A Brother's Secret: The Sacred Brotherhood Book V

by A. J. Downey

  “Oh, promises, promises,” she declared, but she was already working buttons loose on my black shirt. I grinned and covered her mouth with mine. She kissed me with some of that fire of hers and pushed my shirt back off of my shoulders. I pulled it off and let it hit the floor, intent on getting inside her.

  She sucked in a sharp and appreciative breath when I hauled my undershirt over my head and let it fall next. I gave her a smile that said she was in serious trouble and her eyes grew hungry.

  That gave me an idea.

  “Lay back,” I demanded and she did. I went to my knees between her legs, using an arm as a bar across her hips to keep her from bucking or writhing, I nipped the inside of her thigh. She giggled and tried to squirm, but I wasn’t going to let that happen.

  I tasted her and God, she was good. Her whole mood immediately downshifted with the touch of my tongue and she went from giggling and squirming to letting out a sharp, throaty moan, her fingers grabbing the edge of the counter as she sat up abruptly to watch me.

  I met her suddenly so-serious gaze and teased her clit with the tip of my tongue, sucking it into my mouth slowly. She closed her eyes and moaned faintly, her knuckles turning white where they gripped the edge of the stone countertop. I draped her long legs over my shoulders and went to town, determined to make her come at least once to make sure she was wet enough, ready enough, to take my cock.

  She shuddered and I worked a finger inside of her, curling it up, stroking that slightly rough patch on her roof. She cried out, shaking, fighting to keep her legs from wrapping around my head and finally she lay back.

  “Oh, ow!” she cried and I looked up sharply.

  “You okay?” I demanded.

  “Ohhhh no! I just cracked my head really hard!” She sucked in a sharp, pained breath between her teeth and I stood up. She had both hands wrapped tight around the back of her head, lifting it from the counter.

  “Shit,” I muttered and helped her sit back up.

  “Oh my god, so stupid!” she cried and I gently pried her fingers away so I could look. She bowed her head and I probed the spot gently with my fingertips. She yipped when I found the swelling goose egg and I bowed my head and tried not to laugh at the sheer absurdity of it.

  Fuck, I felt so bad. It clearly hurt her and was swelling pretty quick. She made to get down and I stopped her, my hands on her knees.

  “Stay right here; I’ll get you some ice.” I went to one of the drawers and pulled out a Ziploc freezer bag and dispensed some ice from the fridge. She watched me, half wincing, half trying not to laugh and I felt my lips twitch.

  “You do think it’s funny!” she accused.

  “Well, yeah, kind of hard not to, but I feel bad you’re hurt.”

  She laughed, “Of all the stupid fucking things to do…”

  “Hey, it’s okay,” I twisted around so she could see the bulge in the front of my slacks. “Even slightly maimed you’re still sexy as fuck.” She lost it then while I wrapped the makeshift ice pack in a dishtowel and brought it to her, easing it onto the back of her head.

  “Mm, note to self, eat you out on soft surfaces only.”

  “You’re really good at it,” she said knocking her shoulder into mine.

  “Yeah?”

  “Oh, yeah.”

  We laughed and she smiled, gaze roaming my face. It was an intense look, and one I didn’t readily understand so I asked, “What?”

  “Just… I love you. More than anything. More than life itself,” she said.

  “Mali…”

  “No, I mean it. If anything happened to you because of me –“

  “Stop.”

  It came out harsher than I meant it to and she looked vulnerable, uncertain, and for the first time that I could ever remember she looked that way about me.

  “Are you mad at me?” she asked and the hurt and uncertainty in her tone was so far off her baseline it scared me.

  “No, I’m scared for you, Mali.”

  “Scared?” she echoed in disbelief.

  “Yeah. You as good as told me you were trying to kill yourself. That you gave up. That’s not my Amalia Rose, baby. That’s some other girl. This,” I waved my hands in front of her, “constant melancholy. This isn’t you. You can’t let what happened to you break you like this. I need you. You mean everything to me!”

