Sacred Desires (Samuel #1)

by Joanna Mazurkiewicz

  Reluctantly I leave the bedroom and walk through the cold corridor. I hear the rain pounding through the roof of the penthouse. I peer into the living room, thinking that Dimitrious should be paying me more for risking my precious life.

  As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I see a man standing by the sword. The colour drains from my face and I try to breathe quietly. Then he turns and spots me. My jaw drops as I recognise Dimitrious. It looks like he is paying me a visit after all.

  Twelve

  He looks calm. His eyes are fixed on the sword that hangs on the wall. I walk into the living room, not quite sure what to do or say. Right now, Dimitrious has this perfect opportunity to kill Samuel. The Fallen is fast asleep in his bedroom. I don’t know, maybe that’s why he is here, to finish him off.

  "Hello, Poppy. I think I underestimated your abilities. Your seduction game seems to be working,” he says, not even bothering to whisper.

  I walk towards him, wondering how the hell he knows that I’ve slept with Samuel. I haven’t spoken to Rhonda yet and Dimitrious can’t get anywhere near Samuel without sparking suspicion. I fold my arms over my chest, feeling on edge. It’s bad enough that I’m using my body to get what Dimitrious needs.

  “What can I say? I’m good,” I say, trying not to think about what I’ve done. "All men are attracted to me."

  “Possibly, but your attitude still hasn’t changed,” he mutters and diverts his eyes back to the sword. I always feel so lost when he is near me. I ignore his snarky remark. It’s true: men are attracted to me, and deep down Dimitrious is too. He just doesn’t want to admit to it.

  “It’s not a replica; the sword is real,” I say, reaching out to run my fingers over the sharp blade, but he catches my hand to stop me. An electrical charge, deep and sharp, runs over my body. The breath hitches in my throat as his dark eyes narrow on me.

  "I want you to show me my past, the memories," he orders with a quiet growl. I don’t understand what it is about this man, but I like being around him, even when I’m petrified. This feeling is so frightening but exciting, and I keep forgetting that he ruined my life. “A human that has been marked by an archangel is blessed with certain abilities—in your case, touching objects belonging to Fallen, so please use it to show me what I need to see."

  "I don’t know if this is going to work. What if it was just one time only?" I ask, as he squeezes my wrist too hard.

  "Just touch the sword and concentrate. Don’t worry about the Fallen. I’m not allowed to kill him in his sleep. Even Watchers need to follow the rules. Now, Poppy, don’t make this difficult.”

  He wants to discover his past and I have to pray for it to work, because for some reason I don’t want to disappoint him. He loosens his grip on my wrist but doesn’t let go of me, sending unbelievable vibrations over my entire body. I reach out with my other hand and run my fingers over the metal blade like the last time.

  The stylish living room disappears. We are on the beach, near the sea. It’s broad daylight. We must be still in Britain; the landscape reminds me of a short break away in Dorset, when John took me once for my birthday. Dimitrious is standing next to me, looking around with confusion.

  I feel a warm breeze and sun on my skin. It’s a beautiful sunny day and for some reason I don’t want to go back to the penthouse. I want to stay here with Dimitrious.

  “I see someone there," he says unexpectedly, pointing at the woman who is walking along the shore a distance away. Yeah, it’s Monique. She’s the human woman that young Dimitrious fucked in the gallery.

  "Do you recognise her?" I ask shyly.

  He twists his lips and runs his hand over his dark hair. "Yes, I dreamed about her a few times," he replies with a harsh tone, like he doesn’t want me to talk about her at all. He gestures for me to start walking. I'm still barefoot and dressed in a robe, but I don’t feel cold or sense the warmth of the sand between my toes.

  The woman disappears and time speeds up. The sun is moving down towards the horizon. We both stop. The scenery doesn’t shift, but the woman is gone. A meter away from us there is younger Dimitrious with another angel. I recognise him—it’s Samuel. #

  "Come on, Dimitrious, show me what you can do," Samuel roars, lifting his arms and holding his shiny sword in both hands. He attacks and I scream, seeing them both in a fight. Samuel looks like he’s more experienced with his sword, moving fast, thrusting his arms back and forth as he tries to hurt Dimitrious with his sharp blade. I don’t dare to look at the real Dimitrious next to me.

