by A. J. Downey
“Nothing, he isn’t… I mean I won’t be expected to…”
“Naw, he just wants to meet you. May not have been official, you bein’ Grinder’s ol’ lady, but the chapter out here agreed it best that you be treated that way.”
“What way?” I asked needing to hear precisely what he meant.
“As the property of a fallen brother, with all the protections and aide that comes with it. You know how it goes, Mel. We take care of our own,” he said softly.
I nodded, I knew how it was supposed to work, yes, but the Arizona chapter sometimes had its own ideas, and back there, Noah and I were nothing but a laughing stock and little better than trash. I may have earned it, I may have gotten in way over my head as little better than a slut to be passed around between brothers, but it’d been better than the alternative of staying under my parents’ roof. Plus, title aside, I didn’t feel like a slut. Grinder was the only brother I’d really been with. He’d protected me from the others despite his refusal to be faithful to me, or to make me any kind of an official girlfriend or ol’ lady.
When I’d come up pregnant, I might as well have turned into a leper as far as the rest of the guys had been concerned and when Grinder had left? Well, I found myself alone and I didn’t want to be passed around so I simply had stopped going around the club and its brothers. At least until I started to really show, and by then, it was like they’d all decided I was contagious or something. None of them wanted anything to do with the pregnant me. I’d thought it was because I was the reason Grinder had left… now I knew different. Now I knew it was likely because he had died and the Arizona chapter’s president had told the lot of them not to tell me.
“Mel?” I snapped out of it, before I could dwell on it too much, my refusal had spurned the Arizona chapter’s Pres. but good. I’d had to think about Noah, and Dom’s reputation for turning out girls, getting them hooked and strung out and eventually turning tricks for him – well I’d wanted no part in that. Not with a baby on the way.
“What the fuck you thinkin’ about so hard in there?” Archer demanded and I rubbed my face with my hands.
“A lot of things,” I said and drew in a shaky breath.
“Well lay it on me, I’m not too keen on the zombie staring off into space routine when I’m tryin’ to talk to you,” he said and I flinched inwardly. Shit, last thing I wanted was to trip Archer’s famous temper.
“After you left, to follow Grind out here, Dom started making hints about taking me for his own for a while. ‘Trying me on for size,’ he called it. I turned him down, told him I was pregnant and it was Grinder’s. It seemed to piss him off. They all left me alone for the most part after that. I think that’s why no one told me. Dom told them not to, because I wouldn’t go there, you know?”
Archer chewed the corner of his bottom lip and gave a single nod, once down, once up, “Yeah, I could see Dom pullin’ some shit like that. If word got out he got a pregnant bitch hooked on his shit and was turnin’ her out for profit, especially with Dragon and the mother chapter sniffing around, things would’ve gone real, real bad for him. These boys out here don’t play that kind of shit at all. It’s supposed to be one of the club’s tenants. ‘No women, no children,’ but Dom always had a slightly different idea of what that means.” Archer heaved a sigh, “It get much worse once Grind wasn’t there to keep him in check anymore?”
“I honestly don’t know, I stayed away once Grind left. I wanted to protect Noah, I thought he’d come around, you know? Come back, or send for me… I never in a million years thought he would just up and leave us like that.”
Archer grunted, “He never got the chance to come around, at least not really. I’d like to think he would have too, but honestly I don’t know that he would. We had a real fucked up upbringing comin’ up in the system like we did. Grind was always pretty fuckin’ adamant that he never wanted kids. I think it really freaked him the fuck out when you turned up knocked up. He probably thought you did it on purpose to trap him or some shit.”
I felt my face crumble, that was pretty much exactly what Grinder had accused me of, and it’d crushed me. I closed my eyes and whispered, “Please, please, please, watch your language around Noah?”
“Shi-ffffu-da- I am so not good at this, am I?” he asked and I couldn’t help the smile.
“Not really, but if it helps, neither am I. I feel like I’m a terrible mother.”
“From what I’ve seen so far, you do alright. You haven’t killed him yet, and kids are pretty resilient.”
