by Claire Adams
Maybe I should have been more honest with Jet, and told him about my past, but I was trying to keep things neutral between us in order for me to protect myself. I didn't want to deal with my emotions with someone like Jet. He was always so tough, and considering his own past with women, how did I know he hadn't done the exact same thing to a girl as Tom had done to me?
I was fairly certain at that point, however, that I was finished with Jet permanently. I couldn't keep going on that roller coaster ride of emotion and regret with him any longer. It was becoming glaringly obvious that we couldn't even maintain a normal friendship, so I thought it was just time to cut the cord and move on with my life. I groaned when I realized that I would have to start from scratch with my art project, and find a new subject. I would have to do three drawings in one month to make sure I was back on schedule. The creative story I could still salvage, because essentially it was fiction, and I could just tell whatever story I wanted to. Maybe I could try to have Jet and me live happily ever after in the story; it was, after all, just fiction. I wiped away my tears, and decided that I would send Jet a message before bed, after I had calmed down, and let him know that I felt that contact should be broken at that point, and that I didn't even want to be friends anymore.
The cab pulled up to my apartment. I paid the guy and got out, closing the door behind me. I headed up to my apartment slowly, not feeling like I had any energy at all. I knew Julie was home, so the door would be unlocked. I opened the door and walked in, seeing her drinking a beer on the couch watching an old episode of Sex and the City.
“Oh my God, you are home early? And you're crying? Oh no, what happened?”
I started crying harder now, feeling totally and hopelessly lost at that moment. She flew off the couch and came over to me. She wrapped her arms around me, and hugged me tight as I cried in her arms. When my tears stopped flowing, she patted me on the back and led me over to the couch, where she handed me a box of Kleenex. I dabbed at my eyes, and blew my nose repeatedly. Julie went to the fridge and grabbed me a beer, cracking it open before she got back to me. She handed me the beer and I took a long―very long―pull on it, and emptied half of the bottle. I leaned back into the couch and pointed at the TV.
“Yup, just one of those nights. One of Jet's friends actually asked me out, which I was really excited about because he's super hot. But by the time I got home from school I was no longer in the mood to go out, so I postponed it for another night, and decided to be lazy,” Julie answered my unspoken question.
I laughed. “It's probably best to keep them guessing anyway, right?”
“You got it. He's been messaging me all night ever since. I think he's worried that I got a better offer.”
We laughed. It felt nice to laugh again. I didn't know what the heck I was going to do with myself but for the time being. I was gonna sit there and laugh with my new best friend. She watched me as I continued to swig my beer. She took a few sips of hers before she started in. “So, are you going to tell me what happened? Did he try to get in your pants again?” she asked jokingly.
“Well if he did, at least this time I would have been sober.”
“Okay, so what really happened, Natalie? You’re a mess, and I don't understand how going out to a fancy family dinner ended like this.”
I sighed and explained the whole evening to her. Right from beginning to end. How he had picked me up for dinner, and laid praise to me and then took me to a fancy Italian restaurant. The kind of fancy restaurant where the waiter came around and filled our wine glasses while we ate.
I told her how everything seemed to be going great until Jet's father started giving him a hard time about MMA, something I had no idea he didn't like about his son's life. I talked about how Jet had a brother named Craig, who sat and defended him all through dinner.
Julie patiently sat there and listened as I told her how the fight escalated as Jet's father wanted him to work for his company, how he thought MMA was a joke, and basically railed on Jet about every aspect of his life right down to why he didn't have a part-time job. I explained how Jet exploded and yelled in front of everyone at the restaurant, how his dad’s girlfriend was labeled a whore, and how I also learned that Jet's dad had cheated on his wife with the “whore” at the table.
I finished my explanation with how Jet had stormed out of the restaurant, leaving me there with his family, and how I had gone out to talk to him, only to get into a huge fight with him about secrets, the past, my ex, and the fact that we would only ever be just friends. I was exhausted by the time I finished the story. I downed the rest of my beer while Julie sat there looking shell-shocked. I got up, went to the kitchen, and grabbed us both another beer. I headed back into the living room and plopped back down on the couch.
“Jet actually called his dad's girlfriend a whore?”
I laughed. “Yeah, it was something to see, for sure.”
“Oh my God, how do I keep missing these things? That whole story was better than watching an episode of The Guiding Light.”
“I know. I feel emotionally drained from being a part of it.”
“Well, that's one hell of a story, Natalie. There's clearly a lot of history between Jet and his dad that they will probably have to work out together, or maybe just not be a part of each other’s lives.”
I nodded, feeling sad about the whole thing. Poor Jet. I knew what it was like to have dysfunction in the family, and I also didn't have the best relationship with my dad. It was nothing like Jet's issues, but we had our own issues we had to figure out.
“Anyway, I decided that I would send a message to Jet later tonight, and tell him I want to break contact. I don't even want to be friends anymore.”
“Well, why would you do a thing like that?”
I looked at her, confused. “Isn't it obvious? Look at us―we're a mess, and we can't seem to figure things out properly. I don't want things to continue on like this; we are far too complicated for two people who are just friends.”
