Murder, Malice and Mischief

by Quinn, Lucy

  “So, she added the Miss,” Evie said. “Clever.”

  “How do people not know how to tell the sex of a cat?” Dora asked. “It can’t be that complicated.”

  Luke turned his head to her. “You’d think, but it definitely happens a lot with shelter animals,” Luke said.

  “Right,” Evie piped in. “Once they snip those tiny man parts off it’s hard to tell.” Evie let out a small gasp. “Wait. An old lady owned Miss Morris?”

  “It’s sad,” Luke said. “The woman died of a sudden heart attack, and her cat was left behind.”

  “Oh my god!” Evie said, recalling her half-baked idea that Brian might be involved in a senior citizen scam. Only maybe the person that had been taken advantage of wasn’t his relative. Maybe it was Miss Morris’s mistress and Brian was behind the scam. “Was she in a home for old folks by any chance?”

  “Assisted living,” Dora corrected.

  “She was. Riverwoods. Have you seen the place?” Luke let out a low whistle. “It’s like a resort. I’ll tell you, whoever runs that joint has it figured out. The residents have so much money they play shuffleboard with golden pucks.”

  “The perfect place to run a scam, wouldn’t you say?” Evie asked.

  “Wow,” Dora said. “You guys, this may be a long shot, but when Sunshine managed to turn on the audio of the surveillance camera at the dry cleaners, we got the tail end of a sentence. Remember, Evie?”

  Evie shrugged because what she remembered was how proud she’d been of Sunshine. That little dog really took her yoga seriously.

  Dora said, “We heard him say, Miss Morris. I thought Brian mentioned someone named Morris, but what if he was referring to a cat?”

  “Dora!” Evie cried, suddenly remembering the conversation they’d eavesdropped on. “The next thing we heard was Jock saying animal cruelty wasn’t in the contract. Do you think Brian had something to do with the woman’s death and Jock insisted on bringing the cat to a shelter? Crap!”

  “That’s not as far-fetched as you’d think,” Luke said. “The girl who works for me also works part-time at Riverwoods, and that’s where she got the cat.”

  Evie glanced back at Dora whose eyes were wide open.

  “See?” Dora said. “Maybe Brian is in on a scam and just dresses down.”

  Evie chuckled and let Dora be right. “I guess so. What do we do about it?”

  Dora sighed. “I don’t know. I mean, this could just be our imaginations putting together random bits of information because humans love correlations.”

  “This is why she’s an accountant,” Luke said. Evie noticed he was smiling with pride. That man was definitely someone Dora needed in her life. But first they needed to salvage said life. And the first step was to rescue Billy.

  “Whatever.” Evie rolled her eyes, because Dora’s need for logic could get super annoying. They were just down the street from the alligator park, and Luke slowed his car and snapped off the lights. Evie whispered as if someone could hear through the car’s exterior. “Don’t want to alert anyone to our arrival.”

  “Smart,” Dora whispered with what Evie suspected was sarcasm.

  Lack of sleep and high stress levels were making the best friends cranky with each other, and Evie didn’t like it. Once Luke stopped the car she turned to Dora in the back seat. “Hey, if we’re going to get through this, we need to be our best selves. Okay?”

  “Sorry.” Dora held out her pinky and Evie hooked onto it with her own tiny digit. “BFFs 4E.”

  Evie smiled at their long-standing joke. When they were young, Evie didn’t know that BFF already had forever in it and added the 4 and the E. So technically, they were saying best friends forever four ever. But even after Evie learned her mistake it had stuck. “BFF’s4E.”

  Luke said, “Ladies, are we ready for this?”

  Evie and Dora gazed into each other’s eyes with determination, and in unison they said, “Let’s do it.”

  Chapter 19

  “Ugh,” Dora said as she tried not to breathe through her nose. The three of them were tiptoeing with Luke in the lead to the back of the alligator park to access a service entrance. This time Sunshine was secured in a baby backpack Luke had snagged from another neighbor who was away. That man had a lot of keys to other people’s homes, it seemed, and so many neighbors who clearly trusted him to watch over things while they were gone.

  “Right?” Evie asked. “How does anyone work here with that smell?”

