The Rennillia Series: Volumes 1-5

by M. Sembera

  Without opening his eyes, Hert shared, “It does feel better.”

  “See, I told you,” I gloated, getting up to wash my hands.

  After washing my hands, I grabbed an undershirt out of his drawer and walked back over to him.

  Handing it to him, I said, “Here, put this on and hand me the towel.”

  He did and I tossed it in the bathroom hamper. Knowing he was relaxed, I thought now might be a good time to get him to open up.

  Slowly making my way back to the bed, I asked, “Do you mind if I hang out in here with you for a little while?”

  Hert shook his head as I climbed in bed.

  Trying to start off slow, I asked, “So this is your last week working from the house? You ready to get back to The Office?”

  Shrugging, he answered, “I guess. It’s been nice getting to see you and Sophia during the day.”

  His answer made me feel good, provoking me to inquire, “Are you going to stay here? I mean move back in?”

  It took him a minute before he answered, “If it’s okay with you.”

  Nodding, I stated, “It is.”

  Hert nodded back, saying, “I can put a bed in the office if you want to keep this room, since all your stuffs in here.”

  “So is yours,” I laughed.

  Laughing too, he said, “I guess you’re right. So...” before I cut him off, informing, “I’ll stay in Sophia’s room.”

  Nodding, he appeared disappointed.

  “I’m not really ready to go back to the way things were,” I shared.

  Admitting, “I know,” Hert continued, saying, “But if you want, you can stay in here tonight.”

  Taking some time to stare at him and contemplate his offer, I wondered exactly how bad of an idea it would be. I was already in my pajamas and in bed. It was nice to lie next to him and talk. The only real problem was my uncontrollable urge to inch closer every time he looked at me. Finally, I decided it would be fine as long as we just went to sleep.

  “Okay, but just for tonight,” I confirmed before saying, “Night,” and closing my eyes.

  Nudging me, Hert asked, “You’re already going to sleep?”

  Keeping my eyes closed, I replied, “I was thinking about it.”

  Almost pouting, he said, “Oh.”

  Opening my eyes, I questioned, “You’re not tired?”

  Shaking his head, Hert explained, “Not really, I slept a lot today.”

  Thinking this was going to be a little more difficult than just going to sleep, I scooted up leaning against the headboard.

  “Did you wanna talk?” I asked.

  Smiling wide, Hert asked, “Why don’t you tell me about that dream you mentioned earlier?”

  Quickly embarrassed, I said, “Shut up, I’m not telling you.”

  Raising an eyebrow, he teased, “Was it about the cows again?”

  Confused, I asked, “Cows?”

  Laughing, Hert answered, “Yea, remember in the second grade your father was out of town and your mother let us camp out in your backyard. You woke up all mad and said the cows were making sandwiches and wouldn’t let you have one.”

  Instantly remembering, I fussed, “It wasn’t funny. Those cows were very rude.”

  Hert laughed even harder causing me to laugh with him.

  His laughter stopped suddenly as he grabbed his side. Concerned, I sat straight up sliding right next to him placing my hand on his chest.

  “Are you okay?” I blurted.

  Nodding, he said, “Yea, just sore.”

  I offered, “Can I do anything?”

  Shaking his head with a smile, he declined, saying, “It’s from laughing. It happens sometimes when I take a deep breath.”

  Suddenly, all the feelings I had seeing him in the hospital bed, injured, and the relief I felt knowing he was alright, rushed through me and I kissed him.

  As I slowly pulled away, Hert stated, “You can’t do that and expect me to just lay here.”

  Nodding, I placed my hand on the side of his face. The moment my fingers met his beard, I had intent and purpose. Tilting Hert’s head to the side, I carefully leaned over him. Starting with the tiny scars around his eye, I brushed my lips against them. My lips followed them down his cheek. Taking the time to rub my cheek against his before leaning back and sliding the bottom of his shirt up, he moved slightly so I could carefully remove it. Leaning back over him, I kissed the medium size scars on his shoulder before fixating on the larger ones running across his chest.

