I swallowed before looking at him, sympathy written all over his face as I followed where he was looking. He was looking at William from across the room, chatting with another woman. She looked to be in her mid-thirties and she was rubbing her hand up and down his arm.
“She’s a friend of his,” I explained. “It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure?” He raised a brow at me. “Men don’t let their ‘friends’ grope them, especially in public.”
I scoffed. “She’s not groping him. William is not the type of man to make a scene.” He stood tall with his hands in his pockets, not encouraging the woman, but he sure wasn’t stopping her.
“If you say so.” He was still close to me, a little too close. I could smell the blend of his soap and cologne. It was a perfect mixture and suited him well, but it was making it impossible to think straight as it felt like he was interrogating me.
“William would never cheat on me,” I continued, although I wasn’t sure why I was defending my relationship to him. “He’s a loyal man.”
“And how can you be so sure?” he challenged. “Aren’t you the type of girl that’d never cheat on him?” I shot him a death glare, but he continued anyway. “Just goes to show, people are capable of anything.”
“Well, that was under the influence of a lot of alcohol and bad judgment. Or rather, no judgment at all.”
He smirked, sending butterflies straight to my stomach. “It’s amusing you say that.”
I turned toward him and crossed my arms over my chest as I flashed him an insulted stare. “What’s that supposed to mean? You know as well as I do I was beyond drunk and obviously made some poor decisions. Me waking up next to you with no clue as to who you were or what had happened proves that.” We were right back to our argument from last night.
“Sure…but that only means consciously you were letting your guard down and going after what you really wanted.”
“And what’s that?” I challenged right back.
“A man who pays attention to you…gives you what you need. A man who doesn’t waste time and lets everyone know you’re his. A man who takes what he wants, which, by the way, you gave to me willingly. There was a part of you that wanted just that even if on the surface you think you’re content with something else.”
“That’s not even close,” I spat out, almost appalled at how blunt he was being. Basically, he was saying I wanted to cheat on William and that wasn’t even close to the truth. “I’d never hurt William intentionally.”
“No one intentionally hurts anyone, Mac. Well, unless they’re a spineless asshole, but the brain works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, the subconscious part of you makes you act braver than you actually think you are. And in many ways, you’re very brave. Just like you are for coming here tonight.”
He snuck that last line in just as I was beginning to fume at what he was implying. I guess I believed some of what he was saying, but I’d never openly admit that I meant or wanted to cheat on William. In fact, up until I met Alex, I was completely one-hundred percent confident in my relationship with him. I was used to his late nights, early mornings, and busy traveling schedule. I’d become accustomed to his mid-dinner phone calls and hectic work days. I knew it came with the territory of being with him, and I’d fully accepted that. It gave me time to focus on my own career without being attached to the idea that William worked enough for the both of us. I hadn’t wanted that lifestyle—the one where the woman stays home, having lunch dates with girlfriends, and chatting about the latest gossip. I loved working in fashion, and I wasn’t going to give up what I’d worked so hard for in the first place.
But then Alex came and threw a wrench in everything. He made it painfully obvious how much I felt alone. He pointed out flaws about William I had never considered before. I knew William was a busy man, but hearing Alex say it over and over again was making me realize it so much more. And I hated that.
I hated feeling unsure of something I was so sure of before. And I hated it even more that Alex was the one making the effort to calm me and show an interest in what I was passionate about.
This was all too much. I couldn’t think about this right now, not when I was about to make the speech of my life.
ALEX DIDN’T LEAVE my side—not when William finally came back over and not when William left once again when he spotted a few people he just needed a few minutes to chat with. This was my night and my fiancé couldn’t bear to stick by me for more than ten minutes.
However, I couldn’t get angry right now. I’d deal with it later because in about twenty minutes, the charity spokesperson, Helena, would be introducing me on stage to give the opening speech.
“This food is delicious. Did you coordinate it?” Alex asked as he cut into his steak.
“Yes,” I answered simply. “The shrimp is amazing.” I forked a piece and offered it to Alex without thinking.
Before I could take it back, he leaned in and took it from my fork with his mouth. He sat close, but now his mouth was inches from me. I just stared at him, in shock and awe as he moaned as the shrimp’s delicious flavor captivated him.
“Wow…you weren’t wrong. It’s incredible.”
“It’s the sauce,” I said quickly. “It’s the chef’s ‘secret recipe’ but I might’ve convinced him to tell me.” I smiled, proud that the food was a hit. I looked around and saw people smiling and nodding as they indulged in their food as well. William was off to god knows where, and although his plate was left untouched, and I was tempted to steal the shrimp right off of it, I thought better to leave it. When he returns, he can see a full plate of food that he missed.
“I bet you did.” He laughed. “You can be very convincing.”
“Only when I need to be.” I grinned. “I’ve worked with him on other events before, so we have a special food bond.”
“Well, at least you have your priories straight,” he said with amusement, shoving more food in his mouth.
