Only Beloved

by Mary Balogh

  The weather provided a topic of spirited conversation for all of ten minutes. Inquiries about the dear duke’s health died at the end of another five. After that all the ladies addressed themselves to the food on their plates and smiled brightly as though perfectly at their ease.

  I am just me, Dora wanted to say. But of course “just me” was now a duchess, and really, she could perfectly well understand how these ladies felt when she remembered how very awed she had been last year when she and Agnes were invited to dine at Middlebury Park with Viscount and Lady Darleigh and all their guests, every one of whom was titled and one of whom was a duke—the Duke of Stanbrook.

  She set about making Mrs. Yarby and her guests more comfortable by asking questions—about them, about their children, about village life, about the pretty harbor below. It was something she could remember her mother teaching her when she was a shy young girl just beginning to be admitted to adult gatherings. In the main, her mother had explained, people like to talk about themselves. The secret of good conversation was to induce them to do just that and then to appear interested in what they had to say. But not just to appear interested, Dora had added for herself in later years. One needed actually to be interested.

  People were almost invariably interesting when one really listened to them. Everyone was so very different from everyone else.

  The stiff, awkward silence was soon replaced with animated talk and laughter, and inevitably the general conversation broke into smaller tête-à-têtes and Dora no longer felt that she was the focus of everyone’s attention, rather as if she were a species apart.

  “The duke, your husband, is a dear friend of mine,” the lady beside her said.

  “Oh?” Dora smiled politely and made an effort to recall the lady’s name—she was one of the people she had not met before today. Ah, she was Mrs. Parkinson.

  “Yes.” Mrs. Parkinson smiled graciously. “I had the pleasure of introducing my very dearest friend to him and his illustrious houseguests at Penderris Hall a couple of years ago. She and I made our come-out together when we were girls and soon became inseparable. She married Viscount Muir. I might have married an even more impressive title had I so chosen—I had enough offers, heaven knows. But instead I married Mr. Parkinson for love—he was a younger brother of Sir Roger Parkinson, you know. Mr. Parkinson died a few years ago and left me in a state of nervous collapse and heartbreak, and my dearest Gwen, who was also a widow by that time, though I do not suppose she felt her loss quite as I did, came to stay with me to lend her support. ‘Anything in the world for you, my very dearest Vera,’ were her very first words the day she arrived in the carriage of her brother, the Earl of Kilbourne. While she was still with me I introduced her at Penderris Hall, and Baron Trentham took a fancy to her and married her—though I understand he was not born with the title. Nor did he inherit it from his father. Indeed, it is said that his father was in trade. My poor Gwen—I daresay he kept very quiet about that until after he married her. She took a severe drop in rank.”

  Oh, dear, Dora thought silently.

  “You must be very pleased that you had a hand in their meeting,” she said. “Lord Trentham was awarded his barony by the Prince of Wales, now the king, after he had led a successful forlorn hope attack in Portugal. He is one of our great war heroes.”

  “Yes, well, if you say so,” Mrs. Parkinson said. “Though one does wonder how a man who is not even a gentleman born could have been an officer, and why he was allowed to lead a charge when there must have been a dozen gentlemen who would have been perfectly willing to do it themselves without demanding any reward. Gentlemen do not behave with such vulgarity, do they? Our world is not what it used to be, Your Grace, as I am sure you would agree. Mr. Parkinson was fond of saying that it would not be many years before we have riffraff in Parliament. I did not believe him at the time, but I am not so sure now that he was not right. I can only hope that Gwen is happy with her impulsive decision to marry below her, I am sure.”

  “I believe they are both exceedingly happy,” Dora said, and considered asking a question about the late esteemed Mr. Parkinson that might turn the conversation onto a different path. But the lady spoke first.

  “I was sorely distressed for you, Your Grace,” she said her voice suddenly softer and more confiding, “when I heard about the interruption to your wedding.”

  Ah.

  But it had been too much to hope, Dora supposed, that such a salacious tidbit of gossip would not have traveled from London even before they did. It was surely not too much, however, to have hoped that no one would be ill-bred enough to mention it in her hearing or George’s.

  “Thank you,” she said, “but it was a very minor annoyance in an otherwise perfect day.”

  Mrs. Parkinson laid a hand upon her arm and leaned closer.

  “I admire you for being able to put a brave face on it, Duchess,” she said, “though I am confident you have nothing at all to fear.”

  Dora looked pointedly at the hand that rested on her arm and then just as pointedly up into Mrs. Parkinson’s face.

  “Fear?” she said, and she could hear the chill in her own voice.

  Mrs. Parkinson removed her hand rather hastily from Dora’s arm. Color stained her cheeks, and her eyes registered first chagrin and then . . . malice? But her mouth smiled sweetly.

