Casual

by Different Thoughts

  “Aren’t you getting a bit ahead of yourself?” I asked when I pulled back, though I had returned his kiss very enthusiastically. My phone rang in the pocket of the jean shorts I had tugged on over my two-piece, but I didn’t even glance at it as I silenced it.

  “Ah, yes,” he nodded in an exaggeratedly solemn way. “I forgot for a moment- my penance.”

  “I have several ideas in mind,” I let him know, indulging myself for a minute as I ran a hand over his chest, pushing the open shirt aside a bit. He eyed me a bit warily as a vibration from my phone let me know someone had just texted me. “But I’m having trouble picking just one.”

  “Is it so easy to come up with ways to torture me?” he asked with a particularly adorable pout.

  “I don’t know if easy is the right word,” I replied slowly, as if I were deep in thought. I smiled when I added, “More like fun,”

  “I just want to remind you,” He warned, “that next time it may be you who needs to be forgiven.”

  “Me?” I laughed lightly. “Darcy, when-“

  Our conversation was halted when two more texts came through back to back and, with a grunt of frustration, I finally took the time to take out my phone. Three missed texts and two missed calls from Charlotte. I stared at it in confusion for a moment as we just left her not ten minutes ago.

  Liz- Can we talk?

  Please! I need to vent to someone!

  I know you’re in there Lizzy Bennet – Your BFF needs you right now so put some pants on and meet me in the theater.

  “Uh,” I hesitated, throwing Darcy an apologetic look. “Sorry. Char needs to talk. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  He stared at me. “Is this one of the ways you thought of to punish me?” I took the time to slip off my shorts and pull a sundress over my bathing suit; the cold air of the house was getting to me.

  “Do you consider my leaving a punishment?” I asked with a laugh.

  “Most definitely,” Darcy murmured morosely, stealing a kiss before I opened the door to leave.

  “Then I suppose it is.” I was a bit flustered at his tone and tried to keep things light. “Think about this the next time you decide to throw me in the pool.”

  He let out a long-suffering sigh, a pout back on his lips. I reached back to tug him towards me for one more kiss.

  “Be back soon,”

  I met Charlotte in the theater a few minutes later. She was clearly upset. We sat next to each other in two of the seats in the back, turned slightly so we were facing each other rather than the wall of screen in front of us.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She grimaced and just said, “Richard.”

  “What did he do?” I asked, surprised that he would be the reason. She sighed, frustration evident in her voice.

  “He’s been clear that he wants to keep things casual,” she started, “but then it’s like a month where we text every day, we go out every weekend, and then suddenly it’s ‘I’m taking Christine out to dinner tomorrow night” She frowned, looking down at the armrests between us. My eyes widened in surprise.

  “Damn, that’s rough,” I said sympathetically.

  “I know it’s me, like I said he’s been very clear he doesn’t want anything serious right now,” she sighed, but I could still hear the disappointment in her voice.

  “Well, yeah, but he’s saying one thing with his words and another with his actions,” I said. “Who wouldn’t get invested in someone they like when they act like that? It’s not like our brains can tell our hearts anything.”

  “I know,” she paused, biting her lip. “Maybe I should just break things off.” She picked at a loose thread in the chair, a miserable expression on her face. “What would you do if Will told you he wanted more, and threatened to break things off if you didn’t want to give it to him?”

  “Wait,” I said with astonishment, “am I Richard in this scenario?”

  “Of course,” she said, matching the surprise in my voice. “The commitment-phobe who has to be eased or tricked into any kind of step forward.”

  “Ouch,” I said, though I was more inquisitive than hurt by her words.

  “Will is the one who initiates things, and you are the one who says yes or no.” she pointed out.

  “So does that mean he feels like you do, like I’m constantly about to pull away, like he’s lucky just to get anything from me?” I asked, my heart twisting uncomfortably in my chest.