  Moving up slightly to face him, I whispered, “I missed you.”

  Hert appeared anxious for a moment before rolling onto his good side. Scooting back, I wiggled out of my pajamas before sliding right in front of him. I rested my hand on his cheek and kissed him. When I was as close as possible, the delight I already felt was magnified by a thousand. Nothing was worked for or induced. With no extra effort, I slipped into harmony with him.

  Chapter 7

  Slowly opening my eyes, I was relieved to see Hert still sleeping. As quiet as possible, I inched out of bed, careful not to wake him. Taking a shower, I thought about how much I had enjoyed being with Hert. Then, I thought of how much I truly loved him. Unfortunately, I really meant it when I said I wasn’t ready for things to go back to the way they were before. Last night, was sure to be difficult to work around. Worrying over how Hert would act when he woke, I planned to let him sleep as long as possible. Stepping out of the bathroom, I saw him getting up. Watching him make his way to the bathroom, I hoped the day wouldn’t start with a fight.

  I quickly got dressed, hoping to be out of the room before he was finished in the bathroom but as usual, it didn’t go my way. When I heard the bathroom door open, I thought it was best to stay and hopefully steer the conversation away from last night if he brought it up.

  Sitting down on the bed, I asked, “How is your side this morning?”

  With a slight smile, he answered, “It’s alright,” as he sat down next to me.

  Giving him a soft smile, I said, “I’m gonna go make breakfast, okay.”

  Stopping me from getting up, he shared, “Roberts thought he knew something but he was confused.”

  Shaking my head at him, I asked, “What did he think?”

  “It’s a long story and it doesn’t really matter now. He got it mixed up or something,” he replied.

  Feeling like he couldn’t possibly expect me to understand what he had just said, I scowled, questioning, “Is that supposed to be some sort of an explanation?”

  “No,” he stated, shaking his head before he added, “You wanted to know why I left.”

  Taking a moment to think, I leaned forward and lightly kissed his cheek.

  “I’m going to go make breakfast,” I said before standing up and walking out of the room.

  On my way downstairs, I got Sophia up and carried her with me.

  The rest of the day was fairly routine. Mrs. Thomas called and asked if Sophia could stay at her house to play with Gus’s daughter, Penny who was about the same age as Sophia. Thinking it was a great idea, I said yes. Hert worked in his office, only coming down for lunch and dinner. He played with Sophia before she fell asleep then went straight back to his office.

  Curious, I stepped into his office, asking, “Busy day?”

  Shrugging, he replied, “Not really.”

  Narrowing my eyes, I questioned, “But you’ve been in here all day.”

  With a slight smile, he said, “I was trying to stay out of your hair.”

  Nodding, I stated, “Well, I’m going to bed, night.”

  Standing up, Hert walked closer, asking, “Do you have anything planned for tomorrow?” as I shook my head, he continued, saying, “Dr. Chepelli is stopping by to take my cast off.”

  It took me a few seconds of mental math to fuss, “Why it’s not time yet.”

  “I’m not going back to The Office with it,” he said with a serious look.

  Unable to believe he was really that stupid, I tur
ned and walked out of his office and into his room.

  Really, what was Hert thinking? He still had three weeks left. All I could think was stupid Office and stupid Hert. I grabbed my pajamas out of the dresser and started back to my room. Before I made it out, Hert walked in slowly closing the door behind him.

  In a mild tone, he informed, “I know you’re worried but…” before I cut him off saying, “But, nothing. That’s stupid. What if it’s not healed all the way yet and you really mess it up? You are stupid.”

  Smiling slightly, he walked closer, saying, “It will be alright.”

  Narrowing my eyes at him, I snapped, “No, in three weeks it will be alright.”

  Reaching out, he placed his hand on the side of my face, assuring, “It will be alright tomorrow,” as he stepped even closer.

