Never Christmas Without You

by Nana Malone

  Her heart twisted. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to stop playacting before everyone got really hurt.

  * * *

  She didn’t give a damn what Martin said. Alex wouldn’t leave Justin. She was going back. Because you’re a glutton for punishment. Yes, that, and she loved him. He was still her best friend. She looked at the clouds and wrinkled her nose. Going to rain. She hoped that didn’t impact the opening.

  “Incoming,” Cassie called as she ran up and tried to shove Alex into a back room.

  “Cassie, what are you doing?”

  “Brian is here.”

  Alex’s gut twisted and her heart rate skipped as her blood raced. What the hell was he doing here? “Why?”

  Cassie shook her head. “I don’t know. He says he’s here to evaluate some of your stuff. He has a potential buyer.”

  “What? I can’t hide back here. I need to get back to Catalina.”

  “It’s your call. What do you want to do?” Much like she couldn’t with Justin, or with Grandma Lucy, or with herself for that matter, Alex knew she had to face him. She couldn’t keep tucking her emotions away and not dealing with them. She had to confront him head-on. “I’ll deal with him. Coming out.”

  Cassie’s brows lifted. “Okay, boss lady.” Cassie shuffled out, and Alex took several deep breaths to try cooling herself off before she saw him.

  When she let herself out, Brian was touring the gallery, stopping at each piece to take notes. “Brian, Cassie says that you’re evaluating for a buyer. I’m not sure I believe her.”

  Her ex turned, and she waited for his judgment and disappointment. It was such a difference from what she felt with Justin. Justin was supportive and understood her and wanted her to do well. For once, she didn’t feel like it had all been her fault. Like she hadn’t been enough or something. He’d cheated because he was a jerk. Low-down pond scum on the bottom of her Prada heels. He hadn’t deserved her. And just like that, all the tension and residual emotion she’d been carrying around dissipated.

  “Well, I’m not going to lie. I obviously wanted to see you, too. I didn’t like how we left things.” He turned back to the artwork. “They’re good. Normally you’d be a nervous wreck by now—unwashed hair, barely eating. But you look good. But then, I always think you look fabulous.”

  Alex rolled her eyes. “Just stop it. You would think by now you’d have given up. Especially after what you did.”

  His fingers stroked his chin over the closely cropped beard he’d grown. “I’ve been thinking about the day I saw you with what’s his name.”

  “His name is Justin. You’ve always known his name. You just keep pretending you don’t know his name because you never liked him.”

  “You think I don’t know when you’re faking something, sweetheart?”

  She grinned. “Oh, I know you don’t know when I’m faking something.”

  His face flamed. And she could see the muscle in his jaw tick. “I know you’re not with him. It’s obviously written all over you, the discomfort. And you’re a crappy liar. I could tell. I think it’s not too late for you and me. I mean, I just have one caveat. You can’t be friends with him anymore. But I’m willing to go again.”

  She had two options. Close her hand into a fist and slug him. Or laugh. She opted to laugh. The kind of laugh that made her sides hurt. Besides, her gallery opening was too close for her to go to jail. “I see you’re still full of yourself.”

  “Maybe. But at least I see things clearly. Sweetheart, if you had a problem with me cheating on you, you should have tried harder to keep me happy in bed. When I saw you with Justin, it made me crazy. You know that guy. He can’t keep it in his pants to save his life. There are always women in and out of his life. And if he hasn’t seen that you’ve been in love with him for years, he’s never going to see it, and he’s never going to step up and actually do anything about it. You are really better off with me.”

  Alex ground her teeth and lifted her chin. As the pain sliced through her, she braced herself and tried to stand erect. She knew Justin well. He wouldn’t cheat on her. Not like Brian had done. But he would want to be with someone else. He wasn’t the kind of guy who stuck around. This whole thing was her fault. She’d agreed to be his stand-in girlfriend when she was already in love with him. And that was her fault.

