The Last Time Traveler

by Aaron J. Ethridge

  “And your kiss gave her body that opportunity?” Morgan asked.

  “My kiss gave her body a gold engraved invitation, a bottle of champagne, and room keys!”

  “Yeah, I can see that,” the young man nodded.

  “Anyways, her skin soaked up my sweat…”

  “And her mouth soaked up your saliva,” Morgan speculated.

  “Don’t say it like that…” the traveler said shaking his head. “You make it sound nasty… Either way, yes. Yes, it did. In a matter of minutes her body chemistry had completely reworked itself. We became biologically custom made for each other. If you think she smells good to you, you should smell her through my nose.”

  “Wow!” the young man exclaimed “How do you think about anything else?”

  “It’s not always easy…” Robert admitted.

  “So… she really, truly, honestly, is addicted to you,” Morgan said thoughtfully.

  “Like crack,” the traveler replied.

  “She’s a Rob head…”

  “Basically.”

  “And you’ve known that the whole time?” the young man asked.

  “Yep.”

  “And yet you treat her like you do? Rob, sometimes you’re a real piece of…”

  “I know,” the traveler sighed. “You’re right, I am. But nobody’s perfect Morgan, and I’m working on it. Trust me, Cleo will get her happy ending.”

  “She had better,” Morgan replied, his brows knitted.

  “The way you said that it almost sounded like a threat,” Robert observed.

  “No, Rob, it was a warning,” the young man explained.

  “Wow. Big, bad Morgan Harker. You know man, I liked you the moment I met you, but I’ve never been prouder of you than I am right now. And honestly, bro, I’m so in love with her that my heart aches from it. But we ain’t gonna have no future together in a universe that ain’t got no future at all.”

  “I see where you’re coming from,” Morgan nodded.

  “I’m glad.”

  “One last thing,” the young man said.

  “Yeah?”

  “What does their saliva taste like?”

  “...............Honey,” the traveler replied after a long silence.

  “Oh! My! Goodness!” Morgan exclaimed.

  Half-an-hour after this, let's face it, rather intriguing conversation the ship re-entered normal space on the very outskirts of Never Never Land. The entire crew gathered on the bridge for the maiden usage... if that's the phrase I'm looking for... of the time machine disabling device.

  “Alright Vox,” Robert said, taking a deep breath. “Hit it.”

  “Done,” Vox replied pressing just the right series of buttons.

  “Cleo?” the traveler said, turning his attention to her.

  “It worked!” she exclaimed, glancing down at one of the monitors. “Twenty minutes after the last time Delmont used the ship it mysteriously exploded. Effects on the time-lines: nominal.”

  “Exploded?” Morgan said. “I thought you said the thing would disable it.”

  “That was maximum disability,” Robert explained. “Trust me man, it ain't getting any more disabled than it is right now. Well... was right then is probably a better way to put it...”

  “Cool,” the young man nodded. “So what do we do now?”

  “Take a break!” Vox exclaimed. “I haven't had time on the island in more than a year.”

  “True,” Doc nodded. “I think you'll agree that we've earned it, Rob.”

  “Absolutely,” the traveler replied. “But just a few hours. We got a lot of work to do.”

  “Rob,” Cleo said softly, a beautiful smile on her soft blue lips. “Give me a hand up.”

  “Sure thing,” Robert replied, reaching out to take her hand.

  In less time than it takes to blink, maybe even like half-blink, Cleo snapped one handcuff on the traveler's outstretched wrist and another on one of her own.

  “Handcuffs?” he asked, gazing down at his wrist as Vox and Doc howled with laughter and Morgan fanned himself vigorously with his hand.

  “Yes, Rob, handcuffs,” she smiled. “I've got some shopping I want to do and I'm not going to end up left behind again.”

  “I told you,” he replied, shaking his head. “I'm never going to leave you behind again.”

  “You're right, Rob,” she giggled. “You never are.”

  Morgan fanned even more vigorously.

  “Alright,” Robert sighed. “What are we shopping for?”

