For All She Knows

by Beck, Jamie

  Relieved tears clogged my throat, but I kept myself together. A big part of my pain had been my inability to support Carter during his rehab. I felt a stab from not being with Grace’s family when they got that good news. There’d always be a little twinge whenever forced to acknowledge that that part of my life was over. When it hurt, I focused on something positive in my life, like getting to know Rodri. For now I had to tiptoe through a conversation with my former bestie.

  “I’m so happy for you all. I prayed every day for his recovery.” I blinked back those tears, thinking of the days when the boys would be here on the floor with their toy cars and trucks and Grace and I would be gossiping over coffee. Now look at us—close yet so far apart. “I can only imagine how much you missed having him at home.”

  Grace nodded, her eyes misty. “It’s been the worst time for my family.”

  She hadn’t said it in an accusatory way, but I’d had a hand in her pain, so that stung. Despite all the conflict in my heart, I would always regret what happened here and all the ways it changed our lives.

  “I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, Grace. I’m so sorry, for all of it.” The need for her absolution pressed on my heart even though she’d let me down, too.

  “I know you are. You’ve said it a thousand times and shown it as often. Now it’s my turn. Mimi, I’m truly sorry for treating you like the enemy.”

  Surprise pushed me deeper into my seat and made me lose my breath. Had she just apologized to me?

  She continued. “This situation brought out the worst in me, but ironically, it’s ultimately ended up freeing me, too.” Her expression proved she was still in disbelief.

  This was interesting. “How so?”

  “Well . . .” She knotted her purse strap in her fingers. “It’s a long story that involves a breakdown in my marriage and an honest discussion with my mother, but I’ve finally confronted my past and am now finding it easier to let go of pain and blame instead of carrying them around like invisible chains.”

  “Wow.” I didn’t know what else to say. Her and Becky sharing a “come to Jesus” milestone was major. Having encouraged that for years, I indulged another instant of self-pity that I hadn’t been part of her watershed moment. “Sounds like what you’re saying is that we don’t have to be enemies.”

  I should be happy about that, because I’d hated being the object of her pain, yet the loss of our friendship still smarted.

  “I hope not. I’m ashamed of how I treated you, and I wouldn’t blame you for politely sending me on my way tonight.” She sucked in her lips, her eyes filling with tears. “I know we don’t have a lot of time right now, but I have to ask, Can you ever forgive me?”

  Her begging for my forgiveness was surreal. It’d be easy to say yes, because I’d made as many mistakes as anyone and I missed my friend. But she’d basically shut me out for two months, so I didn’t know how to trust in her. “Of course I forgive you, Grace, but I’m not sure what that means in terms of our friendship.”

  “I miss you.” Her voice shook. “Not having you to lean on is part of why I melted down. I don’t expect to pick up where we left off—it’ll take time to work through everything. But aside from Sam and my kids, there isn’t anyone in this town who means as much to me as you, so I’d like the chance to repair what’s been damaged.” She stared at me, her heart in her eyes.

  This was the apology and sentiment I’d been yearning for, yet I didn’t have full faith in it, which burned like salt in an open wound. “What about the lawsuit?”

  The words slipped out before I thought them through. I held my breath, wondering if I’d ruined the truce.

  “It’s still pending.” She made a pained expression. “Thank you for not telling your lawyer what Carter said to Rowan.”

  “I would never cheat him out of the help he needs.”

  “I know.” Another pause, during which Grace stared at her lap before raising her head and meeting my gaze. She looked as if she had more to say, but Rowan bounded down the stairs, interrupting us.

  “Mom, what’s for dinner—” He came to a sudden stop, eyes wide, expression uncertain. This was the first time he’d seen Grace since she’d been in our basement. “Oh, hi, Mrs. Phillips. How’s Carter . . . or am I not allowed to ask?” He looked at me, scared.