  “Brian, I hope you buy every single piece in here, because I would love nothing more than to take your client’s money. But if I ever see you again and you talk to me like you did today, next time, instead of laughing, I’ll be tempted to break your pretty nose.” She turned and stalked back to the office, refusing to lose it while he could still see her.

  When she was behind the closed door, she let herself sag against the wall. He was right. Justin would get bored. He didn’t really do the love thing. What would happen when he got to that stage? What would happen if he hurt her so irrevocably she couldn’t even be friends with him?

  Going back to Catalina would be a mistake. About time that this was over. She was done hurting herself.

  * * *

  Where the hell was she? Justin speed-dialed Alex again. She hadn’t come back last night. The storm had been raging all night. It made sense that she hadn’t come back. But for her not to call, that wasn’t like her at all. Justin finally managed to get through to Cassie to leave a voice mail, but every time he tried Alex, he got the message that her inbox was full. “You know, pacing around, looking out the window, isn’t going to make her come back.”

  “I can’t help it. She’s never not shown up. That’s not her. She always turns up when I need her.”

  His grandmother humphed. “That sounds like love to me.”

  “Of course it is. We’re best friends.” And then he remembered. “She’s always been my best friend. And now she’s more, and I’m freaked out.”

  His grandmother gave him a level glance. “You look like a man in love, sweetie. Which is amazing. I know you’ve been bouncing around lost for a bit.”

  Justin glared at the sheets of rain. “I have no way to get to her. They said there’s a tornado warning for Los Angeles. A tornado, Grandma.”

  Grandma Lucy laid a hand on his arm. “Justin, I know you love her. She’ll be okay. She’ll come back. Anything could’ve happened. No reason to jump to conclusions. You said you got a message to her assistant. She’ll call you when she can. Remember the newscast said that service is intermittent. So don’t worry. Just keep a tight lid on all of your emotions.”

  His emotions. Yeah, right. He wasn’t in control of anything right now. Alex was gone. Maybe she’d freaked out because he was getting too close? Was that it? There were too many emotions for her? The last several days he’d tried to show her how much he cared about her. How much he would take care of her. Maybe it was too much for her. Maybe she was trying to cut her losses.

  Alex would never walk away without saying goodbye. Their friendship was too important. Wasn’t it? “Grandma, I don’t know. I just need to get to her.”

  “Honey, when it is available, I’ll get you on a boat myself. I was gonna suggest that we all go see her gallery opening. After meeting her and spending all that time with her, I think she’s lovely and I want to help her career.”

  Justin couldn’t help but smile. “You’ll love her work. I’m so lucky to know her.”

  His grandmother smiled. “Said the man in love.”

  Chapter 16

  Alex walked slowly from piece to piece, determined to keep her calm. She could do this. It was fine. She was strapped into a mermaid gown she couldn’t breathe in and shoes so beautiful she was afraid to walk in them. She looked every part the sophisticate. And she wasn’t worried about tonight at all.

  For two days she’d wanted to call him. But she’d needed the time to get her nerves under control. When the urge to call him had fina
lly won over, she hadn’t been able to get through. She’d called the hotel’s landline and left no fewer than five messages. It was okay. This was her gallery opening and she could do this without her support system.

  Who the hell was she kidding? She couldn’t do this. She missed him. Right about now, she could use someone. She could use a bit of family. He was her family, but so much more than that. She loved him. She was going to have to do this, the most important step in her career, without him. That was truly heartbreaking.

  “You might as well enjoy the night. It’s your big opening. Stop worrying about Justin if he’s not showing. Even I’m willing to admit the storm might have something to do with it.”

  She groaned and barely looked over at Brian. “Would you shut up, Brian?”

  He put his hands up. “Touchy, touchy. I see you’re still not over our conversation from the other day. I was just telling you the truth. I’m the one trying to help you.” A waiter passed with several glasses of champagne and Brian grabbed two. “Here. This is your opening. Sure, it sucks that Tweedledee isn’t here to accompany you. But you have me. And that assistant of yours, who insists on glaring at me and mumbling under her breath every time I come near you. We’re the ones in your life.”

