The Last Time Traveler

by Aaron J. Ethridge

  “What about Cleo?”

  “She's actually kind of a new addition,” Robert replied. “It was a little over seven years ago when she helped me and Vox finish the ship. That is to say: get it in the state it's pretty much in now. It's not really finished and I don't think it ever will be.”

  “Why?”

  “Well for one thing it doesn't have a pool or a bowling alley.”

  “I can see that. Anyway, you told me you met her as a baby.”

  “I did,” the traveler replied. “Her people live on those islands, you know? She was lost in a storm as an infant and I went and picked her up.”

  “What happened to her parents?”

  “She doesn't know...”

  “Don't you?”

  “Yep...”

  “Well then...”

  “Morgan,” the traveler said, turning his gaze to the young man, “you have to think about things, man. If I told her parents were alive how would that make her feel? What if I told her that her parents were dead? Of course I know, Morgan, but I'm not gonna tell her. Just like I'm not going to tell you whether or not Star Trek is really history.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because,” Robert explained, “there are only two possible outcomes. If I say no you’ll be depressed for months. If I say yes all I’ll hear is can we go meet Captain Kirk? for months. And I’m not into either one of those, man.”

  “I see where you’re coming from,” Morgan replied.

  As the pair jostled their way through the crowded pathways numerous sights attracted Morgan's attention. For one thing there were way more scantily clad alien chicks wandering around than he had encountered up to this point. Of course, he hadn't encountered any at all up to that point... Still, they couldn't hold his attention, none of them were anything compared to Azure or Cleo no matter how revealing their attire. It takes more than a bare midriff to make a woman hot.

  There were also all kinds of weapons, tools, technology, and as seen on TV type items spread out on the tables that filled the market. In addition a resplendent array of food filled the air with its scents. They seemed to have an endless variety of pork-rinds and fried batters, countless meats on sticks, and even boiled peanuts. Something rather spectacular caught Morgan's eye as he was glancing over one of these vendor's wares.

  “Rob,” he said, a touch of concern in his voice, “is that a giant cockroach on a spit?”

  “It certainly looks that way, Morgan,” the traveler replied.

  “Man...” the young man said, turning his head. “How do they even hunt them?”

  “They use a giant boot.”

  “I don't think so, man. It didn't even look crushed.”

  “I know. I was joking. They actually use a giant can of Raid.”

  “But wouldn't that poison the...”

  “Look, man,” the traveler replied, “we're here to buy a piece of junk generator, not pick up slabs of steaming hot cockroach meat. What difference does it make how they got it? Personally I wish they hadn't! That smell is making me sick!”

  “Yeah... it is a little strong...”

  Minutes later found the pair at the junk dealership they were in search of.

  “This is it,” Robert said, gazing down at a generator that even Morgan thought looked like a piece of junk.

  “It looks like you and Vox will have your work cut out for you.”

  “Yeah,” the traveler agreed, “but it'll do the job. Hey, Mac! How much for this old generator?”

  “For than fine piece of fine re-purposed equipment?” a greasy green man in his mid-fifties asked. “Fifteen-hundred ought to do it.”

  “Fifteen-hundred?!?!” the traveler exclaimed. “What do you think it's made out of, supermodels?”

  “Well...” the man replied thoughtfully. “As it's slightly weathered we can make it fourteen-fifty.”

  “Are there any outstanding warrants on you for fraud?” Robert chuckled. “You're outta your mind!”

  “I tell you what,” he sighed. “I like your brass. Thirteen-hundred.”

  “I like your gall,” the traveler replied. “I'll give ya two-fifty.”

  “Two-fifty!” the man yelled. “You want some of my teeth with that or just a gallon or two of blood?!?! I'll take eleven-hundred.”

  “You're living in a dream world!” Robert replied. “Four hundred.”

  “If you think you got luck like that you need to take up gambling! Nine-fifty.”

  “At least you're getting down to the I was drunk level. Five hundred.”

