Forbidden

by Tori Carrington

  He leaned his forehead against hers. “I’ll write asking you to send me cookies.”

  Her stomach lurched. “And to tell me to stay away?”

  He abruptly moved away from her, stepping toward the west, his silhouette strong and powerful against the dimming light.

  “What if the real killer kills you?” she whispered.

  They both knew that the questions she posed were all very real possibilities.

  “What would you have me do?” J.T. said evenly. He slowly turned to face her. “Tell me, Leah. What do you think I should do?”

  She wanted to shout for him to stay there, in Toledo. But even as she thought it, she knew it was an impossibility. As a result of his arrest tonight, the time clock J.T. was racing against had begun ticking even faster. It was no longer safe for him there.

  It was no longer safe for him anywhere.

  Leah was so torn she wanted to cry out from the pain of it all. She wanted to tell him to ride to Alaska. Canada. Anywhere away from possible harm or arrest. But to do that would also take him away from her.

  She blinked up through her tears to find J.T. standing in front of her, a dark, handsome man who had not only touched her soul, but had stolen it from her.

  She searched his face. “My father’s a judge. My sister’s an attorney. I’m going to do everything in my power to see what they can do to help.” She wrote their names and numbers on a piece of paper she took from her purse then pressed it into his hand. “If you can’t call me, call them if you run into trouble. They’ll help you.”

  He smiled at her sadly. “Trust me, Leah.”

  She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down hard then nodded.

  She only wished it was only him that she had to trust. Sadly, she was afraid it was herself, and her own traitorous emotions, that would ultimately betray her. And create a living hell from which she’d never be free.

  He was leaving her again….

  16

  LEAH SPENT A RESTLESS NIGHT at home longing for J.T. with every fiber of her being and fearing he was gone forever. She’d also imagined every creak and every shadow was her unknown intruder. Now, early the next morning, she stood outside her father’s private room, unable to bring herself to look inside. She heard Rachel’s soft voice as she spoke, but couldn’t make out her words.

  She felt so far outside everything that felt familiar and comforting to her. J.T. was gone. The house had felt achingly empty without Sami there. And her father was lying in a hospital bed in the next room having come closer to death than she cared to consider.

  The doctor had requested that she and her sister take turns during visitations so as not to overwhelm their father so soon after surgery. Since Rachel had spent most of the day yesterday in the waiting room, Leah had told her to go first. She glanced at where Rachel’s fiancé, Gabe, stood down at the end of the hall, tall, dark and incredibly handsome even given his present environs. He’d come to the hospital even though he’d known he wouldn’t be able to see Jonathon. He’d flown back from California late last night to support and be there for the woman he loved.

  The knowledge made her heart ache even more acutely.

  Rachel came out of the room, pausing for a moment next to Leah. Animation had returned to her face, but her eyes still looked haunted.

  “How is he?” Leah asked.

  “Ornery as ever.” Rachel pushed her short dark hair back from her face. “But why don’t you be the judge of the judge? He’s waiting for you.”

  Rachel gave her a hug, pausing for a moment as if wanting to ask her something. Instead she walked down the hall and melted into Gabe’s arms.

  Leah briefly closed her eyes, steeling herself for what she was about to see.

  She stepped into the room, her gaze immediately drawn to the bed in the corner.

  “There she is,” her father said.

  Without realizing she was holding it, Leah released a long breath and felt a genuine smile take hold of her mouth.

  He was alive. Moreover, he looked it.

  She crossed the room and kissed her father’s cheek. “Daddy.”

  He gazed at her steadily as she drew back. “Gave you and your sister a bit of a scare there, didn’t I?”

  Leah half laughed, afraid a sob would follow quickly on its heels after all that had transpired in the past twenty-four hours. “Yes, I guess you could say that.”

  She looked at him, really looked at him.

  More than the color had returned to his cheeks. He looked better in general than he had in a long, long time. Well, despite that he was lying in bed with tubes snaking in and out of him. His eyes were more alert. His face looked less drawn.

  And that grin…

  “Lord save us all from that charming grin,” she whispered. It was what her mother used to say about Judge Jonathon Dubois whenever he wanted something and turned on the charisma full throttle to get it.

  Her father chuckled softly then a somber expression fell over his face. He reached for her hand and squeezed. “I’m sorry that this had to happen so soon after losing your mother, Leah.”

  She searched his face, unable to believe what he was saying. He’d just gone through what was probably the most frightening moment of his life and he was thinking about her. “You’re apologizing to me? Daddy, the one you need to be apologizing to is yourself.”

  He blinked at her.

  Leah battled against the demons haunting her and said softly, “You have no idea how worried Rachel and I have been about you since Mom died….” She trailed off, holding his hand in both of hers, her thumb skimming over his dry skin. “I’m just glad you decided to fight.”

  His grip on her hands tightened. “You didn’t think it would be that easy to get rid of me, did you?”

  She laughed softly.

  “Now I want to hear about what’s going on with you.”

  She squinted at him.

