by T V Hartwell
Amanda pulled the door open.
“Hi,” Jake said demurely with his head slightly bowed, appearing sheepish.
“Hi. Come in.”
As the door closed behind him, they walked toward the middle of the living room, then stopped to take a look at each other. The expression on Jake’s face was pained. The expression on Amanda’s was cold.
“How you are?” Jake asked.
“Fine. I’ve been better,” Amanda said, folding her arms.
“Want to sit down?” Jake asked.
“No. I actually prefer to remain standing,” she said, not wanting to lose any of her resolve, physically or emotionally, by getting too comfortable. “So I’ve been really confused by your emails. You stood right here and told me that you weren’t in love with me anymore and cancelled our wedding at the last minute and then out of the blue, you email me and say that you lied about your reason for breaking up with me.”
“I probably acted a bit too hastily in sending the first email, but after my conversation with Lucy, I was alarmed when she accused me of breaking up with you to be with someone else, which I can assure you is not true.”
“Then why did you break up with me, Jake?”
“It’s complicated. But it was out of concern for you.”
“Concern for me or concern that I would’ve found out, after we’d gotten married, that you like to mess around with guys?”
Jake clenched his jaw, appearing stunned. “Who told you that?”
“It doesn’t matter who told me. Is it true?”
Jake ran both his hands through his hair, clearly feeling uncomfortable and put on the spot. “No, I don’t like messing around with guys nor have I.”
“Don’t lie to me, Jake,” Amanda yelled, becoming emotional. “Tell me the truth. Were you fucking around with guys while we were together?”
Jake sighed heavily as he contemplated his answer. “Not the way you think.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t fuck around with guys, okay. You make it sound as if I’m chasing dick or something and hooking up with all sorts of dudes and that’s not the case.”
Amanda shook her head and stomped her foot, growing impatient. “So you’re telling me that you’ve never done anything sexual with another guy? Ever?”
“No. That’s not what I am saying.”
“Then what are you saying?”
Jake put his hands to his face as a sense of shame overtook him. After all these years, he had never told anyone about his relationship with Kirby and now the moment of truth and reckoning had finally come. Jake began to heave, his chest rising and falling with each breath.
“Jake, have you been messing around with Kirby?” Amanda finally asked in a softer tone, but her voice still firm and direct.
“Yes, I do . . . I mean, I have . . . sometimes,” he said looking at her in the eye before breaking eye contact.
“I am so confused right now,” she said dismally.
“My relationship with Kirby is very complicated and has been for a very long time.”
“What does that mean, it’s complicated? How long has this been going on? Are you two in love? Are you together now? I don’t get it. Please explain this to me.”
Jake sighed. “No, we’re not in love, or at least I’m not. We would just fool around—”
“Fool around?” Amanda snapped while squinting her eyes and shaking her head skeptically.
“Yes. Wait. Let me finish. It started out that way, okay. We were both curious and kind of experimented . . . to see what it’s like . . . being with another guy. And then as time went by it would continue off and on. It wasn’t a romance or anything. It was just two guys horsing around and—”
“Horsing around?” Amanda interrupted again, agitated.
“Yes, that’s how it started—”
“And then?”
“And . . . and then it just sort of continued, off and on.”
“For how long? How long has this been going on, Jake?”
Jake sighed again. “To be completely honest with you, since prep school.”
“What?” Amanda yelled, incredulous, before slapping her hands to her face, stupefied. Then she removed them and placed them on her hips. “So you have been having sex with Kirby all these years . . . while we were together?”
“Off and on, yes, I have,” Jake admitted with resignation. “I mean, while at Stanford we obviously didn’t see each other as much.”
“Oh my God!” A lightbulb went off in her head. “So when we met . . . when we first met you had already been ‘fooling around’”—she gestured quotation marks—“with Kirby?”
“Yes.”
“The whole time we were in college . . . and after that?”
“Yes.”