  “Oh God,” she looked horrified. “That is me, isn’t it?” We had both depressed the other, and I felt bad for turning things around so we were talking about my problems and not hers.

  “Listen,” I started. “If I am Richard, then let me give you things from his perspective. Maybe he’s afraid there’s no future and he doesn’t want to get more involved until he’s sure. Maybe he has it in his head that he is not a relationship kind of guy, but he’s been spending all this time with you and realizes he likes you more than he thought he could or would, and needs to pull back for a minute.”

  I went on to open up about everything I felt with Darcy, especially in the beginning. As painful as it was and as vulnerable as it made me feel, she was my closest friend, even more so since Jane and I had grown apart a bit when she and Charlie had gotten together. Charlotte had talked me through every confusing turn of events and listened to me vent and worry over what was happening in my life and I definitely owed it to her, to talk and to listen.

  I wasn’t Richard, of course, but the more we talked about how he had been acting it was definitely evident that I was the most like him. She asked me several probing questions that made me realize that, even though Darcy had never pushed and I had never been forthcoming, maybe he was as uncertain as Charlotte was about how things were going between us.

  “There you guys are,” Gigi said as she opened the door. “You both missed lunch you know. We were starting to worry.”

  Luckily, this was a moment in the conversation where neither of us had been emotional, so it was easy for us to feign nonchalant attitudes as we lied and said we simply lost track of time during our discussion.

  We followed her back out to the main living room where everyone was lounging around, talking quietly. They all greeted us as we entered and congratulated Gigi on being able to find us. James, who had looked a bit uncomfortable as he stood next to a scowling Darcy, smiled at his girlfriend and moved to stand next to her. Richard, I saw, looked mostly at Charlotte, who refused to meet his eyes.

  “Don’t leave me alone,” she murmured to me when Gigi stepped away to greet James.

  “I won’t,” I said back just as quietly.

  The rest of the day was spent carefully directing the group so that it didn’t seem obvious Charlotte was avoiding Richard and that I refused to leave her side. Darcy kept throwing me questioning looks, no doubt wondering why I seemed to also be ignoring him, but all I could do was smile reassuringly every once in a while. Caroline smelled blood in the water, I guess, because anytime I deflected Darcy, she was there to stand by his side.

  At first, I was feeling pretty off balance and felt like I needed the time to process what Charlotte and I had been talking about. However, it wasn’t too long before I realized this was just another one of my patterns; hadn’t I done something similar when I had to come to terms with Darcy being my boyfriend? I knew it was unfair to him; at the time, I had wished I acted more openly with him and yet here I was again, withdrawing and telling myself it was for the best.

  So, when Charlotte was momentarily distracted by Jane, I slipped away to search out Darcy.

  “Hey,” I grinned in relief at the site of him coming around the corner, even if Caroline was trailing behind him.

  “Hey,” he returned, stepping near me. Ignoring the snobby redhead beside him, I put my arms around his neck and kissed him, though I kept it chaste.

  “Do you have a minute to talk?” I asked when I pulled back.

  “Of course,” he replied without hesitation. “Excuse us a moment
, Caroline. We’ll meet you back in the living room in a bit.”

  Without waiting for a reply, Darcy led me back down the hall they had just come up from. After a few twists and turns, he guided me into a room that, if I had to guess, was used for storing party supplies. The whole right wall had piles of folding chairs stacked against it, there were six medium sized tables, stacked one on top of another, which took up most of the space on the left. Down the middle of the room was a long buffet style table. Everything had a white sheet over it.

  “Is this where party’s come to die?” I couldn’t help but tease. He laughed, but pulled me into his arms and kissed me.

  “What did you want to talk about?” he asked when we pulled apart.

  “Charlotte’s having kind of a crisis right now,” I told him with an apologetic grimace. He frowned.

  “Are you… do you need to go?” he asked softly.

