Breathe Again

by Sydney Logan

  “Just one. I know it’s a little late, but I really hope you’re legal.”

  I laugh. “I’m twenty-one, so no worries.”

  “Just three years younger than me.” Josh slides his fingers through my hair. “I still feel like I owe you an apology . . . for this.”

  “You don’t. Heat of the moment. It happens.”

  “Does it?”

  Honestly, not really. Not to me, anyway. But I hear it happens. And while I wouldn’t want to make it a habit, I refuse to regret it.

  Josh chuckles. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

  Embarrassed at being read so easily, I instantly get defensive. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He raises up and gazes down at me with a soft smile. “You just don’t seem like the type that brings strange men home. Trust me. I meant it as a compliment. You’re just . . . so sweet and warm and beautiful. And I’m . . . well, I’m a mess. So, I’m sorry.”

  I reach up and gently brush his dark bangs out of his eyes.

  “I’m not sorry.”

  Josh lifts his hand to caress my cheek.

  That’s when I see the gold band on his finger.

  “It’s weird. I’ve never been attracted to redheads,” Josh says, trailing his finger across my cheek. “You really are beautiful, Carrie.”

  My blood runs cold while I stare at the ring.

  “You have to know I never do this,” he continues, oblivious to my fury. “I don’t sleep with random women. It’s been a long time since I’ve slept with anyone, to be honest. And you’re so—”

  “You’re wearing a ring.”

  He stops stroking my face. “What—”

  “You’re wearing a ring.”

  “Carrie, it’s not what you think.”

  “Is it a wedding ring?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Then it’s exactly what I think.”

  I shove him hard and struggle out of his arms. The only clothes in the room are the ones I’d ripped off his body, so I reach for my ex-boyfriend’s shirt and climb to my feet.

  Josh stands quickly. “Carrie, please let me explain.”

  But I’m not listening. I’m searching for my cell, which I find at the bottom of my bag. “I’m stupid. So stupid. You’re married and we just . . .”

  “Carrie, please calm down. I’m not—”

  “Don’t tell me to calm down! I want you out of my house. Here’s my phone. Call a cab. Call Sonia. Is that your wife?”

  Josh stares down at my cell. “Sonia’s my sister.”

  “I don’t care who she is. Call somebody and get the hell out of my apartment.”

  He steps closer and reaches for me, but I quickly take a step back. I’m so close to vomiting I can literally taste the bile in my throat.

  “Don’t touch me! Start dialing or I’m calling the police.”

  With a resigned sigh, Josh cradles the phone to his ear. I don’t listen. I simply walk to the bathroom, locking the door behind me before stepping into the shower. His scent surrounds me, and I want it gone.

  I want him gone.

  When I walk back into the living room, I find that my wish has been granted.

  Shuddering sobs wrack my body as I crumble to the ground, letting my shame swallow me whole.

  “What’s your problem?” Amy asks.

  “You at the moment.”

  I’ve been a bitch all day. Business has been uncharacteristically slow for a Saturday, giving me way too much time to mope. I can't even use the downtime to work on homework because I forgot my laptop at home. I pray Tony takes pity on me and sends me home early.

  “You know what you need, Malone? You need a man.”

  “Actually, Amy, that’s the last thing I need.”

  “Why? Is Shane bothering you again?”

  I shake my head and start a fresh pot of coffee.

  “Fine. You’ll tell me eventually.”

  Tony peeks at me through the grill window. “Carrie, did that guy come back looking for his Rolex?”

  Amy swivels her head in my direction. “What guy? What Rolex?”

  My body freezes.

  “No, Tony. I haven’t seen him.”

  “I just don’t understand,” Tony says, shaking his head. “Why would somebody leave behind a valuable watch like that just to pay for a cup of coffee?”

  Because he planned to kill himself.

  Or had he? Part of me wonders if the suicide attempt had all been an act. Maybe that was Josh’s game. Find stupid women like me and play on their sympathies in order to get them into bed.

