by M. Sembera
Keeping my voice low, I said, “Jackson, if anything ever happens to Hert, I want you to tell me okay. I mean I want you to come tell me. No one else. Just you.”
Jackson grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard, nodding his head.
Pulling back up at the house, the three of us sat in the car. Amila appeared hesitant to go inside. It was as if she already knew how bad it was.
“Are you ready to go inside?” I asked her.
There was no response, only a blank expression across her face.
I offered, “Do you want me to go inside and see how things are?”
Amila nodded as I got out of the car. Shaking my hands I walked to the front door. I opened the door and walked in. From the empty living room I could see the two men who brought Telli standing in the kitchen. I could hear Hert and the doctor’s voices but it was unclear what they were saying. One of the men from the kitchen glanced at me.
“Mr. Herterand,” the man stated.
Hert stepped out of the bathroom as the man pointed at me. Turning to look he stepped into the living room.
Hert walked closer to me, saying, “Where is Amila? Dr. Chepelli needs to speak with her. Justice of the Peace is on the way now.”
“She’s in the car with Jackson,” I informed sitting down on the couch.
Hert glanced back at the men in the kitchen before nodding at me and walking out the front door.
Getting up, I made my way to the kitchen purposely turning my head in the opposite direction when I passed the bathroom door.
Both men nodded saying, “Mrs. Herterand,” as I walked into the room.
Politely smiling, I asked, “Would ya’ll like something to drink?”
The two men remained stone faced replying in unison, “No ma’am.”
I heard the front door open. Jackson walked into the kitchen.
Heading towards me, he demanded, “Ren, come outside with me.”
Before I could ask why, he grabbed my arm and pulled me out the back door. As the door shut I heard Amila cry out loud. Almost dragging me, Jacks pulled me into the garage.
Jackson asked, “Is he?”
Nodding, I asked, “Are you okay?”
“In the car Amila said he was her whole life and asked what she was supposed to do,” he answered. Visibly upset he continued, “She looked at me like I was supposed to know the answer…Me! I told her I was sure it would be alright but it’s not. And now I’ve lied to her…And…”
I wrapped my arms around him, assuring, “It's okay Jacks. You didn’t know. I know he was your friend, I’m sorry.”
Letting go, I rubbed his arm as he continued, “Ren, you just don’t understand.”
Trying to help, I reminded him, “He got into a fight.”
“Not that, he had a wife at home. Why would he do this?” he questioned.
Startled by his issue, I admitted, “Well, I don’t really know.”
Shaking his head, he confessed, “If I had someone to come home to, I would think twice about doing things.”
Nodding, I looked into his eyes and knew he was sincere.
Walking out of the back door, Hert joined us, standing next to me. The three of us were silent for a moment.
Breaking the silence, Hert informed, “I’m going to run Amila home.”
“Why can’t she stay here?” I blurted.
Shaking his head, Hert shared, “I offered but she said she wanted to go home.”
Hert and I looked at Jacks as he offered, “I’ll take her home.”
Giving him a compassionate look, I watched him turn and walk out.
Wrapping his arms around me, Hert suggested, “You should go upstairs until everyone leaves.”
Nodding into his chest, I agreed.
Upstairs, I laid down on our bed thinking. I felt so bad for Amila. Pondering Jackson’s words, I felt even worse. I had no idea she and Telli had problems, aside from her indiscretion with Emerson. It seemed as though no matter how things looked from the outside, everyone had their own set of problems. Appreciating Hert even more, I understood what he meant when he said this would never happen to him. When he was off he was home. My thoughts were interrupted when Hert walked in. Walking straight to the bathroom, he stopped at the doorway.
Looking over at me, he stated, “We don’t have any towels.”
“Just use a t-shirt. I’ll go buy some in the morning,” I replied.
Nodding he continued into the bathroom.
It didn’t seem to take long for Hert to come back out. After getting dressed, he sat down on the side of the bed.
“I’m sorry about all this,” he said.
With a thoughtful look I asked, “Why are you sorry?”
Lying down next to me, he explained, “For having them bring Telli here. It was just better that way. I didn’t really think about it though. I’m sorry you had to see that. And I’m sorry I told you not to go get Amila. You were right.”
Sliding close, I wrapped my arms around him.
Laying there with Hert, I felt bad for Jackson as well as Amila. I had my husband and he had me to come home to. The more I thought about it the more I realized how lonely Jackson must be. He worked all day with no one to come home to. I knew he only stopped by his parent’s house when his dad was at work. Telli was his friend and now he was gone.
Wondering if Hert was sad too, I asked, “Are you upset?”
He quickly replied, “Yes.”
“Because he was your friend?” I questioned.
Scowling, he answered, “He hurt a lot of people by being irresponsible.”
Startled and confused by his answer, I stated, “That’s a strange thing to say.”
“Why?” he questioned, stating, “It’s true.”
“Well…” I started, before I realized it was true.
Sitting up, Hert stressed, “Well what? I’m sorry he’s dead. I really am but Renni he caused this, no one else.”
Looking up at him, I disputed, “Oh, so the guy who beat his face in isn’t to blame at all?”