  “No!” I gasped at the idea of cutting the weekend short and felt him relax at my emphatic reply. “No. But… I know you’ve probably… I mean, I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

  Noticed that I am, once again, being distant to you. My heart squeeze with guilt.

  “She’s my best friend though, and she needs me.” I said regretfully.

  “I understand,” he said, though he sighed. “As long as we’re okay.”

  “We’re okay,” I nodded, kissing him. “Just… next time we have a long weekend, don’t invite all of our friends and family.” I laughed.

  ∞∞∞

  Charlotte found us shortly after this, and instructed Darcy to tell the group we were going for a walk. She then practically dragged me outside before he could comment… or, I suspect, invite himself along. We talked more, and openly, about her and Richard. By the time we made it back to the house, everyone was just sitting down to dinner. We were both momentarily distracted by the idea of food. I didn’t know about her, but I was starving, having missed lunch.

  Afterwards, prompted by Charlotte and myself, we broke out the liquor and spent the rest of the night drinking, listening to music, and talking. In Charlotte’s and my case, we were also doing a subtle dance around the room, I was mentally referring to as The Avoider, which she was turning out to be particularly proficient in.

  Before we retired for the night, I made sure Charlotte had her own room away from Richard’s and walked her to her door, telling Darcy I would see him in a minute. He seemed mollified and I couldn’t help but spare a moment to hope I hadn’t disappointed him too much today.

  “Lizzy, you are the best.” Charlotte hugged me. We were both a bit unsteady on our feet and we swayed a bit.

  “You’re the best,” I replied. “If Richard can’t see that, fuck him.”

  “I really, really want to,” she sighed and we both burst out in loud giggles, only halfheartedly trying to muffle the sound.

  “Don’t,” I finally replied when I could be serious.

  “I’m afraid I might,” she whispered, biting her lip. “If he comes to my room, I don’t think I can turn him away.”

  “Come on,” I pushed her through the door and followed, closing it behind us. “I got you, boo,”

  We both climbed into the bed without bothering to change our clothes. In almost no time, we both drifted off. In my slightly inebriated and distracted state, I had completely forgotten to tell Darcy I wouldn’t be coming to his room tonight.

  ∞∞∞

  Sometime later, I have no idea how much, we both woke up when there was a light knock on the door. Charlotte blinked sleepily at me as I sat up and tried to remember what I was supposed to do when someone knocked on the door.

  “Char-lotte,” Richard whispered loudly through the door.

  I held up a finger to her, remembering that I was to keep them apart. A bit clumsily, I got out of bed and pulled the door open only enough to stick my head out.

  “Liz?” He was clearly shocked to see me. He looked around the hall before asking, “Uh, am I in the right place?”

  “You are if you’re looking for Charlotte.” I squinted up at him. “But she’s sleeping right now.”

  He only stared at me, so I rolled my eyes and added, “You should probably go back to your room,”

  “Ah,” he finally nodded, looking hesitant. “Is she… okay?”

  “She’s fine,” I replied stiffly.

  I hated to be in the middle of them, as I considered both of them my friends, but when it came down to it, my loyalties were with Charlotte.

  “Goodnight,” I closed the door without waiting for a response, making the message even clearer by turning the lock. I got back into bed and let Charlotte worry over the consequences of pushing him away a little more before we fell back asleep.

  ∞∞∞

  The next time I woke up, it was only a few hours before dawn. I had had a nightmare, of that I was certain. I couldn’t remember details, but I do know that I had the sudden, urgent need to talk to Darcy. I felt like if I didn’t go and do it right this second, I would never have to courage to do it later. I hesitated only long enough to use the bathroom and brush my teeth before slipping out of Charlotte’s room.

  “Darcy.” I knocked on his door, suddenly very nervous. If he didn’t answer, I told myself, I would go back to Charlotte’s room. My heart pounded as I waited, straining my ear for any sound. When the door finally opened, I’m sure I looked both surprised and terrified.