  “Well, I admit I don't want to take you for your entire net worth. Seven-fifty.”

  “There's no reasoning with you,” the traveler replied throwing up his hands. “Morgan let's go!”

  Robert turned and began to walk away when Morgan decided to point out the obvious.

  “But we have to have this thing, Rob!” he exclaimed.

  The traveler dropped his head and stepped back to the table with a sigh.

  “How much did you say?”

  “Fifteen-hundred.”

  “Look man,” Robert replied gazing up at his economic adversary, “I'll level with you: I need it for parts, but it ain't the only one around. I'll give you the seven-fifty.”

  “Done!”

  “Here ya go,” the traveler said, pulling a wad of bills from his pocket and handing the man the top note.

  “This is a thousand!” the man exclaimed.

  “Eh, keep the change,” Robert smiled. “Can you deliver it to my ship?”

  “No problem!”

  “If you had all that money on you,” Morgan said thoughtfully as they were making their way back to the ship, “why did you make a big deal over the price?”

  “I just like to haggle!” the traveler explained.

  In less than an hour the generator was on board and the ship back in space. For two days straight Robert and Vox slaved away in the cargo hold in an attempt to transform their precious junk into the working piece of equipment they wanted it to be. Morgan hung out with them most of this time for two simple reasons: he was hoping to learn anything that might prove useful someday, and Azure and Cleo had spent most of this time girl-talking. Of course, he would have happily girl-talked with them, but they wouldn't let him...

  “So are dolphins really smarter than people?” Morgan mused during a moment of boredom.

  “Some people, I guess,” the traveler replied, not looking up from his work.

  “Like who?”

  “Like people who say that dolphins are smarter than people,” Robert suggested.

  “But wouldn’t that mean they were right?”

  “Take me down to paradox city,” the traveler sang.

  “Okay…” Morgan replied rolling his eyes. “But be that as it may, they still strike me as really intelligent.”

  “I didn’t know you'd ever been struck by one.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Look Morgan,” Robert said, actually taking the time to glance at the young man, “no matter how smart they are, intellect can only do so much without thumbs. It ain’t easy to write underwater with a pen in your mouth. Trust me.”

  “Well monkeys have thumbs,” Morgan pointed out.

  “Yeah…” the traveler agreed, “but thumbs can only do so much without intellect. You, of all people, should know that.”

  Right in the middle of these two trying to solve all the philosophical problems that have plagued the universe since it's very beginning, Cleo stepped into the cargo bay. She was once again dressed in miniskirt, stockings, etc. Morgan put his fingers on his pulse just to keep an eye on his heart rate. It was squarely within the realms of not-a-heat-attack... slowly but surely he was getting used to his amazing good fortune...

  “Rob,” she said gazing at the back of his head, “we need to talk.”

  “Talk away,” he said without glancing back.

  “No, Rob,” she sighed. “We need to talk with you looking at me.”

  “Well,
I do love looking at you,” he said, before turning his gaze to her with a smile. “Boy do I love looking at you! Anyway, what's up?”

  “Well,” she said taking a deep breath, her cheeks turning slightly teal, “I feel that as your girlfriend I have the right to make certain demands of you.”

  “Oh,” he replied, taking a step nearer her, “I certainly agree! What kind of demands were you thinking of exactly? I've got the feeling they'd be a lot of fun just to hear about.”

  “I'm serious, Rob,” she replied, putting her hand on his chest and pushing him back.

  “So am I,” he said, stepping nearer in spite of her resistance.

  “No you're not,” she giggled, “and you know it! Now be serious for a minute.”

  “Alright,” he sighed, putting his hands up, “what are your demands?”

  “I want to go on another micro-date.” she replied.

  “Okay,” he replied. “No problem. As soon as me and Vox...”

  “No, Rob,” she said shaking her head. “Now. Right now!”

  “But me and Vox...”

