Never Say Goodbye

by Sakwa, Kim

  She watched now from the sideview mirror as Alex got out of his mobile command center, her heart skipping a beat as he stretched to his full height. The man was dressed to the nines today. When he opened her door and smiled, saying “Morning, beautiful,” he laid his large hand across her thigh, the heat of it going right to her bones, then looked at Callie.

  “Morning, angel,” he said. “Mama and I are going to talk for a minute.”

  Suddenly, Amanda’s stomach dropped and she wondered if something was wrong. The smile on her face started to feel plastered instead of natural. She let him help her down out of the truck, but when she started to lean back against it, preparing for their normal passionate greeting, he shook his head.

  “No, sweetheart,” he said before he moved her about a foot over, probably out of Callie’s line of vision, and grinned a smile so broad and so natural that Amanda felt herself relax. Nothing was wrong, he’d just wanted a moment of privacy. Alex brushed her hair off her shoulders before those large hands swooped up and cupped the back of her head. “Bloody hell, I missed you.” Callie yelled for the swear jar from inside the truck and they both chuckled.

  “You should really work on that,” she told him, rolling her eyes.

  “I plan to.” Then he leaned down and kissed her. Another earth-shattering assault that awakened every nerve ending in her body. Seriously, this man could kiss; his lips, mouth, and tongue had her head spinning. And when he pulled away, she just stared for the longest time, not even sure where she was. Alex grinned, no doubt pleased with himself. “I asked you a question,” he reminded her.

  Amanda grabbed his lapels. “Bloody hell, Montgomery,” she told him breathlessly. “I can’t remember the year before Zander was born, so if you think I can remember what you asked me five minutes ago…before, you…you—”

  “Use your words, sweetheart,” he teased with a grin.

  She crinkled her nose at him, cocked her chin, and told him, “Use your mou—mmmp.” Jeez, for a second, she went boneless and felt him lean in, like his entire body, which felt amazing, to keep her upright. Yep, rag doll. She did, however, hear Callie making “mwah, mwah” sounds from inside the truck, which meant they were being loud. Every time they kissed it was like the Bluetooth was connected and broadcasting it through the speakers. He gave her one last nibble, then whispered, “Bloody hell, sweetheart,” when he finally broke their kiss.

  “You missed breakfast this morning,” she said, still reeling from the kiss and unable to think of anything more creative.

  “I know. We only just landed, I’m sorry.”

  “Rosa made you eggs. Just the way you like them.”

  “Fried? In butter?”

  “Yes. And yes.”

  “You really want me to have that coronary, don’t you?”

  While she knew he was teasing, her hand went over his heart. “Please, God, no,” she said, a now almost old joke between them. The first time, Alex had gotten in her face, which he had a penchant for doing, and told her emphatically that he’d had almost a dozen since he’d met her, so what was one more? And now he continued to tease her, muttering under his breath that she was going to be the death of him. Amanda laughed, knowing it was a joke, but then she caught a glimpse of him flexing his hand, as if working out a kink. He’d been doing that a lot lately, unconsciously it seemed. And it worried her. Maybe he wasn’t teasing after all.

  He took her hand and kissed her open palm, his gorgeous eyes gleaming now. “Dinner tonight, then dancing with my girl?”

  She nodded. “Uh-huh.”

  He grinned, still staring, waiting, for what she didn’t know. “Callie’s going to be late for school,” he said finally.

  Well, that got her attention. She hit his chest with a “shut the front door,” and laughed out loud. “Jeez, Montgomery,” she whispered, her cheeks feeling like they were on fire. “I forgot!” He laughed, gave her a quick kiss, and put her back in the truck. He went to the other side, opened the door, and gave Callie a hug and a kiss before telling her to have a good day at school.

  “Dance practice?” he said, just before shutting the door for good.

  Amanda smiled and nodded. “And after, Sam and I are going to pick out dresses for the Night of the Stars gala.”

  That made him beam. “Outstanding, sweetheart.”