  “They acclimate,” Dora said, annoying even herself by responding since she knew Evie didn’t really want an answer. God, she really was a pain sometimes. although she knew she was focusing on facts to stay sane. Her logic had gotten her through most difficulties in her life, and it was hard not to rely on it now. Even if her stupid logic was how she’d ended up in this position in the first place.

  They approached a dumpster, which added another disgusting odor to the sickening cocktail they were inhaling, and Luke stopped moving. He held up his hand. He turned, and his eyes shone with the reflection of a streetlight as he whispered, “Let’s run over the plan one more time. I’ll lead us to Billy because I know exactly where the security cameras are and how to avoid them.”

  Dora nodded and gave Evie a serious glare. It’s not that Evie meant to ruin the best laid plans, but she was known to go off the rails. “You understand this part, right?”

  “Yes, Dora,” Evie said and then followed up with a huff. “I understand I’m to follow Luke and not get distracted by anything shiny.”

  “Didn’t you two just have a pinky-swearing, initial-filled bonding moment where you promised not to be snippy anymore?” Luke asked.

  “Sorry, Evie,” Dora said.

  “It’s okay. You’re right; I sometimes get distracted. But I won’t this time. I promise.”

  Luke watched the two women for a moment, and when they both gazed at him with a look that said what are you waiting for? he continued, “Once we get to Billy, I’m going to distract the alligator that’s guarding him.”

  Luke had shown Evie and Dora his sketch of Billy, who was sitting on a stool inside a large, clear plastic cylinder one might see protecting a human in a big aquarium. It was suspended partway inside a pool of water that housed at least one alligator.

  Evie said to him, “You’re going to do the distraction this time.”

  “I am,” Luke confirmed.

  Dora was glad. She’d had enough of being alligator bait to last a lifetime. “And while you do that, Evie and I find a way to get Billy out of his tank and into your car.”

  “Good thing I packed a snack for him,” Evie said, patting the straps of the baby backpack she was wearing. “He’s bound to be starving after all this time in captivity.” The pack was made to hold a baby, the part Sunshine was utilizing, but it also had a pocket for other items a parent might need. “Sunshine’s guarding them for safekeeping.”

  The little dog let out a shocked sounding yelp, and Dora took a good look at the pup, noticing brown stains around her furry white snout that looked suspiciously like peanut butter.

  The dog curled her upper lip at Dora in silence, warning her not to tell Evie how well the peanut butter bar had actually been guarded. Dora shrugged. She understood that emergency snacks were for a variety of stressful situations, like say, returning to the place where you were almost a doggy truffle for a gator. Besides, it was gone now, and not much could be done about it.

  “Then,” Dora began, “we get Billy home and swear him to secrecy about us. Since Evie returned the truck and clocked him out as usual—"

  Evie cut in, “And we delivered all his mail.”

  “He returns to work as usual on Monday,” Dora finished. They had discussed this previously, but Dora was still uneasy about this portion of their plan. “Jeez, I sure hope he’s going to be agreeable to this. What if he wants to go to the police anyway?”

  “He delivers Brian’s mail, too,” Evie said. “Relax, Dora. Billy’s not going to trust th
e police any more than we do considering he knows the one who kidnapped him.”

  She sighed, knowing Evie was likely right, but it didn’t make her queasy stomach feel much better.

  Luke said, “Okay. We’re good. Now, I need you both to watch my back while I pick the lock.”

  Dora’s jaw dropped. She’d figured they were going to crawl through a window or something. “You’re going to pick the lock?” she asked.

  Luke smiled. “Way too many James Bond movies as a kid. Did you know my favorite cocktail is a martini?”

  “Shaken, not stirred,” Evie said with a grin, and then she sighed. “It’s soooo sexy when a man orders that.”

  Dora elbowed her friend when a twinge of jealousy stabbed at her heart. “How should we alert you if we see something?” she asked Luke.

  “Clear your throat, like this,” Evie said, and then she proceeded to make a noise that sounded like she was about to hack up one hell of a loogie.

  “Ewww, Evie,” Dora said.

  “What? It’s allergy season and I’ve been a little too busy to remember to take my medicine. You know how bad my phlegm gets.”