Thanks for the rousing endorsement, I thought to myself and tried not to feel sick.
“Anything else I should know about back home?”
“Like what?” I asked, keeping my tone light despite how dry my mouth had just gone.
“Nothing, I guess. Just miss it from time to time.”
“I don’t see how; it’s beautiful here, so lush and green.”
Archer nodded and I perked up, “Aren’t you going to be late for work?”
“Yeah, I’ll just stay a little late to make up. It’s not a big deal, we don’t have set hours as long as we work eight hours five days a week or ten hours four days a week, Dray doesn’t give a fu-“ I raised my eyebrows and stopped him with a look. “Yeah, that’s the look I remember,” he said with a bit of a grin.
“We’ll bring you lunch later since I failed to make one for you.”
“Good deal, thanks.”
“Just living up to my end of the bargain,” I said under my breath.
“Good thing, too. No deadbeats allowed.”
I nodded, and again failed to look at him, I would feel like a monumental deadbeat until I got a job but I still didn’t know what to do about childcare… if I put Noah in daycare, it would probably take my entire salary and then some… such was the way of the world for the working class, American, single mother.
Welfare office, here I come… It was going to be an ugly eventuality. One I would have to undertake sooner, rather than later.
“I’ll see you tonight,” Archer said shrugging into his Jacket and cut, trapping his ponytail in the collar. That always drove me nuts that he did that. At least Grinder would let me braid his hair when he’d kept it long so he didn’t have to deal with the wind tangling it, although he never had kept it as long as Archer did.
I missed him with a sudden and fierce ache in the center of my chest. I looked at Noah and that ache eased.
“Mel?”
I shook myself, “Sorry, having a bit of a tougher time today for some reason,” I cleared my throat. “Did I miss something?”
“Yeah, I said don’t bother to wait up, and if you can, have my dinner packed up to go. I’m working the bar tonight and won’t have time to eat here.”
“Sure, I’ll bring both lunch and dinner by the shop then, save you the extra trip of having to come here, does that sound alright?”
“Yeah, sure; thanks.”
He ducked out into the brightly lit morning and I dutifully went to the door and locked up behind him. I sagged against the inside of its scarred wooden surface and sighed. My wits were scrambled this morning and I was all over the map emotionally… I frowned and looked at my watch and the date in the corner, rolling my eyes.
“PMS’ll do that to you, Mel.” I forced out a rushed sigh and set to work cleaning the kitchen which was not as big of a disaster area as I’d expected it to be. As soon as it was clean and orderly, I set to work making both an acceptable lunch and dinner for Archer as well as the needed snacks for the day for Noah.
It was busy work, but right now, with as much as my mind was wandering, I needed busy work, so that was okay…
Chapter 12
Archer
When I walked into the club on Friday, it was to a bunch of curious lookie-lou’s craning their necks and trying to get a look around me at Mel and Noah. Dragon sat at his usual table, cigarette dangling between his lips, glasses perched on the end of his nose and a newspaper open in front of him.
Mel drew up even with me, her and Noah scanning the room.
“Unca Nox! Unca Rush!” Noah pointed at my two foster brothers and Rush called out to him, “Hey, Buddy!”
“Hi Noah!” Ashton cried and Noah smiled.
“Ashden!”
“Did he just say Ashden?” Reaver asked, grinning, “Is that anything like Tom-Kat or Brangelina?”
“Shut up!” Hayden said giving him a light slap in the chest and rolling her eyes. “Hey, Melody,” she greeted Mel and Mel smiled nervously.
“Hi,” she said back hefting Noah, hauling him up higher on her hip.
Dragon folded his newspaper shut and set it down on his table, stubbing out his cigarette in the glass ashtray perched next to it. He took off his glasses and folded in the arms, tucking them into an inside pocket on his cut.
“So this is her, eh?” he asked.
I gave a nod, “Mel, Dragon, Dragon this is Melody.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Mel said, voice strained.
Dragon looked her and Noah up and down, “Who’s the little guy?” he asked, smiling at the kid. Noah smiled back shyly his fingers in his mouth. Dragon curled his fingers up and down in a child’s wave for Noah and Noah imitated it with his free hand.
