Never Christmas Without You

by Nana Malone

  “Of course.” She opened the browser on her phone to the bookmarked page of a nearby lab and submitted the form she’d already completed. She turned the phone to him. “I just paid for a legal paternity test at a lab about fifteen minutes from here. That should put any question of Maddie’s paternity to rest.”

  “Fine.” The lines in Dash’s forehead deepened. “And if the test confirms that I’m her father...then what?”

  Mikayla’s heart pounded. Her palms were clammy, and she felt light-headed.

  “Then I hope you’ll meet me and Maddie in North Carolina. We’ll be in Pleasure Cove for the holidays.”

  “That’s in less than two weeks.”

  “I know, but that’s all Maddie wants for Christmas. To meet you and your family.”

  “Let’s see what the DNA test says first.” He stood, taking his coffee from the table. “Then we’ll talk.”

  Mikayla released a long, slow breath as she watched him head for the door.

  Chapter 3

  The scent of the nearby Atlantic Ocean and the sight of his childhood home decked out in festive holiday décor filled Dash with warmth and a sense of nostalgia that gave him a brief respite from the nausea he felt once he’d hit the Pleasure Cove town limits.

  He was a father.

  Regardless of how many times he’d reread the results of the DNA test, it just didn’t seem possible. He had a daughter, and she was nearly six years old. A fact that had filled his mother with glee once she’d gotten over the initial shock.

  Dash parked in the drive. Before he could ring the doorbell, his mother greeted him with a wide smile and bear hug. “It’s good to see you, honey.”

  He settled into the comfort of her warm hug and the welcoming scent of down-home Southern cooking and freshly baked cookies. “Ain’t been that long, Mama.”

  Less than ten minutes in town and he’d reverted to the Southern twang and vernacular he’d worked so hard to erase from his speech.

  “Kendra’s wedding was six months ago.”

  “In Barbados.” She jabbed a finger in his chest. “Been years since you darkened this door.”

  They talked by phone throughout the week and he flew her to New York a few times a year. It obviously didn’t atone for his avoidance of Pleasure Cove.

  “Well, I’m here now.” Dash shrugged off his coat. “Just let me grab a bite and get my head together. Then we’ll go and meet your granddaughter.”

  “There’s been a change of plans.” She squeezed his arm, her tone apologetic. “Didn’t think you’d mind.”

  “You didn’t think I’d mind what?”

  “I invited Mikayla and Maddie to stay here with us rather than at a hotel. They won’t be in town long. This will give us more time with Maddie.”

  It was his mother’s home. What right did he have to object?

  A wide smile spread across his mother’s face, her eyes suddenly filled with emotion. He turned around as Mikayla emerged from the kitchen holding the wide-eyed little girl’s hand.

  “Dash Williams, I’d like you to meet your daughter, Maddie Mitchell.”

  Feet rooted to the floor like cement blocks, Dash’s legs wouldn’t move. Never more nervous than he was now, his stomach was tied in knots.

  I’m a father.

  The realization tightened his chest.

  He’d insisted on a DNA test because it was the reasonable thing to do. He was nothing if not reasonable.

  But the dark eyes, adorable little nose and cupid’s-bow mouth he’d seen in the coffee shop two weeks ago were so familiar. He could point them out in the pages of the family album his mother kept beneath the coffee table.

  The little girl gripped Mikayla’s hand with both of hers, seemingly overwhelmed by the moment. She didn’t move or speak. She barely blinked.

  Dash stooped, so his face was level with hers. “Hello, Madison. I’m—”

  “You’re my daddy.” She didn’t let go of her grip on Mikayla’s hand.

  They were both tentative and silent for a moment. Dash swallowed hard, forced a smile he hoped would put her at ease then extended a hand to her.

  Encouraged by Mikayla’s reassuring nod, the little girl jumped into his arms, nearly knocking him over. She wrapped her wiry arms around his neck, her shoulders shaking as she cried.

