by L.H. Cosway
Once he was finished dressing, he came forward and caressed my cheek, then pressed another light kiss to my lips. “Last night was amazing. You’re amazing. I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, see you later,” I breathed as he disappeared out the door.
I flopped back into my pillows and stared at the ceiling. Things were happening for Trev. Exciting things. I tried to imagine what that would look like for us, for our fledgling relationship. I could be his rock, the person who grounded him when life became too stressful. I wouldn’t weigh him down, but I’d be on hand when he needed support. I’d perfect the art of being the loving girlfriend without trying to sponge off his success.
I would be the soft pillow under his head if things ever became rocky.
I nodded in an effort to convince myself it would be easy, a piece of cake, and yet still, I had that distinct, unsettling, dreadful feeling that despite our best efforts to make this work, the world was going to tear Trev and I apart.
And there was nothing either one of us could do to stop it.
Give me the one from the top shelf.
This pain needs something expensive.
‘Cos my heart is so cheap.
Got a few coins?
Anyone could buy it.
Queenie, “Top Shelf Bottom Love”
One.
Present Day.
Remember that song “Like a G6”?
Well, every time I caught a glimpse of Trev’s life these days that’s what I heard in my head.
Excess.
Wealth.
Youthful folly.
Fuck yes, I was jealous, but I’d never admit it. Besides, my jealousy was far outweighed by my heartbreak. You’d think after all this time I’d be over him, and for a while I thought I was—emphasis on thought. I wasn’t. Men like Trevor Cross came around once in a lifetime. I’d had my one time. I knew that even if I found love again, it would never come close to living up to what I had for a brief second before it was snatched away.
Two years ago, we’d made the tentative first steps towards being together, but then his television opportunity came along and after a few months it felt as though we were strangers. Maybe I didn’t fight hard enough. Or maybe he didn’t. Nevertheless, there were too many other things in the mix, and our romance flickered out. It didn’t fail epically, with tears and fights and drama, but in the most un-epic way possible. Distance and fame drove a wedge between us, and sadly, I didn’t have the confidence it would take to stake a claim.
He was his show and his show was him. I was so proud of all he had achieved, and given his impoverished childhood, I knew how important money and success were. I knew he needed it to feel safe and in control. But still, I truly missed my best friend and wished we could’ve found a way to make it work.
I stared at him on the TV above the restaurant’s bar. Seriously, it had to be some kind of sick torture for him to get this much airtime. I was waiting for Karla and Lee. We’d arranged to get a lunchtime drink and a bite to eat, have a catch-up. And there was Trev on the flat-screen, lounging casually on a sofa, while he and his fellow Running on Air stars were interviewed by a perky blonde presenter.
It was a repeat I’d seen before, but I still couldn’t help watching. The interview cut to some footage of the show, with Trev standing atop an old red public phone booth. People passing by on the street eyed him curiously, wondering why this nut job had climbed on top of a phone booth, of all things. Trev’s face split in a wicked smile before he backflipped about eight feet to the ground. The show cut back to the interview, as the presenter asked another question. His voice always drew me in. I pulled out my phone and jotted down some lyrics.
Your face on every screen.
A mirror. A reminder.
Keep smiling.
Keep charming.
Your eyes are so disarming.
I continued tapping down lyrics until the stool on the other side of the table moved and I glanced up. Karla and Lee stood before me. I smiled. It had been at least a fortnight since I’d seen them last. Too long.
“Hey, you two,” I said, standing to give my friend a hug.
“Reya, you look amazing. Have you lost weight?” Karla asked cheerfully, but it sounded forced. Weird.
I gave her a look. “A little, though it’s mostly down to stress.”
She frowned. “Lexie told me about the club closing down. That sucks.”
“I know, but I’ll find something else. Hi, Lee.”
“Hey babe, good to see you,” he said, and I gave him a quick hug, too. It was just as I pulled away that I saw a familiar form behind him and time stood still. My heart thumped once, hard and loud, and my throat ran dry.