  Yes, Amanda Abigail Marceau had taken her place in the real world once again, and it wasn’t so frightening after all. Who knew? But then maybe having her superhero around had something to do with it.

  It was seven thirty by the time Alexander made it to Amanda’s. Business was picking up, and not just because he’d been out of town, or for that matter, because he’d been getting acclimated to business period. Calder Defense was being retained by a slew of new clients. Now that Amanda was back on the scene and in public, their services had been made known, and suddenly they were on the “it” list. Hell, just today they’d picked up two new clients from Amanda and Sam’s shopping excursion. Add to that the Night of the Stars charity event coming up and time was in short supply. He’d called earlier to let Amanda know he and the crew were running late and to start dinner without them.

  Walking in through the front door, Alex was greeted by Callie running down the hall, in her pajamas with wet hair. She was hollering, “Mama, the admiral’s here, we can eat!” as she jumped into his arms. It was only then her words sunk in. Amanda and Sam came out from the living room laughing at something, and his shock must have shown, because a moment later, Amanda was at his side, reaching out and rubbing his arm.

  “You okay?” she asked. She was holding the baby, who by this time was sound asleep and should have been safely tucked into his crib for the night.

  “You waited?” Bloody hell, it wasn’t often he was stunned anymore, but his heart clenched, and not in the painful way. He just happened to be overcome with emotion.

  “Of course we waited,” she told him a second before motioning to Zander. “Give him a kiss and Helen can put him to bed.” Jesus. She’d kept him with her so he could see him. She must have read his mind, as she said, “I tried to keep him up, but he’s been out for the last thirty minutes.” He pressed his lips to Zander’s crown, thanking Helen when she held him out again so he could touch him one more time. “Come on,” Amanda said. “I’ll get you a drink, then we can head out to the terrace.”

  “Where’s Stephen?” he asked. The boys were already halfway down the hall with Sam.

  Before Amanda could answer, Sam called out, “In the kitchen with Stan.” She turned then, adding, “I think Evan’s still here too.”

  Alex nodded. Good. Everyone counted and accounted for.

  “Sorry I missed your dance practice today, angel,” he said, squeezing Callie a little tighter.

  She rubbed his cheeks and said, “That’s okay, Papa. Mama said you’ve been really busy.” She shrugged and giggled. “And besides, we can take care of ourselfs.” Callie started squirming then, so he set her down and watched as she skipped down the hallway after the others.

  Amanda grabbed his arm, stumbling into him.

  “Amanda?” he said, steadying her, concerned.

  She shook off whatever it was with a “Déjà vu,” and pulled him into the living room to pour a scotch.

  “Wait,” he said. Jesus, the everyday care of it, it was too much. He needed a moment. She’d stilled midpour—funny girl. He took a breath, then covered her hand to help her finish before pulling her back against him and closing his eyes. Bloody hell, he felt like he was in a dream tonight. Not that they hadn’t had plenty of dinners together. Or nights for that matter. It was just the level of comfort they’d reached. Now. Again. No matter how different the surroundings were. Her warm welcome, keeping the baby close, Callie skipping down the hall, the rocks glass of scotch. In all honesty, he was a bit speechless, overwhelmed as it were. His heart was beating so fast, he made a
concerted effort to slow his breath and concentrate on the fact that Amanda was whole and in his arms. They were together, and they were all safe. She turned then, rubbed her face against his shirt, and burrowed right in the crook of his neck. He loved when she did that. Music played softly on the overhead speakers and he slowly rocked them back and forth. Until he heard Callie coming back down the hall. “Company,” he whispered, and kissed the top of her head.

  “We always have company,” she told him half-jokingly.

