In the Mix

by Jacquelyn Ayres

  “No. Kyle.” She places her hand on my arm. “I should tell them. They need to know in case they are questioned.” She brings her attention back to everyone and lets out a long sigh. “They were going to deport me back to Ireland,” she says so straight-faced it actually scares me. How much wool has she been able to pull over my eyes?

  “Carissa, you’ve never been to Ireland a day in your life—how could they deport you?” Shannon looks completely miffed with her eyebrows tightly knitted together.

  “They’ve got me mixed up with somebody else, Ma.” CiCi shrugs. “I tried to explain it to them. They wouldn’t listen.”

  “They who?!” all of the girls practically yell.

  “The people in charge of deportation. They didn’t want to hear my song and dance. They said they were giving all single, full-blooded Irish people six months to give them a solid good reason not to deport us. They’re trying to make room in the country, they said. I didn’t check my mail. I thought it was junk, so I always threw it out. They came to the shop the other day and told me, in person, that I had one week to get my affairs in order and leave. Kyle was there and told them we were engaged. They wouldn’t give me an extension so we went to Vegas.” She grabs her drink and takes a sip.

  “These past twenty-four hours have been the happiest of my life.” I smile over at her.

  “What did ‘they’ look like?” Maddie chimes in after studying CiCi the entire time.

  “They were in black suits. One was a tall black man, the other, an older white man.” She acts as if she’s really concentrating. “They wore dark sunglasses.”

  “Yeah. And there was strange theme music in the background every time they talked.” I snap as if I thought of something extremely important. CiCi and I look at each other and start bobbing our heads to the beat. “Here come the men in black,” we both sing.

  “You two are fucking assholes!” Charlotte yells out in frustration and throws a roll at each of us. CiCi and I hold our stomachs, laughing. I mean, you should’ve seen how these guys were falling for it.

  “So you two are not married and you’re not being deported?” Shannon tries to clarify.

  “No.” I laugh.

  “Oh, I’m going to deport her ass, all right!” Charlotte attacks her potatoes.

  “She’s just mad because she falls for this shit all of the time,” Ceese informs me then lays the sweetest kiss on my lips—in front of everyone.

  “Let me see some tongue action, Ceese!” Ava, who’s been relatively quiet this entire time, finally adds to the mix here.

  “Pipe down, Ava! And, CiCi, you keep that tongue of yours in your mouth!” Happy intercepts.

  “Ok, everyone.” Maddie waves her hands out above the food. “Let’s go around the table. Who’s starting this month?”

  “Jesus Christ, Maddie, you always make it sound like we’re at an AA meeting.” CiCi complains then bursts out laughing.

  “What?” I chuckle, watching her.

  She wipes away her tears and tries to control herself. “The first time I met your sister, she asked me what that meant,” she says then starts laughing again. All of the girls start laughing with her.

  “What did you say?” I ask, but she can’t stop laughing. “Do you girls know what she told her?”

  “They don’t know, man. One of them gets like this; they all get like this in anticipation.” Mitch looks over at Charlotte and rolls his eyes.

  “I said,” she starts but another roll of laughter comes out of her. “Asswhores Anonymous!” She finally screams out. I believe that was the only way she was able to get it out. All five girls are wailing now. Mitch, Trent, and I all look at each other and laugh at our predicament.

  “Well, one thing is for sure,” Trent says over their laughing fit. “It’s nice to finally have company. For the past ten years, I’ve been the only man brave enough to stand in their shadow. Welcome to the club, gentlemen.” He picks up his glass to salute us.

  “Where did we go wrong, Shannon?” Happy looks around the table at all of the girls, who are finally calming down.

  “Nowhere, sweetie. I wouldn’t trade their laughter in for the world.” She smiles. I sit here in awe. Honestly, you would think that Maddie, Julie, and Ava were their kids. There’s something pretty damn terrific about that.

  I can’t help but think about how lucky I am to come from a great family that I can be comfortable around. Never mind find somebody whose family makes me feel the same way—that’s gold.

