Only Me

by Vivian Ward

  “Cathy, it never takes much with you.”

  This sex is so much better than the sex we’ve role played when we were talking about me being with other men. It’s much more meaningful and powerful than anything I could’ve ever imagined.

  We’ve role played everything from pretending we were being watched to what it would be like after another guy has been inside of me to what it would be like if he just watched another man fuck me.

  None of it compares to any of this.

  Reclaim sex is the best sex. It’s raw, passionate, primal and needy. It’s perfect.

  Brett and I had sex twice before we fell asleep and then we stayed in bed together the entire next day, making love and fucking each other’s brains out.

  I didn’t think either one of us was able to get enough of each other, but probably for different reasons.

  For him, it was all about reclaiming me and taking back what’s always been his, wiping away any traces of another man. It’s almost as though I was a trophy and he had to polish the fingerprints off of me.

  It was different for me. I needed to feel him inside of me. I needed to feel wanted by him, and somehow, making endless love with him for more than a day straight made me feel appreciated by him.

  Sleeping with Arden was almost a complete mind fuck for me.

  I had a blast with him, and it was fun to go to the bar to pick up another guy. It was even better when I got to be naughty and “cheat” on my husband, even though it wasn’t cheating since I had his permission and he knew exactly what I was doing.

  But after it was all over? I felt regret and shock. I couldn’t believe that I’d just had another man inside of me.

  The odd part is, I didn’t feel regret for all that long, and it seemed to come and go in waves. One minute I’d feel guilty, and the next minute I was completely fine with the way everything went down.

  Perhaps the most stunning part isn’t that I went through with it, but that my husband was okay with it.

  For some reason, I expected him to be angry or upset by it after we both came down from our sexual high, but he wasn’t. He treated me like he does any other day and it was like nothing happened.

  His love and respect for me didn’t change one bit. If anything, it grew deeper.

  They say that married pussy is the forbidden fruit that many men would like to have but very few get to experience, and I understand it now.

  I know something changed after that night, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I think it’s the way we look at each other differently now—and not in a bad way.

  It’s in a very good way.

  It’s like we both learned something about ourselves. He learned that he can let me fuck other men and that I’ll come right back to him. He knows I could never leave him; I’ll always come back to be in his arms.

  I learned that I can go through with it and that he doesn’t look at me differently for it. There’s this unspoken bond between us.

  I belong to him.

  Mind, body, and soul.

  And it doesn’t matter who I’m with or what I’m doing. Even during sex with another man, the thought of him was never lost on me. In fact, he’s all I could think about.

  And the reclaim sex made me realize that living this type of lifestyle isn’t just about fucking other men. That’s a small part of it, but being able to let another man enjoy my body while I enjoy his isn’t anything compared to the intimate relationship and sexual satisfaction that Brett and I have.

  There are very few couples who can live this type of lifestyle and understand what it means to fuck someone else and then come home to have meaningful sex with your spouse. It’s a mental and spiritual understanding that Brett and I share.

  There are no words to communicate the thoughts or feelings that we have, just actions to show for it. And God, do I love those actions.

  It’s not something I could do all the time, but occasionally, yes. Absolutely. The way he needed me and the way he took me was enough to make me do it over and over again.

  And it’s not that he only wants me after I’ve been with another man because that’s not true at all. He wants me no matter what. It’s the way he makes me feel after I’ve been with someone that I crave the most. That’s what I found the most intimate of all.

  I had no clue that would be the first and last time that I would see Arden. He has sent me several text messages to hang out with him, but that’s the problem.

  He’s not really interested in doing a threesome, I’ve brought it up several times, but he always seems to change the subject.

  Now, he did, however, bring up the subject of me and his friend Angie hooking up. I politely told him that if there’s going to be any threesome, it won’t be him and me with another chic. It’d be a threesome with my husband and another man.

  After that, he only wanted to see me, and not just for sex either. He’d invite me to come to his hotel room to watch movies, or he wanted me to come hang out with him at the bar when he was in town. It started to feel like he was trying to make me become his girlfriend.

  I explained to him, on multiple occasions, that I have a family and that my kids always come first. Brett and I don’t have nearly enough date nights, so before I go hang out with another man, I’m going to let my husband take me out first.

  Going to the bar that first night I met him isn’t something that I’ve ever done, and I told him that. Usually, I’m at home with Brett and the kids, or Brett and I will go out together.

  And this was never meant for me to begin ‘relationships’ with other men. It’s only for sex, and it’s just for fun. Arden started drawing the fun out of it when he tried to make it more than it was by trying to treat me like a girlfriend.

  It made me feel uncomfortable. I almost felt like I was mean to him while trying to remain faithful to my husband, and that’s never a situation I want to be in.

  Arden finally got the hint that I wasn’t going to see him again after he tried to get too attached to me. Brett and I decided from the beginning that if emotions ever developed, it was time to cut the cord, so that’s what I did.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Babe, do you know what you should do?” Brett says to me as I’m putting away groceries.

  “Hire a maid?” I tease.

  “No, I was thinking about it and I think you should go on Craigslist and post an ad in M4W.”

  “M4W?” I repeat. “For what?”

  “To find a guy. We’ve been searching for how many months now? It seems like all of the guys are scared to do threesomes, and I really liked getting pictures from you.”

  “Yeah, but I told you, I want you there with me. I want to wait until we find a guy to do a threesome.”