  For a moment both of them circle around each other with their knees bent. Dimitrious does a hundred-and-eighty-degree turn and somehow manages to pin Samuel from behind, moving so fast that I can’t figure out how he did it. Instead of slashing his throat, he pushes him forward. Samuel loses his grip on the metal bar and his sword hits the sand.

  "What are you going to do now, Sammy?" Dimitrious asks, smiling widely. Samuel glares at him in fury, then glances back at his sword. I know that he wants to get it back, but then Dimitrious drops his own sword away, wiping the sweat away from his forehead.

  "So you want to play fair? I didn’t expect that from you," Samuel barks, but doesn’t give his opponent any time to think. He attacks with a loud roar, launching forward. It looks like they want to kill each other. Younger Dimitrious slams onto the sand and I gasp, biting my lip hard. Samuel gets on top of him and starts pounding his fists into Dimitrious’s face with no hesitation. Each movement is precise and fast. Blood spills everywhere. I want to look away, hearing bones cracking, but I don’t want to miss anything.

  Dimitrious looks disorientated for a short while but then he spits out the blood, catches Samuel’s fist and pushes it away from his face. Samuel roars and uses his other hand to push Dimitrious back. Both Watchers wrestle each other for a few minutes, panting and rolling on the wet sand.

  “It’s over.”

  I hear a curse and then they both fall back. Their ripped chests are rising and falling rapidly, blood spilling from their mouths and chests. Younger Dimitrious wipes his face and gets up. I glance up at the real Dimitrious; he looks intensely at the whole scene with doomed silence. I'm curious too, not making much sense of what this whole fight is about.

  "You’re getting better, I must admit. I didn’t expect that from you," says the younger. The real Dimitrious exhales loudly when the two Watchers shake their hands, both bleeding pretty badly. “But it’s not enough to get to Uriel’s ranks. We are choosy.”

  “I don’t care about Uriel. The other day, something happened to me. I have been hearing rumours. Angels have been saying that life down on earth is so much better than the one we have been blessed with in Seventh Heaven," Samuel says with a gleam in his eye. “I wanted to see what they were talking about, so I bribed two Watchers to get me down to earth for more than a day, and you won’t believe it. It’s all true. The life here is so different, exciting and easy.”

  It looks like Dimitrious didn’t expect that. Shock and disappointment shadow his calm expression.

  “You broke the rules—you sinned?” Dimitrious asks, clenching his fists.

  I glance back at the real one next to me. He doesn’t look happy. It seems to me that he is disturbed by this scene, and now it’s clear to me that angels were forbidden to go down to earth, that the Divine One had forbidden them to mix with humans. Is it possible that he was protecting the sinner before he lost all his memories?

  Samuel backs off, wiping the rain from his face, and there is something in his smile that I don’t like. He hesitates before he moves closer to the younger version of my boss.

  “Yeah, I wanted to experience myself what others were talking about. If I get into the ranks, I might be eligible for certain privileges. The others have been telling me that what the Divine One doesn’t know won’t hurt him," Samuel says with a laugh.

  It looks like Dimitrious knows what Samuel is talking about. His eyes flash with anger before his expression returns to normal. “You’re risking eve
rything, your life and soul.”

  Samuel smiles again, ignoring Dimitrious. He picks up a stone and looks up the sky. “Imagine being free and doing whatever you like. No more rules and dealing with demons. Just pure pleasure.”

  “We don’t belong here. Earth is just a temptation.”

  Samuel doesn’t reply, watching the noisy seagulls that are squawking with the joy of being free. Dimitrious is watching him with stoic silence, probably wondering if Samuel has gone mad. Then out of nowhere Samuel arches his arm and throws the stone at the birds. He hits one. The bird falls on the sand a few meters away from them, squawking loudly. I don’t want to look when he picks up one more stone and hurts another bird. It shocks me to see that Samuel could be so cruel.