  Everyone finally settles down. “I’m going last,” Charlotte waves.

  “What are we doing?” I ask CiCi.

  “Oh. This little dinner with all of the girls only happens once a month, so we go around the table talking about anything new in our lives or interesting stories for Mom and Dad to catch up. It’s become tradition.” She takes my napkin and wipes the corner of my mouth. “I’ll go first,” she calls out but keeps her attention on me. Everybody stays real quiet. “I fell in love this week.” She turns back to everyone. My heart races a mile a minute. “New client. He’s a scotty dog named, Sir, but I call him Sir-licks-a lot. He’s so cute. That’s all he does the entire time, give me kisses while I’m grooming him,” she carries on. I look over at Mitch. He does a slight hand across the neck gesture, telling me to let it go. Of course, I’ll let it go, I mean, we’re only fucking, right? “Oh, and I started seeing this guy.” She directs her thumb in my direction.

  “We’ll pray for you, Kyle.” Julie laughs.

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.” I hold my glass up to her.

  “Me next!” Maddie dances in her seat.

  “He brought me coffee again!” Maddie actually sings and does the cabbage patch in her seat.

  “Madelyn, is this the same guy who was bringing you coffee last month?” Shannon inquires.

  “The Viking.” She sighs as if in love. Hmm . . . funny concept, huh? “He’s so handsome and smart. He’s a giant.”

  “I love you, honey, but I don’t want to hear about him until he’s putting cream in more than your coffee.” Shannon pats her hand.

  “Mom!” Maddie screeches.

  “I’m sorry, Maddie, but right now, coffee is as boring as shit! What else is going on?”

  “I have a new type of client I’ve never had before,” she leans in as if the HIPPA police will fly in here out of nowhere. “He has hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia.” She widens her eyes.

  “I had that once,” Julie quips, “one little blue pill and it was gone.”

  “Uhh . . . I believe that was something else, Julie,” CiCi says.

  “Maddie?” I grab her attention. This kind of stuff fascinates me. “Is that the fear of long words?”

  “It is!” She waves her hand at me excitedly.

  “For the love of God, please tell me you say that word to him every chance you can!” Ava laughs.

  “Oh my God, I totally do. How can I not—I mean—come on!”

  “How do you keep a straight face with these nut jobs?” CiCi asks.

  “Don’t say that. Having fears doesn’t make you a nut job.” Maddie shifts in her chair and pushes her hair behind her ear.

  “I don’t know, Maddie, CiCi has a lot of fears, most people tend to think she’s nuts,” I snort.

  “True dat!” Four of the girls say. I look over at Ceese and she’s biting the inside of her cheek.

  “I’m next!” Julie drums the table. “I’ve decided not to model anymore. Also, since it seems that CiCi now has a solid man by her side, I’ve decided to become a lesbian and make Maddie my bitch with her being in the same situation as I.”

  “I’ve waited my whole life to be your bitch, Julie.” Maddie bats her eyes at Julie.

  “I know, short stack. It was just a matter of time. Hold my hand under the table, will ya? This can be our first date.”

  “Oh, you girls,” Happy laughs.

  “Are you two numb nuts done?” Charlotte asks then leans back and looks over at the kids’ table.


  “Hey, Miss Observant, your kids went into the living room to watch TV fifteen minutes ago.” CiCi snaps in her face.

  “Oh. Good,” she states with the sound of relief. “I have some news to share with all of you. It’s actually mine and Ava’s to share.”

  “Charley’s letting me borrow her vagina,” Ava beats her to the punch.

  “Why, Trent getting tired of yours?” CiCi quips.

  “No, asshat. I’ve agreed to be Ava and Trent’s surrogate mother. And . . .” she trails off.

  “We’re pregnant!” she and Ava scream.

  “Shut the front fucking door!” Maddie yells. They all get up to hug Ava and Charlotte. Everyone except for CiCi.

  “Hey.” I lean over and nudge her. She looks at me, her eyes filled. Her nose flairs and the tears plummet down. I grab her hand. “Go congratulate her.” I lean into her ear and whisper. She nods and gets up.