  They were at the dinner table moments later, their conversation centering on the Night of the Stars charity event. The purpose behind the gala was to raise money for retired police and military personnel, wounded warriors and their families, as well as those who lost someone in service. The black-tie affair itself honored different members and families each year. While he’d heard that it was usually one of the hottest tickets in town, and pricey to boot, this year had exceeded previous expectations and rapidly. It might have been due in part to the announcement of Amanda’s appearance, but then Art told him they always had at least one major headliner in attendance, so maybe not. Alex chuckled to himself, still marveling over the fact that his wife, on top of being beautiful, kind, and wickedly funny, was what they called an “A-lister” here in the twenty-first century. Not that he doubted her talents, but there hadn’t exactly been paparazzi hanging around their eighteenth-century estate, and the last few months Amanda had spent on private property, so he just hadn’t been given much of a chance to see it—until recently.

  Still two weeks out and they were at full capacity, with a head count close to five hundred. While the hotel where it was being held wasn’t the largest venue in town, it was the nicest. Easily five- or six-star accommodations, and completely sold out. Luckily, Calder Defense had held a block of rooms and comped each of the families and service personnel being honored. It was the least Alex felt he could do for them, a small price for their sacrifice. He’d also held on to a suite in case Amanda needed to get away from the masses. It would be her first night out in a big crowd and she may need some space.

  Their dinner table discussion moved to their upcoming trip to New York to celebrate Callie’s birthday. It had been Callie’s request to have her birthday there and Amanda said she was okay with it. They’d spoken with Evan and thought it may be the next best thing outside of a trip to Great Britain, which, in his mind, was still not an option. Yet. By the time the table had been cleared and they started on dessert, Callie was half asleep.

  “Come on, angel,” he said, reaching out. “Let’s read a story and get to bed.”

  Amanda waved him on, telling him she’d be up shortly. Once through Callie’s routine, he lay down next to her and read her one of her Amelia Bedelia books. Halfway through, she whispered, “Papa?”

  “Angel,” he whispered back.

  “Are we really going to be together? For real?”

  He knew what she meant. While he lived next door, and they spent a lot of their time together, they weren’t all under one roof. He lifted her chin and nodded. “We are, Callesandra. I promise.”

  “But Mama doesn’t remember still,” she said, shaking her head, looking terribly worried.

  He did his best to ease her fears. “Mama might never remember, Callie.” A fact that he just might have to live with. It had been over three months, and from speaking with Evan about it repeatedly, they were still dealing with option two. Perhaps with a twist. Maybe her instinctively knowing him and a spattering of memories here and there was the most they could hope for. All that they may ever have. Amanda was having more occurrences of déjà vu. But no memories. At least not discernible in any case.

  It wouldn’t be the end of the world if she didn’t remember the first four months they’d had with each other. He realized with a start that they’d spent almost more time together now than they had before. Intimacy aside. And, if that happened to be all he got, he’d live with it. They could start over from here, now.

  “But I want her to,” Callie said. “I miss talking to her about Janey…or Goodly…or even Mrs. Beasley. The real one, I mean.”

  Alexander understood how she felt. Goodly had been a constant in her life, and honestly, he missed Goodly himself. Callie had also developed a deep affection for Janey in the short time she’d been in their household, and Mrs. Beasley was Callie’s favorite doll that she left behind. Amanda didn’t know it now, but she’d had her replicated for Callie before leaving Great Britain last year, and though Callie loved her new doll fiercely, Alexander could tell that for her, it wasn’t the same.

  “So do I, angel. So do I,” he whispered.

  “Well, aren’t you two all serious,” Amanda remarked as she came in and plopped down next to them.

  “Mama!” Callie climbed over Alexander to crawl into her lap. She put her little hands on her face. “Are we for surely going to New York for my birthday?”

  “Oh, we for surely are, Callesandra.” Amanda kissed her and hugged her. “I promise, sweetie.” Alexander and Callie shared a grin, and Amanda asked, “Is there something I don’t know?”

  Alexander laughed and shook his head. “So not touching that one, Amanda.” Then they tucked Callie in, checked on the baby, and headed back downstairs.

  When they hit the foyer, Amanda looked up. “Movie? Or do you have to go?”