“This is fucking unbelievable, Jake. What are you? Gay?”
“No, I’m not. I don’t feel I’m gay. I just had sexual attraction for Kirby and it got out of control. It was wrong. It was wrong to cheat on you. I shouldn’t have done it. But it became a habit. Like an addiction that neither of us could break. I tried to end it at different times while you and I were together, but I would cave in sometimes. I know this is hard for you to understand and this probably doesn’t make any sense to you, but Kirby and I . . . we’ve always had this affection for one another. Like this connection that’s hard to describe and it just became more and more intense over time. But I always saw him as just my friend—”
“Friends with benefits, huh?”
“Yes,” Jake said matter-of-factly, trying to remain calm and steady in his explanation. “For lack of a better term, yes, it’s kind of been like that, but deeper, because he is my best friend and we’ve known each other for so long. I do care for him, but I’m not in love with him. It was just a physical attraction that I developed for him and I acted on it and continued to do so while we were together. And I regret that. I know that it was wrong. Hiding it from you and keeping it going for so long was just plain wrong. I’m sorry for betraying you and your trust in me. I really am sorry and I admit that I was at fault, but I swear to you, I am not in love with Kirby, and I haven’t been with any guys other than him. Ever.”
“Really? You’ve never been with any other guys?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“You’re lying to me right now.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are, Jake. I know that you’ve been with other guys . . . or at least with one other guy in particular.”
“Who? No, I haven’t. Who are you talking about?”
“Antonio!”
“Antonio? Who’s he?”
“Antonio. Kirby’s other boyfriend, Antonio. Antonio Villar.”
“Kirby’s boyfriend? That’s ridiculous. Who is this guy?”
“You don’t know him?”
“No!”
“How could you not know him? He says that he had a threesome with you and Kirby at your house . . . while we were engaged.”
“That’s a fucking lie. I mean, seriously? Where do you know this guy from?”
“He’s friends with Charlie. He told Charlie everything.”
Jake smirked and rolled his eyes. “Fucking Charlie. Charlie is the biggest gossip in the entire universe. How could you believe—”
“It’s not Charlie. Okay? This guy, Antonio, knows Kirby and they’ve known each other for a while now. They worked together on Hell-bent as production assistants and then they started dating or sleeping together . . . or whatever. While Kirby was with Laren, he had a boyfriend too. Plus, he had you,” Amanda said with a derisive smirk. “How could you not know any of this?”
“I don’t. I don’t know about any of this. I’ve never heard of this guy.”
“Well, he claims he sucked you off . . . in your fucking house.”
Jake’s face turned red, now enraged. “This is outrageous. That’s a fucking lie. I don’t know this guy. I can’t believe this. And he’s going around saying this shit
to people . . . to you, Charlie, Lucy, and who else? This guy is delusional. Seriously . . . he’s out of his mind. This is slander. This guy doesn’t know who he’s fucking messing with. I’ll tell you that right now. I will take his ass down—”
“It doesn’t matter,” Amanda interrupted as she started to feel faint and walked over to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water.
Jake continued to rant furiously for a minute, before eventually stopping himself to backtrack to Amanda’s comment. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter?”
Feeling weak and a little dizzy, Amanda walked back into the living area with a glass of water in hand and decided to take a seat on the sofa. She took another sip and then spoke softly as she conceded, “It doesn’t matter because knowing that you and Kirby have secretly been lovers throughout our entire time together is enough for me to know that our relationship was a total sham.”
Jake’s heart sank to his stomach as he just stared at her, speechless. He didn’t have the words to assure her that it wasn’t a sham. To express how much he did genuinely love her and wanted her to be his wife despite his infidelity. But he knew that convincing her that he loved her after admitting to lying in bed with another behind her back would not be an easy thing to do.
