Expelled

by Claire Adams

  The touch of her hands on mine wasn’t something I could forget though. Even though for the next several weeks she seemed to be avoiding getting close enough to touch me. Something about our interaction during that morning of making breakfast had scared her, or perhaps her parents had told her to stay away; Sarah was very obviously avoiding me.

  She had promised to teach me more about the horses and yet had totally avoided me since that morning we made breakfast. There were some quick glances as we worked, a smile and nod, or even a quick hello as I walked by, but Sarah was avoiding me.

  At first I thought she was just trying to play hard to get. Or maybe she was proving her point that she was the supervisor and I was an employee. But the way her eyes lit up when we did look at each other, I felt like she was for sure interested in me. I understood she didn’t want her parents to think something was going on between the two of us — hell, I didn’t want that either. But there was no use in totally ignoring each other if we were going to work together; we could certainly decide to do that and just be friends if that was what she wanted.

  “Can you show me how to saddle the horse?” I asked one late afternoon after I had finished all my other jobs.

  She looked around nervously as she stood at the end of the barn. I wasn’t sure why I was suddenly making her so nervous, but as a man I knew not to move forward until she allowed it. As men, we had to be in tuned to thing like the way a woman felt when alone with us; there were too many shady men in the world and they had ruined it for all the good guys.

  Even thought I was clearly a good guy and I knew it, I wasn’t sure that Sarah was one hundred percent convinced of my good guy status. She wanted to like me, I could see that in her eyes; but she had some trepidation about giving in to her gut feeling about me.

  To be honest, I wasn’t sure that I would trust the guy I was at that moment in my life. The story I had been given when I was placed at the ranch seemed a little shady to me and I probably hadn’t done it justice with my unconvincing lying. A guy traveling to Wyoming to Washington for a job opportunity wouldn’t actually stop to work at a ranch. If he had a job opportunity, he would want to get to that damn job and not sit for weeks on a ranch. But I tried to avoid the realities of the story I had been telling about my past and move forward. I just had to make the best of it and hope that Sarah could see through the lies and see that I was a decent guy.

  “Um, actually I was just heading into town to get a saddle for Buckjoy. You could come with me if you’d like.”

  The agent who had dropped me off at the ranch had told me very clearly never to leave the ranch. If I went into town, it was more likely someone would see me and if Frank Gordano sent people looking for me, it was more likely they could find me. I knew the rules; I had avoided going to get my own watch because of these rules. Everything in my mind told me to refuse this offer of Sarah’s… but my mind wasn’t really in control at that moment.

  Lust can do wondrous things to a man’s psyche though. Justification and logic seem to swim together and make sense of situations and excuses to forgo all that a man knows is true. And in that moment, lust took control of my mind and I agreed to put myself in danger and go with this beautiful woman whom I had been distant from for weeks and desperately wanted to be alone with again.

  “Sure,” I said as I took off my gloves and followed Sarah to the truck.

  Adrenaline pulsed through my body at the decision I just made. As we pulled out of the driveway, I looked around in expectation. I felt as if someone might be just outside the gates waiting to kill me. But as the truck moved further away from the ranch, I began to relax just a little bit. How likely was it there would be anyone even remotely close to our little Montana city? How would they have even found me? No, I told myself I was being paranoid and that was all there was to it.

  “How are your hands?” she asked.

  I held them out for her to see and showed off my proud calluses on them. They were the hands of a true working man and I was actually proud of them. The rough nature of my hands now showed that I was physically able to work the ranch and I wasn’t that weak gym rat that I had been when I first arrived.

  Rough callus-ridden hands weren’t something I ever imagined I would be proud of. Yet I really was. My life on the ranch had been such a growing experience up to that point and I was happy to stay a few weeks longer and continue to learn. I still had the feeling as if I were away at summer camp and having Sarah there made things even better.

  My body had started adjusting to the long hours, although I was still very tired and ready for bed each night. Since getting my watch, I was getting up with everyone else and didn’t seem to be the butt of jokes anymore. Plus, there were a couple new ranch hands that were doing more of the grunt work as I started to take on additional responsibilities. Life was good for me and I didn’t feel afraid for my life like I had when I first arrived.

  “They healed up real nice. Thanks again for taking such good care of me.”

  I wasn’t specifically trying to flirt with Sarah, but I honestly couldn’t help myself. The way her big, brown eyes looked at me, she had every nerve in my body standing at attention. For weeks, she had avoided eye contact and hurried out of the barn whenever I was in there. But there she was, right next to me in the truck, the two of us alone as we made our way into town. I didn’t regret my decision one bit – I would have agreed to go anywhere with her.

  Sarah kept her hands on the wheel and concentrated on the road as she drove. It felt like she was trying to avoid talking to me, yet she had been the one who invited me to come with her into town. I couldn’t help but stare at her as she held onto the large truck steering wheel. Her long, brown hair was pulled to either side in braids and she looked like a college girl. Sarah was half smiling and I thought she would say something flirty to me, but just as she started to talk she would bite her bottom lip and then stop.