  “Hi, honey. Thank you for asking. He’s coming home this weekend.” Grace stood and crossed to him. “Rowan, I need to apologize for not thanking you sooner for trying to help Carter while he was in rehab. I’m sorry that had to stop, and I’m sorry about how poorly I’ve handled things with you. I’ve been so frightened, but it’s no excuse for how I ignored you. You’ll always be a special person in our family’s eyes, so I hope you can forgive me.”

  He shrugged, his expression nearly dazed. “It’s fine. I’m really sorry he got hurt here and glad he’ll be home soon.”

  “Me too.” When Grace opened her arms to him, another small part of my heart found some peace. “Can I have a hug?”

  Rowan obliged, which was a big deal for an awkward teen boy. When they eased apart, he went into the kitchen, presumably to figure out what we should do about dinner.

  “Well, you should feed him before the meeting, but maybe we can talk again soon?” Her face filled with hope.

  I stood, nodding, almost glad she was leaving so I could have a few minutes to process my own feelings before having to face the crowds at the school. “Will you be at the PTC meeting, too?”

  She nodded. “Yes. It’s time to get back into the swing of my normal life, and I want to learn more about that website.”

  “Well, then I’ll see you later.”

  I walked her out without reaching for a hug like I normally would. I couldn’t say why. Didn’t know what kept me from embracing this opportunity. Maybe it was the lawsuit still between us, or maybe I simply needed some kind of proof that the friendship I’d thought we’d had had ever been real.

  An hour later, I signed in at the front desk, my guard still up.

  Grace might have come to me privately to make amends, but her friends didn’t know that. This was my first PTC event since the party, so my stomach churned as I approached the auditorium.

  I scanned the crowd for a friendly face and an empty chair.

  “My daughter’s hair has never looked better, Mimi.” Annika Duncan gestured to an empty seat to her left.

  I pressed a hand to my heart, grinning wide. Maybe that student special might be worth offering on a permanent basis.

  “Thanks.” I took her gesture as a good sign that the evening wouldn’t be a disaster.

  It seemed as if the worst for the salon had passed, as some of the no-shows recently had made appointments to fix whatever someone else had messed up. I’d lost a few customers, but in a way the shake-up had forced me out of complacency. I’d created new promotions to grow my customer base, which could lead to my hiring a third stylist next year. Better yet, last time I bought groceries, Jeb Stewart stopped me to tell me what a hard worker Rowan was. Grace always said I didn’t give him enough credit, and Jeb’s bit of praise helped me believe that if football didn’t pan out exactly as Rowan hoped, he’d still have a good life. I guessed Mama had been right when she promised that even in the darkest times, there would always be opportunities for those who didn’t give up.

  “Did you see what Carrie posted in the Facebook group?” she asked.

  A couple of weeks back, I’d stopped spending so much time investing in all that gossip and looking for validation that might never come. Haters pounce on people, no matter the issue. Universal approval was an impossible, overrated goal. I didn’t need those women to teach me right from wrong. I trusted my heart again, a welcome relief. That said, I braced for whatever she was about to share.

  “I’ve been so busy I haven’t kept up,” I said.

  “Carter’s coming home this weekend.” She smiled. “Carrie says he’s still using a cane, but he’ll continue outpatient therapy and possibly be off that
by summer.”

  “Oh, yes. Grace told me.” Relief for Carter flooded my system again, loosening my shoulders.

  “Oh? That’s great.” Annika stared at me, stunned, then her brows gathered as she pointed toward the aisle. “Isn’t that your ex?”

  There was Dirk, looking for a seat. He’d never once come to these things when we were together, but lately he’d been determined to insert himself more fully into Rowan’s life, which meant I had to deal with him more often. Our gazes met, so I nodded politely while bracing for him to lay down another threat, seeing that we’d yet to come to any agreement.

  Suddenly a strange buzz wafted across the crowd as all heads turned toward the door.