  “I know something’s going on, Leah. You were always as good at hiding things as Patricia was. And that’s not good at all.”

  She smiled sadly at that.

  “Is this about Dan?”

  She tugged her hands from his and reached for the carafe of ice chips on the table next to the bed. “In some ways, yes.”

  “You’re not going through with the reconciliation.”

  It was more of a statement than a question. Leah watched him as she tried to spoon-feed him some of the ice chips. He accepted one spoonful but refused the next.

  “I’m not an invalid, Leah,” he chastised softly.

  She sighed as she put the carafe back on the table.

  “No, Dan and I aren’t going to reconcile. I just know we shouldn’t be together. Only I haven’t told him yet.”

  She felt her father’s gaze on her face.

  “You shouldn’t have to tell him, Lee. It’s been written there on your face for a long time now. Since even before you divorced him.”

  Her gaze flew to his.

  He smiled at her as he smoothed his folded blankets across his hips. “What, you didn’t think I got to be a judge by being stupid, do you? I could see you didn’t love him, Leah. Could see it from the beginning, if you want to know the truth.”

  “But you treated Dan like a son.”

  He nodded. “Yes, I did. But how I felt about Dan and how you feel about Dan are two different things. For one thing, I don’t have to share a bed with him. You do.”

  Leah felt her face go hot.

  Her father turned his head to stare at the ceiling, wearing what she called his judge’s face. Pensive, forbidding and wise. “Three months ago when you told me you were thinking about reconciling with Dan I wanted to impose a sentence on you of one month in your room.”

  Leah rubbed her hands against the material of her slacks, remembering that’s how he used to dole out punishment. Missed a homework assignment? A sentence of one week doing dinner dishes. Grades dropped below an “A”? A one-month sentence of no television and outings only on t
he weekends, with no opportunity for parole.

  But nothing, nothing, ever got in the way of their Saturday afternoon dance sessions. Her father would power up his old Vitrola and dust off his old jazz and blues LPs and she, Rachel and their mother would take turns letting Jonathon Dubois Astair twirl them from the study out into the foyer and back again.

  Her father cleared his throat. “While you might not think I knew much about what was going on in your life or Rachel’s life beyond your grades and disciplining you, I did know you were having an affair when you finally decided to end things with Dan.”

  Leah’s throat grew tight. She had tried so hard to keep the information quiet. Something that had been easy to do because she and J.T. had met on the sly.

  Little had she known that the secrecy hadn’t been because he didn’t want more than sex from her. It had been because he was on the run.

  And, as it was turning out, everybody had known about the affair anyway.

  “Who is he?”

  Not who was he, but who is he.

  “Do I know him?”

  “Actually, you met him once. A long, long time ago.”

  “Ah,” he said, shifting in the bed and wincing when his chest must have pulled tight. “That Westwood boy.”

  Leah slowly nodded. “Try not to move too much. You’ll pull open your sternum.”

  He waved her away. “I always thought he was a good boy. I hope he turned into a good man.”

  Leah eyed him. “You hated him on sight.”

  “No, I hated that he was the first man I had to share my oldest daughter’s love with. I never hated him.”

  Her eyes filled with tears.

  He remained quiet for a long moment, allowing Leah to put herself back together. The problem was that Leah didn’t think she’d ever accomplish that task again.

  “He’s the kind of guy you would never have approved of my marrying,” she whispered.

  His eyes shifted to stare into hers. “If you’ll remember correctly, I didn’t approve of your marrying Dan.”

  “Because of my age.”

  “No…because you didn’t love him.”

  Leah blinked quickly.

  “Oh, you thought you did. But your mom and I knew that you didn’t.” He searched her face. “This Westwood boy…you love him?”

  She stared down at her hands and nodded.

  “So what’s wrong, then?”

  Leah had never talked to her father in such a casual way about her love life. That had always been her mom’s job. And, oh, how she missed Patricia’s no-nonsense advice.

  She gazed into her father’s eyes and felt a dam give way in her chest. “Oh, Daddy. Everything’s such a mess. Sami hates him. Josh is in some kind of trouble that I won’t go into detail about now…. Everything looks so impossible.”

  His features stilled and she was afraid he’d pulled something loose. She began to lean forward to check when he said, “Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Las Vegas? The week before I married your mother?”

  Leah shook her head, trying to focus on his words.

  “No, of course, I didn’t. Because you wouldn’t have been ready to hear it.”

  Then he proceeded to tell her a story that made her eyes bug out of her head and her heartbeat quicken with hope.

  When he finished, he reached out his hand and touched the side of her face. “Nothing’s impossible, Leah. All you have to do is believe….”

  THE ROAD UNDER J.T.’S BIKE felt bumpy and uneven, seeming to mirror his life as the Harley’s motor droned on down the road, away from Leah, away from all that was warm and familiar, away from all that was important to him. The sun was at his back and he’d been riding for the past twelve hours, stopping only for gas and coffee and a roll that wasn’t sitting well in his stomach.