  “Rob,” she said rolling her eyes and refusing to look him in the face, “I haven't even seen you for two days now and...”

  “Has it been two days?!?!” Robert interrupted.

  “It has, boss,” Vox replied. “Small-girl's right...”

  “Yes I am!” Cleo asserted. “And since you're my boyfriend I think I have the right to ask for an hour of your time every few days.”

  “Well can I just...” the traveler began, gazing into her eyes. “No. No, never mind. Vox, you got this, man?”

  “I got it, brother,” he instantly replied. “Have fun!”

  “We'll be up there in like twenty minutes,” Robert said with a smile.

  “You had better be, Rob,” Cleo replied before strutting... Yeah, she was strutting this time... out of the cargo bay.

  As soon as she had gotten down the hall a ways Robert turned to Morgan to issue instructions.

  “Okay, Morgan,” he said, looking his friend in the face, “we both need to take a quick shower and throw on some clean clothes. Just jeans and a button up... no wait, a black t-shirt with an open button up the front shirt over that with the sleeves rolled up. We'll look casual, but smart. Can you handle that?”

  “I believe so. You think I'll need gum?”

  “I doubt it... Let's go!”

  Fifteen minutes later the young men were stepping onto the bridge together, shower fresh and attired in clean, and somewhat spiffier, clothes.

  “You changed,” Cleo observed.

  “I was hoping these would do something for you,” Robert replied, glancing down at his attire. “Do they?”

  “A little,” she giggled.

  “So,” he said stepping over to her seat and gazing down at her, “what are we supposed to do on this micro-date, exactly?”

  “Well, first,” she replied with a coy smile, “go sit down.”

  Immediately both he and Morgan obeyed.

  “Before we go any further,” Azure said, shooting a quick glance at Morgan, “I just want to say that, due to minor changes in circumstance, Morgan and I are now on a unified chaperoning mission.”

  “Is that closer to a date than last time?” Morgan asked.

  “By an immeasurably small amount, yes,” she answered.

  “Eh,” he shrugged, “I'll take it.”

  “Rob,” Cleo said turning her seat toward the traveler, “Azure and I decided that since you've missed out on so many improv ice-cream parties and since this is our second date we would have ice-cream to start.”

  “Sure,” he agreed. “We do need to live a little.”

  Moments later she was handing him a space bowl filled with pistachio ice-cream covered in maple syrup.

  “Since you never got to try it...”

  “Yeah...” he said after his first bite, “this is really good. In fact, I think it's giving me heart palpitations.”

  “It did the same thing to me!” Morgan confessed.

  Robert glared at him a moment before taking another spoonful.

  “So, Morgan,” Cleo said, smiling at the young man, “do you want pistachio with maple or do you want to try the blueberry and honey.”

  “Actually if you could just put all that together in a bowl...”

  “Morgan will have the blueberry with no syrup,” the traveler interrupted. “He's had too much maple syrup and honey lately. I got the feeling it's about to get real bad for his health.”

  “Rob's right,” the young man nodded. “I need to cut back...”

  “Way back!” Robert replied. “And actually, Morgan, now that I'm thinking about it, you might want to try the blueberry with cherry syrup.”

  “That seems like an odd combo,” Cleo replied.

  Robert simply waved his space spoon silently at Morgan.

  “I'll try it!” Morgan exclaimed.

  For the next few minutes they sat laughing, talking, and just generally enjoying each others company before Cleo introduced another topic of general interest.

  “I have a question, Azure,” Cleo said thoughtfully.

  “What is it?”

  “What made you kiss Morgan?”

  “Actually,” Morgan replied, sitting bolt upright in his seat, “I’ve been wondering about that myself!”

  “Well,” she sighed, “obviously I wanted to shatter his teeth. I mean, what with all the lying and boasting and that whole psychological angle thing down at the gun range.”

  “I can see that,” Cleo nodded.

  “But then,” Azure continued, “I reflected on the fact that he really had risked his life to save mine.”

