Life And Adventures Of Martin Chuzzlewit

by Charles Dickens

  “Trouble, Mr Pinch!” cried the hostess of the Dragon.

  “Well! It's a pleasure to you, I know,” said Tom, squeezing her hand heartily. “Is there any news?”

  The hostess shook her head.

  “Say you saw me,” said Tom, “and that I was very bold and cheerful, and not a bit down-hearted; and that I entreated her to be the same, for all is certain to come right at last. Good-bye!”

  “You'll write when you get settled, Mr Pinch?” said Mrs Lupin.

  “When I get settled!” cried Tom, with an involuntary opening of his eyes. “Oh, yes, I'll write when I get settled. Perhaps I had better write before, because I may find that it takes a little time to settle myself; not having too much money, and having only one friend. I shall give your love to the friend, by the way. You were always great with Mr Westlock, you know. Good-bye!”

  “Good-bye!” said Mrs Lupin, hastily producing a basket with a long bottle sticking out of it. “Take this. Good-bye!”

  “Do you want me to carry it to London for you?” cried Tom. She was already turning the chaise-cart round.

  “No, no,” said Mrs Lupin. “It's only a little something for refreshment on the road. Sit fast, Jack. Drive on, sir. All right! Good-bye!”

  She was a quarter of a mile off, before Tom collected himself; and then he was waving his hand lustily; and so was she.

  “And that's the last of the old finger-post,” thought Tom, straining his eyes, “where I have so often stood to see this very coach go by, and where I have parted with so many companions! I used to compare this coach to some great monster that appeared at certain times to bear my friends away into the world. And now it's bearing me away, to seek my fortune, Heaven knows where and how!”

  It made Tom melancholy to picture himself walking up the lane and back to Pecksniff's as of old; and being melancholy, he looked downwards at the basket on his knee, which he had for the moment forgotten.

  “She is the kindest and most considerate creature in the world,” thought Tom. “Now I KNOW that she particularly told that man of hers not to look at me, on purpose to prevent my throwing him a shilling! I had it ready for him all the time, and he never once looked towards me; whereas that man naturally, (for I know him very well,) would have done nothing but grin and stare. Upon my word, the kindness of people perfectly melts me.”

  Here he caught the coachman's eye. The coachman winked. “Remarkable fine woman for her time of life,” said the coachman.

  “I quite agree with you,” returned Tom. “So she is.”

  “Finer than many a young “un, I mean to say,” observed the coachman. “Eh?”

  “Than many a young one,” Tom assented.

  “I don't care for “em myself when they're too young,” remarked the coachman.

  This was a matter of taste, which Tom did not feel himself called upon to discuss.

  “You'll seldom find “em possessing correct opinions about refreshment, for instance, when they're too young, you know,” said the coachman; “a woman must have arrived at maturity, before her mind's equal to coming provided with a basket like that.”

  “Perhaps you would like to know what it contains?” said Tom, smiling.

  As the coachman only laughed, and as Tom was curious himself, he unpacked it, and put the articles, one by one, upon the footboard. A cold roast fowl, a packet of ham in slices, a crusty loaf, a piece of cheese, a paper of biscuits, half a dozen apples, a knife, some butter, a screw of salt, and a bottle of old sherry. There was a letter besides, which Tom put in his pocket.

  The coachman was so earnest in his approval of Mrs Lupin's provident habits, and congratulated Torn so warmly on his good fortune, that Tom felt it necessary, for the lady's sake, to explain that the basket was a strictly Platonic basket, and had merely been presented to him in the way of friendship. When he had made the statement with perfect gravity; for he felt it incumbent on him to disabuse the mind of this lax rover of any incorrect impressions on the subject; he signified that he would be happy to share the gifts with him, and proposed that they should attack the basket in a spirit of good fellowship at any time in the course of the night which the coachman's experience and knowledge of the road might suggest, as being best adapted to the purpose. From this time they chatted so pleasantly together, that although Tom knew infinitely more of unicorns than horses, the coachman informed his friend the guard at the end of the next stage, “that rum as the box-seat looked, he was as good a one to go, in pint of conversation, as ever he'd wish to sit by.”

