Death Is Not Enough

by Karen Rose

  And in the middle of it all was Gwyn. She was his oasis, except she had her own nightmares. I wasn’t drugged the whole time.

  He needed to know what she saw when she closed her eyes. He needed to find a way to make it go away for her. He desperately needed to keep her safe. To make her happy again. And he was doing a piss-poor job of any and all of those things.

  He’d find time to figure that out. After he visited Phil. After he made sure Jamie really was okay. And after he met with the friends who were risking their lives to help him keep his ass out of jail.

  ‘I need to tell Clay that we’re going to be a little late,’ he murmured.

  ‘I already did,’ JD told him, following closely behind them.

  Thorne threw an appreciative glance over his shoulder. ‘Thanks, man.’

  JD pointed ahead, at the doorway to Phil’s room. ‘Look, there’s a line.’ It was true. On one side of the doorway, a nurse stood typing at a rolling workstation, glancing furtively into the room, a frown bending her lips.

  On the other side of the doorway, Frederick leaned against the wall, weary but alert as he constantly scanned the area for threats. ‘Once a soldier,’ JD murmured, and Thorne remembered that JD had been one too, a sniper actually.

  ‘What kind?’ Gwyn asked. ‘I’ve wanted to ask, but he doesn’t like to talk about it.’

  JD made an impatient noise. ‘Then don’t ask him to talk about it.’

  ‘I’m not,’ Gwyn said pointedly. ‘I’m asking you.’

  JD repeated the noise. ‘I don’t exactly know, but I know that look. I wore that look.’

  ‘Still do,’ Gwyn muttered. ‘It’s a little freaky, JD.’

  ‘That’s probably why Frederick doesn’t want to talk about it,’ JD snapped.

  ‘He was Special Forces,’ Thorne told her quietly. ‘That’s all I know. All I needed to know. The man can take care of himself, which was what I’d been asking about when he agreed to work for the firm.’

  She nodded. ‘That’s all I needed to know too.’

  ‘Didn’t know he’d be needing all those skills, though,’ Thorne grumbled guiltily, and Gwyn squeezed his hand. So hard that he winced. ‘Ow. That hurt.’

  ‘Poor baby,’ she said, sounding zero percent sympathetic. ‘Stop blaming yourself. It’s getting damned old.’

  ‘What she said,’ JD added.

  ‘How is he?’ Thorne asked, because they’d reached the nurse, who looked up from whatever she’d been typing. Her smile eased his heart.

  ‘Doing great. They’ll probably release him tomorrow or the next day.’

  ‘To rehab?’ Thorne asked, hating that he was wishing Phil could stay here a little longer, until it was safe. There was still a cop stationed between the elevator and his room. Just having seen the officer there had lowered Thorne’s blood pressure.

  ‘For a while. And after that, his insurance should pay for home visits from a nurse.’

  Thorne’s brain was already wondering how he’d care for Phil when he was released, because he sure as hell wasn’t leaving it all up to Jamie. ‘Can we go in?’

  The nurse craned her neck to see into the room. ‘He’s got two in there with him now. You’ll need to wait until one of them leaves.’

  Thorne stretched to see around her, blinking. ‘Detective Prew?’ His eyes flew to Frederick’s, his brows raised in question.

  Frederick shrugged. ‘He showed up ten minutes ago. Brought Phil a book. Some biography, I think. Plus some crayon pictures from his grandson.’

  ‘Oh, right.’ He’d nearly forgotten what had gotten them talking to Prew to begin with. ‘They’ve known each other for years. Prew’s son was one of Phil’s students.’

  ‘That makes me feel better,’ Frederick admitted. ‘I was a little taken aback when he just showed up.’

  ‘Why are you here?’ Gwyn asked. ‘I thought we were meeting at Clay’s.’

  ‘We are. I’m here to transport Jamie. Nobody goes anywhere alone for a while. One of the new rules we’ll talk about tonight.’

  JD gave a grunt of agreement. ‘And you two don’t go anywhere without me.’

  Thorne frowned. ‘What about Detective Rivera?’

  ‘Joseph needs to pull him into the investigation, so you’re stuck with me.’

  Thorne nodded once. ‘I feel better about that,’ he said, because he still felt bad that JD had believed he didn’t trust him.

  JD’s lips quirked. ‘Good to know.’