  “It’s just part of my job. You’re our employee; I can’t have you bleeding all over the place or being in so much pain you can’t work,” she finally said.

  She looked at me and then her eyes turned back to the road as she sat coldly ignoring me for the rest of the drive into town. She was trying her best to put distance between us and I understood. I wasn’t going to let it happen, but I understood why she was doing it. In the six weeks that I had been on the ranch, I had already seen four men leave and three more take their places. It wasn’t a place where men came and lived for a long time and I couldn’t promise her I was going to stay much longer either. Who was I to try and build a friendship with this woman? I could literally be gone at any moment. The agent who dropped me off just had to show up at the front door of Mr. Miller’s home and I would leave with him without a question being asked.

  I couldn’t offer Sarah anything and I was selfish for wanting anything from her. But I still wanted it. I still wanted her. Even if I was only there one more day, I wanted to feel the gentle touch of Sarah’s lips against mine. I longed for a moment when we could sneak away and she would let me explore her naked body with my lips and hands. I’d take anything she was willing to give, anything except the silence she was giving me as we drove into town.

  “How am I doing with my jobs?” I asked in an effort to get her to talk to me.

  “Good. I mean, it was pretty hilarious watching you try to catch that pig the other day though.”

  That damn pig. I knew she had seen me struggling with that thing and everyone else on the ranch as well. It was emasculating to have a little pig cause so much chaos. I had never in my life spent so much time trying to grab an animal and my frustration at the event had grown so high that I would have started throwing a tantrum if others hadn’t of been watching. It was like the pig actually had a vendetta against me.

  “I don’t understand how your father did it. He basically used some sort of witch-power and the damn thing totally stopped running and let your dad pick him up.”

  Sarah laughed at my description of her father,
but it was totally true. I had chased after the damn pig for half an hour and when Sid walked up, the pig just succumbed to him and let him pick the damn thing up. It would have been hilarious if it hadn’t been me that had been tortured by the damn pig.

  With Sarah, I had done what I had intended to do and broke her armor for the slightest of moments. My heart filled with potential and I quickly tried to figure out how I could prolong this moment with her and keep her armor down long enough to get to know her. She was a tough woman and I accepted that. Hell, I loved that she was so damn tough, but it meant I was going to have to work a little harder than I was used to around a woman. I was all right with that though; I was all right with whatever I had to do to keep Sarah’s attention.

  “My father is a big of a pig whisperer,” Sarah continued to laugh.

  “I have to admit, working on the ranch is so much harder than I imagined it would be and I don’t think I’m very good at it either. Your father has been very generous to let me work with him.”

  “My father wouldn’t keep you around if you weren’t a hard worker. I think you’re doing all right.”

  I pulled up my pants leg and exposed a huge bite mark on my leg. I had actually been a little worried about it, but Mrs. Miller convinced me it happened all the time and as long as I kept it clean, I would be fine. Meredith Miller was a pretty amazing woman; she was up for breakfast and still up when we all went to bed. I could see where Sarah got her strength both physically and mentally.

  “What the hell happened to you?” Sarah yelled at me as she stopped the car in the parking lot of the store.

  “You’ll laugh, it’s okay. I’m keeping it clean and it should heal up really soon.”

  “Are there any other injuries I should know about while we are in town? I can load up on some additional first air supplies,” she said as she smiled at me. “Was that from the pig?”

  “Yes,” I said and quick looked away. Sarah broke out into laughter and I couldn’t help turning to look at her. “It really hurt and he was fast,” I defended myself.

  Her laughter was brilliant and I searched my mind for anything else I could say to keep her laughing. It dawned on me that this was what it was like to truly like a woman. Which seemed odd considering I had had plenty of girlfriends over the years, but many of them seemed to be girls that were good enough for the moment and not girls I truly wanted to be with.

  As I sat in the truck with Sarah, I realized what a huge difference it was with her compared to other women. I genuinely had put my life at risk to simply have some alone time with her. I was searching my brain for jokes that might get her to smile and laugh and that was all I wanted from her. Sure, I would have loved for her to tell me she wanted to take me to bed, but I was also all right with exactly what we had in that moment. Her pure laughter was making me happy too, and the realization was life-changing for me.

  Even if I left the ranch the next day and nothing more ever came of my relationship with Sarah, I had a life changing view of relationships that had taken me thirty years to find. The unselfishness of that moment wasn’t something I had really experienced with a woman before and it felt like a drug to me. I wanted more of Sarah, I wanted her smiles, her attention, and anything else she would give me because it gave me a happiness high like no other that I had experienced.

  “Well, congratulations; I think you are the first person to ever work on the farm and get beaten up by a pig.”

  Her smile was brilliant as she looked at me and I could tell I had succeeded in keeping her wall down for a moment. It was a trick I had learned as a CEO; when you make yourself vulnerable, people tend to make themselves vulnerable as well. But I had never been as successful outside of the office as I felt at that moment with Sarah. Her smile, her laughter, it was because of me and I couldn’t wait to make her laugh again and again.