  “I’m so happy for you, Ava,” she says before hugging her.

  “Are you? I have to say, Ceese, you don’t look like you are.” Ava cringes as she says it.

  “No! I am, I promise. I’m just surprised. I think this is wonderful. You deserve it after trying for so long. I really am happy for you.” She pulls her in for a huge hug and I watch as my girl cries. I’m sure Ava believes it’s for her and so she’s crying with her. I know it’s that and so much more and my heart is just aching over her pain.

  “C’mon, boys, let’s clean up this mess while the girls talk.” Happy stands up. “Charley, I’m so proud of you, honey. And, Ava, I’m so thrilled for you, sweetheart.” Happy heads over to her and kisses the top of her head.

  “Thanks, Dad.” She smiles up at him.

  “Thanks, Daddy.” Charlotte grabs his hand.

  CiCi makes her way back to me. “I want to go,” she whispers in my ear.

  “No.”

  “What?”

  I lean into her ear. “I said no. You are not going to run because something is hard for you to face. That is your best friend over there and your sister. They both need your support. I understand that you are feeling some things right now and want to be left alone to feel them. I agree; you need that. But for right now, you need to push that aside and be here for them. You got me?” I grab her chin gently with my thumb and forefinger to bring her eyes to mine.

  “Yes,” she simply says then nods.

  “Good girl.” I kiss her lips.

  “I’m going to have to fuck the shit out of you later to work through this, just so you know.”

  “Whatever it takes to help you cope, beautiful.” I bite my smile back.

  “Go ahead and clean-up with the guys. I know you got a hard on the moment Daddy mentioned cleaning,” she teases me.

  “I don’t know how I’m going to walk, balancing this thing.” I kiss her quickly before grabbing some plates. She heads back over to the girls but steals a glance at me. I give her a wink.

  Mitch told me after dinner that once it was time to leave, the actual event of leaving wouldn’t occur for another hour. I didn’t understand what he was really talking about until everyone started to announce their departure and it indeed, did not occur for another hour. I don’t even understand why everyone was standing around. They were just reiterating the plans for the next dinner over and over again. “They linger, it’s like a disorder or something.” Mitch leaned into my ear.

  “This is fucking nuts, bro. I was ready to leave at eight.” I looked at my watch again. Finally, I had taken charge by grabbing CiCi’s hand and just yelling our goodbyes to them as we left.

  Safe and sound now, in my car, I can’t wait to get her home to help her fulfill her coping plan. But first, I have to nip something in the bud before it eats me alive. “What am I to you?” I glance over as I make a right turn off of her parent’s street and onto the main road.

  “Jesus Christ, Kyle. Don’t fucking start.” She sighs and looks out her window.

  “Are you going to see other guys while I’m in Spain?” Just as I finish the question, we hit a downpour. I flick my windshield wipers on but it’s no use. I pull over and put my hazards on.

  “Are you going to see other women over there?” she asks quietly while looking down to her lap.

  “What other women? You’re the only one I’ve been able to see for months now. Nobody compares to you, Ceese.

  “You were seeing giggles. What was up with her hair, too? I kept hearing the theme song to Buck Rogers.” She laughs.

  “The year was 1987 . . .” we both say in unison. Holy shit. I can’t believe she knows the opening.

  “I kept calling her Twiki.” I laugh. “Anyways, she was nothing and you know that. I was trying to forget about you.” I grab her hand.

  “How’d that work out for you?”

  “It didn’t and I’m glad.”

  “Let’s play fact or fiction.” She taps my hand.

  “Um . . . ok.”

  “I’ll go first and you tell me if it’s fact or fiction.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “I love the color purple.”

  “Fact.”

  “Yes. How did you know?” She smiles.

  “You have it everywhere.” I chuck her chin. “My turn?”

  “Yes.”

  “I graduated college a year early.”

  “Fact!”

  “Fiction. I could have but I added a ton of classes I didn’t need for my degree.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I wanted to learn about those subjects.”