  Prew picked that moment to lift his eyes to the door. When he spied Thorne, he immediately came toward him. ‘Give me a second to tell him goodbye and I’ll be out of your hair. Visiting hours are almost over anyway.’

  When Prew was gone, Thorne reluctantly let Gwyn’s hand go so that he could take the man’s place. He breathed more easily once he saw that Phil did look better. ‘I feel bad,’ he said when he saw the hardcover on Phil’s lap and the stack of childish crayon drawings on the bed at his side. There were stuffed animals and several Sudoku books sitting atop a stack of three file boxes. ‘Presents galore and I didn’t bring you anything. What is all this?’

  Phil smiled and more of the pressure on Thorne’s heart lessened. ‘The drawings are from Prew’s grandchildren and the stuffed animals are from some of my students. The boxes are Jamie’s. Files from your office. Anne brought them, along with the Sudoku puzzles for me.’

  Behind him, Gwyn made a growling sound at the mention of Anne, who she’d never liked but who she had no reason to worry about. ‘Ask Thorne to bring you some pictures from his coloring book,’ she said, slipping her hand in his again.

  Thorne blushed, thinking about the Kama Sutra coloring book she’d given him – and the positions they’d personally tried that afternoon. ‘The nurse said only two at a time. She’s going to kick you out.’

  ‘She said I was small and looked quiet,’ Gwyn said, snickering.

  ‘Boy, is she wrong,’ Jamie drawled. ‘But may I say that you look stunning.’

  She lifted a hesitant hand to her pretty hairdo. ‘Thank you. Today was my appointment with Angie.’

  Phil’s eyes widened. ‘I’d forgotten all about that. What did you learn?’ He patted the side of his bed and Gwyn sat down. He tugged on one of the curly strands Angie had left free. ‘And you do look lovely.’

  ‘Thank you.’ She smiled at Phil, and Thorne felt his heart lighten just a little more. This, he realized, was respite. A little pocket of lovely in a storm of shit.

  I’ll take it. I’ll take it and keep it and remember it when it gets bad again.

  He glanced over at Jamie to find him smiling too, paternal joy in his eyes. That made his cheeks heat and he ducked his head, dragging the extra chair closer to the bed.

  Gwyn’s smile faded as she began to tell them what she’d deduced about Angie, Liam and Richard.

  Phil’s mouth flattened. ‘Sonofabitch. I knew that boy had hurt her. But it didn’t occur to me that he’d raped her. Goddammit.’

  Jamie cast a quick look up at his monitors. ‘Easy there. We don’t want the nurse chucking us all out of here. What are you going to do next?’ he asked Thorne.

  ‘I need to talk to the other two members of Richard’s posse, so I—’

  Gwyn interrupted him with a loud harrumph and arched brows. ‘I?’

  Thorne sighed. ‘We – which includes JD, because I know he’s standing in the damn doorway glaring at me – will pay a visit to Officer Chandler Nystrom and Colton Brandenberg’s sister. If for no other reason than to warn them.’

  Both Phil and Jamie frowned, and Thorne realized they hadn’t heard the latest. He gave Phil a cautious glance. ‘Because Darian Hinman is dead. Murdered.’

  Phil nodded once, his expression lethal. ‘Not gonna cry over him. I can still see your face after he kicked you in the head.’

  ‘You’re not
suspected, are you?’ Jamie asked, frowning.

  ‘No,’ Thorne said simply, because he’d already given Phil too many surprises for the day. The two of them didn’t need to know that his own medal had been found in Hinman’s body. ‘And after I see them, I’m going to check on Ming, Mowry and Laura. I called them all this morning. They were okay. Not happy about having arrest records, but hopefully we can get those expunged once we clear everything up.’

  ‘But first, we’re due at Clay’s for a meeting,’ Gwyn said, kissing Phil’s scruffy cheek. ‘So we need to say goodnight.’

  ‘Visiting hours are over anyway,’ Jamie said. He wheeled his chair closer to the bed. ‘My ride is waiting outside in the hall. You kids skedaddle. I’ll meet you there.’

  ‘So is ours.’ Thorne leaned in to whisper in Phil’s ear. ‘Love you. Take care of yourself.’

  Phil’s eyes softened. ‘Love you too, and I will.’

