loosening my grip on his shirt, I felt him move back. Repositioning, Hert leaned over me brushing his fingertips across my cheek. Desperate for more, I placed my hands on his sides sliding them under his shirt until he pulled it the rest of the way off. It felt like I was having an anxiety attack. I couldn’t catch my breath, my leg was throbbing, and the rest of me was aching. Running my fingers down his chest I gave an inviting smile. Hert leaned over me slowly pressing his lips to mine. Wrapping my arms around him I held on as tight as I could. The more forceful his kisses were, the more aggressive I became. I couldn’t believe how much I missed having him so close to me. Losing myself, I twisted around pushing myself into him in an effort to get even closer. When I did I hit my shin against Hert’s knee. The pain was so incredible I screamed. Jumping back Hert looked terrified. Sitting straight up, I threw my hands around my shin and saw blood gushing through my fingers.
Chapter 8
I woke feeling nauseous. My leg felt stiff and achy. Moving the comforter away to check it, I noticed my shin was really swollen and wrapped in gauze. Sitting up, I looked around and saw a note next to me on the bed.
Renni, I’m downstairs with Sophia. There are pain pills right next to the bed if your leg starts to hurt. Don’t take more than one. I’ll be in to check on you as soon as she takes a nap.
Pickin
g up the glass of water Hert left me, I took a sip and tried to remember how the sheets got changed and when I put one of Hert’s t-shirts on. Recalling lots pain and blood it was hazy but I pieced together snips of Hert setting me in bathtub and a man with a black bag saying something about stitches.
The door slowly opened and Hert walked in.
He started by saying, “Sophia’s asleep in her room. How’s your leg?”
Scooting back a little, I replied, “It hurts, but not like last night.”
He walked around the bed sitting down informing, “Okay I need to check it again and change the gauze.”
Nodding, I admitted, “Uh, it’s kind of a blur, was someone else here last night.”
Carefully lifting my leg and unwrapping the gauze, Hert explained, “I called the doctor. I guess when you hit it against my knee it split all the way open you have seven stitches. When your leg started bleeding again, you passed out. Scared the hell outta me. After that, you were in and out. You have an appointment Tuesday. Jackson said he would take you.”
Pouting, I asked, “Why can’t you take me?”
Wrapping new gauze around my leg, he explained, “I have to work; besides I’m taking Friday off. I have some people coming to carpet the stairs,” before giving a little smile as he finished, “After all marble stairs probably aren’t the best idea with Sophia, especially if she’s anything like her mama.”
Grimacing at him, I retorted, “I’m not the only one who’s gotten hurt on those stairs. I seemed to remember even you falling a few times.”
Hert corrected, “No, one time and that was because you played that stupid card game with Jackson and got so drunk you couldn’t make it all the way up by yourself. I wouldn’t have even tripped if you weren’t laughing and trying to tickle me.”
Instantly recalling the night in question, I felt slightly embarrassed.