“I was just telling your Lizzy how bad it looks to keep switching careers, especially at her age,” my mother explained to my father. “Although, perhaps you won’t be working for much longer.” She grinned up at Darcy. I rolled my eyes again.
“Perhaps.” I noticed the gleam of amusement in my father’s eye and sighed again, knowing what was coming. “You look like you’re more than capable of taking care of my daughter, William. Tell me, how do you manage to control such a wild and stubbornly independent girl like her?”
“Dad,” I started to warn him off.
“I don’t,” Darcy said with a bit of a frown. “Why would I ever want to control Elizabeth?”
“Good answer, son,” my dad laughed. “But not very practical, I’m afraid. We all know big, important men like you must exercise control in all aspects of their lives, and are very used to getting your own way without complaint. What if Lizzy wanted to take off and backpack through Europe for a few months? Surely you couldn’t allow her to go off on her own like that?”
“Dad, that’s enough.”
“I would only wish for the opportunity to be able to join her, if that was what she really wanted to do,” Darcy explained firmly. I could tell he was already insulted by my father’s words. Well, I did warn him. “But I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that if she were determined to leave, and to go without me, then that’s what will happen.”
“Yes, that’s the truth.” My mother joined in. “Lizzy does what she wants when she wants, with no consideration for how it affects others, like her poor old mother’s frail heart.”
“I’m sorry, but I have to disagree, Mrs. Bennet,” Darcy replied politely before I had the chance to defend myself. “I find Elizabeth extremely considerate of other people.” He looked to me and his eyes lightened a bit. “I have long admired how good you are at putting those around you at ease, as well as your ability to read people.”
I relaxed at his very sweet answer and smiled at him, blushing slightly.
“Lizzy,” my mother interrupted my moment of peace. “How ever did you manage to catch yourself such a charming and indulgent man?”
“With a net, of course,” I replied sarcastically.
“With her eyes,” Darcy answered for me. We all turned to him. “Your beauty, intelligence, and kindness shine through your eyes. I was captivated from the moment I saw you.”
“Will,” I swallowed, feeling my face burn. I stepped into him, hiding my face in his bicep as I took his hand in mind and squeezed it, though I said, “Stop it.”
“Well, perhaps you have managed to exert some control after all,” my father said, trying to hide his surprise with humor. “I always thought my Lizzy hated flattery and pretty, pleasing words. I expected to see her infamous glower that has successfully scared off many potential suitors.”
“I hate false flattery, Dad.” I turned to glare at my father, staying in Darcy’s space. “I’m learning to enjoy compliments, when they come from the right person. Like my boyfriend.”
“Any man who can soften my Lizzy has my approval,” my mother said, surprising me with the sincerity in her voice, and the fact that I was now her Lizzy. Impulsively, I wanted to show my appreciation. The fact that I could do so while also shutting down this excruciating conversation was just a bonus.
“Mom, I have no idea what to tell the stylist to do with my hair, will you help me with some ideas?” I asked. She grinned at me, and I felt bad that something so little could make her so happy.
“I have the perfect idea” my mom replied. “Come with me, I have a photo on my phone.” My mom took my hand and tugged me with her, and out of Darcy’s arms. With anxiety, I realized this would leave my dad and Darcy together, but the latter only smiled encouragingly at me before turning back to my father.
“We can pull most of it up like this, and then leave just the shorter, side curls down by your face.” I was in front of a mirror in the bathroom, and my mom was pulling apart my ponytail to show me what she had in mind. Instinctively, I opened my mouth to protest, but then I tilted my head from side to side and saw what she was trying to show me.
“I think that would look really good, Mom.” I said, hoping she didn’t hear the surprise in my voice. She gave me a proud smile.
“So, tell me about Will.” She grinned at me through the mirror.
“He’s… nice,” I supplied lamely. My mother gave me a look and I shook my head to forestall what she was sure to say. “He’s great. We get along really well, and… we make each other happy.”