“Well, from research, it’s a known fact people are willing to spend more money when they’re full and satisfied. Invest in the food, and people will invest in your charity.” I smiled wider, proud. I knew this from being involved in other events, but tonight, I wanted to knock our goal out of the park. I was determined.
I spotted Chelsea from across the room. She came with a date and looked stunning. I sent her a quick ‘thank you’ text and to tell her to enjoy the night as well.
Just as dessert was being served, William took his seat on the other side of me. He unbuttoned his jacket as he pushed himself in. He reached for his champagne glass that had to be warm by now.
“My apologies. What’d I miss?”
Alex started talking before I could. “Oh, you know. Just the whole dinner. And being by your fiancée as she prepares for her speech,” he answered coldly, irritation evident in his voice. My body shook as I felt Alex’s body tense up next to me. William looked unaffected as he began cutting into his food.
“Yes, and I’m sorry about that. I had some business to take care of.”
Business? “How could you possibly have business to take care of when you’re at an event for me?” I asked, turning to look at him. I really didn’t want to start anything here, especially in front of Alex, but I couldn’t help the words come out of my mouth. I was a little pissed that he had just bailed on me.
“Darling…” he warned. “I’ll explain later. I’m sorry for being absent, but I’m here now, okay?” He looked at me with pleading eyes and I knew he was sincere. I nodded in return, not wanting to say anymore.
“Ladies and gentleman. May I have your attention, please?” My heart began racing as I heard Helena’s voice over the speaker. She was a chipper little thing. Her passion was as big as mine and she had been so delighted so many people had RSVP’d to come. “I am beyond words to see such a full crowd tonight. I can hardly express how it feels to know so many wonderful people are here to support the Coalition for the Homeless. Helping the homeless off the streets
of New York and providing them with alternative options is our number one priority and with your help tonight, we’re one step closer.” She paused to give the audience a chance to applaud and then continued. “It is with great honor to welcome our coordinating host, Mackenzie Hewitt. Without her, this event wouldn’t be possible. Please help me in welcoming her up on stage!”
The audience went into a fit of applause. My body tensed until I felt Alex’s hand on my knee, grabbing my attention. He quickly leaned and whispered in my ear, “You’ve got this.” He leaned back and winked at me just before William wished me luck.
Oh god.
I was really going to do this.
I smiled at the crowd as I took the steps to the stage in front of me. My heart was pounding in my chest and the anxiety started to overcome me as all eyes stayed on me.
I’d given speeches before, but this one would be personal. This was my past, full on display for critique and judgment. This was something I was ashamed to admit, but at the same time, I knew I could potentially be helping hundreds of homeless children by opening up. I could only hope my experience would encourage others to donate and to become more aware of how this was affecting our city.
If not, I didn’t know what I would do. But I couldn’t think of that right now.
I smiled and nodded a silent thank you to Helena and stepped behind the podium, adjusting the microphone in front of me. I swallowed as I stared out into the audience, seeing all eyes up at me. I exhaled and smiled nervously, taking a step closer and clearing my throat.
“Thank you, Helena—” I flashed a smile at her and continued. “And thank you to everyone who took the time to come tonight. I can’t tell you how much the Coalition for the Homeless means to me. I decided to get involved shortly after I arrived to the city and have been fortunate enough to see all the wonderful progress in just the last few years.” I looked out and saw Alex’s eyes burned into mine. He was hanging on every word I was saying and the thought comforted me. I wasn’t sure why, but a part of me felt like he could relate on such a deeper level.
“For anyone who doesn’t know, I didn’t exactly grow up privileged. In fact, I grew up on the streets and in shelters mostly. Between a father who didn’t stick around long enough to meet me and a mother who wasn’t mentally stable enough to hold a job, we fought to survive on a daily basis. There were days we went without food, without warmth, and on most occasions, without medicine when we were sick.” I swallowed, inhaling deeply to slow down my racing heart as I took in the audience’s shocked faces.
“That was the reality of being homeless. And as a child, I couldn’t understand why I was being allowed to live like that. My mother, Elizabeth, moved us frequently, just often enough so she wouldn’t go to jail for child neglect. Had she been caught, I would’ve been thrown into a foster home that may or may not have been a better solution for me. There are too many children and not enough foster homes. There are too many families and not enough resources.” I sucked in a breath, pushing back the emotions that were threatening to spill out.
“There’s a stigma that homeless people are addicts or got themselves into that position by being lazy, but the statistics show homelessness is on the rise since the great depression due to unaffordable housing, job loss, and mental disorders.” I immediately thought of my mother, knowing she fit into some of those stereotypes. I used that passion, that determination to do better—be better—to continue going.
“With the help of your support tonight, we can get families stabilized in shelters, move them into permanent housing, and implement assistant programs to keep them in their housing. Not only can we reduce the numbers of homeless in our city, but eventually eliminate it completely.” I smiled, proud that I was supporting a cause that truly benefited the city and everyone involved.
