by T V Hartwell
“I know. But nobody knows that except me, Amanda’s dad, his lawyer, who’s also my boss, and now you.” Jake paused for a moment as he folded his arms to his chest and stared at Kirby intently.
Kirby stared right back at him nervously, not sure what more to say.
“So I want to ask you something.”
“Okay.”
“Have you ever told anyone about us?”
“No, never,” Kirby said quickly, not catching his own lie.
“You haven’t told anyone what you told me? How you feel about me, and how you want us to be together as a couple?”
“Now that . . . absolutely not.”
Jake twitched and knitted his brow at Kirby’s response, not understating why he seemed more emphatic in his response to the second question than he was in response to the first. What do you mean by “now that”? Jake wanted to ask, but stopped himself sensing the tension in the room and discomfort they now both felt about this conversation.
They sat there uneasily for a few moments before Kirby broke the silence. “You said you were going to reach out to Amanda. Are you still planning to do that? That might help to clear up whatever is going around—or do you plan on telling her the truth, about her dad offering to pay you off?”
“Aaaah, nooo . . . nooo,” Jake said in the middle of a forced yawn, trying to appear relaxed, stretching his arms upward over his head to release tension. But he was full of anxiety inside, questioning, for the first time, Kirby’s word. Not sure if his old friend was being entirely honest and truthful with him. “I want to talk with her, but not to disclose what her father told me, necessarily.”
Now more bothered than he’d been just a few moments before when he walked through the front door of his house, Jake didn’t want to continue this conversation any further, so he stood up. “I’m going to fix me something to eat,” he said, as he left the room.
Later that night, impulsively, Jake started to text Amanda. He now was more eager to make contact with her than ever; to assure her that he hadn’t broken things off with her because he was in love with somebody else.
Hi, Mandi, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now and that you’re very upset with me, and rightfully so, Jake began, but then he realized that what he wanted to say contained too many characters for a single text and that he would have to send his message in multiple texts, which he didn’t want to do, so he switched to email.
He grabbed his MacBook and then sat on his bed with his back up against the headboard and his legs stretched out and crossed. He started typing again.
Dear Mandi,
I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now and that you’re very upset with me, and rightfully so. But I still care for you very much. I know that I hurt you and that you didn’t deserve to be treated this way, but I felt that I was doing what was in your very best interest. My only objective was and still is to protect you. I know how hard that must be to believe or understand, but it’s true. Although you must hate me right now, I sincerely hope you will find a place in your heart to forgive me one day. I just want you to understand that I didn’t walk away because I think you did anything wrong or because I fell in love with somebody else. I called and spoke with Lucy today, and she was understandably very angry with me, but I was taken aback when she told me that she heard that I had broken up with you because I was secretly in love with somebody else. That couldn’t be further from truth. That’s not the reason at all. However, I must admit, the reason I gave you wasn’t entirely true either. I said that I didn’t love you anymore, which was a lie. Because I still do love you and will do whatever it takes to protect you, even if it that means we can no longer be together.
There is so much more I’d like to say to you and tell you. Perhaps when you are ready and willing, we could talk. I really would like to see you and know that you’re okay. Please don’t hate me, Mandi. I love you and care about you. Honestly, I do.
Very truly yours,
Jake
After reading and re-reading his email over and over again, Jake finally hit send. And then he waited.
* * *
Chapter Eleven
A week had passed since Jake had sent the email and then another week, but still no response. Although he was disappointed, he wasn’t surprised. Their breakup had been so sudden, and if it was painful for him, he knew that it had to be twice as painful for Amanda to have been dumped in such humiliating and embarrassing fashion. On top of that, after what Lucy had told him during their brief and contentious phone conversation, he suspected that Amanda was more than likely convinced that he had broken up with her to be with somebody else.
Now frustrated, Jake emailed Amanda again one morning after arriving to work.
Dear Mandi,
I just want you to know that I am not writing to beg you to take me back. I don’t deserve you. You are a better person than me and I failed you in ways known and unknown to you. But I want to underscore the point I made in my previous email that my reason for breaking up with you was not because I was or am in love with somebody else. It’s important to me that you know that. As I said before, I admit, I lied to you when I said my reason for walking out was because I didn’t love you anymore. I do love you and my heart is broken over letting you go, but it’s something I had to do. You were the best thing to ever happen to me and I’m crushed and feel lost without you. Although I hope someday to again find the happiness that we shared, I know that it could never be quite the same because no one could ever replace you. You’re irreplaceable.
Sincerely,
Jake
After being slammed all morning with back to back meetings and phone calls with clients putting out fires, Jake hadn’t had the opportunity to check his personal emails until he was standing in line to grab a bite to eat for lunch, half past noon. As he scrolled through his messages, one of them stopped him dead. The one from Amanda.
Okay. So you’re not in love with somebody else, but have you been cheating on me?