“Can you say hi to Uncle Dragon?” Nox asked.
“Unca Dragon?” Noah asked, and Dray chuckled.
“More like ‘Grandpa Dragon,’” he said and there was some laughter.
“Boompa?” Noah asked and his face twisted, Mel immediately soothed Noah.
“No, no, no, Grandpa Phillip isn’t here, Baby. This is Dragon…”
“Boompa Dragon?” he asked.
“Sure, if yah like,” Dragon chuckled and Noah twisted in his mother’s arms. I frowned, some suspicions coming up to the surface. I knew Phil was her stepdad and I also knew he was some kind of a dick, at least according to Grind. Noah’s odd discomfiture sent up some red flags.
“Well, c’mere you two,” Dragon said, and Mel edged further into the room. The guys moved out of her way and the girls edged back further too and the word must have gotten out because literally everyone was here, except for Rev and Red, they were probably held up by their kid.
“Have a seat,” Dragon said, “and all of y’all give the woman some breathing room would you?” he called out and everyone turned and started milling about for a second before moving off to do whatever they were either up to when we arrived, or off to do something else. I watched Dani and R.T. drift off out back towards Dani’s shop, Shelly and Ghost moving off with them.
The dynamic ol’ lady duo of Sunshine and Doll took off toward the media room with Ev, the three of them laughing and no surprise, Trig, Reaver, and Dray followed along right after, like their dicks were some kind of leash. I chuckled and turned back to Dragon and Mel who were staring at me and my two foster brothers.
“Do I need to put it more plainly?” Dragon asked.
Rush laughed, “What?”
“Apparently I do,” Dragon said, “Fuck off, and take your nephew with you. Go watch some cartoons or some shit down in the media room.”
I eyed Melody who looked like she was sweating it out big time, “You gonna let him swear like that in front of the boy, but you gripe my shit?”
“He’s the President, he can do whatever he wants,” she said, breathy.
Dragon laughed, a big booming belly laugh at that, “Well Sweetheart, that ain’t quite how it works, and I apologize. It’s been a minute since I been around a little one that could pick up bad words.”
Nox went up and took Noah from Mel, he made a noise of protest but then he got a look at one of the buttons on Nox’s cut and he started to play with it and disaster averted.
“Come on, Little Man, let’s go watch some cartoons in my room,” Nox said.
“You alright?” I asked Mel and she nodded stiffly. I nodded back and followed my brother’s out who were fully absorbed in our nephew, but me, for some reason, I couldn’t resist one last look back at Mel who sat small and afraid in the chair opposite my P. The nagging feeling that shit just wasn’t right getting stronger by the minute. I was hoping Dragon would get to the bottom of it, he was just plain better at this shit than I was.
Chapter 13
Melody
Silence hung between us, an almost physical veil. I waited while he looked at me, coal dark eyes raking me over, bouncing across every detail of my face. Finally he pulled back the curtain, breaking the silence first.
“So, what made you come out here?” he asked, leaning back in his chair.
“I wanted Noah to know who his father was. I wanted to see if I could change Grinder’s mind.” I said truthfully, and it was true… mostly. I swallowed hard, my eyes tearing and Dragon’s expression drew down into something considering… I could see the gears turning as he twisted his mouth back and forth. Finally he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his cut and held them up.
“You mind?” I shook my head. “You want one?” he asked and I found my voice.
“I don’t smoke.”
“Hmm, you look like you could use one, can I get you a drink instead?” he asked. I shook my head, and he sighed. “Archer told me you got all the way out here just to find out Grind was gone.”
I nodded and felt my face crumble, the pain welling fresh. I couldn’t stop myself. Between that and the stress, I started to cry. I hid my face behind my hands and looked up sharply when his chair creaked. He held out a black bandana to me and I took it with shaking fingers.
“You wanna see him?” he asked and I looked up sharply.
“He’s here?” I asked confused.