Trevor.
Now I understood Karla’s forced cheer. I sucked in a surprised breath as my gaze travelled from his mid-section to his face. He smiled so wide it practically lit up the room. That smile hit me like a wallop.
What the hell was he doing here?
And why was he smiling at me like I hung the moon and stars?
Every pore in my body tightened with awareness. My throat constricted. My lungs filled with too much air. For two whole years our paths had avoided crossing and now here he was. My heart felt like it was going into cardiac arrest just looking at him.
Get it together, biotch.
I inhaled deeply and plastered on an I couldn’t care less about your unexpected appearance smile.
“Trev, long time.”
“Too long,” he replied. “Hello, Reya.”
There was something different in his voice, a husky maturity. Sure, I’d heard it on TV, but it was different in person. It sounded like . . . I dunno, manliness.
“Hey,” I breathed.
A prolonged moment elapsed and we just . . . stared at each other. It was supremely awkward on my end but he seemed frustratingly at ease. I blinked and looked away when Lee cleared his throat.
“We gonna get some grub, or what? I’m starving.”
I turned and moved to retake my seat when Trev spoke, “What? I don’t get a hug?”
There was tense silence as I narrowed my gaze at him. His expression was open and friendly, which made it difficult to stay irritated by his random appearance. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that the key goal here was to act casual. I could have a nice, private freak-out as soon as I got home. But for now, I had to be cool.
I arched an eyebrow. “No, you don’t.”
“Ouch, cold,” said Lee with a smirk aimed at his brother.
Trev stared at me intensely. I swallowed. Then he surprised the bejeezus out of me when he stepped forward and pulled me into his arms anyway. I inhaled sharply and Karla shot me an apologetic look. This whole thing must’ve been sprung on her without warning, because she knew how I felt about Trev. She would’ve given me a heads-up if she’d had time. I sent her a look that said don’t worry about it, then returned my attention to the fact that Trev was still hugging me.
Good. Lord. His smell.
He smelled like home.
He embraced me like love.
But no, that was all in my head. It was my hormones playing tricks on me. They always led me astray when it came to him. I slowly drew away and went to take my seat. I glanced at Trev when he didn’t join us at the table, and instead stood in place. I saw a brief conflicted look cross his features before he schooled his expression and took the seat next to mine.
Guh. Why did he have to sit so close? And why on earth was he even here? Shouldn’t he be signing some random fan’s boobs, or, I don’t know, making a bet that he can jump off a ten-story building without breaking any bones? Back when we were best friends he’d always been somewhat unpredictable, but from what I’d seen on the show his wildness had only increased.
“So, what’s good here?” he asked.
I stayed quiet and let Lee answer. Perhaps it was best to interact with him as little as possible. That way he couldn’t steal anything like he always did.
My affec
tion.
My smiles.
My heart.
“The chicken’s my favourite. Though I do like their steaks, too,” said Lee.
I glanced across the table at Karla and we conducted a silent conversation.
I’m sorry he’s here.
Don’t be.
I wish I’d had time to warn you.
I know.
“I think I’ll go with the steak,” said Trev before angling his body towards me. “So, Reya, how’ve you been?”
I lifted a shoulder. “Good. Fine.”
Trev opened his mouth to say something when the waiter showed up to take our orders. I fixedly ignored his attention while I asked for the chicken parmesan and another glass of wine. I definitely needed it.
“How are Sophie and the kids?” I asked Karla and Lee. “I need to stop by and pay a visit soon.”
“They’re great. It was Billie’s birthday last week, so we threw her a little party at the house,” said Karla.
I frowned. “I’m sorry I missed it. I’ll have to get her a belated gift.”
“Don’t bother. She’s already got a mountain of stuff,” Lee put in. “The kid’ll be spoiled if you give her anything else.”