  Alex flexed her jaw. “Correction, you were a person in my life. You’re not anymore.”

  “But it doesn’t have to be that way. I would try harder this time, maybe. And you could do the same. We could make it work. Why don’t we pretend for the rest of the night I’m your date, and we see where it goes?” He handed her the champagne, and he leaned closer like he was going to try to kiss her. Every instinct in her body had her shrinking from his touch as she leaned away.

  “You need to stop trying to kiss my future granddaughter, mister.”

  She snapped her head back at the sound of the now-familiar voice, and when she saw the diminutive woman with the shock of gray hair, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to run and hug Grandma Lucy or if mortification was going to take over. The problem was when she got that nervous, she usually couldn’t speak. And of course, Brian thought he’d help the situation.

  “Sure. But this was my girlfriend. We maybe had a few things to work out, but we’re getting back on track.”

  Alex shook her head and stuttered, “N-n-no. We are not. He is not my boyfriend. He’s my ex.”

  Brian put his arm around her shoulders. “Now, that’s not exactly true. We’ve been talking the last two days trying to work things out.”

  And then she saw Justin coming through the front door, looking every bit the Greek god of the ocean, strands of wet hair sticking to his handsome face. He looked like everything she’d ever wanted. He grinned when he saw her, but then his face instantly fell when he took in Brian’s arm around her. Something inside her snapped. She couldn’t take the lies or any of it anymore. She knew she had to get the truth off her chest, and it was going to hurt Justin.

  Chapter 17

  Relief flooded Justin’s veins. She looked amazing. The overhead lights were soft and made the diamonds in her ears twinkle as she moved. Had he ever been this happy to see her?

  Though, after the relief flowed through him, he was far less enthusiastic to see Brian with his arm around her. Matter of fact, he was pissed. He strode toward them, ignoring his grandmother standing there like a fierce warrior—he really should make her sit down. Right now, though, all he could see was Alex. “You want to get your hands off her, Brian?”

  “Or what? You’ll hit me? This is between me and Alex.”

  Alex shrugged out of Brian’s hold and put a hand on Justin’s chest. An immediate spark flowed through him, staying him for just a moment. She also took her other hand and shoved it against Brian until he backed up by a few inches.

  “Stop it. I have had enough. With the lies, and the pretending, all of it.” She turned to face him. “Justin, I’m so sorry. But I can’t lie anymore. I should never have agreed to do any of this.” Brian grinned as if he’d somehow won.

  Justin pleaded with her, “Alex, you don’t have to—”

  “I do have to,” she said and turned her attention to Grandma Lucy. “Grandma Lucy, I owe you a huge apology. I’m not Justin’s girlfriend. I’m his best friend. He wanted you to feel better, and that girlfriend he said he had, well, he never had one. He just didn’t want you to be stressed-out and upset, so I said I would do it, and I got to know you, and it just felt so terrible to lie to you and I’m so sorry. I hope this isn’t making your recovery worse, but I just can’t pretend anymore.”

  Justin couldn’t believe his ears. She was telling every single one of their secrets. But he didn’t care. Because he was in love with her. All he wanted was her.

  “And Justin. I’m sorry to you, too. I’ve been lying to you for too long.” She sucked in a deep breath. “I’m in love with you. I know you don’t feel the same way and it’s fine. It really is. Because this last week was amazing. It was every fantasy come true. I also know that this can’t continue. I was going to come back. You have to know that. I just needed some time. But I tried to call you so you didn’t worry. I left messages at the front desk. My plan was to go back and tell you that I was falling for you. And that would have affected our friendship and maybe you’d never talk to me again, but at least it would’ve been the truth and I would’ve been honest with myself.”