  Grace and Sam had arrived. She clutched his arm, an anxious smile on her face as they made their way toward the front row, where the PTC board members were seated.

  All around me folks whispered and shot me sideways glances. My cheeks warmed, but I kept my smile in place and ignored the lookie-loos. They had no idea that Grace and I had spoken an hour ago, and many might be hoping for more gossip for the Facebook group.

  Sondra Billings, the PTC president, strode to the mic and motioned with her hands for everyone to quiet down. “Good evening, and thank you all for coming. I know we’re all anxious to learn more about how to help our kids maximize the benefits of Naviance so that they have a smooth college application process down the road. It’s an amazing tool, and I’m super excited to run through all its features. But first, your secretary, Grace Phillips, asked if she could take a moment to address everyone. We’ve all been praying for her family and are thrilled she could make it tonight. Grace.” Sondra gestured to the podium.

  My heart galloped. Grace hated public speaking. What on earth did she plan to say? I tensed, tempted to leave to escape the weight of everyone watching, but curiosity glued me to my chair.

  Grace carried a single sheet of paper with her to the mic. She glanced at Sam, who gave her a thumbs-up sign, before she read from the page.

  “Hello, friends. Thank you for indulging my wish tonight. I’ll do my best to be brief.” She paused, then folded the sheet of paper in half and took a deep breath before speaking from the heart. A shock! “As many of you know, since early January, I’ve been p-preoccupied with my son’s injuries. We are pleased to share that he’s coming home this weekend. He’s been eager to return to his school community, having missed his friends and home-cooked meals.” She paused to smile briefly. “He’s getting around well with a cane, so he can move on to outpatient rehab. With continued work, the doctors feel certain he should walk again, unassisted, maybe as early as summer.”

  She paused for the clapping and cheering to settle, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

  “I want to again thank all of you who contributed to the Meal Train and/or the G-GoFundMe campaign that was started in Carter’s name. In particular, I want to thank Mimi Gillette for initiating both of those efforts to help my family, and to help our community heal. It could not have been easy for her, given how many people, including myself, were laying blame at her door.” Somehow Grace zeroed in on me, holding my gaze while smiling. More of the ice around my heart thawed, despite how many people turned around to pick me out of the crowd.

  Grace continued. “Many factors contributed to what happened to Carter, but pointing fingers helped no one. I’m sorry that my attitude contributed to additional tensions in town. P-perhaps what’s happened can serve as a starting point for finding solutions to prevent something like it from happening to someone else in the future, but for now all I want is to apologize for things I did and said to Mimi and others these past several weeks that caused further division within our community. I hope we can all p-put this behind us and move forward together with compassion. Thank you.”

  Amid clapping, Grace abandoned the podium for the security of her seat next to Sam.

  I couldn’t quite catch my breath. Her being a private person meant her public apology couldn’t have been easy. She’d chosen this forum on purpose, mostly to help me, I suspected.

  My body grew restless during the rest of the meeting. I hoped Dirk took good notes, because my attention had splintered between Naviance and what else Grace had wanted to say at my house about the lawsuit before Rowan had interrupted us. When the meeting ended, I said goodbye to Annika and made my way out the door quickly to avoid a run-in with Dirk. Any good-luck streak I’d enjoyed these past days died when I heard him call my name.

  “Mimi.” Dirk waved me to his side of the hallway when I came through the door.

  I crossed to him, determined to play nice for our son’s sake. “Please tell me your being here means we can work together to help Rowan get into college instead of fighting over custody and visitation.”

  His expression remained on the cold side. “Rowan didn’t tell you?”

  My stomach dropped. “Tell me what?”

  “After a big talk, I’m not going to push on the custody stuff. He’s got a good thing going with his coach here, and making him come up to me three nights a week creates too much stress.”

  Miranda might have pushed back on Dirk, too, so this reversal probably wasn’t all coming from a place of consideration for our son’s needs. But I was no dummy. I’d take what I could get. “Thanks for putting him first and being more involved. Rowan has been happier seeing you more regularly.”