  “Feminine hygiene products,” she said firmly.

  “Oh, that's funny,” he replied, nodding his head.

  “We'll see if you feel that way at the checkout,” she said. “You've got a little payback coming, Rob.”

  “Well, I can tell you one thing for sure, I ain't shopping for no feminine hygiene products!” Morgan pointed-out. “So what am I supposed to do?”

  “Let's go out for something to eat,” Vox suggested. “I'm sick of Rob's stupid MREs.”

  “I thought you said they didn't mind,” Morgan said, gazing at his friend.

  “They don't... Well... most of the time,” the traveler sighed. “And where did you get the handcuffs from, Cleo?”

  “Oh I bought them about two weeks after you deserted me here, Rob,” she explained. “I had a year to practice my quick snap.”

  “Well,” he sighed again. “You're really good at it, I'll give you that.”

  “Thanks,” she smiled. “I've practiced a lot.”

  Shortly after the ship set down on a private landing pad reserved for VIPs, two cabs were heading to two different points on the island. Morgan, Doc, and Vox were all going to some restaurant while Robert and Cleo were on their way to pick up... the supplies Cleo needed... Well... the supplies she wanted Robert to have to stand in line with at the checkout. The plain truth is that she planned to buy a lot of stuff she didn't even need just because he didn't like doing it. She figured it was good way to teach him a lesson and would help get him ready to get married someday. After all, what kind of husband can't go up town to get supplies... And let's be honest, she had a point, didn't she?

  And while it might be interesting to watch the traveler stand in line with boxes of this and that, our tale follows Morgan, Vox, and the Doc instead. Now, you might be a little disappointed about that at the moment, but trust me, what happens with them is way funnier...

  “Where should we go?” Vox asked, as the cab flew along just inches above the ground in an unquestionably futury type way.

  “I was thinking Paris on the Half-Shell,” Doc replied.

  “I don't know, Doc,” Vox said, shaking his head. “I'm not that big a fan.”

  “Trust me,” Doc smiled, “I think you'll enjoy your meal today.”

  “Alright,” Vox nodded, “I trust you. That all right with you, Morgan?”

  Morgan didn't answer. He was too busy staring out the window at the odd combination of tropical paradise and sci-fi movie set that was The Island. And, as he didn't seem to care one way or the other, the trio soon found themselves at the famous five star restaurant Paris on the Half-Shell. As they stood waiting for a table, which Robert's friends never had to do for long, Morgan was amazed at all the many Escargotians, Baguettians, and even Duck à l'orangians he saw. And there were countless other species of alien that Morgan couldn't even imagine the names of. That's hardly surprising, however, since he didn't have Robert's vivid imagination and knew next to nothing about French cuisine.

  In just minutes the friends were sitting at one of the best tables and browsing over some rather impressive menus written in French.

  “Doc,” Vox sighed, shaking his head. “I just don't see anything I want. I mean, I can get a steak and potato anywhere, bro.”

  “Give it two minutes,” Doc replied with confidence. “If you want to go after that, we'll go.”

  “Okay, Doc,” Vox said. “But I don't see what two minutes...”

  From the moment the menus had been h
anded to them Doc had been carefully watching Morgan. As the young man drew a breath to speak Doc grabbed Vox by the arm in order to temporarily silence him.

  “This is weird...” Morgan mused.

  “Here it comes,” Doc whispered with a smile, before continuing at full volume. “What's weird, Morgan?”

  “Some of this stuff is named after planets,” the young man pointed out.

  “Is it?” Vox asked, gazing over the menu, a puzzled look on his face.

  “You think that's gonna work?” Morgan replied, glancing up over the top of his menu. “I may still be the new guy, bro, but I've learned some things over the last few days. In fact, Vox, the name of your home planet was one of the first things I learned after I got here. That's day one info, man. And there it is right at the top of the menu: Duck à l'orange.”

  “Okay, mister savvy space-time-traveler,” Vox replied with a grin. “What does it mean then?”

  “Hmmm,” Morgan said thoughtfully. “Well, my guess is that each of these is like the planetary dish of each of these different planets.”