  He thought about Leah back at home alone. He thought about her worrying about her father, how she was going to repair her relationship with her daughter. And he thought about her hurting because of him.

  His fingers tightened on the handgrips, his desire to bring everything to a conclusion tempting him to speed toward his goal. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to push the powerful engine to its limit. But the last thing he needed was to attract the attention of the local authorities. He might wind up in some small-town jail where Leah wouldn’t be able to spring him before the police figured out who he was.

  He yearned to pull off to the side of the road and call her. If just to hear her voice. But he wouldn’t allow himself the selfish luxury. She’d been right in her concerns. If he couldn’t clear his name, make things right in his life, or if ended up in prison, everything between him and her would be…well, there would no longer be anything between them. He knew all too intimately what it was like to live on the run and he’d never do that to Leah. And he wouldn’t have her wait for him while he rotted away in a prison cell.

  It seemed ironic, somehow, that running had chased him to where he wanted to be, and being there now made it imperative that he go back and clean up a mess he should have taken care of long ago.

  He thought about the money in his seat compartment. Money he’d accumulated over the years and tucked away, having no use for it beyond his day-to-day living expenses. It was enough to make the attorney he’d used all those years ago salivate.

  But after ten years, had the evidence against the sheriff been buried along with the sheriff’s young, faithless wife? Was his trip back to the past too long in coming?

  J.T. set his jaw and squinted off into the horizon. However it turned out, he had to do this. Had to make things right. Not just for him, but for Leah.

  THREE DAYS HAD PASSED SINCE J.T. had left. Three days filled with classes, house chores and trips back and forth to the hospital and her father’s house to keep things running. Rachel was so busy with her wedding arrangements that Leah hadn’t had the heart to ask her to pitch in more than she already was.

  Besides, being busy helped keep her mind off J.T. and where he was. And how he was doing.

  It also kept her from having that talk with her sulky daughter.

  Ever since Dan had dropped her off the day before last, she and Sami had lived in the same house but had barely spoken two words to each other at a time. They ate breakfast and dinner together, even sat watching television at night, but the extent of their verbal interaction was one-word questions and answers. From time to time she thought she saw her daughter wearing a remorseful expression. But then she’d look again and find Sami glaring at her as if everything in her life stank and Leah was completely to blame.

  What did emerge interesting was that Sami didn’t appear to be interacting with her father much now, either.

  Leah sat at her kitchen desk and sealed the last of the envelopes that held the payment for her monthly bills. She sat back, listening to the sound of a sitcom in the family room, then glanced at the clock. Just after eight.

  Now was as good a time as any to put an end to the cold war.

  She got up, gathered her purse and jacket, then went to stand in the doorway to the family room.

  “I’m going out for a while,” she told her daughter, who sat on the couch, her gaze glued to the television set.

  “Are you going to see him?”

  Leah figured it was a good thing she was so far away from her daughter or she might have been grounded for life. That was saying a lot.

  “‘Him’ as in J.T.? No.” She didn’t think it a good idea to let Sami know he wasn’t in town lest she pray to some unknown God that he not return. “I’m going to see your father.”

  Interesting. She had expected Sami to be happy with the news. Instead her expression grew sulkier.

  She shrugged into her lightweight jacket. “I should be back by ten. If you need anything, call my cell.”

  “I won’t need anything.”

  No, Leah thought, she probably believed she didn’t. But she would. And when that time came, Leah would be there for her daughter. Now and always.
r />   And part of that responsibility meant she had to set things straight with Sami’s father right now.

  17

  LEAH HAD BEEN DREADING THIS conversation with her ex-husband since she’d realized she was going to have it. But now that she stood outside the door to Dan’s condo, she was all right with it.

  Her heart belonged to J.T. It was as simple and as complicated as that.

  The past few days had given her time to think about what her dad had said. Could he be right that she had never really loved Dan? That things had gone so fast that she’d never stopped to examine her feelings for a man she’d been married to for eleven years? Oh, she’d come to love him. But in love? Had she ever been truly in love with him? Or had Josh Westwood stolen her heart long ago and she’d no longer had it to give when she’d met Dan?

  Of course, that was neither here nor there now. All that remained was to close old doors and, she hoped, open new ones.

  Speaking of doors, she raised her hand to knock on the steel door of Dan’s condo. She’d only ever seen the outside of the apartment when she dropped Sami off or picked her up. She now found that odd.

  The door opened and Dan stared at her as if she was the last person he expected to see. And she probably was, considering.

  She shrugged inside her coat. “Sorry. I probably really should have called first….”

  Dan let go of the doorknob and straightened. He still had on his dress slacks and pressed white shirt, but the tie was gone and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. The sight was strangely familiar. “Yes, Leah, you probably should have called.”

  She grimaced, looking back at where a couple was heading to a neighboring condo.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked.

  He looked behind him and only then did Leah catch on that he wasn’t alone.

  The realization caught her unawares.

  “It won’t take long,” she said, purposefully stepping past him and into the condo.