“The Coalition also approaches reducing homeless by their prevention solutions. It’s easy to get involved and help us feed and shelter the sixty thousand people who will sleep in shelters tonight. And astonishing as it is, half of that number are families with children. Also, with your help and support, we can get these families back into their own homes and supporting themselves with the programs established by the Coalition. Food, shelter, and support are what these families need and we need your help in order to continue doing so.” I finished, relieved and anxious that I had been able to get all the words out.
Helena joined me again on stage and asked, “I believe I speak on behalf of the Coalition and everyone here tonight, thank you for sharing your personal experience with us, Mackenzie. I’ve worked with many children and families, and I know it’s not easy reliving something like that. Is there anything else you’d like to add?”
I looked out into the crowd and saw Alex again. He winked, a smirk playing on his lips as confidence radiated off him.
“Thank you so much, Helena. Yes, I would actually.” I wanted to do this. Even if all those people out there judged me for it, I needed to do it. “As I’ve mentioned earlier, I basically grew up homeless. We traveled city to city, just trying to survive. It wasn’t easy. I was taught how to steal. Not only that, but I was damned good at it. I’d steal money, food, clothes. I’d sit out on the streets and panhandle money…some weeks, we made over five hundred dollars. Those were the weeks I’d be so excited. I thought, ‘this was it! We can afford to find a place to live!’ But my mother soon ripped those dreams from me when she’d tell me we were moving to a different city again. On nights when it was really cold, she’d find a cheap hotel, and I’d finally take a hot shower and sleep in a warm bed. Those were nights I wished never ended. Nights I wished I’d never wake up because my reality became too hard to bear. I didn’t stay in school long enough or consistently, and I couldn’t graduate from high school like all the other kids my age did. Not only did I lack basic nutrition and constitutional rights, I didn’t see a dentist until I was twenty years old, and I didn’t have my first physical until I was eighteen when I found a free clinic.” I inhaled; knowing what I was about to say next was something I never talked about. Not even to William. My heart pounded in my chest, nerves building up inside me as I continued.
“One night, my mother decided to rob a convenience store. We were hungry and thirsty and had no idea how long it’d been since our last meal. We were traveling again with no destination in sight. My mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder years earlier—from a psychiatrist a shelter on the east coast was able to provide for her—and was off her medication again. I begged her not to do it, knowing there was always a risk, but I didn’t have much fight left in me.” I closed my eyes for a moment, pushing back the tears.
“She managed to grab some drinks and chips before running out. She threw them at me and said she was going back in. I begged her not to. I said she could have it all if she were that hungry. The fire in her eyes told me nothing would convince her. She quickly ran back in and this time the clerk was prepared. He pulled a gun on her, but since she wouldn’t leave like he demanded, he shot her. I remember screaming and running inside, holding her head in my arms as she took her last breath. The clerk dropped the gun and just stared at me, shocked that he had pulled the trigger. I screamed and cried, knowing there was nothing I could do. Once I heard the sirens, I took off. I didn’t want to be put into foster care, and I was turning eighteen in less than a month.” I paused again, searching the audience as they all pierced their eyes up at me.
“And that was when I made it to the city. The Coalition gave me resources that helped me finish my GED and apply for an internship at Boxy Magazine, which ended up being a life changer for me. I worked my way up, finished my associates degree, and eventually, I was hired on as a full-time employee. I can almost guarantee you without Helena and the Coalition’s help and support, I would’ve ended up back on the street, living my adulthood the same as my childhood. But, fortunately, I can stand here in front of you all tonight and say I was given a second chance. I was given a second chance at life, at making something of myself, at bein
g a productive citizen in the community. And with the right resources and encouragement, anyone can do that, regardless of their childhood.”
I finally exhaled a long breath as I rambled on for much longer than I had expected, but once I started, I couldn’t stop. It was as if I had been holding it in all this time and it needed to be released. At first, I expected glares and looks of pity but was soon greeted with a standing ovation. Men and women stood and applauded me, smiling up at me with admiration. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. I hadn’t expected this kind of response and now the tears threatening to pour out earlier were leaking out uncontrollably.
“Wow…” Helena said next to me. “Thank you so much for sharing your story, Mackenzie. We appreciate it so much.” She waved a hand out to the crowd and then swarmed me in for a hug. “Your success story is beautiful,” she whispered in my ear.
I chanced a look at William, who was standing as well, but his lips were in a firm line as he applauded with the crowd. He looked at me in shock as if he wasn’t quite sure what to think. Alex’s eyes were focused on me, unmoving and unreadable as I thanked the crowd one last time and stepped down.
As I walked back to my table, people stopped me along the way, smiling and congratulating me on my success. I flashed small smiles back, the nerves and anxiety of what I had just confessed finally catching up to me.
By the time I got back to my table, William was finally eating his meal that had to be cold by now. Alex stayed standing until I reached my chair before he leaned in and whispered, “You did incredible. You should be proud.” I looked briefly at him as he flashed a genuine, sweet smile at me.
“I didn’t expect that…at all. But I’m glad I did it,” I responded honestly as I took my seat. “It feels good to get it off my chest to a room of people who understand and want to help.”
Dangerous Temptations Page 14