  “I've got to say,” Vox nodded. “I'm impressed, Morgan.”

  “Oh, there's no doubt about it,” Doc replied. “Morgan leaves an impression.”

  “So,” Vox continued, “based on that, what are you going to order?”

  “Well,” the young man replied taking a deep breath. “I don't know a lot about the universe yet, but I think I'm going to go with the escargot. Anything Escargotians eat has got to be good.”

  “Doc,” Vox said.

  “Yes?” Doc replied.

  “I'm glad we came here to eat.”

  Just minutes after Morgan had made his decision their food was ordered and on its way. Vox just got a steak and potato, Doc went with Sole Meniere, and as you already know Morgan thought he wanted escargot.

  “What is this?” Morgan asked as soon as their waiter had stepped away.

  “Escargot,” Doc replied.

  “Very funny,” the young man said. “Did you have to bribe the chef to do this?”

  “No,” Vox said, shaking his head. “That really is escargot.”

  “It can't be,” Morgan replied, staring down at his dish. “I mean, this ain't even food, man, it's just a plate covered with dead, steaming snails. I may come from the past, but we had snails back then too, ya know. I mean, no way Escargotians are gonna eat garbage like this!”

  “I'm beginning to believe you about fate, Doc,” Vox said, staring at a nearby table.

  “What do you mean?” Doc asked.

  “Morgan,” Vox replied. “Look at that table over there. Tell me what you see.”

  The young man immediately did as he was asked.

  “Okay,” he sighed. “It's a couple of Escargotians eating a couple plates of dead, steaming snails...”

  “Try it, Morgan,” Doc suggested. “You may like them.”

  “Maybe...” the young man replied. “But what am I supposed to do with this tiny little fork?”

  “Well...” Vox began, before having to pause a moment to keep from laughing in Morgan's face. “I would suggest that you might want to try putting it in your food and then putting that in your mouth,”

  “So what you're saying,” the young man replied, pointing at Vox with the fork, “is that I should put the fork in a snail, and then put a snail in my mouth.”

  “Basi...” Vox started before busting out laughing.

  “Yes, Morgan,” Doc replied, still having mastery of his own composer. “That is escargot and a lot of people like it. Just try to look past the fact that it's snails.”

  “Alright,” Morgan sighed. “But I'm asking Cleo about this when we get back to the ship. I just don't see her sitting at a table with white wine and candles, jamming hot snails in her mouth.”

  Just a few minutes later the three companions were finished at the restaurant. In truth, Morgan had enjoyed the escargot, but he still refused to believe that Cleo had ever eaten a snail. After picking up a couple of things that the young man wanted they made their way back to the ship. It was very unlikely that Robert would fly off without them, but Doc and Vox had known him long enough not to take chances.

  Cleo and the traveler arrived perhaps an hour later carrying numerous boxes and bags, very few of which actually contained supplies. Most of them turned out to be new clothes... go figure...

  “Cleo,” Morgan said the moment she stepped on the bridge.

  “Yes?”

  “You ever eat escargot?”

  “Yeah. It's alright.”

  “See,” Vox said. “We told ya.”

  “Nah,” Morgan replied, shaking his head. “That ain't gonna work. Cleo, describe escargot.”

  “It's cooked snails...”

  “Wow...” Morgan said, nodding his head before turning to make his way to his room muttering to himself. “So I guess Escargotians just like to eat dead snails... I don't know... the future is a crazy place... Maybe they didn't have cows I guess...”

  Having taken a little break it was time to get back on the move. With the press of several of just the right buttons the traveler got his ship back into space and his team back on the job.

  Chapter 6: Ach, Zombies

  “So,” Morgan said, dropping down in a seat on the bridge. “Where are we headed?”

  “To get the Orb of the Gods,” Robert replied. “Well... for the moment we're just getting close. We need a good night's sleep before we tackle this one.”

  “I feel ya,” the young man nodded. “So I got a question.”