  “I know. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to be the one to take him to the summer showcases up at Villanova and down in Texas and Florida this summer.”

  “That’s fine by me.” Sitting around college stadiums watching Rowan compete with other athletes for coaches’ attention would not be my forte. As much as I would do anything to help Rowan achieve his dream, I worried about injuries, and that worry would probably get worse after what happened to Carter. “I can’t really afford to miss all that work anyway.”

  “Cool. Well, that’s all I had to say.” Dirk stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets.

  He didn’t take any digs at me or Rodri—a shocker. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

  “Sounds like Carter’s doing better, too. Rowan will be happy. He’s felt guilty about all that.” Dirk nodded thoughtfully.

  Rowan’s sharing his feelings with his dad surprised me. Maybe there was more to Dirk’s parenting than I gave him credit for. “We’re all really happy for the Phillipses.”

  As if summoned, Grace and Sam came through the door with the last stragglers. Those folks had probably been peppering Grace and Sam with congratulations and questions. When she saw me, she tugged on Sam’s arm to stop him.

  “Well, I’d better get going,” Dirk said, wisely sensing his exit cue.

  “Bye.” I waved absently, my gaze still stuck on Grace.

  She whispered something in Sam’s ear, to which he nodded, smiled at me, and then kissed her before leaving her behind.

  She crossed the hall to me. “If you’re not in a rush, maybe we could finish our conversation after everyone leaves?” She gestured to the auditorium.

  “Sure.” My nerves danced.

  We took seats at the back of the auditorium, and when the last person left, she said, “Sam and I spent a few days looking for ways to offset the costs of Carter’s surgery and care so we could drop the lawsuit but, after running the numbers, confirmed we can’t totally walk away without major financial repercussions. However, we’ve instructed our lawyers to make a reasonable settlement offer in the hopes that we can all share the burden of what happened and finally put this chapter behind us.”

  A sob lodged itself in my throat—I was so happy to see fairness and integrity restored in my friend, and relieved that the legal battle might end soon. “I don’t know what to say, except I’m glad and will do what I can to get my lawyer to accept the offer.”

  “I know the insurance companies could drag things out a bit, but if we agree not to talk about the case, maybe we could work our way back to being friends in the meantime.”

  I touch
ed my breastbone, amused and moved. “My word, Grace Phillips, you’re bending the rules?”

  “Only for you, Mimi.” A wobbly smile appeared. “Only for you.”

  That did it. I leaned across my chair to really hug my friend for the first time in too long. We cried and laughed in that strange, relieved way one does after the worst is over. I held on tight to make up for all the times we hadn’t been able to comfort each other these past weeks. For all the fear and pain we’d both experienced. And to celebrate the ways in which this terrible tragedy made us both more aware of how much we needed each other. After weeks of misery, my heart rejoiced and found its normal rhythm.

  When we broke apart, Grace said, “I’m so relieved. It’s been awful not to be able to talk to you.”

  “I know. So many times I wanted to pick up the phone and ask advice—about Rowan, about Rodri, just everything.”

  “Now we can start to lean on each other again.” She smiled, then looked startled. “Oh! I forgot about Sam. He’s waiting in the car.”

  “Then we should get going.” We both stood and made our way to the school entry.

  Grace turned to me. “Can we meet at Sugar Momma’s soon?”

  “I never turn down an opportunity to eat her muffins.” I smiled.

  Grace held the door open for me. “Maybe we can plan a double date soon, too, so Sam and I can get to know Rodri.”

  “Maybe in a bit. I told you, I’m taking it slow. My focus is Rowan—he and I are still working out the new rules around here, so I don’t want to push anyone on him until I’m sure it’s someone who’ll stick.”

  She cocked her head before we parted for the night. “Looks like we’ve both made some important changes these past weeks.”

  I grinned at my friend. “I guess we have.”