  I hand him a bag of canned goods to put away while I work on the refrigerator items.

  “I know, but I’ve never told you this,” he says. “In part of my fantasy, I’d really like to get surprise pics, like text messages.”

  I smile, I can’t help but grin. This sounds like it could be a LOT of fun.

  “You want me to send you surprise pictures? But that means not only would you not be there, but you also wouldn't even know who I was with or when and where I was doing it.”

  “Exactly,” he says, folding the bag and handing it to me.

  “Let me get this straight. You liked me fucking a stranger from the bar—that you sent me to—and now you want me to find another random stranger to send you pictures again? With NO permission to fuck him?”

  This might be testing the limits a little, but it does sound kinky.

  “Yeah, maybe you could go grocery shopping and hit on some guy in the supermarket, or maybe you could make friends with someone we don’t know and…,” his voice trails off.

  I can totally tell he’s picturing all of this going on in that little mind of his.

  “Really? You want me to hook up with guys without your permission and send you pics of what? Him fucking me? Me sucking his dick? Tell me.”<
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  “Yes! All of it!”

  I smack him in the chest as I reach for the milk.

  “You’re bad!” I say, grinning at him.

  “Cathy? Please? If you don’t put up an ad, I will. I want you to meet a nice fuck buddy who will satisfy you and send you back home to me with a well-fucked pussy.”

  “Are you listening to yourself?” I laugh. “This is crazy.”

  I shake my head.

  “I don’t know, let me have some time to think about. If you remember correctly, I really wanted you there last time.”

  “And I want to be there, but the problem is these guys keep chickening out. They’re all flakes, and if we can’t have a threesome right now, I at least want you to enjoy yourself and send me some naughty pictures.”

  He walks up behind me, wrapping his arms around the front of me as he squeezes my breasts through my shirt.

  “And maybe send some dirty pictures,” he kisses my ear. “Or maybe call me and let me listen to you getting fucked,” he kisses my neck.

  “What?” I spin around. “Call you and let you listen?”

  That sounds terrible, but it sounds really fucking hot at the same time.

  “Yeah,” he pulls me to him, pressing his erection against my belly. “I want to hear him taking you. I love all the noises you make, and I’d be so hard listening to you.”

  I look into his gorgeous eyes and smile.

  “Would you jack off while you listened?” I bite my lip.

  He shakes his head.

  “No. I might play with it, but I’d save my load for you when you get home. Will you do it?”

  Smiling, I nod.

  “Yeah, I’ll do it even though I really want you there,” I sigh.

  I’m only half-kidding, though. As much as I really do want him there, a small part of me enjoyed playing alone.

  It has taken me a while to come up with the right wording for an ad that I think will yield good results.

  “Brett! Can you come here, please?”

  He walks into the living room where I’m comfortably curled up on the couch with my laptop.

  “Yeah. What did you need?”

  “I wrote up an ad, but I wanted you to read it before I post it. Do you want to hear it what it says?”

  “Sure,” he says, taking a seat opposite of me.

  “Okay,” I look around for the kids. They’re all outside. “I’ll read it, and you tell me if I should change anything.”

  “You got it, babe,” he winks at me.

  He’s so fucking cute. I just love this man.

  “Where to start?

  I wouldn't call this an affair because the truth is my husband knows what I do and encourages it! He loves sharing me with other men, and I love being shared, it's a lot of fun. Unfortunately, there are a lot of flakes out there, and I'm tired of it. I'm real and I play for real.

  If you have no intentions of actually meeting me in person, don't respond. I play hard but I work even harder so I don't have time to deal with endless emails that are never going to go anywhere.”

  “Does this sound good so far?” I stop to ask him before I continue.

  “I like it. Is that all of it?”

  “No, there’s more,” I say. “Okay, so here’s the rest of it.”

  “About me: I'm mature, 36, short (5'2), curvy/thick, blondish brown hair, pretty blue eyes, and I'm a sweetheart with a filthy mouth. I'm intelligent (book smart and street smart), well spoken, clean (shave and shower daily), no diseases, don't do drugs, non-smoker/social drinker, and not afraid to speak my mind or ask for what I want.

  “I’m not your average woman in the sense that I'm not shy, I can hang with the guys but I also like to be girly.

  “My husband is not the jealous type and would love to participate but is more than happy to loan me out if you're uncomfortable with that. He'd be happy to get pics and video of you fucking me (if this all plays out). And for the right man, I'd be happy to meet you. Should hubby get involved (if you're up to it), he is completely straight. NO m/m contact (maybe incidental sword crossing while you please me but that's it).”

  Again, I pause and look to Brett for approval as I giggle about the sword-crossing part. After he shrugs and nods, I continue reading.

  “What I'm looking for:

  “Age range: 25-50 years old

  “Personality- Be fun, outgoing and talkative. If you can't communicate, I won't waste my time. A little intelligence and education go a long way. I have to *like* you in order to *fuck* you. If you don't understand that, then please move along.

  “Looks and body- Average or above average looks. Be clean cut (hair cut, manicured facial hair), clean (this shouldn't even need an explanation but shower daily, wear deodorant, maybe do a little jungle grooming), drug and disease free (I am). We'll ALWAYS play safe (this is how I'm DDF) but I'm just putting it out there. Also, I like guys who are on the bigger side so if you've got some extra padding; I'd love to hold onto it.