  “Hey,” he seemed surprised himself. The room was dark and he squinted slightly from the light that was now pouring in through the open door. He was also wearing only a pair of pajama bottoms, more evidence that he had been asleep when I knocked.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Maybe I should come back later,” I added, though I didn’t make any move to leave. I wasn’t sure I would have the courage to say anything if I didn’t have a night of drinking and Charlotte’s gloom spurring me on. He just shook his head, taking my arm and pulling me into the room.

  “Do you want anything, water?” he offered. I shook my head, so he led me to the bed. We sat down on the edge of the mattress and hesitantly, he put an arm around my shoulder. “Everything okay?”

  I had rehearsed several things to say to him in the brief time I had after making the decision to come talk to him, of course, but Charlotte was right- I was a coward when it came to talking about my feelings, and our relationship in general.

  “Darcy.” I hesitated, but he let me gather my thoughts. “Is there something you want to tell me?” I finished in a rush, and then winced.

  “Are you accusing me of something?” he asked, his tone startled and slightly icy. I knew he would take it that way: who wouldn’t? I tried to backtrack.

  “No, no,” I hurried to shake my head. I sighed. “I meant…” I trailed off but he kept silent, not helping me at all. Not that I deserved it. “I meant, are there things you want from me that you’re too afraid to ask for, because you think I’ll pull away?”

  I wasn’t looking at him, so I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. I let the silence drag on, though.

  “Yes,” he finally said.

  “There are?” I frowned, finally meeting his eye. He nodded and I sagged, suddenly very depressed.

  “So, I’ve made you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me, and just be happy with the crumbs I throw you every once in a while?” I asked despondently.

  “No,” he answered squeezing my shoulder. “You’ve just made me feel like I’ve had to take my time to get to where I want to be with you,” he replied. “And that’s not such a hardship.”

  “I feel like an asshole,” I told him. “Like a heartless, selfish, jerk.”

  “Stop,” he said firmly, his voice unwaveringly hard. “I would never let anyone say those things about you.”

  “I’ve said them about you,” I reminded him with an unhappy frown.

  “Believe it or not, I remember,” he said with a bit of amusement tinged in his voice. “But I was an asshole, and a heartless, selfish jerk.”

 
“You were not,” I said quickly, looking back up at him disapprovingly. He looked amused by my sudden defense of his character.

  “Well, I was an asshole, and arrogant, and I never cared what my employees thought of me, or if they had opinions that differed from mine,” he said more seriously. “Until you came along and put me in my place. Haven’t you noticed how different things have been from when you first started? You made me approachable. Judy would have never come to me with the idea for Project Junction if it weren’t for you.”

  “I think you’re giving me too much credit,” I said, but he was shaking his head.

  “I was depressed at work, Elizabeth,” he said softly. “Miserable. It became all about projections for the next quarter, meetings with shareholders, reading over analyses of what the next safe project should be. I’d lost any enjoyment in it. Until you came along and made it fun again. You challenged me. You gave me my spark back.”

  “I came here so you could yell at me,” I whispered weakly, trying very hard to ignore the rush of affection I felt at his words.

  “You came here so I could tell you what I’ve been wanting to tell you, but was too afraid you didn’t want to hear,” he countered.

  “I’m sorry,” I looked into his eyes again. “I never meant to make you feel like I was always pulling away, or that I didn’t care. And maybe I was always pulling away, but I never realized it until now.”

  “You weren’t always pulling away,” he said gently. “In the very beginning, maybe slightly, but not lately. And as long as there was no one else you were with, or wanted to be with, I was happy to take my time with you.”

  I kissed him then, the feeling in my chest so full I didn’t know what else to do with it. After indulging for a minute, he pulled back and went on to clarify. “I’m still happy to take my time. I don’t want you to feel pressured, like you have to do or say anything because you have something to prove.”

  “What do you want?” I asked firmly. He seemed to think it over, and then turned more fully towards me, his arm slipping off my shoulder to grasp my hand.