“Well, for one thing, you guys were never just friends.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, even if you leave out the sex that's happened between you two, you are way more than just friends. He for sure has wanted more from you right from the beginning, but you have just chosen to ignore his wants out of fear. But even leaving that part out, look at the two of you together. Everyone can see it Natalie, that's why no one can figure out why you aren't together with him. I understand you’re scared of getting hurt because of what happened with Tom, but unless you're going to become a nun, you have to learn to trust someone eventually.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. You guys have great chemistry, and you have a blast together, and hello―he's hot. The sex is great ... I can keep going on if you want. I think it's a mistake to have a friends with benefits pact with this guy, but I think it’s an even bigger mistake for you to drop him out of your life completely. I think you want something serious with Jet; you're just too scared to do anything about it.”
I stared at her, shocked, and wondered how right she was about everything. I decided to hold off on my text to Jet, and see how I felt about things in the morning.
Chapter Ten
Jet
It was round two of the conference finals, and the crowd was wild as the bell rang for the second round to commence. I moved forward toward my opponent, Jan, who was trying to take me down. He was a strong fighter, and he had almost mastered me in the first round, until I got him onto the ground in a triangle hold. I almost had him submitted to tap when the bell rang to announce the round had ended. I got up off the ground and went to my corner, pissed off.
“It's okay, Jet. You will get him next round.”
I wasn't breathing heavy at all. My cardio was excellent, but I could not deny that it had been a hard round. I was fighting in the finals, and the guy I was up against was a great fighter, maybe one of the best in our weight class. If I won that fight, I would be heading to
the nationals. I could not wait to get there, and I just needed to mow through Jan here to do it.
Someone screamed, “JET!” as we met in the middle of the cage to begin round two. Everyone got up from their seats, as they were dying to see me kill this round.
Jan hit his mark immediately, throwing a kick into my rib cage, and following it with a front kick. The hit was hard, and the breath came right out of me as I staggered back from the front kick. I ate the hit, unable to check it. But I got back in with a few punches to Jan’s face. My body is strong and flexible, and my movements are fluid. The crowd started to boo as I took another hit to my torso. Jan followed that with an uppercut to my chin. As my head flew up, I backed away quickly to recover. He was not going to take me down; I refused to let him. I walked back in, and hit him with a four-punch combination.
I regained my position by hitting Jan with a flying knee, and dropping him.
Jan got back up and came in hard, trying to grab me and keep me in a clinch. He dropped in a few knees as I tried to remove myself from the clinch. I pushed him away from me, and hit him with a jab, and then a right cross. I did it again, and Jan ate both hits.
My corner was screaming at me to just keep going, that I was knocking him down. I needed to get this in, to conquer Jan, and move on to the nationals. This was my dream, and I was going to prove my father wrong. Prove to him that I could do this, be the best, and have the career I always wanted in the MMA.
I went in fast and hard just as he recovered from my one-two shot. I swung high and fast with a kick and clocked him right in the head, and he was down for the count. The medics went in, and the fight was called. The medics stayed with Jan to make sure he was okay, and then he joined me in the middle for the call from the judges.
My hands went high in the air as my name was called, and I had won the fight through TKO. My corner came rushing into the cage to congratulate me, and I had the press in there as well, to interview me. I was going to the nationals. I felt like I was flying high, about to take over the world. I had never wanted anything more in my life, and there I was, the winner.
I slipped into my shirt and headed out of the cage with my team. We went back to the lockers and started collecting our things to leave.
It was party time as my team and I headed out to celebrate my victory with everyone. No one could kill my high at that point, and I knew that the nationals would be mine as well.
We all went to our usual party spot, and I realized then how much I missed Natalie. I should have invited her to the fight, but I never really knew what was going on between us. She kept me constantly confused, and to be honest, a little mystified. I looked around the room, hoping that I would see her, that she would show up with Julie, and sit at her usual spot at the bar. I wanted to see her gloomy and sassy as she pounded back drink after drink. The first time I had seen her at the bar I thought I had fallen in love, and believe me, I don't get that feeling around many girls. But Natalie, yeah, Natalie instilled that sort of thing in me.
Chapter Eleven
Natalie
I was lying on my bed, trying to wrap my head around the story I was writing. I felt like I needed more drama and intrigue in it, but I was stuck as to how better to spice up the story. Ugh! I rolled over in bed, and considered heading to the kitchen to make some tea. Surely there had to be a better way to figure this out. Writing a story was so much harder than I thought, and I needed to consider the fact that it wasn't my calling. I could create magic when it came to photography or the visual arts, but put a blank piece of paper in front of me, and I was totally lost. I got up to go to the kitchen to make that tea. Maybe when I came back, my writer’s block would be over.