  We don’t see what happens next. The beach vanishes in front of my eyes, transforming into a small bedroom filled with stacks of books. In front of us, the younger version of Dimitrious is kneeling down, shirtless, his hands entwined together, eyes closed. His deep husky voice echoes in the room, but I can’t take my eyes off the defined muscles on his back.

  "Dear Lord, I know that you can hear me. Others have said that you always listen. I understand that Monique is just another daughter of men, but these feelings and emotions that I experience when I’m with her are thrilling. Maybe if I talk to Metatron, he will let me see you and explain. I'm not like the others. I don’t want her just to fill the gap. Please, Divine One. There have been other incidents, but I—”

  His voice breaks then into a silent sob, the muscles on his back tightening. Slowly, very slowly, I turn my head to face the present Dimitrious. He is looking at his own self from the past with total shock and disbelief.

  God had probably forbidden them to reveal themselves and Dimitrious not only went against his wishes, but had also fallen in love with a human. Can life in heaven be that bad?

  The body of younger Dimitrious starts to tremble; harder sobs escape him. I open my mouth, feeling sorry for him. I'm not supposed to be seeing this, that softer and sensitive side of him from the past. I dart my eyes back at my boss, who seems to be mesmerised himself, shocked by what he is seeing.

  "I love Monique, but I'm bound by my duties as a Watcher and I can’t be like the others. Please, Divine One, give me a sign. Let me choose to do the right thing."

  I can’t take this anymore. I want to close my eyes and vanish. I don't understand their rules. The Watchers aren’t supposed to get involved with human women. It sounds like this rule applies to any angel. Despite the threat, the young Dimitrious broke his code, but why was the sword showing this to us?

  More sobs and there is a small part of me that feels his pain, understands what he is going through. I was torn away from my own love and forced to seduce men that were banished from heaven. I open my mouth to ask Dimitrious if he remembers now what happened to him—his past, the woman that he obviously loved—but the room disappears.

  I blink rapidly, seeing a sword in front of me. We are both back in Samuel’s penthouse. The sword looks intact and the evolving silence is broken by Dimitrious’s loud breathing. I stand in front of his tensed body as he stares back at the sword with utter disbelief. His eyes dart at me. I shouldn't care about his feelings. I'm the ice queen, a woman who has class and certain standards, but in this moment I want to embrace him. The pain of his shattered life screams at me.

  I force myself not to say anything about the fact that Samuel could wake up at any moment and once he sees Dimitrious, he would have to start all over again. I don't know what is happening to him. He lets go a quiet growl and slides down the wall, hiding his face in his hands. I would have never expected him to behave in such a way. Then he grips my hand, and before I know what is happening, we are on Samuel’s terrace. Dimitrious’s white wings are spread wide.

  "What are you doing? He could wak—"

  He doesn’t let me finish. Instead he places his palms on my waist, bringing me closer. I try to yank away, but we are already moving up. Cold wind whistles and Dimitrious shoots us into the air, fluttering his huge wings with fast movements.

  I'm completely petrified, because I have no idea where is he taking me. Is he angry at me because I showed him this weak side of himself? He obviously was close to Samuel, accepted his dark past, but something must have happened between them. Dimitrious’s whole plan will crash if Samuel wakes up and I'm not sleeping next to him.

  Dimitrious holds me close to his chest. He is flying above the water in complete darkness; the moon and stars are shaded by heavy clouds that look like real monsters above us. His heart is racing away, but I don't know what that means. Is he furious or just moved after what he saw in that memory?

  I bury my face in his chest, thinking about John and the good times that we spent together back in Bristol. I don’t know how much time has passed or what is happening, when all of a sudden he lands on the roof of a different building. He lets go of me abruptly and I automatically clench my palms around my arms, shaking with cold. Dimitrious paces around. It’s too dark to see his face, but his tight muscles are telling me that he is furious.

  "I'm sorry. I didn’t know what the sword would show."

  “Please, be quiet. I'm trying to gather my thoughts," he shoots back with obvious pain in his voice. Normally I run when people are hurt or upset. I see it as weakness, but it's different with Dimitrious. I want to scream at him to take me home, that I'm going to get cold, but deep down I know I can’t. Instead I walk up to him and take his hands.