“Oh sweetie.” My mom’s eyes were tearing up, but I was used to her over-the-top displays of emotion. “How long have you two been together?”
“Well… officially, five months.” I admitted. “But we were unofficial for a while before that.”
“And you finally got him to commit to you!” Mom sounded ecstatic, and I didn’t need a lecture on not letting good catches like Darcy get away, so I didn’t correct her. “I’m so proud of you honey.”
“Thanks, Mom.” It would have been nice to hear this from her when I graduated from college with honors, but it wasn’t like I could pretend to be surprised about her priorities.
Luckily, we had to get a move on setting up placement cards, arranging the flowers, and making sure everything was ready to go for this afternoon. After that, I barely had time to say a quick goodbye to Darcy before my mother was pushing me out of the door to go meet my sisters at the salon.
The rest of the day flew by. Thanks to my mother’s obsessive planning and anxiety motivating her to keep on top of everything, there was nothing that went wrong all day. I had to give her due praise for creating such a beautiful day for Jane, but I quickly ran out of my tolerant good humor when she started planning my and Darcy’s wedding.
“We are not getting married, Mom. We’ve only been living together a few months; we’re not ready for anything more serious right now,” I told her, thanking whatever guardian angel I had that Darcy was way over on the dance floor twirling his sister around.
“Well,” she hedged a bit too nonchalantly. “You know the women in our family are extremely fertile, dear,” she said. I was about to zone out; I had heard this bit of advice before about babies catching husbands. What she said next, however, caught my full attention. “And even though we always lose our first, it doesn’t take long after that before we carry to term.”
“What?” I asked, the blood suddenly draining from my face. “What do you mean, we lose our first?”
“Oh Lizzy,” my mother waved a hand at me. “You’ve heard this before. The Gardiner women have to be extra careful, because we get pregnant so easy. But we also miscarry the first pregnancy; just thank the heavens that’s the only time.”
“Oh,” I felt like I just been punched in the stomach.
It had taken me a long time to put my brief pregnancy behind me, and the closer Darcy and I had gotten, the more I missed the baby we almost made. I still maintain that neither of us was ready, least of all me, but I had finally processed my emotions enough to acknowledge that while I did not want a child, I was not ready to lose one either. With Darcy’s help, I was finally able to allow myself to be upset about it.
“Lord help me! Are you pregnant, Lizzy?” My mother practically screeched at me, apparently finally reading my face.
“No!” I hissed at her, glaring at anyone whose attention she had attracted with her loud announcement until they turned away. “Jesus Christ, Mom!”
“It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” she sighed in clear disappointment. “If it took Will that long to commit, it doesn’t bode well for a quick engagement.”
“I see Jane waving me over,” I lied. “I’ll see you in a minute.”
After a few more hours, it was finally over. I couldn’t help but feel relieved, despite how incredibly happy I had been when it all started.
Jane and Bingley had boarded the plane on their way to Hawaii for their—in my private but affectionate opinion�
��very clichéd honeymoon. Darcy and I had dropped the newlyweds off at the airport and we were now on our way to Pemberley. It would be a bit of a drive, but when I told him I would prefer the extra effort in order to be back at his ancestral home for our weeklong vacation, he was both delighted and accommodating.
The planning and setup of the wedding, the event itself and its cleanup were now finally behind us. The last of our responsibilities as the maid of honor and best man had concluded when we waved goodbye to the Bingleys after they finished checking their bags and were standing in the security line. I was so happy for Jane, but felt a little melancholy that it would be a month before I saw my sister again. I supposed I would have to get used to it now that she was married.
“Are you alright, sweetheart?” Darcy broke me out of my thoughts, taking a hand off the wheel to squeeze mine.
“Yes,” I replied, squeezing his hand in return.
The first time Darcy had called me sweetheart was about a week after I first told him I loved him. I had never before let a man call me any kind of pet name; baby, honey, sugar… they always felt more condescending than affectionate to me.