  Thorne rose and offered Gwyn his hand. ‘See you at Clay’s, Jamie.’ They left the two alone to say their goodnights and went into the hall. ‘I don’t think they’ve spent a night apart in years,’ he murmured to Gwyn.

  She patted his arm sweetly and tilted her head so that she could meet his eyes. ‘He’ll be out soon and they’ll be together again, and then this experience will just be a bad memory.’

  And once again he found himself thinking about her bad memories and wondering what exactly had happened to push her into checking out of life for four years. Stop wondering for now, he told himself. For now, enjoy the smile on her face, because it’s real and it’s all for you.

  That was sound advice, he decided. ‘You’re right. Let’s go.’ Because the sooner they got this meeting done, the sooner he’d be back in her bed, holding her in his arms.

  Hunt Valley, Maryland,

  Tuesday 14 June, 9.40 P.M.

  Dinner at Clay’s was pizza, and Gwyn’s stomach started growling as soon as the scent of cheese and pepperoni hit her nose. ‘Oh my God,’ she groaned. ‘We forgot to eat today.’

  Lucy met them at the door, giving JD a kiss hello before slinging her arm around Gwyn’s shoulders. ‘You didn’t feed them, JD?’

  ‘They never said they were hungry,’ JD protested, then bent down to scoop up the toddler racing toward him. ‘Hello, you,’ he said, then blew raspberries on his son’s stomach. ‘I’m starving too. Bailing out your friends is hard work.’

  He started to walk to the pizza boxes stacked on the living room coffee table, but Jeremiah had other ideas. Lurching out of JD’s arms, he leapt into Thorne’s, smacking a kiss on his stubbled cheek.

  The little boy giggled, rubbing his chubby fingers over Thorne’s jaws. ‘Tickles. Up. Wanna fly.’

  Gwyn stopped walking at the look on Thorne’s face. He was smiling at Jeremiah with a love so pure it almost hurt to see. How had she missed this? Did he want this? A family with babies?

  Do I? Can I? She’d been content to hold Lucy’s babies, believing it was likely as close as she’d ever get to having another child of her own – something she’d long ago promised herself she’d never, ever do again.

  But it would be different this time. She wouldn’t be young, broke, uneducated and terrified. I’d be pushing forty, juggling a business that I hope I still own after all this is over . . . and terrified.

  ‘What?’ Lucy demanded. She gripped Gwyn’s chin and tilted her face up. ‘You look like you just got diagnosed with a terminal illness.’

  Gwyn blinked, quickly bringing her expression back to neutral, but it was too late. Lucy had already seen. ‘It’s nothing.’ She shot her best friend a pleading look when Lucy opened her mouth to argue. ‘Please. It’s nothing.’

  ‘But . . .’ Lucy frowned, clearly upset. ‘I heard you were all sexy together this afternoon. Wasn’t that true?’

  Gwyn wanted to roll her eyes. ‘Ford and Alec are little gossips.’

  ‘Well, yeah. But were they wrong?’

  ‘No,’ she admitted. ‘I’m really hungry. Can I eat before you grill me?’

  Lucy stepped back, blinking away hurt. ‘Of course. Sure.’ She’d started to turn toward Thorne, who had lifted Jeremiah over his head and was jogging toward the pizza, both of them making plane noises. Gwyn grabbed her arm.

  ‘Wait.’ It was just the two of them in Clay’s entryway now. ‘They weren’t wrong. I just . . . It’s hard to take it all in, okay? Give me some time.’

  ‘Enough time for you to tell yourself all the reasons it won’t work?’

  Gwyn looked away. ‘Probably.’

  Lucy’s arm came around her shoulders again. ‘It was Jeremiah, wasn’t it? Seeing Thorne with him?’

  ‘A little, yes. I guess I missed how he looks at him. I’ve been out of it for so long, I just . . .’ None of what she’d said was untrue. It just wasn’t all of the truth.

  Lucy smiled. ‘You mean how Thorne looks at Jeremiah like he loves him? You didn’t miss it before. Not really. Thorne doesn’t usually let that show unless he thinks no one’s looking. He’s all gruff when there are witnesses, but when it’s just him and Jeremiah? I’ve seen that look before. That he wasn’t guarding it just now says a lot, I think. He’s opening up. This experience, this horrible, terrifying experience, has gotten him to accept affection from the group. So it’s not all bad.’