Jake turned white. Oh shit was the first thing that came to mind as he stared down at his phone with a blank expression. A moment of panic rushed through him as he put the phone in his pocket and took back out again to look at the message to make sure he read it correctly. When it came his turn to place his lunch order he put the phone back in his pocket.
After placing and waiting for his order, Jake pulled his phone out of his pocket again to look at the message. He immediately recalled his conversation with Kirby a little more than two weeks before when he’d asked him point-blank if he’d ever told anyone about their relationship and how he had doubted Kirby’s words when he said that he had not. Pulling up Kirby’s number on his phone, Jake hit the call button in an attempt to get him on the line, but he went to voicemail. Gritting his teeth in angst and then sighing, Jake thought, She must know somehow. “Fuck,” he said under his breath as he ran his fingers through his hair, lost in his thoughts as he contemplated a response to Amanda’s question.
“Turkey ciabatta for Jake.”
Startled to attention at the sound of his name, Jake looked up and walked over to pick up the tray with his food on it. The popular downtown LA sandwich eatery was humming and full to the brim with hungry patrons, but Jake was able to grab a spot to sit, taking the last open stool at the counter along the large single pane, glass window overlooking pedestrians and vehicular traffic moving up and down Sixth Street.
Before unwrapping his sandwich to eat, he emailed her back. Hi. Good to hear from you. Sorry for taking so long to email you back. Had a busy morning and I’m just now seeing your message. Unsure about how much she might’ve known and not quite prepared to self-incriminate by admitting guilt, he typed with lawyer-like pedantry. No, I wasn’t with any other girls while we were together.
As Jake ate his lunch he kept checking his phone to see if Amanda wrote him back. Right after he’d taken his last bite, he heard his phone ping.
Good answer, she simp
ly wrote, switching to text.
Well, it’s true, he quickly texted back, and then made his way out the door of the sandwich shop. As he walked along Sixth Street back to his office, Jake kept looking at his phone in anticipation of the next text message. His heart skipped a beat when it came.
We need to talk.
Okay. When? Where? I’ll be there, Jake wrote.
Soon.
As in today?
Works for me.
Me too. Time? I can come to you.
After a delay in response from Amanda, Jake texted again, We could go someplace else, like a bar, if that would be more comfortable for you.
I have dinner plans. Can meet you afterward. Come to my house around 9:45. Amanda figured if she lost it and ended up screaming at Jake, it would be better to do it in the privacy of her home.
Okay. See you then.
***
Jake decided to work late at the office before heading over to Amanda’s. After a week’s delay, a major acquisition deal he’d been working on with a team of lawyers at the firm was about to close in a couple of days.
While sitting at his desk, making the final revisions to the sections of the very long and extensive closing documents that had been assigned to him to review, Kirby called.
“Kirby,” Jake said, when his name popped up on his caller ID.
“Hey, did you call me earlier?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Sorry for not getting back sooner. I’ve been tied up all day. It looks like one of the pilots I co-wrote with Jeff is about to get picked up.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. The GTV Network is very interested and we should be hearing back from them any day now.”
“How exciting. Congratulations! This is huge, Kirby.”
“I know, man.”
“Wow, I’m so excited for you and Jeff. You guys have been working so hard on these TV scripts for so long and to finally get interest like this is just awesome. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you guys.”
“Thanks, bro. I’ll keep you posted, of course. So anyway, I’m about to meet up with someone. What’s up?”
“Yeah, I’ve gotta get going too. Working late tonight to prep for this big closing we have coming up. But anyway . . . so, I don’t mean to sound paranoid or anything, but I just need to ask you again . . . have you ever told anyone about our relationship? What we’ve done . . . sexually?”
“No,” Kirby said flatly. “Why do you ask?”
Sensing a nervous irritation in Kirby’s voice, Jake again grew suspicious. “I’m meeting with Amanda later tonight and it sounds like she might know something.”
There was a brief pause before Kirby responded. “You mean know something about us?”
“Possibly.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Just a feeling that’s all.”
“Because of what Lucy said?”
“I emailed Amanda again this morning since she hadn’t responded to the email I sent a couple of weeks ago, and I told her that it was important to me that she know that I didn’t leave her to be with someone else”—at which Kirby rolled his eyes on the other end of the line. Boy, you are so fucking pussy whipped—“and she emailed me back and said, ‘So you didn’t leave for somebody else’ or something like, ‘You’re not in love with somebody else, but have you been cheating on me?’”
It’s about time she found out about your two-timing ass, Kirby smirked to himself, annoyed at Jake’s continuing rejection of him. “So what did you say?”
“I said that I had never cheated on her with any girls while we were together.”
“Said like a true lawyer,” Kirby retorted with a chuckle and tone that sounded more sneering than he probably intended for it to be.
Jake’s face grew flush. Put off by Kirby’s sarcasm, he wanted to slam the phone down on the desk and came close to doing so. “Kirby, this is fucking serious, bro. And you’re laughing and acting like you don’t even care.”
“Well, maybe I don’t.”