  Her eyes dropped to her lap, and her listless hand there. She lowered the other with the ice pack from the back of her head and rolled her lips together. She didn’t say anything. I mean, shit, this wasn’t the way I wanted to handle it. Fuck, did I just fuck up? Did I just chase her back down deep inside herself?

  I fought the panic clawing its way out of my chest and up my throat as I worried, did I just turn into every other guy she’d ever been around or been with?

  “I don’t know what to do with this…” she said and I blinked.

  “The ice pack?”

  “No, this.” She waffled her hands back and forth. “I have all these damn feelings and for the first time ever, I don’t feel like I have to keep a lid on them and not all of them are good, you know? It’s like the dam has busted six ways to Sunday and the water’s out and I can’t get it back in…” She looked up at me, her eyes misting and asked, “What’s wrong with me? What do I do?”

  I grabbed her and pressed her into my bare chest, my arms going around her, her breath hissing out as I touched the back of her head to hold her close and comfort her. The enormity of the moment causing me to forget what’d started us down this damn road in the first place.

  Fuck, U-turn. How do I get us back out of this mess?

  “I need to know you aren’t going to try anything. That you aren’t going to hurt yourself.”

  “Of course I’m not!” she warbled.

  “Promise me, baby. I can’t face a fucking world without you in it. I’ve never had to before and I don’t fucking plan on it.”

  She looked up at me sharply and sniffed, searching my face. “You really never gave up on me, did you? Not once.”

  “Not even for a minute, not for one second,” I affirmed.

  “How did you know?” she asked, dubiously.

  “I didn’t, I just never gave up.”

  “I’m sorry I did,” she said and sniffed.

  “I get why you did, but you can’t ever again. You promise?”

  “I promise.” She held up her pinky finger and I latched onto it with mine.

  “Never let me go,” she said and cuddled close to me.

  “Never gonna.”

  “Good, because it’s all I ever wanted.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Glad we had this talk,” she snarked and I laughed. I couldn’t help it. That was Mali, that was my girl… she raged, cried, did whatever she had to in order to let it out, and bounced back at the speed of light stronger and better than ever.

  30

  Amalia…

  I legit had a headache for two fucking days after cracking my skull on the damn counter. Didn’t stop me from having sex with him on the couch that night, but I’d begged off going anywhere. I still felt as fragile as blown glass and needed time to cool properly after my raging shit storm of a crying jag.

  God, I hated that shit.

  Now we were at his clubhouse on a Friday night and the boys had all come back to get the little women and children out of what they called the media room. Gag me with a spoon, but being on the domesticated end of the spectrum was so not my thing.

  Kyle came in behind Trigger, caught one look at the sour look on my face and started laughing.

  “Everything all right?” Shelly asked, catching the same look. Man, my mouth wasn’t the problem. It was totally my face that needed some sort of deliverance.

  I told the truth, couldn’t help myself. “The mommy shtick is so not my scene.”

  She smiled and nodded, one of the kids was teething, and I knew it wasn’t their fault but the damn crying set my nerves on edge and made me antsy.

  “It’s okay
, I totally get it,” she said. “I always wanted my own kids but other people’s kids? Not yours!” she shot a look at Red who was looking over amused, Melody echoing the look beside her. “Like stranger’s kids. Like to drive me up the wall!”

  “Yeah, it’s no offense,” I said wincing as another one of the toddlers started in after getting beaned in the head with a block.

  “Come on,” Kyle said laughing, holding out a hand. I took it and he hauled me off the end of the couch. “We’re out!” he called.

  “Man, now I feel like I’m being shitty!” I groused as he pulled me out the door.

  “No, trust me, they aren’t in the cult of mommy, they get it. They signed up for it, you not so much.”

  “Amen,” I said. “Not disappointed are you?”

  He shook his head, “No. I can live without the baby phase.”

  I laughed, “Okay, all right.”

  I knew it was a conversation we had before, but people changed their minds, you know? I had to check and see every once in a while. I knew I took bullheaded to a new level, but not everyone made a decision and stuck to it like I did. Kyle was in this, too and his thoughts, his feelings on any given subject, meant the world.