  ‘No, not all bad,’ Gwyn murmured.

  Lucy squeezed her shoulders. ‘And it’s gotten you to open up and maybe see things you hadn’t seen before too.’

  ‘Maybe,’ she allowed. She swallowed hard. ‘He’s a good man.’

  ‘He is. And if you’re about to say he deserves someone better, I will personally kick your ass.’

  ‘Let’s avoid that,’ Gwyn said dryly, because that had been exactly what she’d been thinking. ‘I really am hungry. Can we have this conversation later?’

  ‘One second,’ Lucy begged. ‘Just one detail, please. Was it what you’d hoped?’

  Gwyn’s lips twitched, her smile breaking through despite her best efforts. ‘Okay, fine. It was stellar. Far better than I’d ever dreamed. Are you happy now?’

  ‘Yup.’ She smiled and steered Gwyn toward the food. ‘Sit and eat. We’ll pull everyone together. By the way, that was an amazing piece of deduction today. You did good, girl.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Piling her plate high, she found Thorne taking up most of a loveseat, leaving just enough space for her to snuggle in beside him. They ate steadily, pausing to greet Jamie and Frederick when they arrived and to nod as the chairs around them filled with their friends.

  Gwyn could feel Thorne tensing as everyone came together. She leaned away from him so that she could see his face. It was at times like this, when she was tucked up against him, without the benefit of four-inch heels, that she felt overwhelmed by the sheer presence of him. And in a totally good way.

  The man was lickable. Which she now knew for herself.

  At the moment, her lickable man had schooled his expression, but she wasn’t fooled. ‘Stop it,’ she muttered. When he looked down at her, she just smiled at him. ‘Friends, Thorne. They are here because they want to be. They help you because they want to. Just like you did for them.’

  He nodded stiffly. ‘I know,’ he said quietly. ‘I just can’t stand the thought of any of them getting hurt because of me.’

  Lucy settled on the arm of the loveseat next to Thorne. ‘It wouldn’t be because of you. It’d be because of a sick, sadistic bastard who has his nuts in a twist because you once told him fucking no.’

  Thorne pursed his lips, but this time it was to hide a smile. ‘Did you just say “nuts in a twist”?’

  Lucy smacked a kiss on his cheek. ‘I did. And I’ll say it again, more loudly, once all the kiddies are downstairs.’

  ‘Who’s watching them?’ Gwyn asked, even though she knew the answer. She missed caring for her goddaughter. Providing childcare
to Lucy’s kids had been of the things she’d looked forward to, but Taylor had stepped forward to take the job and Gwyn had let her, because she knew the young woman was still finding her place in her new family’s world and helping out was an easy niche to carve. This Gwyn understood. Helping Lucy with the kids had been healing as well as allowing her to support Lucy. Because I was a pretty shitty friend when it came to almost everything else. Babies didn’t judge, didn’t ask questions. They just loved you.

  ‘Taylor and Ford,’ Lucy said, just as she’d thought. ‘Taylor’s got an earbud, though, because she wants to know what’s going on up here. Sam’s here, by the way. In the house, I mean. Ruby’s with him, resting in one of the bedrooms upstairs.’

  ‘And Agent Ingram?’ Gwyn asked.

  Lucy smiled. ‘He woke up. He’s not out of the woods yet, but his chances are much better now.’

  ‘Thank God,’ Thorne said quietly. ‘I’ve been afraid to ask.’

  Jamie rolled his chair next to Gwyn. ‘Frederick and I stopped in to see him on our way out of the hospital tonight. His wife said he’s been squeezing her hand, which is very encouraging. He’s still on a ventilator, but it’s good to have some hope.’

  On that note they simply sat, Gwyn and Thorne and Lucy, linked together just as they’d been from the beginning. It was sweet. And powerful. They were her family. And now Jamie and all the rest of the people here had become her family too.

  And the members of her family were very good at their jobs, she thought as Clay and Frederick rolled a free-standing bulletin board into the room. The board was covered with photographs, clustered around two central pictures – one of Cesar Tavilla and the other of Thorne.

  ‘What the hell?’ Thorne whispered, staring.

  ‘It’s our crime board,’ Lucy said conspiratorially. ‘Please notice that you’re on the Good Guy side.’ It was hard to miss. Two big signs had been tacked to the top of the board: Bad Guy and Good Guy.