As I was about to leave my bedroom the phone rang. I stopped and turned around. I considered ignoring it and grabbing my tea, but I thought it might be just the welcome distraction that I needed. I snapped it up from my bed, and was stunned to see that it was Tom calling again. I stared shocked at the phone, unsure of what to do. I couldn't imagine what he wanted, and I was sure I didn't really want to find out. He had destroyed me for an eight-month span of time, and I had finally started to get a handle on my life again, only to have him start calling me now, the insensitive prick. Without knowing why I did it, I clicked on the call and said hello.
“Hey, Natalie ...”
And then there was silence. His voice―it had been so long since I heard his voice. I had forgotten just how much I liked his voice. It used to soothe me when I cried or had a bad day. It also stirred me when he used to whisper my name when we lay in bed together. All it would take was for him to touch my body and whisper my name, and I was undone. Now here he was again, saying my name as if nothing had changed, as if he hadn't torn my heart in two.
“Tom, why are you calling me?”
There was a pause before he said, “I don't know. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Why would you care?”
“Natalie, come on.”
I felt tears well up in my eyes. “No, really, Tom, why would you give a shit at all?”
“Just because we aren't together it doesn't mean I never cared about you. We were together for years.”
“That didn't stop you from fucking my best friend, though, did it?”
He sighed deeply on his end. “I'm sorry, Natalie, you have no idea. I never wanted to hurt you; things just spun out of control. I never meant for you to find out that way.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks as my mind raced.
“Natalie, I miss you.”
Oh, fuck.
“Oh, are things not working out with Lisa?”
“Lisa and I are fine. But things are confusing. There are times I wonder if I made the right decision, especially since I still miss you after all this time.”
“You son of a bitch.”
“Natalie, since when do you talk like that?”
I snorted. “Since you and my best friend fucked me over. How dare you tell me you miss me. I was ready and willing to spend my entire life with you. And all the while you were sleeping with someone else, behind my back. It just makes me sick. Why are you calling me? What the hell do you want?”
“I told you, Natalie, I just wanted to see if you were okay. We never talked after the incident; you were so upset. I felt terrible, and I regret all the pain I must have caused you.”
“The incident? You had my best friend bent over our couch. The same couch we used to sit and watch movies on. You made love to me on that same couch, and you tainted it with her. Yeah, that was some incident.”
“Can you meet me sometime to talk?”
I hung up. I hung up before he could say another word. I did not want to hear sorry; I did not want feelings for him to come through again. I didn't want to believe he was sorry, or that he missed me. God, he missed me. What did that mean? Was he unhappy with Lisa now? Did he wish he was still with me? Man, I did not need thoughts like that traipsing through my brain; they were stupid. But I couldn't help wonder where I would be at that moment had we never broken up. Had he chosen me over Lisa, and ended things with her before I found out. Would we still be together? Would we have been happy? Would he have stayed loyal from that moment on?
I would never know, and now here he was, calling again and telling me he missed me, and there was a part of me that liked the fact that he missed me. That part was dangerous; I should not want him to miss me. But there was a small amount of satisfaction in the fact that I left him, and now he missed me. Did that mean he wanted me back? Was that why he wanted to get together―to ask me if we could try again?
I wiped away the tears from my eyes, and headed out of my bedroom. I needed to get out of the house. I would not be making tea and working on my story. I was getting out and getting drunk. Julie was in the kitchen when I marched in and opened the fridge. I grabbed a beer and cracked the top, taking a long pull on it.
“Uhhh, is everything okay? I thought you were staying in tonig
ht, and working on schoolwork.”
I turned toward her and set my beer down on the table. “Tom called, and I answered the phone.”
“Oh shit. What did he want?”
“He was checking in. He told me he missed me.”
“What a bastard! How dare he even call you? He has no right.”
“It doesn't matter. Anyway, I'm getting the hell out of here, and I'm getting wasted.”
“Oh, Natalie, I think that's a mistake. You can't let him get to you all over again. You have come too far.”
“I need to get out of this apartment, and I want to have fun. I don't want to think about Tom.”
“Natalie, just stay here, and we'll talk about it. You'll feel better once you have a chance to talk about it.”
“I don't want to talk about it. I'm sick of it.”
“I think you're making a mistake.”
“Julie, I'm fine.” I finished my beer in a couple of gulps. I headed to my bedroom to put on something a little more appropriate for the bar. Julie followed me into my bedroom and watched as I got changed.
“You're really going?”
“Yes.”
“Fine, I'm going with you.”
We walked into the club, and headed straight for the bar. We sidled up in our usual spots and ordered a round of drinks. It had been a little while since the two of us had done this, but I needed to forget―that was the most important thing at that point.
As I stirred my drink, I turned in my seat, only to be faced with Jet on the dance floor. He looked a little beat up, and I wondered if he had a fight that night. Just then, I realized who the girl was that he was dancing with. It was the female MMA fighter, Katie, was it? They were dancing really close, and she often put her hand on his shoulder as she moved in close to him. I could tell by her movements and body language that she was really into Jet. She probably had been trying to make a play for him all along. Jealousy coursed red hot through me. I had no reason to be jealous or to have a problem with anyone that Jet spent time with. After all, I had told him numerous times that he and I were just friends. It didn't seem to matter, though, because the sight of them made me want to scream.