  “She was a lady to inspire passion in all men who beheld her,” she said. “Though she never deliberately set one against another. The first duchess, I mean. She was blond and blue-eyed and tall and slender and altogether more beautiful than any woman has a right to be. I might have been jealous of her if she had not also been the sweetest person I have ever met. The duke adored her and guarded her jealously. No one could so much as look at her without drawing his wrath. He even hated her own family because they loved her and wanted to visit her here and have her visit them at her girlhood home. He got to the point of forbidding her own brother to come to Penderris and of forbidding his own son to go and stay with his uncle and grandfather even though they doted on the boy. Yet he hated the boy himself because for the duchess the sun rose and set upon him. Never has a mother so loved a child, I declare. She was inconsolable when he died after the duke had insisted upon purchasing his commission and packing him off to the Peninsula and into the very teeth of danger. He had hardened his heart against all the piteous pleadings of the boy’s poor mother. Even if he did not push her over that cliff, he nevertheless killed her. But I daresay the worst of his passions died with her. He has been a different man since. You are altogether a different sort of woman, of course.”

  Dora was trying desperately to think of a way of silencing the woman. She would have jumped to her feet and quelled her quite firmly if she had not been fully aware of the other ladies around them, all talking and laughing at once, it seemed. But fortunately Mrs. Yarby came to her rescue at last.

  “Mrs. Parkinson,” she said rather sharply, “you will be quite boring Her Grace by so monopolizing her attention.”

  Mrs. Parkinson turned a sweet smile upon her hostess. “I was telling Her Grace about the time when I played matchmaker at Penderris Hall for my dearest friend, who was still Viscountess Muir at the time,” she said.

  “As I heard it,” Mrs. Eddingsley remarked, “the lady met Lord Trentham while she was out walking alone and twisted her ankle when inadvertently trespassing upon Penderris land. He came upon her and carried her up to the house. I have always thought it a particularly romantic story with a happy ending.”

  “You are quite right, Mrs. Eddingsley,” Mrs. Parkinson said. “But my dear Gwen lost no time in summoning me and begging to be brought back to my house, so embarrassed was she to have been caught on the duke’s land. I was quick-witted enough, however, to insist that she remain at Penderris while her ankle healed. It was very clear to me that true love needed a helping hand.”

  A few of the ladies tittered.

 
; What an absolute horror of a woman, Dora thought. She wondered what on earth had induced Gwen to come and stay with her. It was a good thing she had, though, or she would probably never have met Hugo. How strange the twists of fate could be.

  “The first time my husband took me down onto the beach,” Dora said, “he showed me the steep fall of stones where that accident happened and the sheltered rock where Lord Trentham was sitting when he witnessed it.” She smiled about at all the ladies. “Is it not a marvel to live close to golden sands and the sea? I feel wondrously blessed, having lived all my life inland.”

  As she had hoped, a number of the ladies had something to say on the subject, and the conversation remained general until Dora rose to take her leave. Although she had been the last to arrive, she understood that no one would make any move to leave until she did. She thanked Mrs. Yarby for her hospitality, smiled as she bade everyone else a good afternoon, and made her escape.

  It was unfortunate that she thought of her departure as escape, she thought while she was conveyed back home in the landau. Mrs. Yarby had gone to great trouble to entertain her in style, and the other ladies had been amiable and flatteringly respectful.

  But that woman! Oh, gracious heaven, that woman.

  Mrs. Parkinson was a bore and an obsequious name dropper—and those were her good qualities. What on earth had she been trying to accomplish with those last things she had said? Vent spite? But why? Cause mischief? But why? If Dora could have stopped her ears, she would have done so. Like a child, she would have hummed loudly while doing it. But it had been impossible given where she was, and now she feared her thoughts and dreams would be haunted by all the nasty little details Mrs. Parkinson had quite masterfully compressed into that minute or two.

  As the landau approached the house, Dora could see that George was standing at the bottom of the steps before the front doors, watching it come. He looked dearly familiar, his hands clasped behind him, his face beaming with pleasure.

  He did not wait for the coachman to descend from the box but opened the door of the conveyance himself, set down the steps, and reached up both hands for hers.

  “I have missed you,” they said together as she got down, and they both laughed.

  Dora lifted her face for his kiss. He hesitated for the briefest moment while she remembered that they were in the presence of servants and she really ought to be behaving with more decorum.

  He kissed her softly on the lips.

  “I am so happy to be home,” she told him.

  15

  She told him during dinner about her visit to Mrs. Yarby.

  “Anyone would think,” she said, “that I am someone special.”

  “But you are,” he assured her. “And furthermore, you are a duchess.”

  That made her think—and then laugh with delight.

  “You are such a flatterer, George,” she told him, wagging a finger in his direction.

  He told her about his afternoon, which he had not spent on the beach as she had not been with him. He had walked along the headland instead and almost lost his hat in the wind.

  “I am very glad I did not,” he told her. “I would have looked mildly undignified chasing after it across the park. Dukes are never undignified, you know.”

  He loved her laugh.

  And yet there was something . . . It was there all through dinner and it was there after they had retired to her sitting room. She chose to play something rather melancholy on her pianoforte. He did not recognize it, and he did not ask. That something was still there after she had seated herself across the hearth from him and he had lit the fire even though it was summer and the day had been a warm one. They read for a while. At least, that was what they were apparently doing. But he kept glancing across at her. He was almost certain she had not turned a single page.

  She looked up and caught his eye and smiled. “A good book?” she asked him.

  “Yes,” he said. “And yours?”

  “Yes.”