“Everything makes sense now,” Amanda continued. “You told me when you broke up with me that it wasn’t about me, that it was about you. Now I understand. You’re gay or you’re bisexual and instead of telling me, you kept it a secret all this time. You want to be with Kirby or at least you want to continue this lifestyle of yours instead of marrying me. I get it. Really I do. I remember, you said that you were trying to protect me. I didn’t understand at first. But now I do. You were trying to protect me . . . protect me from finding out who you truly are. But, hey, more power to you. I don’t mind you being gay, bisexual, or whatever you are. But I do mind that you deceived me and lied to me all this time.”
“Amanda, I’m not gay, okay? You should know that by now. I guess a case could be made that I’m bisexual, but I swear to God, Kirby is the only guy I’ve ever been with. Ever. In my life. Look, you have every right to feel the way you do. I screwed up. I betrayed you. It was wrong. But I just want you to know that in my heart I loved you. I still love you. And there is nobody in the entire world that I would rather be married to and have as the mother of my children than you.”
“Well, I’m sorry to say, but I can’t imagine having your baby or having you as the father of any child of mine. Not anymore,” Amanda said as she rose to her feet. “This relationship is very over. For good. Now if you will excuse me, it’s getting late and I’m tired and need to rest. Thank you for coming by,” she said as she walked toward the front door to open it.
As Amanda pulled and held the door open, Jake walked up to her to look into her eyes. He wanted to tell her again how much he loved her, but he knew that at this point his words were hollow and lacked credibility in her eyes.
Amanda raised her face to Jake’s and stared back at him as if she wanted a kiss. Jake moved his head down slightly, hesitant and not fully knowing if it was indeed an invitation to kiss her lips until Amanda said, “Goodbye, Jake. Good luck.”
* * *
Chapter Thirteen
Although his phone conversation with Jake earlier had turned on a dime from happy and euphoric to nasty and bitter, Kirby wasn’t about to let that get him down. On the brink of selling a pilot script to a TV network for the first time, along with his writing partner, Jeff Hoefflin, Kirby was in too good a mood. After meeting up with Jeff and a couple of other mutual friends for a round of drinks at Beso, Eva Longoria’s restaurant and bar in Hollywood, Kirby wasn’t yet ready to go home. Still on a high, there was no better way to cap off the night than to get laid. And fast. Already stiff and hard when he hopped into his parked car, he went through his mental Rolodex, searching for the right person to call for a hassle free, no strings attached, easy lay. Underscoring the word easy.
Jake is still crying over Amanda, Antonio is mad at me, and Laren’s obviously out of the question, Kirby thought. Two other girls came to mind, one of whom he’d actually hooked up with in the past and the other he’d met more recently at a bar about a month back when the girl basically threw herself at him and gave him her number. However, he figured since it had been a while, they’d both be put off by his lack of communication. Plus, he’d likely have to work twice as hard to get what he wanted. Easy lay was the name of the game, and although Antonio was miffed at him about their down low, no commitment relationship, Kirby nevertheless knew that it wouldn’t take much effort for him to get Antonio naked and underneath him.
“Hello.”
“What’s up?” Kirby said, still sitting in his car down the street from Beso.
“Hey . . . long time, no see.”
“Hasn’t been that long.”
“Well, let’s see. I normally would see you once or twice a week. This is the first I’ve heard from you in over a month . . . since you left for Hawaii in fact.”
“A lot has happened since then. Jeff and I, through our agents, have been in discussions about selling one of our sitcom scripts and it looks like the GTV Network wants to order a pilot.”
“Really? Oh my God. That’s awesome. Congratulations, Kirby!”
“Man . . . I’m so excited right now.”
“Wow. I’m like speechless. You deserve this. You’ve been working so hard these last couple of years and to finally land a deal. Just wow. I’m amazed. This is so cool.”