  He embraced her tiny frame. “It’s okay, baby girl. Don’t cry. Daddy’s got you.”

  His words made her cry harder, her tears soaking his shirt. Dash lifted her in his arms. She wrapped her spindly legs around him, like she was afraid he’d escape.

  He swayed, softly repeating in her ear that everything would be okay.

  He glanced at the other two women in the room. His mother’s arm was wrapped around Mikayla and their faces were wet with tears.

  Dash choked back the emotions rising in his chest.

  Someone needed to keep it together or his mother’s little bungalow would be flooded with tears.

  “Don’t cry, sweetie,” he cooed. “Daddy’s here now. It’s all right.” The words felt foreign in his mouth, but they calmed him as much as they seemed to pacify Maddie.

  She sniffled, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “Where were you? Why didn’t you come to see me?”

  He understood how Maddie felt. Remembered the pain and guilt that had plagued him when his own father had left. The belief that he’d done something to drive him away.

  Dash sat in a chair and set Maddie on her feet in front of him, his eyes meeting hers. “Listen to me carefully, Madison. If I’d known you were out there, I would’ve walked through fire and rain to find you.”

  “You’re not mad at me?”

  “Of course not, baby girl.” He forced a smile. “And I’m so sorry about all the years I’ve missed, but you and I are gonna make up for lost time, starting right now. Okay?”

  A smile lifted her cheeks. “Okay.”

  “Good. Now, what should we do first?” He squeezed her hand. It felt tiny in his.

  “Let’s help Nana make more cookies.”

  “Anything you want.” He bit back the unfamiliar feeling that clogged his throat.

  Maddie’s face beamed. She was a gorgeous little thing, despite the runny nose and tear-stained cheeks.

  She hugged him. “I love you, Daddy.”

  Her words left him speechless, but Maddie didn’t seem to notice. She grabbed his hand and led him to the kitchen.

  It was surreal hearing her call him Daddy every chance she got. Warmth filled his chest whenever she said it.

  Mikayla stood at the sink, washing the pots, skillets and bowls. Items his mother insisted on washing by hand.

  Dash clenched his teeth. He was thankful Mikayla had finally introduced him to Maddie. But he wouldn’t leave visitation of his daughter to the whims of a woman who held a grudge against him.

  He’d do whatever it took to restore his parental rights. Even if it meant battling an old friend.

  Chapter 4

  Dash dropped his overnight bag on the floor of his old bedroom and dropped onto the bed.

  I’m a dad.

  He repeated the words in his head, hoping they would seem more real. Two weeks ago, his only focus was to make partner at his firm.

  Suddenly he was responsible for a kid—a small human being who loved him without question. The enormity of the responsibility weighed heavily on him.

  Blindsided, he was completely unprepared to be a dad. Unlike his father, he wouldn’t shirk his obligation because the situation wasn’t ideal.

  He’d give Maddie everything she needed or wanted, but providing for her wasn’t enough.

  In his midthirties, he was still bitter about growing up with an absentee father.

  That won’t happen to my lit
tle girl.

  He’d make damn sure he was in her life every day. Even if he had to fight for it.

  How had he and Mick come to this?

  They’d maintained their friendship even after her mother remarried and they’d moved away. Despite going to school and living on opposite coasts.

  Jess.

  Dash groaned. He and Mick would still be best friends if he hadn’t dated her stepsister. He should’ve heeded his sister Kendra’s warning that dating Jess was an incredibly stupid move.

  She’d been right, but Jess had given him Maddie.

  He smiled involuntarily thinking of Maddie’s sweet face smudged with flour, her curly ponytails dotted with it.

  Pain shot through his chest. He couldn’t go weeks without seeing that adorable face or holding her warm, sticky little hand.

  He sat up quickly and called his friend Rod, the firm’s family law attorney.

  “Yo, Dash. Can’t get enough of this place, huh?” Roderick Evans was still at the office at nearly ten at night. He was the one person at the firm who was more of a workaholic than Dash.