  “Now that’s sexy,” Luke said. “Bet that gets you a lot of dates.”

  “I do just fine, thank you very much, Chef Luke, ye who has access to way too many neighbors’ apartments.”

  “Right?” Dora asked, happy her friend had the same suspicions.

  “Apparently, I do just find too,” Luke snapped back, catching his error in judgment too late. He looked at Dora. “I mean—” He stammered, and then he shook his head. “I’m not dating any of them. Never have. I’m just the one everyone asks to water their plants and take in mail. I’m a sucker that way.”

  Dora’s heart softened because she loved that he was so trustworthy. “No. You’re a nice guy, Luke.”

  “Great,” Evie said. “I’m disgusting, Luke’s a nice guy, and Dora’s got a mad crush on him. Now that that’s settled, let’s break into an alligator park and save a mailman. Okay?”

  “Fine,” Dora said, cheeks burning from embarrassment. “How about a heron call?” She let out a raspy sound similar to one someone might make to mimic a pterodactyl.

  “Wow. That’s scary good,” Luke said.

  “Sounds like your loogie got stuck,” Evie mumbled.

  Dora ignored her friend and smiled at Luke. “You had James Bond. I had Animal Planet.”

  “Well, all right, ladies.” Luke nodded at them and walked quietly over to the service entrance door.

  Luke managed to get the door open almost as fast as if he’d had the key, and Dora exchanged a wide-eyed glance with Evie. Evie asked, “Who needs James Bond? We’ve got Luke.”

  As she stepped softly through the door, Dora marveled at his skill too. Luke sure was something, and she was really glad he’d offered to help them. She had a feeling Billy would be too.

  The inside of the alligator park was creepy at night. The lighting was dim, and along with the chirping of crickets and peeping of frogs, the alligators let out rumbly groans that made tiny hairs stand up on the back of Dora’s neck. She shuddered as she recalled she was almost a meal for them earlier. She really hoped rescuing Billy was going to be a quick job.

  “How much further?” Evie asked in a loud whisper.

  “Almost there.” Luke pressed his back up against a wall and shuffled to the side, apparently in an effort to hide from a security camera. Evie, whom Dora had insisted go next so she could keep an eye on her, followed him, and then Dora did the same. They turned a corner, and Luke paused by a door to check the handle. It was locked, but that wasn’t much of a problem for Luke, and he let them into the room a few moments later.

  “Billy!” Evie hissed.

  The man had likely been asleep, because he lifted his head and his back straightened up as if she’d woken him.

  “Billy! It’s me!” Evie said in her whisper, which was pointless since it was just as loud as a speaking voice.

  “Evie? Is that you?” Billy asked.

  Evie lurched forward, but Luke grabbed her shirt to restrain her just in time. “Hang on a minute there, sister,” he said. “You might want to consider his guard first.” Luke pointed to a large, dark object that appeared to be a rock at first, but Dora quickly realized it was an alligator. A really big one. “Meet Cecelia,” Luke said. “Fourteen feet of pure gator. And from my research, I learned she’s never been one to miss out on the opportunity for a good meal.”

  “Billy,” Evie said, “We’re here to rescue you. Just hold tight.”

  “H—how?” Dora asked as she eyed Cecelia, who had opened one eye to see what was going on. Luke hadn’t drawn her to size. At all. Or mentioned the part where there wasn’t a partition or any sort of divider to keep the alligator from attacking them.

  Dora looked at Luke and whispered, “Don’t you think it might have been a good idea to tell us about Cecelia, Mr. Bond?”

  Chapter 20

  “I’ve always had a little trouble with scale when it comes to sketching,” Luke said.

  “Ya think?” Evie asked. Luke had made the alligator that was guarding Billy seem like something he could easily handle. Evie had to admit that Luke had been pretty competent so far. Waiting all night to rescue her and Dora from the dry cleaners was admirable. Figuring out how to get inside the alligator park and bypassing the cameras was darn clever, too. But she wasn’t so sure the James Bond wannabe could safely distract a fourteen-foot gator. “Someone’s been spending a little too much time inhaling whipped cream in the walk-in cooler at work.”