Kirby grinned as he could feel that things were heading in the right direction. “Yeah, Jeff and I and a couple other guys, Marty and Stu, just had a little celebration at Beso. Although it was probably premature. The papers haven’t been signed yet, but we’re feeling pretty confident. Both our agents said things are looking good and that it’s pretty much a done deal. I’m so excited I’m not ready to go home just yet. I want to party a little more. Want to join me for a toast?”
“Sure. Why not? I mean, of course. This is a big deal. What . . . do you want me to meet you somewhere?”
“Where are you?”
“I’m at home.”
“How about I just come over to your place? I’ll bring a bottle of wine.”
“Okay. I’ll be here,” Antonio said without hesitation.
“Kewl. I’ll stop for that wine and then I’ll be over right quick.”
“Okay,” Antonio said before hanging up, giddy with excitement for Kirby. Even though he’d sworn him off and outed him after he’d left for Hawaii—a point of fact that somehow got lost on Antonio or that he conveniently overlooked—he couldn’t resist Kirby’s desire to be with him to celebrate and toast such a momentous personal achievement. He had wanted to be with Kirby for so long, that the sudden and unexpected call to share good news reignited his feelings for him. The prospect of having Kirby over to spend the night with him, in his bed, aroused Antonio. Things must’ve fallen apart or not gone as planned with Jake, he thought as he raced to hop in the shower so that he could be all fresh and clean for Kirby by the time he showed up.
Kirby made it to Antonio’s front door a few minutes later with a bottle of wine in hand that he had purchased at Gelson’s, a local grocery store down the street from Antonio’s place on Kings Road in West Hollywood. From the moment Antonio opened the door to let him in, Kirby instantly knew that Antonio was prepared to give him what he came for.
“Hey,” Kirby said with tongue in cheek, sporting his trademark seductive grin as he surveyed Antonio from head to toe. With Antonio wearing nothing more than a dark pair of Calvin Klein pajama pants along with a crisp, white tank top that nicely accentuated his lean, tone build and olive skin, Kirby’s heart rate pumped faster and the erection he already had grew larger in anticipation.
“Hey,” Antonio said happily, as he allowed Kirby to step in before closing the door behind him and then turning to wrap his arms around Kirby’s broad shoulders. “Congratulationnnsss,” he said in exaggerate
d fashion as Kirby wrapped his arms around Antonio’s lower back and pulled him in tight and close against his body.
Kirby chuckled and smiled broadly at Antonio’s cheerful greeting and then Antonio grabbed Kirby by the face. “I’m so happy for you,” he said before planting a kiss on Kirby’s full, soft, eager lips. Kirby wanted to linger in the embrace and kiss some more, but Antonio quickly broke away. “So what you’d get?” he said reaching for the bottle Kirby had in his right hand.
“Your favorite, a merlot,” Kirby said, staring at Antonio’s ass as he strode across the room to the kitchen, bottle in hand. The light cotton material of his pajama pants hugged his ass perfectly, revealing its tight, round shape, and a slight hint of the butt crack right down the middle. What a tease, Kirby thought as he rolled his eyes with a grin still on his face. I can tell you just showered for me, homey.
“Let’s have a drink,” Antonio said. “So will you be co-producer on the project and which project is it? You guys have been working on like three or four pilot scripts, haven’t you?” Antonio said as he pulled out a corkscrew to open the wine bottle.
“The pilot is called Blended Family,” Kirby said as he walked toward the kitchen. “The one where a single black woman with two kids falls in love with and marries a widowed orthodox Jew with two kids of his own.”
“Oh yeah, I remember you telling me about that one. Sounds hilarious.”
“I’ll likely be a co-executive producer and writer, but Jeff will probably get top billing as executive producer and show creator even though it was kind of both of our ideas.”
“Then why would he get top billing?”
“Well, because he’s better known in the industry and has been around a little longer, with a track record. He already has a couple of pilots under his belt, and even though they ultimately didn’t get green-lighted, that experience opens doors and gives him a lot of credibility and sway with the studios and the networks. They’re going to want him out front on the project. That’s just the way it is.”