The Last Family in England

by Matt Haig

  ‘But I heard you were dead. Your master said you were dead.’

  Henry pondered this for a moment. ‘Yes,’ he said, his voice eerily calm. ‘Of course he did.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  Henry looked up at his master, hanging by his lead. ‘Some things are beyond understanding, Prince. That is one lesson I failed to teach you.’

  ‘Henry, please. Tell me what’s going on. What’s happened to you? Where have you been?’

  ‘There are things you never knew about my situation,’ said Henry, stepping forward.

  ‘Things? Things? What things? You told me all I needed to know. You always did.’

  ‘No,’ he said, kicking soil behind him. ‘No. I told you nothing. You see, Prince, there’s been a big mess and I’ve tried to hide it from you. After all, that’s what we do, isn’t it? We make a mess, we cover it up. But some messes are just too big, aren’t they? They can’t go unnoticed.’

  I was listening to a complete stranger. ‘Henry, what are you saying?’

  ‘I’m saying I am not who you thought I was. When Mick left the police force, things started to go wrong with my Family. Things . . . fell apart.’ Henry swallowed, then took a deep breath. ‘Mick would argue with his wife about anything and tried to stop Sophie, his daughter, from ever going out. He was angry with her. Always angry, although I never knew what she had done wrong. At the same time I went back over the Pact and tried to find a solution. I tried to think how Guru Oscar would have acted, but nothing seemed to work.’

  I hesitated. ‘So what happened?’

  Henry again turned his head up towards his dead master. ‘When Sophie was sixteen she left and didn’t come home or speak to her parents again. She went to the coast, to be by the sea. And that is when I first met you.’

  ‘But –’

  ‘Yes. I know, it’s a strange irony, isn’t it?’ he said, turning back to face me. ‘I was teaching you how to look after the Family and mine had fallen apart. But you must understand, Prince, I couldn’t let go. Through you I still felt like I could continue my duty.’

  I was devastated. The ground beneath my paws seemed to be crumbling away, but I sensed he had more to tell me.

  ‘So what happened?’

  ‘Mick wanted to pretend everything was normal so he carried on taking me to the park every morning like he always had. But as soon as he had done that, he would drink. All day he would sit there with the television on and a bottle on his lap. There was nothing I could do. He would sit there, talking to me, thinking I couldn’t understand, blaming it all on Sophie and arguing with Claire, his wife, when all the time I knew it was my fault. If I had just tried harder –’

  ‘Henry, you mustn’t blame yourself.’

  ‘I just sat there and let it happen. I was a disgrace to my breed.’

  ‘Henry –’

  ‘But things got worse.’

  ‘Worse?’

  ‘When he was drunk he used to get these weird thoughts.’

  ‘What kind of weird thoughts?’

  Henry swallowed. ‘You know the house I lived in with Mick?’

  ‘Yes. It’s over there.’ I angled my nose towards the row of houses across the street from the park.

  ‘Well, you can see the park from the upstairs window. You can see everything.’

  ‘I don’t –’

  ‘He used to stand there, on a Saturday night, watching the girls and boys. He said they took drugs and had sex with each other. He said they were destroying their Families.’

  ‘Destroying their Families? How?’

  ‘The way he thought Sophie had destroyed his Family. By disobeying their parents, by breaking the human laws and by having sex. He said England was going to the dogs and the teenagers were to blame. I never really knew what he meant when he said that, going to the dogs, but I knew he blamed everything on the young people. And the more he drank the more he would accuse them. He told me that England used to be a great country and that it used to rule the world but that the young people made him ashamed to be English. He said that they had gone against Christian values. He said that old people were scared to go out of their own homes. He said that soon there would be no proper Families left and that something should be done. But soon Claire had had enough. She said that Sophie had the right idea, and told Mick that he had driven her away, by not giving her any freedom. Just as Claire had been deprived of the things she wanted. So one day, when Mick was out, she picked up the telephone and asked for a man to come round. The man was young, not much older than Sophie. When he arrived Claire paid him some money and they took off their clothes. Before I knew what was happening they were having sex and there was little I could do.’