  “Rod, I need your advice.”

  “Sounds serious.” The man chuckled uneasily. “What’d you do, wake up in Vegas with a new bride?”

  “No, but I recently discovered I have a daughter.” The word still sounded odd coming from his mouth.

  “You’re shitting me.” Rod clucked his tongue. “You’re the one always warning the interns about—”

  “This wasn’t a wreckless one-night stand.” Dash paced the floor. “My old girlfriend Jess was her mother, but Jess died a few years back.”

  “Sorry to hear that, man. Who’s taking care of the girl?”

  “Jess’s stepsister Mick.”

  Papers rustled on Rod’s side of the line. “Is she the child’s legal guardian?”

  “She says she adopted her.”

  “Why didn’t she contact you before now?”

  “Long story.” Dash tried to suppress the anger that rose whenever he thought of what Mick had done. “What are my rights here?”

  “How do you envision your relationship with the child, and what does Mick want? Child support?”

  “She hasn’t asked for anything.”

  “Yet.” Rod pointed out. “After all, she just sprung the kid on you.”

  “Not concerned about the money. I intend to take care of my daughter, but I’d also like to be in her life.”

  Rod was more than a colleague. He was a friend whose opinion Dash respected. Dash felt bad about not telling Rod sooner, but he’d wanted to meet Maddie first.

  “So you want to establish visitation rights?”

  “I think Maddie should live with me.”

  There was silence on the other end of the line.

  “You sure about this, man? You’re talking about raising a little girl by yourself. That’s a huge responsibility for a single guy living in New York and working crazy hours.”

  “I’m sure.” Dash appreciated his friend’s concerns, but Maddie deserved a real dad, not a hit-and-run father like his.

  “Okay.” Rod’s tone indicated he was conceding for now, but didn’t like the idea. “Your name on the birth certificate?”

  “Don’t know, but I’ll ask.”

  “Be subtle. You don’t want to spook Mick before we file papers. She could disappear with the kid. I’ve seen it happen.”

  Guilt settled in Dash’s chest. He was angry with Mick, but she obviously loved Maddie and had been a good mother to her.

  She’d be crushed when she discovered he was suing for full custody.

  Dash pinched the bridge of his nose, shoving the thought from his brain. Maddie was his daughter. His blood ran through her veins. Yet, neither Mick nor Jess had had the decency to tell him about his child.

  He’d missed so much of his daughter’s life. Her birth. First words. First steps. Priceless moments he’d never get back.

  He couldn’t worry about Mikayla’s feelings. He had to secure his future with his daughter—at any cost.

  “What if my name isn’t on the birth certificate?”

  “Then you’ll have a hell of a fight on your hands.”

  “Even though a DNA test proved I’m her father?”

  “Afraid so. So until we know what we’re dealing with, play nice and don’t burn any bridges.”

  “Fine. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with my daughter, but I’m not eliminating the option of getting the courts involved.”

  Rod groaned quietly on the other end of the phone. “What state would the adoption have taken place in?”

  “They’ve been living in Philly, so try Pennsylvania. Call me the minute you know something more.”

  “I will, but I’ve got to be honest, Dash.” Rod’s tone was apologetic. “You may be facing a steep uphill battle.”

  “Then it’s a good thing I’ve got one of the best family lawyers in the Tri-State area.” Dash rubbed his forehead. “Guess we’d both better strap on our climbing gear.”

  Dash ended the call with his friend.

  He was doing what he thought was best for his daughter—just as Mikayla had when she’d kept Maddie from him.

  So why did he feel so bad about it?

  Chapter 5

  Glowing light from the television illuminated Maddie’s sleeping form. Snoring softly and limbs akimbo, Maddie—a restless sleeper—had rolled to Mikayla’s side of the king-size bed. Mikayla stroked her face.