  “Some guy tipped you with a Rolex?” Amy whistles. “There’s your rent and tuition for the rest of the year.”

  “I didn’t keep it, Amy.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s not mine? Tony put it in the safe.”

  Sighing loudly, she grabs the coffee pot and heads to her section. My customers look okay, so I start cleaning anything with a flat surface just to keep myself busy. Glancing at my watch, I groan when I see that I still have two hours left of my shift.

  I’m so tired. And I ache.

  All over.

  My face heats as I recall Josh’s scorching kisses.

  Then I remember his wedding ring, and my stomach lurches.

  “You don’t look so good,” Amy says.

  I take a long steadying breath. “Yeah. Kinda sick to my stomach. I think I may be coming down with something.”

  “That sucks, but hey . . . at least we know you’re not pregnant. You’d actually need to go out with a guy for that to happen.”

  My back stiffens. I’d been wallowing so much in my shame that I hadn’t even considered the possibility that my stupidity could have complications—life-altering complications like babies. Or disease.

  Oh, God.

  I barely make it to the bathroom before dry heaves wrack my body.

  “What did you eat?”

  Amy sits with me on the bench outside the diner. The winter air feels like heaven against my face.

  “I haven’t eaten today.”

  “Maybe you have the flu.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Something’s wrong, though. I mean, you’re never Mary Sunshine, but I can tell something’s bothering you. Why don’t you tell me what it is, and then I’ll decide the appropriate form of punishment for whoever’s made you miserable.”

  I grin. “You’re a little scary, Amy.”

  “Well, you’re just so sweet and innocent living in the big, bad city. Somebody has to take care of you.”

  “Someone needs to. I’m clearly incapable of taking care of myself.”

  “What does that mean?”

  I take a deep breath and tell her about Josh. The coffee. His defeated eyes. His rumpled clothes. The watch. The bridge. My living room floor. And his wedding ring. Amy listens without interrupting and without one ounce of judgment in her eyes. When I’m finished, she wraps a supportive arm around my shoulder.

  “Well, you certainly had an interesting night.”

  “I had a monumentally stupid night.”

  “Definitely out of character for you, yes. But I think you’re being way too hard on yourself. You’re not the first girl to sleep with a married man. It happens.”

  “It doesn’t happen to me. I mean, what if I’m pregnant? Or worse?”

  She nods. “You do need to see a doctor. Do you have one?”

  “Back home, yeah. I usually just go to the health center on campus if I have a cold or whatever. I can’t go there. Not for this.”

  “There’s a free clinic just down the block. We’ll go first thing Monday.”

  This is why I love Amy. When she has a problem, she deals with it immediately.

  “Now, I’m covering the rest of your shift,” she says firmly. “I want you to go home, eat something, and take a very long nap. I’ll see you Monday morning.”

  “Thanks, Amy.”

  I give her a quick hug before heading home.


  Relentless pounding on my door jerks me out of my nap.

  “Carrie! Please open the door. You have to let me explain!”

  Josh.

  I let him keep knocking. Maybe one of my neighbors will call the cops and put me out of my misery.

  Suddenly, my door crashes open, and I jump off the couch. Josh’s wild eyes search the room, and he sighs with relief when he sees me.

  “You kicked in my door? You’re a lunatic!”

  “I’ll buy you a new door.”

  “You bet your ass you will. Now get out!”

  “Not until you let me explain. It’s not fair—”

  Livid, I stalk toward him. “Fair? You want to talk about fair? I have to go to the doctor to get checked for STDs, and you want to talk to me about fair?”

  Josh bows his head. “I know you have zero reason to trust me, but I’m healthy, Carrie.”

  “You’re right. I have zero reason to trust you. And neither does your wife. Now get out—”

  “I’m not married!”

  My mouth snaps closed.

  “I’m not married, Carrie.”

  Through teary eyes, I look down at his hand. The gold band rests on his ring finger.

  “I used to be,” he says softly. “I’m not anymore.”