  I looked at the body of the woman on the ground. ‘So what happened?’

  Henry remained calm, as he told me what I had already anticipated. ‘Mick discovered them. He told the man that he had better leave and then, when the man had gone, he said it was OK and that they knew they were having problems and that they should go to the park.’

  ‘Mick and his wife?’

  Henry sighed. ‘Yes. And, of course, when he got here, he killed her. It was dark and nobody was around so he strangled her and buried her in the ground. Although I was with him, there was nothing I could do, as I was tied to a tree. I don’t know how to slip my lead. I’m a Labrador. After it happened, he carried on as normal as possible, and kept walking me to the park, but soon he realised it was too risky and decided to stay indoors and kept me with him. Although they had no real friends, he knew someone would soon discover what happened. The only time he went out was to get more drink.’

  I remembered the plastic carrier bag Mick was holding on the evening he told us Henry had died. I remembered something else. Something more distant. The woman I had once seen, leaving Henry’s house. The woman who smelt of sadness. It must have been her, the body on the ground, although the sadness smells were now masked by death. Henry looked at me, a sudden sternness shaping his features. ‘He saw you, last night. He saw you and that other dog find the body. He was watching and he knew it was all over. So he took me out again, and dragged Claire’s body here, before killing himself. And I have been here ever since.’

  ‘Henry.’ I didn’t know what else to say. The shock was too much. ‘Henry.’ His name was the only thing left to cling on to. The only truth I could comprehend.

  An aeroplane soared overhead. I lifted my head up and watched its vapour trail fade in the sky. This was all wrong. This was Henry. Henry. My mentor. The dog who had shown me the way. Who knew everything.

  ‘I didn’t know what to do,’ he continued. ‘I had to be loyal to my master, the Pact had taught me that.’

  As I stared at the two dead bodies, I made another connection. ‘Why did you do it?’ I asked him. ‘Why did you kill Joyce?’

  Henry scratched his ear, and seemed unperturbed by my question. ‘She saw everything. She was going to tell you what happened, and then it would have been over. The Labrador Pact would have been a joke in this town if word had got about.’

  ‘So you broke the Pact to preserve it?’

  ‘You could see it like that.’

  ‘And then framed Lear for her murder, pretending to find the body by accident. So I didn’t get suspicious?’

  ‘I had no choice. The Pact has to come first. I had let my Family down, but there were still other Families in need of protection. If all this had come out, it would have weakened the entire Labrador cause.’

  ‘But this will come out. These bodies will be found and it will be on the news.’

  ‘No one will know they had a Labrador. No humans will be interested.’

  ‘But, Henry, I know. You cannot expect me to keep this quiet. We must use this experience, and learn from it. The Labrador Pact isn’t enough, we both know that. This does not have to be the end, it can be a beginning. You could come back with me, we could protect the Family together. Everything could work out.’

  Henry didn’t app
ear to be listening. ‘The Pact must be preserved.’

  ‘But, Henry, it has failed us all.’

  He stood up and continued to speak, his voice completely devoid of emotion. ‘We must never forget our duty.’

  ‘But, Henry, it is right to believe in duty over all, the way dogs always used to – but all the other stuff, it’s meaningless. It doesn’t work.’

  ‘Labradors must stay strong. If we lose our belief, we lose everything,’ he sniffed me, as if he was meeting me for the first time. ‘And you have already done enough damage.’

  ‘I’m sorry? I don’t understand.’

  ‘Word has started to get round that you killed that man. Your friend, the Springer, he has told everybody.’

  Suddenly, I was afraid. ‘Henry, come on. You’ve been through a lot, we’ll talk about this some other time.’ It was only then that I realised it had been true all along, Henry really was gone. The old Henry, anyway. The one who could show compassion, who had a sense of perspective.

  ‘The Pact,’ his voice was the voice of the grave. ‘Never betray the Pact.’

  ‘Henry –’ Before I knew it, he had me by the neck.