  For a second, I was distracted before I snapped, “What do you think you’re doing?”

  He didn’t answer me this time. Leaning down, he kissed my forehead before walking to the bed. As he sat on his bed, Hert patted the space next to him with a smile. Shaking my head, I gave every effort not to smile too. In my quest to unveil information, I had given in the previous night. A thought quickly developed. What if, like last night, I stayed with him, would he answer another question? It was similar to give and take but really I was getting either way. Laughing a little to myself, I doubted this is what Jackson had in mind; however it was working so I ran with it.

  I slowly walked over to him. Taking a seat beside Hert, I smiled directly at him.

  “What?” I asked in a playful tone.

  With a smirk, Hert replied, “I was good all day.”

  Shaking my head at him, I laughed, “You stayed in your office all day.”

  Leaning his forehead against mine, he nodded saying, “See, I was good.”

  “How does that make you good?” I laughed.

  Moving to my ear, he whispered, “Because I wanted to do this,” and gently kissed down my neck.

  I was in heaven and had nothing else to say.

  Pulling away, Hert looked directly at me saying, “I missed you.”

  It was the perfect opportunity but there were no questions to ask, no answers to receive, only the faint resonance of our breath.

  Laying there next to Hert, I lightly smiled watching him stare at the ceiling. As I continued to watch him, I wondered why our relationship had to be so difficult. Between the way he made me feel when he touched me and all the problems we had, there seemed to be no middle ground. Maybe I was looking at our marriage all wrong, and maybe I was expecting too much. Hoping for something no one could achieve. Why couldn’t I just be happy with how things were? Was there really more to marriage than friends that have sex?

  Hert glanced at me, asking, “Will you stay in here again?”

  Nodding, I asked, “Can we stay up and talk for a little while?”

  He nodded back saying, “We can do whatever you want.”

  “What if it’s not what you want?” I questioned.

  With a confused expression, he stressed, “I think I have been very clear about what I want.”

  Shaking my head, I gathered the comforter in my arms and sat up.

  “That’s not really what I meant. You said we can do whatever I want but what if I want to talk about things you don’t?” I explained.

  Nodding with a hint of understanding, he replied, “Okay, if you do the same for me.”

  I nodded back, saying, “I will.”

  For the first time, I felt as if I might actually get somewhere with Hert.

  With a light smile, I offered, “Do you wanna go first?”

  Hert looked serious as he asked, “Are you sure you want me to answer your questions?”

  Nodding, I asked, “Why is The Office so important to you?”

  Hert took a minute before answering, “It isn’t The Office itself, it’s the agreements that are made.”

  With a sigh, I offered, “You could always quit.”

  Taking a deep breath, he replied, “No.”

  “Why not?” I questioned, shaking my head.

  Hert took another deep breath, explaining, “I can’t just walk away from it.”

  It dawned on me I might have spent this whole time thinking about what I wanted without thinking of what Hert wanted.

  “If you could walk away, would you even really want to?” I asked.

  Appearing perplexed, he shared, “I don’t think that way.”

  Nodding, I said, “I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to because it’s your father’s company.”

  Shaking his head at me, Hert imparted, “Renni, Charles Herterand was my father. Mason Roberts was my boss.”

  “But...” I started before he interrupted me, saying, “I know technically Mr. Roberts was but he didn’t raise me. He gave me a job.”

  I couldn’t argue, he was right.

  Hert smiled slightly, running his fingers down my arm. As I smiled back, I stopped his hand holding it tight.

  Appearing as though he couldn’t stop himself, Hert leaned over and kissed me before saying, “I want you. Why do you need to know anything else? That should be enough.”

  Staring directly at him, I assured, “It would be if it was just you and me.”

  Closing his eyes, Hert leaned his forehead to mine. I closed mine too, placing my hands on the sides of his face. The moment intensified with every breath I took. Knowing whatever he was dwelling on would hurt in the long run, I stayed silent. For a few moments, we were simply ourselves, until Hert pulled away.