  “Then why are you still wearing a ring?”

  “That’s a very long story, but I’m willing to tell it to you if you want to hear it.” He steps closer and carefully strokes my face. “Carrie, I’d say I’m sorry about last night, but that would be a lie.”

  I laugh darkly. “Of course you’re not. You got exactly what you wanted.”

  “That’s not true at all. I had only one thing on my mind last night. All I wanted to do was die. I never expected to meet you. Never dreamed that I’d meet someone so kind and compassionate. Someone who’d be willing to help a complete stranger. Someone who would offer to bring me back to her apartment to feed me, to let me shower, to give me clean clothes. I didn’t expect that at all. So, thank you.”

  Tears stream down my cheek.

  Josh reaches into his pocket and pulls out a card.

  “I know you’re overwhelmed. I am, too. Give me a call when you’re ready, and I’ll explain everything.”

  I don’t even look at the card. “I’ll think about it.”

  With a nod, Josh walks toward my broken door. Before he leaves, he turns back to me.

  “Until last night, I hadn’t had sex in over a year. I’m healthy.”

  “Are you sterile, too?”

  His face contorts with some emotion I can’t quite understand. “No, I’m not sterile. If you’re pregnant, I’ll take care of you and of the baby. I might have been a shitty husband, but being a dad was the one thing I was good at.”

  Was good at?

  I swallow anxiously as he turns back toward the doorway.

  “I’ll have someone here within the hour to repair your door. Please call me when you’re ready.”

  And with that, he’s gone.

  “Wow, he really did a number on your door.”

  As soon as Josh left, I’d called Amy, who’d arrived fifteen minutes later with a bottle of cheap wine and two slices of pie from the diner.

  “Persistent,” she says with a grin. “I think I like him already.”

  “You’re not allowed to like him.”

  “Why not? It’s okay now, isn’t it? He’s not married.”

  “So he says.” I fish his business card out of my pocket. “At least I know where he works. Have you ever heard of Bennett Technologies?”

  Amy chokes on her wine. “Wait. His last name’s Bennett?”

  I nod. “Josh Bennett.”

  “The man who left you his Rolex? The man you kept from jumping off the bridge? The man you slept with last night? That was Josh Bennett?”

  “You’ve heard of him?”

  She laughs. “Wow, you really do live under a rock. Everybody knows Josh Bennett. His family owns one of the largest technology companies in the south. They say he’s the next Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg or—”

  “I get it.”

  The pie and wine churn in my stomach.

  “You slept with a millionaire and didn’t even know it.”

  “We didn’t exactly exchange personal info, Amy. The man was attempting suicide. His bank account balance was the last thing on my mind.”

  Amy jumps to her feet. “Where’s your laptop? You need to be educated on the awesomeness that is Josh Bennett.”

  “You’re insane, you know that?”

  “Where is it?”

  “In my bedroom.”

  With Amy gone, Oreo takes the opportunity to leap into my lap. Closing my eyes, I slide my hand along his black and white fur and try to calm down.

  Suddenly, I hear a voice outside my door, along with a gentle knock. Thanks to Josh’s Hulk routine, my door is barely hanging on the hinges. Knocking is pretty pointless, but I appreciate whoever’s trying to be polite.

  “Carrie Malone?”

  I walk toward the door just as Amy returns from the bedroom.

  “Who wants to know?” she asks.

  Oreo, always the protector, hops down from the couch and hisses appropriately.

  The man grins. “Are you Miss Malone?”

  “No, I’m Miss Malone’s watchdog. Who are you?”

  “I’m Jared. I’m here to fix the door.”

  I glance at my watch. Josh had promised someone within the hour.

  Impressive.

  I offer him my hand. “I’m Miss Malone. You can call me Carrie.”

  “Nice to meet you, Carrie.” He takes a look at the door. “My little brother really did a number on this, didn’t he?”

  “You’re his brother?” Amy asks.

  Jared opens his toolbox. “Guilty.”

  “Your family’s filthy rich.”