“What’s this about a club closing down?” Trev asked randomly and I had no other choice but to address him. Just my luck he heard Karla mention it when they arrived.
I coughed to clear my throat. “I’ve had a residency at Club Echo for the last year but they’re going out of business. It made up a lot of my work hours, so I need to start looking for somewhere else to play.”
“That’s shit. You don’t busk anymore?”
“Not as often as I used to.”
His brows drew together. “Why not?”
“Quit interrogating her, Trev,” said Lee, a hint of warning in his voice. He knew of our history, too, but I wasn’t sure how much about my personal feelings Karla had disclosed.
“Yeah,” said Karla. “We should all be interrogating you anyway. What’s happening with Running on Air? I saw on the entertainment news that a third season was still yet to be confirmed.”
“It’s happening. They’ll be announcing it soon. We actually start recording new episodes in two weeks. There was a bit of a bust-up between Callum and Leanne, nothing new there, but they’ve made a truce now so everything’s back on track.”
“I love Leanne,” said Karla, smiling. “No offence but she’s my favourite. And whenever she and Callum have scenes together I literally can’t take my eyes off the telly.”
Trev narrowed his gaze playfully. “You can’t say that. Only I can be your favourite. I’m family.”
“But Leanne is so cool. If I could pick any other woman in the world to be it’d be her.”
Trev brought a hand to his chest. “You wound me, sis.”
“Your ego is well-established. You’ll get over it,” said Lee, as the waiter returned and set our drinks in front of us.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m a self-absorbed arsehole etcetera, etcetera,” Trev deadpanned, his attention returning to me. “Do you watch the show, Reya?”
I took a sip of my wine before answering. “Sometimes.” Every. Single. Episode.
“Got a favourite out of the group?”
“Hmm, probably Paul. He’s a sweetheart,” I said, and Trev’s expression fell flat for the tiniest second. If I blinked I would’ve missed it. Had he thought I was going to say him? I wasn’t even lying. Paul was the youngest of the group, but he was also the most genuine, in my opinion. He wore his heart on his sleeve and whenever he had a girlfriend, he treated her like a princess. No, a queen. I wasn’t sure I’d ever find a man as good and as kind as Paul.
“Never knew you had a thing for the gingers,” Trev teased, his previous disappointment gone completely, the mask back in place.
Lee shot me a wink. “That’s something we have in common.”
Karla nudged him with her elbow and rolled her eyes.
“What?” He grinned. “We both know your hair’s the first thing I noticed.”
She shook her head and focused her attention back on Trev. “What was the bust-up between Callum and Leanne about this time? I swear I’m going to die if they don’t get together soon.”
I wasn’t surprised by her fishing. Karla had been addicted to the show since the very first episode, obsessed with the dynamic between the five main stars. I was, too, of course, but I’d never admit it. And Callum and Leanne had this whole love/hate thing going on since the beginning. It was kind of hard not to be obsessed with them. Half the time you wanted them to kiss and the other half you wished Leanne would give Callum the slap he deserved.
He was the bad boy with a heart of black. The one we all loved to hate.
Trev ran a hand down his face and let out a sigh. “I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one. Let’s just say, not everything between them is televised and their relationship has been pretty fraught.”
“Oh, come on now. You can’t just say something like that and not elaborate,” Karla complained. “I won’t sleep tonight unless you tell me everything.”
Lee and I eyed each other with similar expressions of amusement. This sort of fangirling was just so out of character for her, but when it came to Running on Air she was OBSESSED. It was sort of adorable considering she spent her days as a no-nonsense police sergeant.
Trev held his hands in the air. “Sorry, sis, but that’s not my story to tell.”
Karla folded her arms and huffed irritably. “Ugh, you’re so unfair.”
“You’ll live,” said Trev, amused.
“You have to at least give me something,” she hedged.
Trev let out a sigh and his expression sobered as he levelled her with a serious look.