  We went out the back and up to the fire pit area. I sank onto one of the benches and Kyle dropped onto it next to me, his arm automatically lying across the back of the seat and curving around my shoulders.

  “Your kid is crying,” Revelator called out from behind us towards Ghost who was crouched and trying to get the fire lit.

  “Yeah, so’s yers,” Ghost said absently.

  “Go on, the both of you. I got this,” I said getting up and Rush called out, “Sit down all o’ you! Before you go an’ fuck up my fire pit!”

  I snorted but sat back down gratefully, putting myself closer, tucking myself tight into Kyle’s side.

  Bailey, Rush’s girlfriend and apparently Dray’s cousin on his mama's side, had two beers each in her hands. She stopped in front of Kyle and held two of them out to us with an arched brow.

  “Thanks,” Kyle said and took them from her.

  “Just doin’ what you asked,” she said with a wink.

  “And he’s expressing his appreciation, Bailes!” Dray called out. Bailey and I exchanged a look and rolled our eyes in unison.

  “Jesus, I heard that all the way from over here,” Everett called as she and Dray took a seat across and one swing to the left of us. Cue some good-natured laughter.

  I liked this. I felt at home – like I might actually fit here. Even more so when Kyle’s arm tightened around me, dragging my temple to his lips where he pressed them for a kiss that took two seconds longer than was polite. Of course, that’s because I knew he was breathing me in. He liked the smell of my shampoo, or so he said, which I found funny because I hadn’t used the same stuff more than twice since we’d landed here. I kept raiding his stock of stolen hotel shampoos and conditioners and it was killing my color.

  Even though there were other men and women of his club around, I felt comfortable. Like we might as well be out here alone, so I asked the question that’d been burning the shit out of me for a couple of days, now.

  “Where were you going to take me the other night before I so gracefully tried to give myself permanent brain damage?”

  He snorted and laughed and hugged me a little closer, but before he could answer, Trigger did it for him.

  “Was supposed to bring you by the shop.”

  I frowned and echoed the word questioningly, “Shop?”

  “Yeah,” Disney said, showing up to the fire with his arm around his boyfriend. “Our shop.”

  “As in tattoo?” I asked.

  “Asking about if she wants the job?” Revelator asked, coming up bouncing his son. The boy had finally stopped with the crying and was sucking his thumb, his tear-stained face dull and sightlessly staring from where it lay on his dad’s shoulder. Lost in his own dreamy little imagination, the kid was tuckered out and two seconds from racking out completely, and I felt a pang of almost, almost, wanting one of my own.

  I had no doubt that I would be completely cured of the notion as soon as he started screaming again. I just did not do screaming child well at all. They sent my damn blood pressure through the roof and made me want to punt a puppy or something.

  Yeah, my ‘mommy’ was definitely broken.

  “What job?” I asked, suspicious.

  “We get a lot of transient talent to fill spots for a few weeks here and a few weeks there, but we have a station we’d like to permanently fill,” Trigger said, looking across the licking flames at me.

  “Seriously? Just like that, you want to give me a job?”

  Revelator laughed, “No, not just like that.”

  “You forget we have your portfolio?” Disney asked, grinning.

  Yeah, I actually had… Fuck.

  Out loud I said, “No, but I didn’t expect you all to go snooping, thought that wasn’t y’all’s style.”

  “Oh! Listen to her! Losing that city girl accent already,” Rush grinned.

  “I was a Kentucky girl long before I was a city anything,” I reminded him. Kyle nuzzled the side of my neck and I got the hint. Cool it down, he didn’t mean anything by it.

  “Couldn’t help myself,” Disney declared. “Good art begs to be looked at.”

  “Spot’s open, but it’s a limited time offer,” Revelator said but he wasn’t being a dick about it. He stared into the fire, rocking his body back and forth, shifting from foot to foot and bouncing on his knees a little and the tyke was almost out.