His expression softened as he replied, “That’s not at all what I meant.”
I knew that wasn’t what he meant but it still seemed harsh considering Telli died.
“I know you think I’m being mean. Renni, I really don’t care what anyone else did. I care what Telli did and the fact is, he was not doing what he was supposed to and that’s why he’s dead,” he informed.
It was a little frightening the standard Hert held people to. There was no middle ground with him. You either did right or not. The right was based upon what Hert deemed correct. There was no clear way of knowing how you appeared in Hert’s eyes until you did something he disagreed with. It was unfair for him to place such a heavy burden on people.
Taking a breath, I shared, “I know that Hert, okay. I would like to remind you though, the people who are hurt, like his wife, don’t wanna hear how wrong Telli was. So, don’t be like that.”
Nodding, he assured, “I wouldn’t say that to her.”
Sitting up, I reached over holding his hand as I said, “I know you wouldn’t say it to her but you shouldn’t say it to anyone other than me.”
“What do you mean?” he questioned.
About to cry I answered, “Jackson is really upset and I think he kinda feels like you do but …”
He didn’t let me finish wrapping his arms around me he comforted, “I know he’s upset. I’m not going to do or say anything to make it worse, okay. I promise.”
Nodding into his chest, I confessed, “I just don’t want him to start acting like…”
Hert stopped me, saying, “I’m sure Jackson can keep things in perspective.”
Pulling away, I informed, “We need to help Amila with whatever she needs. We aren’t gonna wait for her to come to us.”
With an air of guilt, he nodded in agreement. Hert wrapped his arms back around me as we laid down. Trying to get some sleep, I couldn’t shake the vision of Telli being dragged into our house.
> The more I tried to concentrate on other things, the harder it became to think of anything else. I knew how Hert felt and could see how he blamed Telli for what happened. Reflecting back, Jackson seemed to blame him too.
Needing some extra assurance, I questioned, “You’re telling me the truth right? Telli was out, like Jackson said or is there something else?”
“Yes, Renni,” Hert replied, without skipping a beat.
I continued, asking, “Yes, you’re telling the truth or yes, there’s something else?”
Hert tightened his arms around me and answered, “If Telli had been at home with his wife, instead of out doing what he was doing, he would still be alive.”
Although his answer sounded like he was confirming what he said was true, Hert had a way of wording things so technically he wasn’t lying but it wasn’t entirely the truth either. Different scenarios bounced around in my head as I compared what Hert and Jackson told me. Realizing neither of them actually said what happened; I had drawn my own conclusion.
It gave me an uneasy feeling to question Hert’s involvement. At this point with everything that I did know, it was hard to put anything past any of them.
“Renni, the truth is bad things happen to people all the time. Sometimes there’s no reason and sometimes there is,” he imparted.
Narrowing my eyes at him, I assured, “If there isn’t anything else for me to know that’s fine but Hert… I swear… if I find out it’s something else…” as I shook my head, Hert broke in saying, “I know everything that happened tonight is a lot to deal with. Sophia will be up in just a little while. We should sleep until then.”
Knowing he was right about sleep, I dropped the issue for a little rest.
Chapter 21
Wednesday came and went in an exhausted haze. Between phone calls, checking on Amila and Sophia having a bad day, there was no time to relax. Hert and I passed each other coming and going. He came home from The Office; I left for Amila’s. I came back and he had to go to the funeral home. He arrived home and I left to get dinner. By the time I made it home with food, Jackson was at the house and Hert was heading back to The Office.
After I made him take his dinner with him, Hert gave me a quick kiss and rushed out of the door. Handing Sophia to Jackson’s outstretched arms, I set my bag on the table.
Looking over at Jacks, I asked, “Would you mind coming by Amila’s tomorrow afternoon? I wanna go visit Hert’s mother, so could you take Sophia to your mom’s from there?”
He nodded, giving a quick, “Sure.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t get you anything. I didn’t know you were going to be here,” I told Jackson, offering, “You can have my burger, I’m not even hungry.”
Jackson politely refused, saying, “I already ate, thanks though.”
Double checking, I questioned, “Really?”
Nodding he replied, “I was at my parent’s house. I ate over there.”
I had to ask, “With your dad too?”
“That’s why I went,” he informed before saying, “I’ve been thinking, what if something happened…” I interrupted him asking, “Are you and your dad okay now?”
Nodding, he explained, “Yea, we are. I told my dad I was sorry for leaving his firm to work for The Office and he said he understood. He said sometimes a man has to have something of his own and he realized as long as I worked at JPT I would always just be the owner’s son. My dad also said the offer is always open to come back and that when he retires, I am welcome to take over if I want.”
“You have a good family,” I declared.
With a slight smile, he agreed, “Yea, I know.”
My heart warmed as I thought of Jackson and his dad.
Sitting down at the table, I picked at my dinner watching Sophia and Jackson playing. The longer I watched them the more I thought of Mr. and Mrs. Thomas. For a moment I wished they were Sophia’s grandparents. Hert and I loved Sophia so much. But really, what else did we have to offer her, three dead grandparents and one in a mental institution.