“I know I shouldn’t be bad-mouthing him, but when it comes to Leanne, Callum’s got his head shoved so far up his arse he can’t see the wood for the trees.” A pause as he softly continued, “I’ve been there.”
When he turned to face me, his eyes were intense. I had a hard time finding my voice.
Was he referring to us?
“I thought you and he were quite close,” I said, unable to hold back my curiosity.
“We are. That doesn’t mean I can’t see when my mate’s being an arse.”
“He does come across very full of himself. Then again, so do you at times,” Karla commented.
“Shit, thanks.” Trev chuckled, his mood lightening somewhat.
She narrowed her eyes and smiled. “You know what I mean.”
Karla was right, though. Trev and Callum were the two strongest characters in the show, and both had very high opinions of themselves. They were the ones all the female fans adored. Leanne was the cool, badass girl of the group. Paul was the baby. James was the father figure, the oldest and most responsible, and the one who kept them all in line, when that was actually possible.
“So where are you filming the next episodes?” Lee asked lifting his pint.
Trev glanced over his shoulder, probably to check if anyone nearby was listening, but the place wasn’t too packed and the tables on either side of us were empty. “We’re doing Europe this time. The idea is for the five of us to Interrail across a few countries and perform stunts in the major cities.”
“Wow, that sounds exciting,” said Karla, her eyes alight with interest.
“Yeah, it feels like we’ve exhausted most places around the U.K. so it’ll be good to have a bit of a change. We start in Brussels, then Paris, Bordeaux, Madrid, and the last episodes will be in Barcelona.”
“Sounds like you’ll have a ball of a time,” said Lee.
It really did, and I couldn’t help feeling envious. Just a tad. Here was Trev, only a year older than me, and he had the world at his feet. And there was me, still working the same old club gigs and giving the same old piano lessons to ten-year-olds.
“It must be pretty pricey to film in all those locations and put the whole cast and crew up in hotels,” I commented.
Trev’s
attention came to me, his elbow knocking off mine for a second. I moved my arm closer to my body to avoid any further collisions.
“Yeah, but the first two seasons did so well that they upped our budget. And we’re not staying in hotels, mostly self-catering apartments.”
“All five of you will be staying in one apartment?” asked Karla. “Now this I have to see.”
Trev shot her a grin. “It’s gonna be interesting all right.”
“There’ll be drama, I just know it,” my best friend went on.
Trev chuckled. “Probably, but I’m staying out of it. I’ve enjoyed reacquainting myself with a drama-free life since I broke up with Nicole.”
“Hey, you were asking for it with that one,” said Lee. “I knew she was nuts as soon as I clapped eyes on her.”
Trev and his girlfriend had broken up? That was news to me. Then again, it was news that he’d even had a girlfriend. They always portrayed him as single on the show, but maybe that was to keep the fans’ interest up. How long had they been together? If Lee knew, did Karla know too?
It actually stung a little to think that Karla had intentionally kept that from me, but I wouldn’t hold it against her. It would only be to protect my heart, as was her way, something I loved and appreciated about her. What hurt the most though? During our friendship, I’d never known Trev to hold down a relationship longer than three or four months. Before he had that phone call two years ago, he had wanted us to be more. But then, I became invisible to him. He’d pursued me, but when there were other offers on the table—no doubt, so readily—I was forgotten.
“Yeah well, I learned my lesson the hard way,” said Trev, his voice pulling me from my meandering, depressing thoughts.
A moment of silence fell, and again I wondered about this girlfriend. What had she done that he’d learned a lesson? My curiosity and the fact that I couldn’t voice it was maddening.
The waiter came with our food and we continued chatting as we ate. We didn’t discuss anything more about Trev’s personal life, much to my disappointment. I shouldn’t have been disappointed, of course. I shouldn’t have wanted to know anything about him at all. But I was often prone to wanting things that were bad for me, which was the story of my life really.