  Yoho, among the gathering shades; making of no account the deep reflections of the trees, but scampering on through light and darkness, all the same, as if the light of London fifty miles away, were quite enough to travel by, and some to spare. Yoho, beside the village green, where cricket-players linger yet, and every little indentation made in the fresh grass by bat or wicket, ball or player's foot, sheds out its perfume on the night. Away with four fresh horses from the Bald-faced Stag, where topers congregate about the door admiring; and the last team with traces hanging loose, go roaming off towards the pond, until observed and shouted after by a dozen throats, while volunteering boys pursue them. Now, with a clattering of hoofs and striking out of fiery sparks, across the old stone bridge, and down again into the shadowy road, and through the open gate, and far away, away, into the wold. Yoho!

  Yoho, behind there, stop that bugle for a moment! Come creeping over to the front, along the coach-roof, guard, and make one at this basket! Not that we slacken in our pace the while, not we; we rather put the bits of blood upon their metal, for the greater glory of the snack. Ah! It is long since this bottle of old wine was brought into contact with the mellow breath of night, you may depend, and rare good stuff it is to wet a bugler's whistle with. Only try it. Don't be afraid of turning up your finger, Bill, another pull! Now, take your breath, and try the bugle, Bill. There's music! There's a tone!” over the hills and far away,” indeed. Yoho! The skittish mare is all alive to-night. Yoho! Yoho!

  See the bright moon! High up before we know it; making the earth reflect the objects on its breast like water. Hedges, trees, low cottages, church steeples, blighted stumps and flourishing young slips, have all grown vain upon the sudden, and mean to contemplate their own fair images till morning. The poplars yonder rustle that their quivering leaves may see themselves upon the ground. Not so the oak; trembling does not become HIM; and he watches himself in his stout old burly steadfastness, without the motion of a twig. The moss-grown gate, ill-poised upon its creaking hinges, crippled and decayed swings to and fro before its glass, like some fantastic dowager; while our own ghostly likeness travels on, Yoho! Yoho! through ditch and brake, upon the ploughed land and the smooth, along the steep hillside and steeper wall, as if it were a phantomHunter.

  Clouds too! And a mist upon the Hollow! Not a dull fog that hides it, but a light airy gauze-like mist, which in our eyes of modest admiration gives a new charm to the beauties it is spread before; as real gauze has done ere now, and would again, so please you, though we were the Pope. Yoho! Why now we travel like the Moon herself. Hiding this minute in a grove of trees; next minute in a patch of vapour; emerging now upon our broad clear course; withdrawing now, but always dashing on, our journey is a counter-part of hers. Yoho! A match against the Moon!

  The beauty of the night is hardly felt, when Day comes rushing up. Yoho! Two stages, and the country roads are almost changed to a continuous street. Yoho, past market-gardens, rows of houses, villas, crescents, terraces, and squares; past waggons, coaches, carts; past early workmen, late stragglers, drunken men, and sober carriers of loads; past brick and mortar in its every shape; and in among the rattling pavements, where a jaunty-seat upon a coach is not so easy to preserve! Yoho, down countless turnings, and through countless mazy ways, until an old Innyard is gained, and Tom Pinch, getting down quite stunned and giddy, is in London!

  “Five minutes before the time, too!” said the driver, as he received his fee of Tom.
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  “Upon my word,” said Tom, “I should not have minded very much, if we had been five hours after it; for at this early hour I don't know where to go, or what to do with myself.”

  “Don't they expect you then?” inquired the driver.

  “Who?” said Tom.

  “Why them,” returned the driver.

  His mind was so clearly running on the assumption of Tom's having come to town to see an extensive circle of anxious relations and friends, that it would have been pretty hard work to undeceive him. Tom did not try. He cheerfully evaded the subject, and going into the Inn, fell fast asleep before a fire in one of the public rooms opening from the yard. When he awoke, the people in the house were all astir, so he washed and dressed himself; to his great refreshment after the journey; and, it being by that time eight o'clock, went forth at once to see his old friend John.

  John Westlock lived in Furnival's Inn, High Holborn, which was within a quarter of an hour's walk of Tom's starting-point, but seemed a long way off, by reason of his going two or three miles out of the straight road to make a short cut. When at last he arrived outside John's door, two stories up, he stood faltering with his hand upon the knocker, and trembled from head to foot. For he was rendered very nervous by the thought of having to relate what had fallen out between himself and Pecksniff; and he had a misgiving that John would exult fearfully in the disclosure.