When Darcy casually murmured it one morning after asking me if I wanted some of his coffee, however, I felt a flush come over me. He said it so… lovingly. Like he was really telling me I had a sweet heart, and I rewarded him the best way I knew how. After that, he was delightfully encouraged to repeat the endearment often, but not so often; I still felt a thrill of pleasure when he did it.
“I know you two have rarely been apart,” he hedged, squeezing my hand once more before returning it to the wheel.
“We haven’t, but I really am happy for her.” I said truthfully. “I was always so afraid of the man Jane would eventually fall in love with, because I never thought there would be someone who was good enough for her. She’s so sweet, and only sees the best in people; I was scared she would be mistreated.”
“She wouldn’t have continued seeing someone who’d proven to not be a good person though, surely,” Darcy replied with a bit of questioning in his voice.
“Her first boyfriend,” I scowled darkly, anger still boiling in my blood about him, even after all these years. “He was a prick.”
“How so?” Darcy wanted to know.
“Cheated on her constantly, always lying to her about it, always weaseling his way out with a lame excuse,” I told him, not losing my scowl.
“I can’t imagine you let that go on for very long, even if she didn’t see it.” He laughed lightly.
I smiled sheepishly. He knew me well.
“Well,” I admitted. “It broke her heart, but I did eventually get her to see the truth. It put her off relationships for a while though.”
“And you?” he asked hesitantly.
“Me?” I repeated, confused.
“What was your first boyfriend like?”
We rarely discussed my past relationships, such as they were. He was careful that way, especially before I told him I loved him. Once he understood that I’ve never really had a relationship last longer than six months, I think he didn’t like the reminder than I never got serious with anyone in the past.
It was especially difficult, because there really wasn’t an easy, understandable answer I could give for why I wouldn’t stay. Truthfully, the bottom line was that I just didn’t want to commit to any of them, and breaking things off was always preferable to pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Since I decided I wanted my relationship with him to be more than I’ve ever wanted in the past, I’ve done what I could to make sure he knew how different he was from anyone else I’ve been with.
I frowned, thinking back.
“I was a sophomore in high school. He was older, and a drop out,” I admitted. “My mother actually forbid me to see him, which was not like her at all. She loved to tell us how she always had a boyfriend throughout high school –-maybe not the same boy all the time, but that hardly mattered to her. I don’t think she ever told any of us to turn a guy down until Rob.”
“Rob?” He scowled. I grinned, putting my hand on his shoulder and squeezing it.
“He wasn’t much better than Steve–-Jane’s first boyfriend. It was probably very telling that we were drawn to emotionally unavailable men, but who thinks of that when they’re sixteen?”
“What was he like?” Darcy asked after a long pause.
“Rob?” I clarified. He nodded. “He was a mechanic that worked in his uncle’s garage. He drove a motorcycle and he was two years older than me eighteen. He was, you know, older and a bit dangerous. He encouraged me run a little wild, which I appreciated at the time. I broke up with him when he kept pressuring me to sleep with him.”
“Pressuring you how?” He wanted to know with an irritated frown.
“Well, you know, trying to push too far when we were making out. Trying to get me drunk so I would relax about it.” I grimaced, feeling a bit ashamed I had let it go on for so long, but he was my first boyfriend after all. “Finally, he said if I really loved him I would want to have sex with him. So I said ‘I guess I don’t love you then,’ and I left.”
Will let a surprised laugh escape. “Really?”
“Yeah,” I couldn’t help but laugh lightly myself. “I…” I hesitated, but pushing past my comfort zone was what I did for Darcy’s sake, one of the ways I showed him that I loved him. “I was often given an ultimatum by the guys I dated. If we had a bad fight, if there was something I didn’t like them doing, if they tried to control me in any way, I just left. I never cared about any of them enough to try and make it work.” Darcy was silent as he took this information in, and a bit of anxiety kicked in. Finally, I whispered, “Until I met you,”
He stopped at a four-way stop, put the car in park, and turned to me.