  Jesus, how did she not know? He pulled her close and told her, “I don’t have to go anywhere, Amanda. I just want to be with you.” He kissed her forehead. “That’s all I want, all I’ve ever wanted since we’ve been together. Let me tell the others we’ll be in the library. Go pick out what you want to watch.”

  He found her on the sofa, Bridget Jones’s Diary frozen on the big screen. Alexander picked up the remote, turned off the lights, and stretched out on the sectional behind her, pulling her flush against him. His body always reacted to having his wife so close in his arms, but he’d found himself in this place where he was content to just be with her, be near her. Kiss her yes, hell yes. But he’d sat on the edge of her remembering for weeks now, and he wanted her to remember them before going any further. It was an odd crisis of conscience, thinking that while making love to Amanda for him would be a consummation of finding each other in the “here and now” quite literally. But for Amanda, if she didn’t remember, then what would that be for her? She’d be giving herself to the him of now, not then. Jesus, he was a selfish bastard, because as much as he was willing to have Amanda without her memory returning, he would much prefer to have her with her memory fully intact. In any case, he had no intention of telling her he’d “traveled” from the eighteenth century. Ever. Amanda would either remember and know the truth, or she would never know, period. He was giving it until their trip to New York. After which, moot point. Then she wiggled her bottom, messing with his resolve.

  “Hey, start the movie,” she said.

  He did, rubbing Amanda’s back the entire time they watched. Stephen came in long after Amanda fell asleep in his arms so they could go over tomorrow’s schedule. That sorted, Alexander told him to send the boys home and to turn off the TV on his way out.

  Alexander couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept with his wife—not made love to her, just slept beside her. He threw the cushions behind him to the floor, giving them another foot of room and scooted back, taking Amanda with him. He closed his eyes, thinking that normally he would have been saying good-night about now, and how lucky he was instead to luxuriate in the moment. As if on cue, Amanda rolled over. No pretense tonight, as if knowing in her sleep what to do, she stretched her long, lean, beautiful body chest to chest and toe to toe with his. Jesus, he wrapped her up tight, deciding he wasn’t going anywhere until she woke. The last thing he did was silence his cell and toss it to the floor. The boys were on their own tonight—all of them.

  He woke up to the gentle stroke of fingers on his face. When he opened his eyes, he could see it was ba
rely morning. Predawn light cast the room in soft shadows. Amanda’s blue eyes were focused right on him. He hadn’t slept so well in…hell, he honestly couldn’t remember. Centuries, undoubtedly. She was looking at him so deeply, a million emotions raw for him to see.

  “No one should be so handsome,” she whispered, continuing to trace his forehead and temples. “Sometimes, Alex, it hurts.” She grabbed his hand and placed it on her chest. “It hurts right here when I look at you.”

  “Jesus, sweethe—”

  “Shh, let me finish,” she said, her fingers on his lips. “When I woke up…tangled in you, I felt so content. All the things you always make me feel,” she said, looking right at him, naming each one. “Whole…safe…cared for…wanted…beautiful… Everything you convey with a look or sometimes the simplest action.”

  He took her hand and kissed her open palm. “Let’s start this over, Amanda,” he told her, his voice still gruff. “Morning, beautiful.”

  She smiled. “Morning back,” she whispered, before adding in a chiding tone, “We had all night, Montgomery.”

  He chuckled, knowing exactly what she meant and positioned her beside him. He kissed her neck, every part of her face, before ending it with a very poignant kiss to her lips. Her “Mmm” was answered with a grunt that rumbled deep within his chest.

  “I want some more of that brilliant mouth,” she whispered. “Kiss me again. Please.”

  He gladly complied. And it was brilliant. All of the two minutes they’d enjoyed until they heard Zander cooing through the monitor.

  “Divide and conquer, sweetheart,” he told her in between a few more nibbles. “Zander or coffee.”

  “I’ll start the coffee. You get Zander.”

  “Deal.”