  “But it must be made,” thought Tom, “sooner or later; and I had better get it over.”

  Rat tat.

  “I am afraid that's not a London knock,” thought Tom. “It didn't sound bold. Perhaps that's the reason why nobody answers the door.”

  It is quite certain that nobody came, and that Tom stood looking at the knocker; wondering whereabouts in the neighbourhood a certain gentleman resided, who was roaring out to somebody “Come in!” with all his might.

  “Bless my soul!” thought Tom at last. “Perhaps he lives here, and is calling to me. I never thought of that. Can I open the door from the outside, I wonder. Yes, to be sure I can.”

  To be sure he could, by turning the handle; and to be sure when he did turn it the same voice came rushing out, crying “Why don't you come in? Come in, do you hear? What are you standing there for?'— quite violently.

  Tom stepped from the little passage into the room from which these sounds proceeded, and had barely caught a glimpse of a gentleman in a dressing-gown and slippers (with his boots beside him ready to put on), sitting at his breakfast with a newspaper in his hand, when the said gentleman, at the imminent hazard of oversetting his tea-table, made a plunge at Tom, and hugged him.

  “Why, Tom, my boy!” cried the gentleman. “Tom!”

  “How glad I am to see you, Mr Westlock!” said Tom Pinch, shaking both his hands, and trembling more than ever. “How kind you are!”

  “Mr Westlock!” repeated John, “what do you mean by that, Pinch? You have not forgotten my Christian name, I suppose?”

  “No, John, no. I have not forgotten,” said Thomas Pinch. “Good gracious me, how kind you are!”

  “I never saw such a fellow in all my life!” cried John. “What do you mean by saying THAT over and over again? What did you expect me to be, I wonder! Here, sit down, Tom, and be a reasonable creature. How are you, my boy? I am delighted to see you!”

  “And I am delighted to see YOU,” said Tom.

  “It's mutual, of course,” returned John. “It always was, I hope. If I had known you had been coming, Tom, I would have had something for breakfast. I would rather have such a surprise than the best breakfast in the world, myself; but yours is another case, and I have no doubt you are as hungry as a hunter. You must make out as well as you can, Tom, and we'll recompense ourselves at dinner-time. You take sugar, I know; I recollect the sugar at Pecksniff's. Ha, ha, ha! How IS Pecksniff? When did you come to town? DO begin at something or other, Tom. There are only scraps here, but they are not at all bad. Boar's Head potted. Try it, Tom. Make a beginning whatever you do. What an old Blade you are! I am delighted to see you.”

  While he delivered himself of these words in a state of great commotion, John was constantly running backwards and forwards to and from the closet, bringing out all sorts of things in pots, scooping extraordinary quantities of tea out of the caddy, dropping French rolls into his boots, pouring hot water over the butter, and making a variety of similar mistakes without disconcerting himself in the least.

  “There!” said John, sitting down for the fiftieth time, and instantly starting up again to make some other addition to the breakfast. “Now we are as well off as we are likely to be till dinner. And now let us have the news, Tom. Imprimis, how's Pecksniff?”

  “I don't know how he is,” was Tom's grave answer.

  John Westlock put the teapot down, and looked at him, in astonishment.

  “I don't know how he is,” said Thomas Pinch; “and, saving that I wish him no ill, I don't care. I have left him, John. I have left him for ever.”

  “Voluntarily?”

  “Why, no, for he dismissed me. But I had first found out that I was mistaken in him; and I could not have remained with him under any circumstances. I grieve to say that you were right in your estimate of his character. It may be a ridiculous weakness, John, but it has been very painful and bitter to me to find this out, I do assure you.”

  Tom had no need to direct that appealing look towards his friend, in mild and gentle deprecation of his answering with a laugh. John Westlock would as soon have thought of striking him down upon the floor.

  “It was all a dream of mine,” said Tom, “and it is over. I'll tell you how it happened, at some other time. Bear with my folly, John. I do not, just now, like to think or speak about it.”

  “I swear to you, Tom,” returned his friend, with great earnestness of manner, after remaining silent for a few moments, “that when I see, as I do now, how deeply you feel this, I don't know whether to be glad or sorry that you have made the discovery at last. I reproach myself with the thought that I ever jested on the subject; I ought to have known better.”