“Because you love me,” he said with that grin, that happy grin that made my insides flip.
“Because I love you,” I confirmed with my own happy grin. He pulled me to him and we kissed tenderly, lovingly.
Soon, a car horn from behind us finally broke us apart, and Darcy continued driving with a relaxed, affectionate smile pulling at his lips.
“What was your first girlfriend like?” I asked.
“Her name was Susan.” Darcy said matter-of-factly. “I was rather… shy when I was in high school. Up until then, I had private tutors, partly because my father wanted me to have the best education and partly because he wanted to be in control of what I learned during my most impressionable years. Not to say he ever forbid my interest in any subject,” he added quickly. “I was always encouraged to seek out knowledge and expand my understanding of the world. He also encouraged me to disagree with him, as long as I was able to provide reasonable evidence to back up my argument. I joined the debate team because of his influence, and that’s where I met Susan.”
“What was she like?” I prompted, enjoying my view into the younger Darcy even if the thought of him with another girl put a bad taste in my mouth.
“She was smart.” His brow furrowed as he thought back. “Took her schoolwork very seriously, which is what we originally bonded over. I took her to prom junior and senior year.”
“So… it was pretty serious?” I frowned. He’d spent two years with his first girlfriend? Shit. Before Darcy, the longest relationship I had ever been in was six months.
“Yes and no,” he kind of shrugged. “We really didn’t have time to date much, neither of our parents would allow us to take our focus off of school, but we were both okay with the other not putting much effort into talking every day or going out every weekend.”
“Why did you eventually break up?” I asked.
“We went to different colleges,” he explained, then hesitated. “Before we parted ways, she uh… wanted me to…”
“Be her first?” I guessed. He flushed but nodded.
“I had no idea what I was doing, I’m sure it was terrible for her,” he said uncomfortably.
I couldn’t imagine Darcy, even a completely i
nexperienced one, being bad in bed, but I didn’t really want to think of him with someone else, so I pushed the thought aside.
“But she thanked me, told me she loved me, and that she was sorry we wouldn’t be able to go to the same college. I talked to her a handful of times afterwards, but she eventually started dating someone else and we never really talked again.”
“Did that upset you?” I wondered, doing my best to sound innocently curious. Darcy never knew when to censor himself, so I knew he would blurt out the truth no matter what the answer was.
“No,” he shook his head, but then seemed to think it through. “Well, I never had many friends, so I did feel a bit more isolated after losing one of them, but when I went away to school, Charlie was assigned as my roommate, and he helped me come out of my shell a bit more.” I thought back to that picture I had seen so long ago, with him grinning into the camera after a soccer match, more relaxed than I had ever seen him–up until that point.
“Did you date anyone else in college?” I asked.
“I went on dates, but never exclusively with one girl,” he replied. “I was still very focused on school, and then it wasn’t much later when my father passed and I had too many responsibilities to have the time to dedicate to a relationship.”
“I’m sorry he died when you were so young, Will,” I said, running a hand soothingly over the back of his head and resting it on his neck. He took his eyes off the road momentarily to give me a warm look.
“Thanks, Lizzy,” he murmured, reaching over to squeeze my knee briefly.
When we finally got to Pemberley, Richard was sitting in the living room waiting for us, having left the wedding at least two hours before we did. I couldn’t help the surge of disappointment and irritation I felt at seeing him here when I was really looking forward to spending the week alone with Darcy. I was also especially disappointed being thwarted in my plans to drag Darcy to our bedroom as soon as we stepped through the threshold.
Then I told myself this was one of Darcy’s closest relatives, and my friend besides–I should make an effort to not bluntly tell him to get lost and not come back for a week. Also, Charlotte had brought a date to Jane’s wedding and though she and Richard were very civil to each other all night, I could imagine Richard couldn’t have been too happy about it.
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