  “You got all the questions, Morgan. I think you must be like a young Buddha or something.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Nothing, Morgan,” the traveler replied. “Ask the question.”

  “What happened after you kissed her?”

  “Kissed who?”

  “Wow!” Morgan exclaimed. “How many green women have you kissed?”

  “You didn’t specify green.”

  “Wow! Wow!” Morgan double exclaimed. “How many women have you kissed total?”

  “One.”

  “Then why did you…”

  “Is this still the same question, Morgan?” Robert asked.

  “Yes!” Morgan replied. “What happened after you kissed Cleo?”

  “Bad things, Morgan.”

  “Oh Really?” the young man asked.

  “You don’t need to say it like Ace Ventura, man,” the traveler replied, shaking his head. “I mean bad things not… I don’t know… naughty things, I guess… Some bad, bad, bad stuff went down.”

  “Man…” Morgan said. “Like what?”

  “Well…” Robert began, “I think the truth is that she and I started falling in love the minute we met. Well… no that’s not true, because she was actually a baby when I first met her…”

  “How old are you, bro?” the young man asked.

  “Are you changing questions?”

  “No!”

  “Anyways,” the traveler continued, “as soon as she was grown I had her assigned to work on the ship. You know, she rewrote all the code that runs this bird? Well… most of it… I guess in all fairness we rewrote it…”

  “I haven’t changed questions.”

  “Right, right,” Robert nodded. “Anyways, it’s fairly obvious that I’m pretty much the poster child for Teenage Girl Fantasies…”

  “I don’t see it…”

  “And that is why you fail.”

  “What do you mean?” Morgan asked. “And that was a good Yoda, by the way.”

  “Thanks,” Robert smiled. “I’ve had time to practice. Either way, it’s equally obvious that Cleo is pretty much at the very core of the human male’s most inner and basic desires.”

  “Way more obvious!” the young man observed.

  “Well… to men I’m sure that’s true…” the traveler admitted. “So, there we were, both pretty much the living, breathing fantasy of the other, spending every single waking hour together for two year
s straight. During that time what started out as physical attraction had a great deal more added to it…”

  “What more is there, man?!?!” Morgan exclaimed. “I mean, her sweat tastes like maple syrup!”

  “You see, Morgan,” Robert sighed, “this is why you’re not ready for a girlfriend. I mean, Cleo is the finest girl I’ve ever seen…”

  “Cleo is the finest girl that’s ever existed!” the young man insisted.

  “Well… I feel that way, sure,” the traveler replied. “But I’m not sure you always will. All of space and time is a big place and everyone has different tastes, you know?”

  “Who said that?”

  “Strong Bad.”

  “Oh yeah!”

  “So, to continue,” Robert said. “Over those two years I came to realize that Cleo is also one of the best people I’ve ever met. She’s sincere, honest, self-sacrificing, considerate…”

  “Like, all the things you’re not…” Morgan mused.

  “Right…” the traveler said slowly. “We really complete each other. Anyways, the point is that we fell very sincerely in love.”

  “And that was a problem?” the young man asked.

  “Well, yeah, kind of,” Robert explained. “I’m trying to save the universe here, man! And she’s part of my team! We’re like a family, you know.”

  “Well, the family that plays…” Morgan began.

  “Shut up, Morgan!” the traveler interrupted. “What I’m saying is that I can’t be distracted and neither can Cleo.”

  “Right, but what happened next?”

  “Well, she collapsed…” Robert replied.

  “Collapsed?”

  “Yeah! She collapsed!” the traveler said, throwing his hands up. “And I almost did! I mean two years’ worth of built up wild carnal fantasies suddenly ripping their way into reality through your mouth and nose and wildly throbbing…”

  “Whoa!” Morgan interrupted. “Whoa! Take five, bro! You’re giving me chest pains!”

  “Yeah… me too…” the traveler admitted. “Either way, she collapsed. You have to keep in mind that her body immediately started rewiring itself to be my perfect mate. It can put a bit of a strain on ‘em. When I saw her lying there I realized what I'd done. So I stumbled to the comm panel and called for Doc.”