  ‘You must die, Prince,’ he growled. ‘The Pact must be saved.’

  ‘Please, Henry,’ I choked. ‘Please. I won’t say anything.’

  ‘Duty over all,’ snarled the monster who now possessed the body of my former friend and mentor.

  The pain was unbearable, and I was struggling for breath. ‘Please –’

  But then I realised what I had to do. I had to fight back. I thought of Joyce, and pictured her lying dead in the bushes, then felt an irrepressible force rise up within me.

  I twisted away from Henry’s grip as my jaws fixed on his throat. My teeth embedded deep into his flesh, blood coming fast.

  Everything became unreal.

  I was watching the scene from somewhere else, from above. It was another park, another Labrador.

  Henry rolled over and we fell out of the clearing. We were now in full view of Charlotte.

  But we couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop.

  ‘Help!’ Charlotte was running over, I could sense her getting closer.

  ‘No, Prince! No!’ she wailed, distressed.

  I hesitated, just for a moment. Henry fought back, lifting up, levering my head against my neck. Towards the sun.

  My eyes closed and everything was red. Sounds flooded. Henry’s relentless, deep-bellied growl. Charlotte running, breathing fast. I resisted, broke free. My jaws firmly clamped back around his neck, shaking away the life. I choked. There was something else in my mouth now. Something soft, hairless. It was a hand.

  ‘Aagh,’ she wailed. I had cut her. I had hurt Charlotte. As she bled she dragged me back, away from Henry.

  ‘Help! Please! Help!’ Charlotte called to a woman walking past the park wall.

  But it was too late. Henry was dead.

  The Labrador Pact: Have faith in the Eternal Reward

  If we protect human Families on earth, we will be united with our own in the afterlife.

  This is our Eternal Reward.

  Provided every member of a Labrador Family tries their hardest to complete their mission according to the rules of the Pact, paradise will be granted. If we stray, or become side-tracked by earthly pleasures, we concede our right to see our parents, brothers and sisters ever again.

  Labradors, you must stay strong, and always keep the faith.

  muzzle

  The muzzle is hurting now, digging hard into the side of my jaw. Adam is no longer shielding my ears, because there is no need – the waiting room is almost empty and all the barking has stopped. Only the young Labrador and myself remain to be seen.

  ‘So you see, there wasn’t any other way.’

  ‘What about the man, hanging in the park, and his wife?’

  ‘The humans discovered them, after I was gone. But they made no connection with what had happened, with me and Henry.’

  She licks my ear, tenderly. ‘But you are leaving your masters early, before your mission is complete.’

  ‘No. The main threats have disappeared. The Family will be safe.’

  Before the young Labrador has time to dispute my claim, Nice Mister Vet beckons her master into the surgery.

  ‘Thank you,’ she says, standing up.

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For making me understand why you did what you did.’

  ‘I did it to protect the Family.’

  ‘Yes, I can see that now.’

  ‘Duty over all.’

  ‘Yes,’ she says, as if she has understood for the first time the significance of these words. ‘Duty over all.’

  And with that she disappears behind Nice Mister Vet, into the room where I will soon enter and never come out again.

  I rest my head against Adam’s legs while he strokes me. He does not blame me, I know that, as I do not blame him.

  He is only here, doing this, to follow his duty. To protect the Family from the violence I have proved able to inflict against humans as well as against my own species. It’s easy for me to say he shouldn’t have told Nice Mister Vet about Henry or Charlotte’s hand or the boy with the damaged skin. But he did. He saw the violence, not the reason. He didn’t mention Simon because he hadn’t made the connection, but that didn’t stop Nice Mister Vet from delivering his fatal opinion.

  Charlotte is OK, but it was a terrible mistake. I retch, thinking again of her blood in my mouth.

  Beyond the window, on the other side of the street, is a cat. I imagine, for a moment, that it is Lapsang, enjoying the freedom she always used to talk about. It could well be, but it is difficult to tell. The cat turns towards the window, but is blocked from view by a car, parking right outside.