  “Nerd,” she teases. “I’ve never had sex in a car before.”

  “Fiction.” I scoff.

  “Fact.” She pokes at my chest.

  “Well, that’s just un-American.”

  “Want to change that for me, Kyle?” She begins to unbutton the front of her dress. Slowly she reveals her breasts to me. I lean forward and cup her right one. “Well?”

  I sweep her lips with mine. “The rain is letting up, beautiful. Let’s just go home.” I pull her dress back up.

  “Seriously?” she asks in disbelief.

  “Yes.” I situate myself back in the driver side and signal to get back on the road. “Ceese . . .” I try to get her attention. She stays quiet. “When I start, I’m not gonna want to stop. That’s why.”

  “Oh.”

  I reach my hand out for hers and feel her soft fingers lace with mine. “What were all of the girls handing you tonight?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I walked by the room you girls were in and I saw them all handing you a check. Why?”

  She clears her throat. “That’s none of your business.”

  “Can we just sit down and go over your stuff tonight?” This is so frustrating. I wish she would just let me help.

  “I have it figured out, Kyle. You need to stop. Just slow the fuck down.” She lets go of my hand and grabs her phone.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Checking my phone.”

  “I’m trying to talk to you and you’re checking your phone? Why?”

  “Kyle, what do you want?” She turns her whole body my way.

  “Just you.”

  “Then stop. You’re crowding me with your need to swoop in and fix everything. I can figure this out. I already have a plan. Can you just have a little confidence in me?” she pleads.

  Damn. She’s right.

  “Sorry. When you are comfortable enough, will you at least share your ideas with me? I’d like to hear them.” I turn the wipers off. My street doesn’t even look like it got one drop.

  “When I’m comfortable, Kyle, yes.” She throws her phone back in her bag as I pull into my driveway.

  “Can I just give you my final two cents on this?” I ask, turning the car off.

  “What?”

  “What if you do indeed have a fantastic idea but I have just the thing to tweak it to make it better? Or, what if I come up with an idea that you hadn’t thought of? This is hard for me, Ceese. I’m a
closer. That takes a good amount of research to do it well. I’m really good at research. I don’t ever think I’ve missed an angle. You’re looking at this as your boyfriend trying to come in and save the day. And, yes, that is partly true but you need to remember that I am a business man with my head in the game at all times. My company does so well because I help Mitch stay at least two steps ahead of the other guys. I just want you to stop and think about that, Ceese. This isn’t just what it feels like; I actually know what the fuck I’m doing,” I finish.

  “That was more than two cents,” she laughs. “Kyle, I will think about what you said. You do have a valid point but I like to figure shit out myself. If I can’t figure it out, I will come to you, okay?” She lays the side of her head against the seat as she stares at me.

  “Okay.” I palm her cheek and plant several kisses on her lips. “Ready to go in?”

  “Does Pinocchio have a wooden dick?”

  I roll my eyes and let out a small laugh. “C’mon, sweet cheeks.” I open my door.

  “Ugh! Don’t call me that,” she complains as she climbs out of her side.

  “No?” I chuckle.

  “No.” She looks over her shoulder at me as she walks up to the door.

  “Alright. But you know, it would be nice to hear an endearment from you.”

  “What are you talking about? I have an endearment that I use for you all time.”

  “Dipshit really doesn’t fall under that category.” I reach past her and unlock the door.

  “It does in my book. That name is reserved for the special people in my life.” She walks in ahead of me.

  Falling . . .

  I’m going to keep my cool.

  I’m going to keep my cool.

  I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep my cool. I stare at the clock. I have a half an hour until she gets here. Since the day I met her, I have never once been angry with Lindsay. I’m fuming. Yet, I can’t be or, at least, I can’t project that rage at her. Kyle told me this morning what he discovered that she was doing. God, her intentions were so sweet but this is not how you do things. She invaded my privacy and she needs to understand that while her intentions were great, she really can’t do stuff like this. The biggest problem? I am the one who has to correct her on this. Me!