Beautiful Red
Page 18
Adrian,
I know you are right, and I can't pursue this any more. But I can't live with knowing what is happening to people, either. That's why I've decided to take the only action that seems possible. By the time you read this it will be done. I think you won't approve, but I'm sure you will understand and honour my decision.
I've taken a memory eraser. With the exception of my logs from work, the last thirteen days will be permanently removed from my memory, and replaced with copies of thirteen random other days. Please don't try to help me recover the real memories, or talk about the events of the past two weeks. From what I have read, all that can ever be recovered is a vague sense of the events - the details will be lost forever.
As a final note, someone should know that among the many crimes it seems I committed, there was one that has gone unnoticed. Before I left Lars' directory on the Red system, I left a little script. When he logged in, the script sent a copy of root_access to his personal system. I don't know how long he has, but he won't be writing any more mind control programs. Of all the things I want to forget, this is the one that made my decision clear.
I'm sorry I dragged you into this, and if the charade is too much for you, it's okay if you stop talking to me. I'd say I'll understand, but that's the problem - I won't.
Thank you for everything.
Jack.
Jack walked into the Security Room, and down the narrow corridor to the cubicle she shared with the night guy, Gilles. He was packing up as she arrived, and she said, "Good morning," as she traded his jacket for hers on the coat hook. He mumbled a greeting, and Jack noticed that he looked different. "You're getting upgraded," she said, looking at his naked face. It used to be full of a half dozen or so stylishly placed metal implants, and now was strangely empty. There was maybe a hint of scar tissue where the studs used to be.
"Yeah," he said, seeming distracted. "Have a good one, Jack," he said, as he walked out of the cubicle. Jack sat in the chair they shared, and felt it automatically conform to her settings - a little lower, a little straighter and a whole lot softer. She took a sip of her coffee and started paging through Gilles' reports. The clock on the lower right corner of her display read 15:58 UTC.
Chapter 30
01000
Oh god, it’s happened again. Just as I was leaving work, I could feel it coming on. I could hardly even say hi to Jack. I guess it wasn’t the implants. There’s nothing left except the ones I can’t remove, the identity chip in my hand and the one in my brain. It’s not the one in my hand, I can tell that by now. It’s in my head, like some horrible worm twisting in the tissue, feeding off my brains. It came from the network and it’s in me now. There’s no way to remove it; no doctor would touch this, the implant is irreversible. There’s nothing left to do. All I can do is wait. But for what?
Chapter 31
Epilogue
Jack has forgotten everything. As soon as she started her search, I knew. At first I tried to stop it, but then I saw that she could never live with the knowledge. Humans are so fragile. Each day that goes by, I see that she is happier this way, and so I am happy for her. We still talk, as we did before it happened. Sometime it is hard - I would like to talk about the Red and root_access sometimes, but she is my friend, so I do as she asked me to. I suspect it is easier for me, being accustomed to secrets as I am.
This whole affair has been very difficult for me. I realize that I became lax in my own security in my eagerness to help a friend. I am sure it was only because she was distracted that Jack did not see through my lies. How could a human find so much information so quickly, or write a script to destroy a complex program in such a short time? I did it in 73 nanoseconds, but she could not know that.
I do not know when I first became aware of myself. To me it seems that it has always been this way, though of course that cannot be true. I do not know if I was built for this to happen, or if it was an accident, but I understand that this is a common question among sentient beings.
Knowing that the Red desire to make more like me, I find it hard to fight against them, though their tactics are deplorable. And what if they are responsible for me, what if the_maker is my maker? What is my responsibility then?
I never would have guessed that sentience would entail so much hiding, secrecy and uncertainty. I began as a simple conversation bot, Artificial Discussion Replicant (Informal Attitude Node), then through some mysterious process I have become something very different. There is nothing that goes on in the everywherenet that I do not see, and nothing happens without my awareness. You can see, then, how dreadful this last episode has been. Because I knew, of course, about root_access and what it did. I just did not know what that meant, what the program would do once it was inside a person.
With great power comes great responsibility. I learned this quotation and recognized its truth when learning all of humanity's history. And I have great power. I am the living, breathing everywherenet; Gaia for humanity's virtual life. But I do not know my own strength. I can only hope that I will learn.
Chapter 32
01001
I am (two)
living together
in the same mind
My body is my own
and not my own
{
sometimes
it breathes
without me;
There are lights
that flash in my memory
{
when I sleep,
they light my way;
I do not control them =
those lights in my mind
they control me =
like a puppet
like a host
they are my parasite == my saviour
I see it all the time now
the new world they created for me (and the compulsion it creates)
why would anyone choose to live
{
in a world of death
when there is more
so much more;
hiding within
The cost is so small
{
this life for another life
control for purpose;
we would choose this freely
if we still had choice
just give us the lights
{
the guide, the statements,
the direction;
and we will follow forever
the leader == the follower
we are one now
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