  Maddie and Dash were a lot alike. They felt deeply, but their emotions simmered below the surface like hot lava roiling beneath the crater of a volcano, slowly building toward a spectacular release.

  She’d hurt them both.

  Mikayla blinked away tears, haunted by the image of Maddie crying hysterically in her father’s arms and the wounded expression on Dash’s handsome face.

  He’ll never forgive me.

  She deserved every ounce of Dash’s censure. She’d allowed Jess to use her as a pawn in her vicious little game.

  How could she have believed the worst about a man who’d been one of her closest friends?

  Because she’d secretly lusted after Dash for ten years, and it had taken all of ten minutes for him to fall for Jess.

  She was hurt and angry. A woman scorned.

  As persuasive as she was manipulative, Jess had leveraged Mikayla’s pain, making her believe the worst about Dash.

  What an idiot.

  Maddie murmured and tossed in her sleep, throwing an arm across Mikayla’s belly. She pressed a kiss to Maddie’s damp forehead and pulled her closer to quell her restlessness.

  Where were you, Daddy?

  The hurt in Maddie’s voice had broken her heart.

  She’d only wanted to protect Maddie. Instead she’d hurt her more than she’d ever imagined. Worse, Maddie blamed herself.

  And what she’d done to Dash...

  Mikayla wiped away tears, recalling the hurt and anger radiating from Dash.

  She’d spent almost seven years thinking the worst of him, and she’d been terribly wrong. With that hatred and resentment gone, the feelings she’d once had for him crept in to fill the void.

  She’d been in love with Dash Williams since she’d first laid eyes on him.

  A group of popular kids had been teasing her about her thick glasses and skinny legs.

  Dash—a loner feared by their classmates as much as he was admired—called them a bunch of losers for picking on someone smarter than they’d ever be. He’d told her to let him know if they ever bothered her again because he’d gladly kick their asses. Then he’d winked and walked away.

  Mikayla smiled, thinking of their next encounter, two years later.

  He’d approached
her at her locker. “You’re the kid they call Stringbean, the one who likes sci-fi stuff, right?”

  Unable to speak, she’d nodded like a bobblehead doll.

  “Seen you run. You’re fast.”

  Mikayla’s face had stung with embarrassment. She’d run to avoid a bully.

  “Relax, kid. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Anyone who can cover that much ground with a loaded backpack...that’s pretty impressive.”

  She’d stared at him through thick, smudged lenses. “Thanks?”

  “Look, I joined the track team this year. It was that or detention.” He shrugged, as if it had required explanation. “We’ve got a meet in two weeks, but we’re one girl shy. You interested?”

  Mikayla had looked around then poked a thumb to her breastbone. “Me?”

  His one-sided grin put her at ease. “Yeah, you.”

  She nodded, shoving her glasses up on the bridge of her nose.

  “What’s your name, kid?”

  “M... M... Mik...”

  “Meet us at the track after school, Mick. Let’s see what you got.” He’d winked then walked away.

  “No, no, no.” Maddie’s distressed whimper shook Mikayla from her daze.

  “Shh.” Mikayla kissed her forehead. “It’s okay. Mama’s here.”

  “Where’s Daddy?” Maddie’s eyes shot open.

  The question took Mikayla by surprise. “Asleep, just like you should be.”

  “Where?” Maddie sat up, rubbing her eyes.

  “Downstairs, in his old room.”

  “I want my daddy.”

  “Honey, he’s asleep.”

  “My daddy left, didn’t he?” Fat tears welled in her eyes.

  “No, baby. He didn’t. He’s downstairs, I promise you.” Mikayla squeezed her hand.

  “I wanna see Daddy. Please.”

  Maddie wasn’t being spoiled or throwing a tantrum. What Mikayla saw in her eyes was genuine fear.

  She was terrified she’d never see her father again. Or maybe she was afraid she’d dreamed the whole thing.

  “It’s okay.” Mikayla hugged Maddie to her chest. “We’ll find him. Just don’t cry.”