  “For Pete’s sake, you two,” Luke said. Then he glared at Evie. “Wait a minute, that was you?” He shook his head as he let out a sigh. “And to think, I blamed the dishwasher for doing the whipits to get high. I knew there was more to the story about the bartender having a run on orange wedges.”

  “Hey!” Evie said. She may have partaken in a little nitrous oxide fun with the dishwasher during her two-week stint as a waitress at Luke’s restaurant, but now was not the time to admit it. “Don’t we have a man to save here?”

  “Yeah,” piped in Billy. “I’d really like to get back in time for the football game. I’ve got money ridin’ on the Dolphins.”

  Dora shook her head and kicked off her shoes. Evie knew her friend was also skeptical about Luke’s gator-taming abilities, but she knew Dora would do anything to try to rescue Billy anyway.

  “How do we want to do this?” Dora asked.

  “Give me a minute to deal with Cecelia,” Luke said. “I’ll hold up my thumb when you’re good to go.”

  “Like you’re hitchhiking?” Dora asked.

  Luke frowned. “No. Like a thumbs-up.” He demonstrated by lifting his thumb and extending it straight up. “Like, this. You know? The universal everything’s-okay sign.”

  “Is that what that means?” Evie asked in a joking tone as she recalled what Dora had thought it meant the first time someone used it on her. “I thought that was more of a Hey, babe, wanna get with me later? kind of sign. Right, Dor?”

  “Funny,” Dora said. She pointed her thumbs up and her index fingers out to mimic guns and clicked twice. “That’s the do-me-later sign.”

  Evie tried to hide her snicker. Try as she might, there were just some things Dora was never going to get.

  “What? You—I—” Luke shook his head, completely dumbfounded.

  Evie laughed. “You don’t want to know what she thought the middle finger was for.”

  “Hey! I was a new driver. How was I supposed to know the guy wasn’t trying to tell me to get in the middle lane?”

  Luke let out a snort of laughter. Evie joined him, and even Billy grinned at Dora’s expense.

  Dora, however, was not so entertained. She crossed her arms and glared at Evie. “You sure you really want to start this?”

  Evie found a way to stop laughing and held up a hand. She knew Dora had some darn good dirt on her too, and she did not want to go there. “No. I’m sorry.”
<
br />   Luke managed to stop laughing too, and as he wiped his eyes, he said, “Dora, you’re are so damn cute sometimes.”

  “Great. Another person in my life who likes to laugh at my expense.”

  Luke reached out to put a hand on one of Dora’s crossed arms. “No, babe. I mean it. I like this side of you. It’s adorable and refreshing.”

  Dora’s expression softened, and she dipped her head to give him a sideways glance. “Oh. Okay, then.”

  Billy cleared his throat loudly. “Any chance I can make the second half?”

  “Right.” Luke straightened up and took a deep breath before he began to walk slowly over to Cecelia. The alligator was clearly not laughing when she opened her wide jaw to reveal her bone-crushing teeth. The gator let out low growl that chilled Evie to the bone.

  It didn’t do much to affect Luke, though. He stopped a few feet from the gator and began to sing softly, starting off with a long croon of her name. The lyrics went on to say she was breaking Luke’s heart.

  Evie’s jaw dropped in surprise, and it wasn’t because Luke knew the words to the classic tune. She turned to look at Dora to find she’d had the same reaction. “He’s singing to her?”

  Dora continued to stare, mesmerized. “Uh-huh.”

  Evie understood why. Luke had the voice of an angel. Well, not quite as good as Trace’s but, damn, not too shabby. And with the cement walls in the room they were in, the acoustics were doing him a huge favor. Luke sloshed slowly into the water to get closer to Cecelia as he sang.

  Not only was Dora awestruck and Evie impressed, but Cecelia had closed her mouth, and she slithered closer to Luke to rub against him like she was a cat looking for affection. Even Sunshine was leaning her head on Evie’s shoulder, watching as if she was transfixed by Luke’s song. They were all so mesmerized nobody seemed to notice when Luke lifted up his thumb.

  “Pssst!” Billy said. “A little help here?”

  Evie snapped out of her trance. “Coming. Coming.” She grabbed her friend’s arm. “Dor! C’mon.”