  “Sure,” Cleo replied.

  “So,” Azure explained, “I decided if I gave him what he really wanted I’d be justified in taking what I really wanted.”

  “I see what you mean,” Cleo admitted, “but I'm not sure I could have done it. I'd've just had to slap him and take my chances with karma.”

  “I seriously considered it,” Azure confessed. “I guess I’m just softhearted. Still, to be completely and totally honest, it wasn’t that bad.”

  “Really?!?!” Morgan replied, sitting up even bolt uprighter.

  “Really,” she nodded, an almost confused look on her face. “For some reason you tasted like cinnamon. I didn't know that about human men.”

  As soon as she said this Morgan pointed a knowing finger at Robert before pulling a fresh stick of gum from his pocket.

  “In fact, if I had to choose between kissing you again or getting shot in the face I’d probably just flip a coin.”

  “Wow!” he exclaimed. “I’m making serious progress!”

  A few minutes after this, while they were in the middle of yet another laugh, Robert sat up and snapped his fingers.

  “That's it!” he said jumping to his feet. “Cleo, you were right! I needed a break! I know what to do with the generator now!”

  Having said this he stepped quickly over to her seat, his body language simply screaming I'm 'bout to seriously kiss this girl for real. As Robert leaned down toward her, Morgan jumped from his chair drawing back his right arm, just hoping for a chance to help. A sudden burst of self-control saved the traveler both from himself and his friend, however. He paused for a moment, before leaning slowly down and kissing her on the cheek.

  “Thank you,” he said, staring into her eyes. “I really needed this.”

  “Me too,” she replied, her breath somewhat shallow.

  “Let's go, Morgan,” the traveler said, stepping from the room. “We got to get this thing running.”

  Just hours after this the generator was doing exactly what they wanted it to. And as soon as it was Robert and Morgan headed back to the bridge.

  “Cleo,” the traveler said stepping into the chamber, “Contact Sister...”

  As he said this he noticed she was back in her normal clothes.

  “You changed, again.”

  “Of course,” she smiled. “T
hose are my date clothes. I'm not just going to sit around in them. They won't have the same effect if they're not special.”

  “Good point,” he nodded. “Either way, contact Sister and tell her I need the accounting department to setup a business on our next target world about five years before the target date. We'll need bank accounts, maybe a warehouse, just have them do whatever they need to do to legitimize it. Obviously keeping the damage to a minimum as much as possible.”

  “Alright,” she replied.

  “Then we need the tech department to register the patents we'll need spread over that five year period. After that the legal department needs to draw up a contract with generous, but plausible terms. In fact, have accounting move the money around so that I can use the lack of liquid capital excuse to explain why we're so ready to deal.”

  “No problem, Rob.”

  “After that get two holo-emitters setup for you and Azure. That is, if you want to go with us.”

  “We do!”

  “I'm glad,” he replied. “Keep in mind, these guys are basically human and don't have a lot of alien contact at this point. So, me and Morgan will pass as natives. Just aim for something similar.”

  “Any special instructions?” she asked.

  “You can still be hot, but not as hot as you are in real life. I don't want to attract too much attention.”

  “If you say so, Rob,” she giggled.

  Just hours later the ship was touching down in the empty parking lot of a warehouse owned by the front company. Both Robert and Morgan we're dressed in almost-Earth-like business suites, complete with cowboy hats and boots, and Robert held a briefcase filled with contracts and patent information. Cleo and Azure stepped onto the bridge, looking like very attractive, but very normal, human women.

  “I see you kept the violet eyes,” the traveler said, smiling at Cleo.

  “Well everyone'll just think they're contacts,” she replied, before adding, “and besides, they're one of your favorite features.”

  “Oh,” he said stepping over near her, “all of your features are my favorites.”

  “What are you doing you idiot?” she laughed, stepping away from him.

  “I'm just trying to help you decide,” he explained.