“Buried here, yeah. In a plot at the local cemetery, for any brother that didn’t have any place else to be buried. For brothers that don’t have any other family than the club. I got some questions about that, but they can wait. This is important.”
I nodded numbly, and asked, “Can we go by Archer’s apartment first?” I asked. “I’d like to bring something, you know?”
“I do,” he said, and sighed, “Tell you what, if you have us stop there, can I stop someplace too? I’d like to pick up some flowers for my wife if we’re going out there.”
“Of course,” I said, surprised he would ask.
“Okay then, you good to ride? I don’t do cages.”
“Sure,” I agreed.
We went back to check on Noah, and to tell Archer, Rush, and Nox where we were going. They wanted to go too, but Dragon vetoed that.
“You know where he’s at, you can go anytime, let the lady mourn the father of her child in peace. She don’t need an audience for this,” he’d told them. I don’t think he cared that I was standing right there, and I wasn’t about to try and correct the president of the mother chapter.
“I need to go by the apartment,” I murmured and Archer fixed me with his cold, gold-green gaze.
“You have a key,” he drawled.
Dragon turned to leave the room and looked over his shoulder, “One of you knuckleheads should have brought her out to see ‘im by now,” he shook his head and muttered “Jesus Christmas,” and with that parting shot, he left the room. I felt my cheeks burn hotly and quickly gave Noah a kiss. I ducked my head, following him out and back across the grass to the club’s main building, trotting to catch up to him.
“I wish you hadn’t said that,” I murmured, and he arched an eyebrow and looked sideways at me.
“Any of ‘em ever lay a hand on you?” he asked.
“No, why?” I asked.
“I don’t just mean here, but back in Arizona either,” he said.
“No, I mean, Grind once or twice but they were mistakes and we kept them just between us. I mean, it was my fault really. I got him too worked up and…”
I fell silent when he stopped and eyed me, “If he weren’t dead I’d have Reave cut his balls off. That’s not what this club is about, Honey. Never has been, never will be. I got some questions for sure about the happenings back in Arizona, but they can wait. C
ome on.”
I felt my heart sink, and was afraid of what questions he’d ask me. Not that I’d lie, just… what if they found out? Dom would probably kill you. I thought to myself and sighed softly in resignation. How did I always end up in these damn situations?
We rode back to Archer’s and it felt good to be on the back of a bike again. Dragon waited, looking around the parking lot while he sat on the front of his bike smoking a cigarette while I ran upstairs to get what I came for.
I found them quickly and went back downstairs, the neighbors out there with their Charger, music pounding like always. I got onto the back of the bike behind Dragon and he fired it up, drowning out the thumping bass from the cage with the angry growl from his engine. He turned us out of the parking lot and turned us towards the cemetery, making a quick stop at a flower shop on the way.
It was a slow, respectful ride through the old, wrought iron gates and along the sweeping paved pathways only wide enough for a car. We stopped and he tapped me. I got off the bike and he heeled down the kickstand, shutting her off.
“He’s up that way,” he said with a solemn sigh and I held out the deep red rose he’d bought out to him. He took it with a nod of thanks and got off his Harley himself.
“Thank you,” I murmured and I went up to the little fenced in area he’d indicated. There was no gate, and it was actually a pretty big expanse in the new spring grass. There weren’t too many headstones inside the spindly, decorative fence, and it was easy to spot Grinder’s grave as it was the newest. I went over to it and felt my eyes well.
David ‘Grinder’ Chandler
Riding Free
That was it. No birth and death dates, just ‘riding free’ and a little oval set into the stone with a picture of him leaning against his bike, proud in his cut. I remembered that day. I’d taken the photo outside the club in Arizona. I knelt down carefully and took the photographs of Noah I’d brought out of my jacket pocket.
“I never expected to find you like this,” I whispered and had to clear my throat; it was closing up, I was choking up from the rising tide of hot tears. “We had a boy, I named him Noah. I know you hated your middle name and I think part of why I named him that was because I wanted him to have a part of you and to piss you off… because let’s face it, you leaving us pissed me off, but not as much as it hurt.”