“Oh, so you’re okay with being outed now. That’s what you want? You want everyone to know about us? You really want that out there, bro? Do you? Do you?”
“Maybe being outed will help you to work through your shit . . . through all of the bullshit and denial.”
Now seething and gritting his teeth, Jake pulled himself upright in his chair. “Kirby, I swear to God, if you’re behind this”—Jake struggled to find the right words—“there will be consequences for us moving forward. Do you hear me, Kirby? You hear me, bro?”
“Whatever, man. I’ve gotta go. Have a nice chat with Mandi. Tell her I said hello.”
“Fuuck you,” Jake said with heated emotion as he and Kirby pushed the end button on their phones right at the same time.
* * *
Chapter Twelve
“How do you feel about seeing Jake?” Adam said as he drove Amanda back to her condo after taking her out to dinner. Since their meeting a little more than two weeks before at The Tower Bar, Adam had been all over it—calling and texting her daily and offering her a shoulder to lean on.
“A little nervous, actually. This will be the first time we’ve seen each other since our wedding was called off.” Amanda sighed and placed her right hand to her forehead as she leaned her elbow against the passenger side door of Adam’s Maserati Gran Turismo.
“You’ll be okay,” he said reassuringly, gently placing his hand on her left knee just before pulling into the porte cochere of her building to drop her off.
“To be honest, I really don’t want to see him . . . well, I do and then I don’t. I keep going back and forth.”
“Then why see him?”
“Because I have to,” she said with resignation in her voice. “His cheating and lying isn’t the only thing I need to confront him about. There are other things too,” Amanda said vaguely, having not disclosed her pregnancy to Adam.
“Well, I find it unbelievable that this jerk has been emailing you and sounding apologetic all of a sudden. As if everything he’s done should just be swept under the rug and forgotten about. I don’t know what his intentions are, but I hope you don’t let him deceive you again. He’s likely trying to maneuver his way back into your life.”
“I don’t know what his intentions are either, but this meeting won’t be about reconciliation. That’s for damn sure.”
They paused for a few seconds and sat in silence as the car idled. The valet came over to open the car door for Amanda, but she waved him away, preferring to linger a few moments longer before entering her condo alone in anticipation of a very unpleasant, but necessary showdown.
“So when will I get to see you again? You’ve been keeping me on a very long leash.”
“Have I?” Amanda said innocently.
Adam balked playfully. “This is only the second time you’ve allowed me to see you in more than two weeks. It’s like you’re keeping a polite distance from me.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean for it to come across that way. I’ve just needed some time to process everything that’s going on in my life right now. And, of course, I was in New York for a few days last week to see Lucy. There’s just so much going on,” she said sounding tired.
“No, seriously, I’m just kidding you. I don’t mean to give you a hard time. I know things have been rough and you definitely should take as much time as you need. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Whatever you need me to do, your wish is my command. I mean it. You know that, right?”
“I know. Thank you for everything, Adam. For being so supportive and understanding. And I appreciate your daily checkups to see how my day is going and how I’m feeling. That’s really sweet of you and it means a lot. And the flowers, oh my God, you can stop now. If you keep this up I’ll have to start donating them.”
“If that makes you happy, that’s fine with me. I’m sure a hospital would probably appreciate the gesture,” he said with a warm grin and a wink.
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“Well, I better get going,” Amanda said as she reached over to give Adam a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Thanks again for the lovely dinner,” she said before opening the door to step out of the car.
“It was my pleasure. I’ve already started counting down to our yet to be determined next date. Or is that not the appropriate word to use?” he asked coyly.
Amanda giggled as she walked away from the car, attempting to ignore his flirtation.
“Can’t wait!” he yelled through the open window before shifting gears to drive off.
She turned and smiled back at him. “Bye, Adam. Talk to you soon.” Amanda waved and turned to walk into her building.
***
No longer having a key to access the elevator to Amanda’s floor, Jake needed to check in with security when he arrived at Sierra Towers.
“Don’t you live here?” the security guard on duty asked, recognizing Jake when he approached the reception desk to sign in.
“I used to. I got kicked out,” Jake said with a grin, knowing that sounded better than the truth.
Although Amanda had left his name on the visitor list, protocol required that security call her first to announce Jake’s arrival.
Jake stared at the security officer, feeling awkward, as he called Amanda.
“Yes, Ms. Climent? Hi, this is Nick at the front desk. I have Jake Doyle here to see you. Can I send him up? Okey dokey,” the guard said before hanging up. “You’re good to go,” he said as he proceeded to escort Jake over to a waiting elevator.
When Amanda hung up the phone, she ran into the bathroom to check hair and makeup. Even though she was angry and hurt, she instinctively still felt the need to look good for Jake. Then she ran back into the living room to make sure it looked tidy, with nothing out of place, before stopping herself. “What are you doing, Amanda?” she said aloud. “Calm down. Calm down. It’s okay. You’re okay. You can handle this.” And then the doorbell rang.