  “My dear friend,” said Tom, extending his hand, “it is very generous and gallant in you to receive me and my disclosure in this spirit; it makes me blush to think that I should have felt a moment's uneasiness as I came along. You can't think what a weight is lifted off my mind,” said Tom, taking up his knife and fork again, and looking very cheerful. “I shall punish the Boar's Head dreadfully.”

  The host, thus reminded of his duties, instantly betook himself to piling up all kinds of irreconcilable and contradictory viands in Tom's plate, and a very capital breakfast Tom made, and very much the better for it Tom felt.

  “That's all right,” said John, after contemplating his visitor's proceedings with infinite satisfaction. “Now, about our plans. You are going to stay with me, of course. Where's your box?”

  “It's at the Inn,” said Tom. “I didn't intend—”

  “Never mind what you didn't intend,” John Westlock interposed. “What you DID intend is more to the purpose. You intended, in coming here, to ask my advice, did you not, Tom?”

  “Certainly.”

  “And to take it when I gave it to you?”

  “Yes,” rejoined Tom, smiling, “if it were good advice, which, being yours, I have no doubt it will be.”

  “Very well. Then don't be an obstinate old humbug in the outset, Tom, or I shall shut up shop and dispense none of that invaluable commodity. You are on a visit to me. I wish I had an organ for you, Tom!”

  “So do the gentlemen downstairs, and the gentlemen overhead I have no doubt,” was Tom's reply.

  “Let me see. In the first place, you will wish to see your sister this morning,” pursued his friend, “and of course you will like to go there alone. I'll walk part of the way with you; and see about a little business of my own, and meet you here again in the afternoon. Put that in your pocket, Tom. It's only the key of the door. If you come home first you'll want it.”

  “Really,”
said Tom, “quartering one's self upon a friend in this way—”

  “Why, there are two keys,” interposed John Westlock. “I can't open the door with them both at once, can I? What a ridiculous fellow you are, Tom? Nothing particular you'd like for dinner, is there?”

  “Oh dear no,” said Tom.

  “Very well, then you may as well leave it to me. Have a glass of cherry brandy, Tom?”

  “Not a drop! What remarkable chambers these are!” said Pinch “there's everything in “em!”

  “Bless your soul, Tom, nothing but a few little bachelor contrivances! the sort of impromptu arrangements that might have suggested themselves to Philip Quarll or Robinson Crusoe, that's all. What do you say? Shall we walk?”

  “By all means,” cried Tom. “As soon as you like.”

  Accordingly John Westlock took the French rolls out of his boots, and put his boots on, and dressed himself; giving Tom the paper to read in the meanwhile. When he returned, equipped for walking, he found Tom in a brown study, with the paper in his hand.

  “Dreaming, Tom?”

  “No,” said Mr Pinch, “No. I have been looking over the advertising sheet, thinking there might be something in it which would be likely to suit me. But, as I often think, the strange thing seems to be that nobody is suited. Here are all kinds of employers wanting all sorts of servants, and all sorts of servants wanting all kinds of employers, and they never seem to come together. Here is a gentleman in a public office in a position of temporary difficulty, who wants to borrow five hundred pounds; and in the very next advertisement here is another gentleman who has got exactly that sum to lend. But he'll never lend it to him, John, you'll find! Here is a lady possessing a moderate independence, who wants to board and lodge with a quiet, cheerful family; and here is a family describing themselves in those very words, “a quiet, cheerful family,” who want exactly such a lady to come and live with them. But she'll never go, John! Neither do any of these single gentlemen who want an airy bedroom, with the occasional use of a parlour, ever appear to come to terms with these other people who live in a rural situation remarkable for its bracing atmosphere, within five minutes” walk of the Royal Exchange. Even those letters of the alphabet who are always running away from their friends and being entreated at the tops of columns to come back, never DO come back, if we may judge from the number of times they are asked to do it and don't. It really seems,” said Tom, relinquishing the paper with a thoughtful sigh, “as if people had the same gratification in printing their complaints as in making them known by word of mouth; as if they found it a comfort and consolation to proclaim “I want such and such a thing, and I can't get it, and I don't expect I ever shall!”