  He closed his own, keeping one finger in the page to mark his place. He did not say anything else. Experience had taught him that silence often drew confidences when the other person obviously had something on his or her mind. And Dora clearly had something on hers.

  I am so happy to be home, she had told him on her return from the village. But there had been no real happiness in her tone—or even simple weariness after a busy afternoon. There had been something else, something bordering upon desperation. And she had invited his kiss while they were in full view on the terrace with servants about them. That was unlike her.

  She turned a page for the first time but then shut the book with a decisive snap.

  “I have it on the best authority,” she said, “that you are a dear friend of Mrs. Parkinson.”

  “What?”

  “Not her dearest friend, however,” she added, raising one forefinger. “That place in her heart and esteem is reserved for Gwen. Mrs. Parkinson introduced her to you and your fellow Survivors here, I understand, and she played fond matchmaker for her and Hugo.”

  This was what had been on her mind? No, he did not believe it. But he was amused anyway.

  “And your best authority was the lady herself, I presume?” he said. “There is at least some truth in what she told you. She did indeed make very sure that Gwen remained here after she sprained her ankle, much to the chagrin of Gwen herself, who was mortified at the prospect of imposing upon a private house party of strangers. I believe Mrs. Parkinson’s motive was something other than matchmaking, however. She saw in Gwen’s predicament a way of ingratiating herself with me and my guests, all of whom, except Imogen, were handsome men with titles and fortunes, and none of whom was married at the time. She was extremely attentive to her dearest friend in the world and came here every day and stayed for several hours. I do believe Flavian had the distinction of being her favorite. You were in sore danger of not having him for a brother-in-law, Dora.”

  “What entirely escapes my understanding,” she said, shaking her head slowly, “is why Gwen was staying with such a dreadful woman in the first place.”

  “Apparently they were acquainted as girls making their debut in society,” he said, “and continued some sort of a correspondence afterward. When Mrs. Parkinson lost her husband, my guess is that Gwen felt sorry enough for her to offer her company for a while. I believe she came to regret her kindheartedness very soon after her arrival, but she was ultimately rewarded when she twisted her already lame ankle on my land and a certain gentle giant stepped down from among the rocks to scoop her up and carry her here.”

  “There is no truth to Mrs. Parkinson’s first claim?” she asked him. “She is not your dear friend?”

  He shook his head. “Alas,” he said.

  She leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms over her stomach, and grasped her elbows. Her smile faded. And he knew that she was coming to it—whatever it was.

  “She commiserated with me,” she said, “on the interruption to our wedding.”

  “Ah.” He removed his finger from his book and set the volume down on the table beside him. “I suppose it was inevitable that word of such a dramatic scene would arrive here. I hope she said nothing else to upset you.”

  But he knew that something else must have been said. The past just would not die and leave him alone, would it? They had not spoken of it since that ghastly day in the gallery, and they had been happy. Life had been good. But here it was again.

  He could see her hesitate before she spoke.

  “I believe,” she said, “I was being consoled for being unable to inspire any great passion in you—because of my age and my looks, I suppose. It is not a bad thing to be middle-aged and plain and unattractive, however, for apparently you grow hot-tempered and jealously possessive and perhaps even violent when you do feel a passionate attachment to a woman. At least . . . I believe this is
what Mrs. Parkinson was implying. I believe she stopped liking me when I would not agree with her insinuations that Hugo was a vulgar upstart and Gwen married beneath her.”

  She spoke softly and rather tonelessly, her eyes on the dying fire.

  George stretched his fingers in his lap, curled them into his palms, and relaxed them again.

  “You must not put any great credence in anything Mrs. Parkinson has to say, Dora,” he said. “Even from what you have told me, I can see that her words were full of contradictions. I have not treated you to any grand romance or passion since our marriage, but I have a deep regard for you. Your age and your looks make you more dear to me than if you were a young girl of dazzling youth. You are beautiful to me and just exactly the right age to be my companion and friend. You are perfect in every way as my lover.”

  “I did not believe her,” she assured him, turning her gaze on him, a frown between her brows. “She is a spiteful, nasty person, one of the most unpleasant people it has ever been my misfortune to meet. I am happy with our marriage just as it is, George. I cannot imagine you being jealous or possessive or violent. You are everything that is the opposite, in fact. You do not cling to what you love. You give it wings instead and let it fly. I have only to know and speak with your fellow Survivors to understand that.”

  He felt strangely like weeping. “And then I wish they had not flown away,” he said.

  “No, that is not true of you.” She set her head back against the chair and looked at him with the softness of what could only be affection. Her frown had disappeared. “You miss your friends when they are far away. You even feel a bit lonely without them. But you absolutely do not wish you had made them so dependent upon you that they would need still to be here living at Penderris. You are happy in their independence and happiness. There is no point in denying it even if you feel so inclined. I have seen you with them. And you have given me wings with your gifts of my pianoforte and harp. I am even more than partly reconciled with my mother because you encouraged me to visit her and talk with her. I will not fly away, however. Not ever, for you have married me and are good to me. I will stay. That is a promise and a commitment—not just because I made vows during our wedding, but because I could never wish to leave you.”