  “Guilty again.”

  “All that money and you’re a handyman?”

  “What can I say? I’m the black sheep of the family.” Jared shoots her a grin. “I’m actually an engineer. I just hated to drag one of our maintenance guys away from his family on a Sunday just to clean up my brother’s mess. So here I am.”

  I’m obviously not needed, so I grab my laptop out of Amy’s hands and head back to the couch. Deciding it’s safe, Oreo follows me and leaps into my lap. The two of us watch them flirt.

  “So, I know your friend’s name,” Jared says with a grin. “What’s yours?”

  “Amy.”

  “You’re cute, Amy.”

  “So are you.”

  “Single?”

  “Yep. You?”

  “Yep. You should let me buy you dinner tonight.”

  “Okay.”

  I roll my eyes. Unbelievable.

  “So, I have to ask. Why did my hot-headed brother knock down your friend’s door?”

  “I’m afraid that’s not my story to tell.”

  I smile. Amy’s a true friend.

  “Understood. Can you give me a hand?”

  Amy helps Jared hold the door in place while he fixes the top hinge.

  “Josh always had a temper. It got worse when he married that thieving, conniving . . .” his voice trails off and he shakes his head. “Anyway, I hope you ladies can forgive him. I don’t think he’s slept a wink since the funeral.”

  My body stiffens. Funeral?

  Amy’s wide eyes met mine. “Oh, I read about that online.”

  “Yeah, it’s been rough,” Jared says softly, his voice breaking.

  With my cat on my heels, I leave the two of them and head to the bedroom with my laptop. Oreo jumps up beside me as I get comfortable against the pillows. Opening the computer, I immediately do a search for Josh’s name.

  The first thing I see is his handsome face. And below it, a headline.

  With tears in my eyes, I begin to read.

  A Family Mourns

  Family and friends gathered Tuesday to bid farewell to Audrey Nicole Bennett, the two-year-old
daughter of Joshua and Sloane Bennett, who passed away in a car accident last week.

  His daughter.

  He’d just buried his daughter on Tuesday.

  The rest of the article is the little girl’s obituary, so I close that window and open another. This time, I search for Sloane Bennett.

  Of course she’s beautiful. With sun-kissed skin and long blonde hair, she’s the classic girl-next-door. The first photo of Josh and Sloane together is one that was taken at some charity auction about a year ago. Sloane’s arm is looped through Josh’s, but their smiles are forced, and his face screams that he’d rather be anywhere else in the world than at that fancy auction with that beautiful woman by his side.

  “Jared’s finished. He said to tell you goodbye,” Amy whispers from the doorway.

  Looking up, I wipe away my tears and smile. “Thanks.”

  She sits down next to me on the bed. “Is that her?”

  “That’s her.”

  “They look miserable.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I guess it’s true what they say. Money really can’t buy happiness.” She sighs softly and gazes at the screen. “He’s been in the news all week. I can’t believe I didn’t make the connection.”

  “She was just a baby. No wonder the man was ready to jump off a bridge.”

  “That’s so sad. But it still doesn’t explain the wedding ring.”

  “He told me he isn’t married anymore, whatever that means.”

  “I think you should find out, Carrie.”

  I look back at the computer screen. With Josh’s handsome face smiling at me, I know that I don’t just want answers. I need them.

  “I think I should, too.”

  The next day, I’m considering the very real possibility that this is a giant mistake when I hear his knock.

  Taking a deep breath, I toss Oreo off my lap and head to the door.

  “Thanks for not breaking it.” I wave him inside.

  Josh’s grin is sheepish. “Thanks for opening it.”

  Despite my nerves, I smile and lead him to the couch. Oreo decides to make his presence known, jumping up and plopping down right between us.

  “Your protector?” he asks. Oreo purrs loudly as Josh scratches behind his ear. “What’s his name?”

  “Oreo—for obvious reasons. It’s odd how much he likes you. He hates strangers, especially guys. Do you charm everyone you meet?”