  “How limited?” I asked.

  “As in not on the table for long,” Rev said.

  I rolled my eyes, “Do I have to decide right this second, or can I see the shop first?”

  “I’d hope you’d want to see the shop first,” Trigger said grinning.

  “When?” I asked coolly. I didn’t want to seem over-eager.

  “We’re open tomorrow,” Disney declared.

  I nodded slowly, thinking it over. I mean, did I really want to put all my eggs in one basket? I settled against Kyle and sheltered close to his body while a tempest of thoughts raged in my head.

  Living with him, being a part of his life was becoming as natural as breathing. Granted, I was restless as fuck and wanted to go back to work, but did I want to work for his club brothers? Was that a good move? I mean, I was sure there were other shops in the area that could use some talent. I mean, if I had to leave, working for these guys would make it that much harder to bolt at a –

  I startled so hard at my revelation I physically moved and Kyle’s attention snapped to me.

  “You okay?” he asked slowly and gave me some serious side-eye when I answered too quickly.

  “Yeah, fine. Random cold shiver.”

  “It’s in the 70’s out here and we’re in front of a fire,” he said flatly. I hung my head, and he took a pull from his beer. “Come on, let’s go somewhere we can talk.”

  Well, I wasn’t getting out of this one, but granted I wasn’t trying very hard to either. He led me away from the fire and away from his brothers over to a copse of trees near the fence line. They made a triangular clearing and there were three hammocks set up over here. The bough of one of the trees hung low enough to screen us from view of the fire and everyone else, giving us the illusion of privacy. I took a drink of my own beer and let the sudsy, hoppy goodness go down smooth.

  “Spill,” he ordered teasingly and sat down in one of the hammocks, boots planted firmly on the ground so he could swing back and forth a little. I joined him, and we sat under the dim, deepening twilight, rocking back and forth, sipping our beers.

  “I just had a rude thought back there is all,” I told him, suddenly worried that if I told him, it would hurt his feelings.

  “Yeah, about what?”

  “I was just letting my train of thought steam on, wondering about working for your friends…”

  He interrupted me gently, “Mali, they’re y
our friends, too.”

  “I know,” I said blushing faintly. God, what kind of an asshole was I? The kind that doesn’t let anyone into your circle and guards it like Fort Knox, my sarcastic self answered.

  I let out a frustrated exhale and pursed my lips, Kyle just patiently waited me out. I finally rushed it out, like ripping a Band-Aid off, “I weighed whether or not it was a good option to go there in case I had to make a quick exit again.”

  He nodded slowly, “I see, and what did you come up with?”

  I looked up at him like he’d grown a second head, and when he didn’t immediately laugh like he used to, I did what I used to do and crossed my eyes to add to the effect. I got the sought-after laugh, took a deep breath and said, “To be honest, my train of thought derailed right then.”

  “And now that it’s back on track?”

  “I’m pretty sure there were no survivors, dude.” He laughed again and fell silent, taking a drink from his beer and waiting me out again. To be fair, I used the silence to do what he was silently asking me to do… think about it. I mean, really think about it.

  I was so tired of running and I didn’t have to anymore. I mean, the problem was taken care of. I knew that. I guess it still hadn’t fully sunk in, though. Seventeen years was a long time to be doing any one thing.

  “Old habits die hard, I guess,” I muttered.

  “They say it takes 19 days for any new habit to take.”

  “And to break an old one?”

  “I’d like to think of it as rewriting code,” he said.

  “Nerd,” I accused.

  “Jock,” he shot back, and I smiled.

  We were silent for a long time and finally he asked me, “You don’t have to make a decision until you’ve seen the shop, will you at least go and do that?”

  I thought about it and nodded slowly, “Yeah, I’ll do that. You coming with me?”

  “If you want me to.”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Then I’ll go with you.”

  More silence, the urge to say something growing in me like a soap bubble on the surface of the water. Growing and growing until it finally burst and the words rushed out, “I’m not going anywhere, you know that right?”