  “Alex—”

  She didn’t let him finish. “And Brian. If you ever put your arms on me again, I’ll cut them off and feed them to you. We’re done. Over. And I never want to see you again, I never want to talk to you again, you are a liar and a cheater, and Justin is twenty times the man you were. In the bedroom and out. He would never do to me what you did. But you were right. I have been lying to myself. I’ve been in love with him since college. And I was too terrified of my emotions to deal with it.”

  When she turned back to him, he reached for her. But she avoided his touch, “I’m so sorry, Justin.” And then she ran out.

  Holy hell. He should go after her, but he needed to deal with Grandma Lucy first. “Grandma Lucy, Alex was upset, and the weather, and her not coming back, and this jerk, her ex-boyfriend, and—”

  “Honey.” She leveled a gaze at him. “You’re a worse liar than she is. I knew you were spinning tales in the hospital. You think I didn’t notice you’d use the girlfriend excuse whenever I wanted you to meet someone? I’m in control of all my faculties, thank you very much. I wanted to see what you would do. Besides, I’ve known for years you’re in love with Alex. Every other word out your mouth is Alex this, Alex that. I wanted to get a look at her for myself.” She straightened the hem of her blouse. “Can’t fault a grandma for only trying to set up her grandson.”

  He blinked at her. “You knew?”

  “Yes, I knew. And you didn’t make it easy, every step of the way, worrying about me. But we can talk about that later. How about right now, you go find your girl? And I’ll secure the pieces I want over here.” Grandma Lucy turned her attention to Brian, and Justin didn’t want to be him. He knew his grandmother was going to set him straight. But he pushed those thoughts aside as he raced out to find Alex.

  Chapter 18

  Alex had really messed this up. How had she screwed everything up so badly? And on the night of her biggest career victory. Cassie had already called to tell her that all the paintings had sold. Every last one. Even the two sculptures that she wasn’t that enthusiastic about. She’d made more money in one night than she’d seen in her entire life. And none of it mattered. Not without Justin.

  Now that she had the freedom to do what she wanted with whomever she wanted, the one person that mattered the most to her she didn’t have anymore. At least she had the one thing that always gave her comfort.

  She stood behind her easel and gathered her paints, the brightest colors she could find. They would work for both joy a
nd misery. She lifted her brush and started to paint. Never mind her fancy dress or getting splatters everywhere. This sparkly dress wasn’t her. Paint under her fingernails, in her hair, on her skin, that was her. This was coming home.

  She didn’t know how long she’d been at it when she heard a voice behind her. “I knew you’d be right here.”

  Justin. “What are you doing here?” He stepped over to her, hands in his pockets, taking a leisurely route. She knew that stance.

  “Justin, don’t. Just don’t. You don’t need to placate me, you don’t need to pretend with me. Just say it and be done.”

  He stood in front of her, his lips tipped up in her favorite smile. “Say what?”

  “That we’re done. That we’re not friends anymore. Rip off the Band-Aid. I can’t go back to being just your best friend. I can’t watch the hot girls parade through your place. It hurts. I know I don’t say so. But it’s painful to see.”

  His eyes went soft. “Every one of them, they were poor imitations of you. I kept picking girls that were the exact opposite of you. Some not so smart. None of them as beautiful. Every one of them didn’t compare. Because I knew I couldn’t have you. I thought I would ruin it. I always figured I didn’t deserve you. But being back home has given me some perspective on my family. Their mistakes are not mine. I can be the guy for you. I want to be.”

  “You can’t say this stuff to me, Justin. Because I want to believe you.” His words twisted in her gut like barbed wire. How could he just say those things and play with her emotions?

  “Well, I intend to keep saying those things to you. Because I love you.”

  “Yeah, I hear you. I love you, too.” With her hand on her stool, Justin turned her around so she faced him fully.

  His smile was gentle. “No. You’re not hearing me. I. Am. In. Love. With. You. I probably have been since I found you in the Department of Fine Arts as I was about to steal the statue.”