  The car door opens and a woman steps out. Deprived of smell, it takes a while for me to recognise her, but once I have my legs feel weak.

  She heads towards the window and raps a bent finger on the glass near Adam’s head.

  He jolts, turns. ‘Emily!’

  She beckons him outside. Adam gestures towards me and taps his watch, but still she beckons. Adam stands up and pulls on my collar.

  ‘I’ll just be a minute,’ he says to the woman behind the desk, who is in the process of reapplying her make-up.

  Once outside, Emily squats down and strokes my head.

  ‘I thought you were moving,’ says Adam.

  ‘No,’ says Emily, looking up towards him. ‘The energy is too strong here. It won’t let me leave.’

  ‘The energy?’ Adam is unable to hide the despair in his voice.

  ‘I need to tell you something.’

  Adam makes a faint whimpering sound, then says: ‘How did you know I was here?’

  ‘I went round to your house. Kate told me.’ She stroked her golden hair back behind her ears.

  ‘Kate? What? Why?’

  Emily stands back up, smiling broadly. ‘It’s a miracle!’

  ‘Miracle? Emily, look, I’m sorry. I really don’t understand.’

  ‘I’m pregnant.’

  Adam smells confused. ‘Pregnant? But I thought you couldn’t –’

  ‘With Simon, no. But with you, apparently, it is possible. I told you – about that night, there were lots of cosmic forces.’ She is still smiling a full smile as she places her hand on her stomach.

  ‘With. Me.’ Adam looks around anxiously, like a frightened poodle. ‘No. Listen, Emily. Have more tests, check everything out. I’m sure you’ve got it wrong.’

  ‘I have had all the tests. I am pregnant with your baby . . . our own family.’

  ‘Emily, listen. I have my own family. I can’t do this, I can’t even talk to you. You are in a state of shock. You’re grieving the loss of Simon. You are still traumatised. You understand my situation, you always have.’

  Emily’s smile is undented, and happiness molecules still swirl around her. ‘Oh dear,’ she laughs. ‘I can see we are going to have a few problems.’

 
‘Problems? Emily, you can’t go through with this.’

  This time, Emily’s expression changes and the happiness molecules start to evaporate. ‘An abortion? You want me to murder our child? This isn’t a dog we are talking about. This is a living, breathing human being.’

  Adam lets out a low groan. Next, there is the sound of a bell. We turn to see the woman behind the desk who is now standing in the open doorway.

  ‘Would you like to come through?’ the woman asks curtly.

  ‘Yes. I’m coming,’ says Adam. And then, to Emily: ‘I can’t talk about this now.’

  Emily is already climbing into her car. ‘I know, I thought I would come round tonight. Get everything out in the open. Get rid of all the secrets, all the negative energy.’

  ‘No. No. You can’t! I’ll come round and see you.’ But Emily shows no indication that she has heard as she slams the car door shut.

  I notice something on her back seat. Falstaff, fast asleep. The anger this sight causes is beyond my control.

  ‘This is your fault!’ I bark, through my muzzle. ‘This is where the Springer philosophy leads to!’

  He is awake now, and barking back as the car pulls away.

  ‘And where does protecting the Family get you?’ he yells. ‘It kills you, madwag, you flaming fool!’

  ‘We can’t do nothing!’ I respond. ‘We can’t just sit back!’

  Again, he barks, but the car is now too far away for him to be heard clearly. ‘It’s too late.’ Is that what he is saying?

  Adam stands still for a while, watching Emily’s car disappear into the distance. I wonder what he is thinking. I wonder if he realises the future of the Family now rests on the conscience of the dog on the back seat.

  The bell goes again, and Adam slips out of his trance. The young Labrador is leading her master through the door.

  ‘Duty over all,’ she says, sniffing me one final time.

  ‘Duty over –’ I stop, realising there is something I must say. ‘Everything I did, you know, when I broke the Pact. It was wrong. It was all a mistake. Tell every Labrador you see that my example should not be followed.’

  ‘But you said –’

  ‘I know. I’m sorry, I was wrong. The danger never goes away.’