  “You’ve never been bit by a pig?” I asked as we laughed.

  “Um, no. I’ve never been bit by any animal. I was once thrown off a wild horse when I was younger, though. I fractured my spine and had to spend months in bed.”

  “Wow, that sounds painful. Why were you on a wild horse?” I asked as our laughter started to die down.

  She paused for a moment before answering me and I could see she was thinking about whether or not she wanted to continue our conversation. It was a nice conversation, but I was vulnerable and so was she. If her parents had told her to stay away from me, the moment was right then for her to end the talking. I told myself if she really didn’t like me she would stop the conversation and we would simply go buy the saddle and head back home. But if she liked me, even just a little bit, Sarah would tell me why she had been on that wild horse.

  “We should probably get going. I’d like to try and put the saddle on Buckjoy before nightfall.”

  Disappointment rushed through me and I could have given up at that very moment, but I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. I wanted to see her laugh again. I needed Sarah to keep her defenses down and for us to at least be friends. I didn’t want to go weeks without her talking to me again.

  “You’ve got a thing for wild men,” I teased as we climbed out of the truck and started toward the store.

  It was a joke that I thought would catch her attention. Enough flirting for her to really know I was interested, but nothing too crude or vulgar. I was proud of my joke, up until I saw the wild look in her eyes as we walked toward the building.

  Suddenly she grabbed me and pushed me against the building. There was fire in her eyes and for a moment I was afraid I had said something to anger her. She was powerful for such a little thing and her strength held me against the wall as she looked up into my eyes.

  Her eyes were like darts to mine and she refused to look away as she started to talk. It was erotic how much she had taken control of me and pushed me like that. I hadn’t had a woman be so forceful around me before; it turned me on and I smiled as she looked seriously at me.

  “I like wild horses, not wild men,” she said sternly. “Now let’s go get this saddle.”

  She pulled her hand away from my chest and I couldn’t help but smile even more at the fire that was inside of her. It had been totally out of the blue, I couldn’t have pretended to be prepared. But, oh, how I loved the way she pressed me against that wall and took control of the moment. Sarah didn’t like what I had said and instead of just smiling and brushing it off, she made sure I understood. Although, I secretly suspected she also liked wild men, but wasn’t about to push her into admitting it.

  The problem was I wasn’t a wild man. Sure, I was pretending to be a drifter, but I couldn’t pretend to be a rough and wild man that I wasn’t; I just didn’t have those kinds of acting skills. I was pretending to be this aloof man who didn’t have a home and didn’t care where he was going or what he did for work, but Garrett Reynolds wasn’t who I was.

  I didn’t wear cowboy boots ever in my normal life. I certainly didn’t shovel horse shit or chase after angry pigs. In the real world, I lived a cushy life in Los Angeles and flew on my own private jets to grand vacations. I had beautiful women who threw themselves at me and I often kept them by my side for the briefest of relationships. I tried to be fair and kind to people but I was often too caught up in my business and my own life to notice anyone else outside of my close circle of friends.

  The longer I was away from my old life, the more I worried I hadn’t been that great of a guy at all. Not only had I put my employees at risk by getting into business with Frank Gordano, but I had put money ahead of everything else. Which was stupid; I had more money than I could spend reasonably in a lifetime, yet I wanted more and more.

  Before getting sent away with the Witness Protection Program, I couldn’t remember a time in my life where I was ever content with what I had. Whether it was in business or my personal life; I always wanted something more or something different. A beautiful woman by my side had never been enough, I wanted a different one than the one I had at any specific moment. In bu
siness, when everything was going perfectly, I would make changes to add new things that would inevitably shake up the symbiosis that was going on.

  Perfection wasn’t exactly what I was searching for, but satisfaction was what I wanted. Somehow I wanted to feel like what I had was enough. The problem was, I never could get to that point no matter how much I switched girlfriends and no matter how many things I changed in the company.

  The weird thing was, I felt happy, or at least I thought I was happy. I went to work every day with a smile on my face and a bit of a jump in my step. Running a small airline was a fun bit of work, but I wasn’t satisfied and therefore didn’t ever truly feel happiness.

  The simplicity of life on the ranch had me feeling happier than I had felt in a very long time. Sure, I liked to think of Sarah and even flirt with her when I had the chance, but just being on the ranch and working hard was changing my mindset. There were days when nothing seemed out of place and I was happy to finish my jobs before nighttime and get a warm shower in. I didn’t yearn for more. I didn’t long to have a different amount of money in my pocket or a different fancy bed; I was happy with what I had.

  I was happy with three good meals a day and a safe place to sleep. They were things I had taken for granted most of my adult life, yet they were so essential to living. I vowed to myself that I would do better in my life when I returned to it. I would do better at being less self-centered. My eyes were certainly being opened by my time at the ranch and in the witness protection program.