A little teary eyed I said, “You’re a good uncle, Jacks.”
Smiling wide, he shared, “I love my little Sopha-pea.”
“You’re a good friend too,” I added as tears rolled down my cheeks.
I wiped my eyes as his smile faded. Jackson had a concerned look on his face. He stood up with Sophia and walked to the living room smiling at her before setting her in her playpen and handing her a toy.
Walking back to the kitchen, he stood next to me. Reaching down, he took my hand, leading me to the couch.
As I sat down with him, he said, “Ren, I know you’re looking out for Hert but that doesn’t mean you should hold everything in. You can talk to me.”
Nodding at him, I replied, “This is all just too much.”
Jackson started saying, “This is hard on all of us,” before I explained, “It’s not just Telli….it’s my life I guess.”
Appearing confused, Jackson questioned, “Your life?”
“Bad things just seem to happen so fast. I woke up one morning and my parents were dead. You and I were laughing and then all of the sudden you’re on the ground bleeding. Suddenly Mr. Roberts was dead and last night Hert gets a call and Telli… I’m never really prepared,” I shared. He put his arm around me as I continued, saying, “Then I feel guilty because none of this is really happening to me. You, Emerson, Amila and Hert are really the one’s…”
Jackson quickly removed his arm from around me and stated, “Now wait just a minute Ren, whatever went down between you and Roberts before his father died doesn’t matter because I know you tried to be there for him when he needed someone. You’re being a good friend to Amila and since I met you, I have watched you run off to hold Hert’s hand every time something was wrong with him.”
He paused for a moment before revealing, “As for me, you know I really wish you would quit acting like someone’s making me be here for you. I’m in this because I care about you. I don’t have to.”
Taking a breath, he shared, “The only thing you’re guilty of is not thinking things through. You either flip out and start acting all crazy or you pretend like everything’s fine when it’s not.”
Staring at Jackson, I was in awe of his declaration. I started to wonder if he had always been this profound or if this was part of the new and improved Jackson.
“When did you get so smart?” I asked.
Jackson stood up, saying, “I just know what’s important,” as he walked over to Sophia and picked her up.
I couldn’t help being myself for a second as I questioned, “Is there something I should know?”
Rolling his eyes, Jackson informed, “Probably, but I told you before…It’s better if you stay out of it.”
Refusing to believe him, I asked, “Why?”
“'Cause I know you better than you think,” he replied.
Frustrated, I fussed, “Well, how come you get to know everything?”
With equal irritation, Jackson replied, “I don’t. I only know what’s important for me to know and that’s enough for me to tell you it is better if you stay out of it.”
I started to snap, “But if it’s…” before he cut me off, saying, “You’re not right Ren, you do the exact same thing he does. You’re always asking me not to tell Hert and I don’t even when I should. So why would I tell you something that I know for a fact is in your best interest not to know just because your husband is the one asking me not to?”
Before I could argue, Jackson and I turned toward the kitchen, hearing the back door shut.
Hert walked in looking exhausted. Truthfully I was too and arguing with Jackson seemed to use up what little stamina I had left. Hert forced a smile as he passed through the living room and walked upstairs. Taking Sophia from Jackson, I started feeling guilty for getting upset with him.
Jackson started to leave, saying, “See you tomorrow.”
“Thanks Jacks….for being my friend,” I shared with a little smile
>
Jackson’s smile beamed as he replied, “Anytime, Ren,” with a wink.
Carrying Sophia upstairs, I felt better knowing, after my little emotional overflow with Jackson, I could concentrate on being there for Hert. When I reached our room, Hert was in the shower.
I gave Sophia a bath and got her ready for bed. Unfortunately, she wasn’t sleepy. She started getting fussy every time I set her in her crib. It wasn’t long before Hert joined us in her room.
“Are you coming to bed?” Hert asked.
Holding Sophia against me, I said, “Yea, I’m trying to get her to sleep,” as I patted her back.
Sitting in the rocking chair, he offered, “Here, let me try.”
I handed Sophia to him and sat down on the edge of my old bed. Watching him rock her in the chair, I noticed him scowling.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked.
Looking over at me, he questioned, “Talk about what?”
Shrugging, I offered, “Anything.”
As Hert continued to rock Sophia, he stared at me for a while before saying, “I’m just tired.”
I didn’t believe him but I nodded anyway.
By the time Sophia was down for the night, we were so relieved to finally be able to rest, we didn’t see the point in a few extra steps and slept in her room.
Chapter 22
The morning was filled with plenty to accomplish. I woke early in an effort to have a head start. Packing Sophia a bag for the day, I stopped when Hert walked in.
“How long are you going to be gone?” he asked.
Shrugging, I replied, “I’m not sure. It depends on what all Amila needs me for.”
He picked Sophia up, saying, “Do you really think you should bring Sophia with you?”
Smiling, I shook my head, saying, “Yes. Besides you’re not going to be able to work and watch her.”
When I finished packing Sophia’s diaper bag, Hert took it and carried both the bag and Sophia downstairs.