  "I know how you feel—lost, betrayed and you're hurting. It seems like my whole life I felt that way."

  Peace settles in Dimitrious’s dark eyes and then he does something that I never expect him to do. He cradles me to his chest. His breathing is erratic, heart pounding. The scent of his cologne weakens my knees, penetrating me with warmth deeper than anyone ever has. I feel confused with my reactions, but happy being in his arms.

  "These memories are everything to me, Poppy. I have a black hole in my mind. The other Watchers turned their backs on me. Everyone claims that they don’t know my past."

  “It's all right; you shouldn't keep this to yourself. I'm here to listen," I say, not even believing that I'm capable of saying something like that. In the past I would have just walked away, but there is this invisible connection that pulls me closer to him.

  His closeness is crushing and the realisation that he has never confided in anyone else apart from me is terrifying. Then he pulls away, darting his eyes to the sky above.

  "We should go back. The Fallen’s dreams are fading. I’ll take the body of another human and you will introduce me to him. I need to face him this way to see if I’ll remember anything.”

  I'm confused, not listening and staring at him, wondering what’s happened to our special moment together.

  "What are you talking about?" I ask, trying to sound like myself again.

  "Rhonda will give you the details tomorrow. Now let’s get you back," he says, and then everything goes black.

  When I snap my eyes open, I wake up in bed, snuggled into Samuel’s chest. I wiggle away from him and check the time. It’s quarter past three in the morning. Was that a dream I had? No, I tell myself. I woke up and Dimitrious was in Samuel’s penthouse. We both saw his memories. He lost it and took me away, telling me that this was the first time that anyone ever made him remember his past, the real memories. I couldn't have dreamt about this.

  "Baby, get back to sleep," Samuel mutters and turns over. I lie down, staring at the ceiling. The heat between my legs is still there, even the racing pulse can’t stop me remembering what I felt being with Dimitrious. My mouth is dry, but I refuse to believe that I'm in some ways attracted to him. I love John, and once I get my life back I'm going to get back to him. Dimitrious isn’t human, but in that dream he behaved like someone who had been hurt, and I was the one that comforted him. What is happening to me? Am I slowly becoming another person?

  Thirteen

  I don’t even remember when I woke up.
Samuel is kissing me, growling and brushing my nipple with his thumb. I smile and slip my tongue into his mouth, keeping up my act.

  "Poppy, you naughty girl, you're awake," he says and then slips his head down below and starts planting kisses on my stomach, moving his hand down to the edge of my thighs. My head is clouded, and the arousal speeds up my heart rate. He is using his abilities to get me in the mood.

  I moan as his lips are on my sex and his tongue starts rolling over it, sucking hard and slow. The heat only grows, but I try to think about something else. It’s not that I don’t like what he is doing to me, but yesterday’s memories are still so vivid in my mind. Dimitrious was in his apartment. Everything is so hazy, but I remember the sword and his fight with Samuel on the beach. My mobile phone on the dresser breaks my moans and I hear Samuel’s growl.

  "Leave it. I want you to come in my face."

  I glance at the screen and tense, seeing that it’s Rhonda. "I'm sorry, I have to take it; this is really important," I insist, pushing him away gently. I dive out from the covers as quickly as I can and answer the phone. "Hello."

  “Poppy, listen to me very carefully.”

  Dimitrious spoke to me only a few hours ago, so why all of a sudden is Rhonda on my case? I hate that.

  “Boss asked me to call. You need to tell Samuel that an old friend has just returned from abroad and he wants to see you, that you were very close before. Dimitrious has taken a human body and he’s determined to get close to your Fallen. You have to invite him for dinner tonight."

  I narrow my eyes and snap without thinking about what I'm saying to Rhonda. "What? This is not going to work. Last night—"

  "Yeah, I know it all, sister. The boss wants to meet him and there is nothing you can say about it. Tell him that this friend of yours is insisting on seeing you today. He has some other urgent business tomorrow, or something close to it.”