  “I’m not in a position where I can question what I’m doing. If it helps, I can try to make it as easy on you as possible,” he stated.

  Narrowing my eyes at him, I asked, “You really think I feel this way because it’s hard?” as he shrugged I imparted, “I’m not going to say I don’t wish things were easy, it would be a nice change but I never really know what the truth is. It shouldn’t be that complicated to just tell me the truth.”

  Taking a deep breath, Hert replied, “The truth is simple, it’s what happens after, that makes things complicated.”

  At that point I knew he was never going to be the one to tell me what I wanted to know. I was going to have to figure it out all on my own.

  Before I was unsure, always thinking there was a way to get him to open up and confide in me. At least I knew where I stood with him now. Really it was the same place I always was with him. In a way my realization took some of the pressure off of our relationship.

  Smiling at him, I said, “Okay.”

  With a hint of disbelief, Hert questioned, “Okay?”

  Nodding, I shared, “There is one thing that you have to tell me.”

  He appeared concerned, before I asked, “Seriously Hert, all the time we spent together as teenagers, why didn’t you ever try anything with me?”

  Hert smiled, before saying, “I just didn’t.”

  “Okay then, if you could pick one time to go back to and make a move?” I questioned with a wide smile.

  After a few seconds of thought, Hert replied, “The time we stayed out at the pond all night.”

  My heart fluttered at the memory as I thought, that would have been perfect.

  “You had on a pink dress and you were laying there looking up at me,” he recalled before saying, “And I remember thinking, I would give anything for you to say you wanted me.”

  My happiness was suddenly replaced by remorse when I remembered what I did say.

  Lying back down, I recalled the expression on his face that night. At the time I thought he was angry with me, now I knew better. Feeling sad over my self-centeredness so many years ago, I thought of something else.

  With a slight smile, I asked, “If I had, would you have kissed me?”

  Shaking his head, Hert smiled back at me saying, “It’s good that you didn’t.”

  Giving him a look, I asked, “Why is that?”

  “Because I wanted to do more than kiss you,” he replied.

  Hi
s answer made me excited and a little confused at the same time. It was still such a thrill to find out he was so attracted to me but really who was this person I thought I knew. It dawned on me, he was the same person he had always been. Always guarded, it wasn’t just The Office, Hert never really talked about anything. The only things I knew were things I had been told by others.

  I stared at him, wondering how I could go my whole life knowing Hert without really knowing him.

  “Did I upset you?” Hert ask appearing concerned.

  Shaking my head, I replied, “Sometimes I feel like I know how you are but I don’t really know you.”

  Raising his eyebrows, he fussed, “That doesn’t make any sense Renni.”

  I nodded, explaining, “Yes it does. I know you never celebrate your birthday but I have no idea why. I know that when you’re upset I’m usually caught off guard at the actual reason. You stopped going to visit your mom but it can’t be because of her and Mr. Roberts because you seem like it doesn’t really bother you. And not to beat a dead horse but apparently you wanted me for years and it wasn’t until…It’s like I know the outcome but I never really know how you got there.”

  Hert’s expression was serious as he stated, “I don’t think you really want me to respond to that.”

  Sitting back up, I assured, “Yes I do.”

  “Birthdays aren’t a big deal, just another day of the same thing. I found out about my mother and Mr. Roberts a long time ago. Why the hell do you think I gave Roberts so much leeway? My mother told me I was making a mistake taking over The Office, that’s why I quit going. And it’s not my fault you decide in your head what I’m mad about instead of just asking me,” he shared, before taking a deep breath and saying, “as for me and you, if you would have thought about someone other than yourself for five minutes you would have known. In fact every question you’ve ever asked me, you would already know the answer to if you had paid attention to what was going on around you. You are the most impulsive person I have ever met in my life. You just do these things and you never really think about the consequences. You’ve always been that way and it’s not even about what you really want because that changes from day to day too.”