Bagging Alice (Standalone) (Babes of Brighton Book 3)

by Laura Barnard

  I look to the girls, not sure if he’s joking.

  ‘Sorry, just my sense of humour!’ he snorts. ‘Very unprofessional of me.’

  Brooke bursts out laughing. ‘I’ve been calling him Ted Cunty. I didn’t think of the Bundy thing.’

  Trust Brooke to say the word cunt to a police officer. I raise my eyes heavenwards.

  ‘Do you think you’ll be able to get it taken down?’ I ask, ignoring her.

  ‘We’ll contact the site owners and tell them to remove the photo due to it being involved in a police investigation, and we’ll send an officer around there to arrest him. We’ll seize any computer items and send them to our high-tech crime unit.’

  ‘And they can prove if he posted it?’ I ask eagerly.

  ‘They can use the IP data to see if it was the computer that posted the photo. It can take a number of weeks though.’

  ‘But if you can prove that, you’ve got him, right?’

  ‘Well, then we’ll be able to interview him. Depending on the amount of evidence we’re able to obtain from high-tech crime we might then be able to send on to the Crown Prosecution Service. It’ll be up to them to decide whether to charge him or not.’

  God, it’s all so confusing.

  My stomach sinks. ‘Shit, what if he claims someone else posted it on his laptop? Is there anything else you can do but tell him off?’

  It feels like too big a deal for just a bloody slap on the wrist.

  ‘I had it emailed to me,’ Brooke interjects. ‘Surely you can trace the IP address from that too? My boyfriend’s been trying to take down the site, but it’s always back up within an hour.’

  ‘Ah, now that’s something we can do,’ he says more positively. ‘If you could forward the email to me.’ He passes both of us his card. ‘And if anything else changes or progresses, feel free to contact me directly. Any time of the night.’

  Evelyn is putting on her sexy eyes. She obviously thinks that’s his way of chatting her up.

  ‘Thank you.’

  But I know as well as the girls, nothing will ever come of this. What a colossal waste of time.

  Alice

  He’s late home tonight. I know he’s avoiding me, but I’m trying desperately not to care. He’s probably out shagging everything he can in Brighton. Good luck to the dickhead.

  I must have nodded off on the sofa when I get woken by the front door slamming. Damn it, I wanted to be in bed by the time he got in. He saunters in, throwing his keys on the hallway table.

  ‘Oh,’ he says when he spots me on the sofa. ‘I didn’t think you’d still be up.’

  I shrug. ‘I fell asleep. So, I wasn’t waiting up for you or anything,’ I add quickly.

  He winks. ‘Course you weren’t, sweetheart.’

  I roll my eyes. He’s so bloody full of himself. How can one person be so bloody self-assured?

  I get up to walk past him towards my bedroom but something moving across the floor catches my eye. I freeze as soon as I realise it’s a giant, big arse spider. FUCK! My worst nightmare.

  Maybe if I stay still it won’t notice me and will go back to the depths of hell where it belongs.

  Of course it doesn’t though. It instead darts towards me, its eight spindly legs faster than Usain Bolt.

  ‘Aargh! Aargh!’ I scream, jumping up on the coffee table. ‘Kill it!’ I yell at Tom.

  His eyes are twice the size of normal. ‘What?’ he asks, like a stupid bloody male.

  ‘Kill it! KILL IT!’ I screech, jumping up and down so hard I’m sure the table is going to cave in.

  ‘Okay, calm your tits,’ he shouts, a stupid smile at the edges of his mouth.

  He starts walking towards it, but his stupid giant footsteps startle it. It starts running towards me again.

  ‘Shit!’ I scream, leaping into the air and jumping onto him. I scramble high up him, holding onto his neck, my legs clinging on like a koala bear’s. ‘Kill it!’ I shriek, my voice so high it breaks. At this rate I’m going to have to burn the flat down.

  ‘I can’t see it,’ he shouts, staggering backwards with my weight.

  I scramble even higher, clambering with my hands around his face.

  ‘Now I can’t see anything!’ he shouts, stumbling forward.

  His shin hits the front of the coffee table making him fall forwards. We’re going down. We slam onto the sofa like a sack of potatoes. I fly down next to him, my arm crushed by his big stupid body.

  ‘Crap,’ I say, out of breath, still wondering where that bastard spider is. It’s as if I can feel it on me. Probably trying to get in my ear and lay hundreds of spider babies.

  He stares back at me, his eyes incredulous. ‘So, I take it you don’t like spiders?’

  ‘Shit,’ I gasp. It’s still alive. I jump onto the back of the sofa.

  He jumps up and eventually stamps his foot down. ‘There. Dead.’

  I put my hand to my chest, feeling my erratic heartbeat returning to normal.

  ‘Is it really dead? I want to see its body,’ I demand. I don’t trust that he isn’t lying. Anything to get me to calm the fuck down.

  He rolls his eye and lifts his shoe. There are the remnants of the squashed spider.

  ‘Excellent,’ I nod, swallowing down the fear.

  He grins. ‘I thought you were a vegetarian. Aren’t you guys supposed to be friends with all animals?’

  ‘Not spiders.’ I shudder. ‘They’re different altogether.’

  He smiles devilishly. ‘Well, at least now I know your weakness.’

  ‘I swear to God, Tom, if you ever threaten me with a spider I will fucking murder you in your sleep.’

  He creases over laughing. ‘You make me die, Alice!’

  Well, I suppose that’s one way to break the ice between us.

  Wednesday 17th October

  Alice

  ‘So,’ Brooke presses over coffee at hers the next morning. ‘How’s it going living with hot stuff?’ She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

  I roll my eyes. ‘It’s a nightmare. Although I’ve found one good reason to keep him around.’

  Her eyes nearly burst out of their sockets. ‘No! Oh my god, Alice! Tell me everything.’

  I stare back at her, dazed. What the hell is she going on about? Wait... does she think I mean I slept with him?

  ‘Ew, no! Brooke, you’re gross.’ What the hell is she like?

  She cackles, her eyes alight with mischief. ‘It’s not gross. It’s only a matter of time between you both.’

  How random is she being? Just because we’re temporarily living together does not mean we’re going to bone. That’s like saying men and women can’t be just friends. Tom and I aren’t even that.

  ‘You have met us both separately, right? You do know how much of a long shot that is?’

  She wiggles her eyes. ‘Not that long a shot, I’m telling you,’ she grins. ‘And you’d be in for a treat. He could fuck you into next week.’

  ‘Ewww!’ I shriek. ‘Too much information, Brooke.’ The thought of them two having sex is too much.

  She throws back her head in a hysterical laugh. ‘Anyway, we need to talk business.’

  She’s called me here today saying she has an idea for a joint business venture. With her being a designer, I don’t really understand what she could do for me. I already edit my own pictures.

  It has me worried. I know I’m not earning good money at the moment with all my clients cancelling—no doubt because they’ve heard I’m some whore that poses naked—but I’m not sure about blending business and friendship. Besides, I’ve been thinking I need to go back to reaching my goal of being a fashion photographer. That’s what I always wanted to be.

  ‘So, you know how I found Erica reading that embarrassing romance book about a month ago?’

  I smile at the memory. ‘God, we ribbed her. What was it called again?’

  ‘Barefoot Detective.’

  We both collapse over again in hysterics.

  ‘Anyway,
’ she continues, stirring sugar into her coffee, ‘it got me thinking about book covers.’

  ‘Riiight?’ Where is she going with this?

  ‘So, I joined a load of book groups on Facebook to do my research and custom-made covers can go for anything up to £600.’

  ‘Shit.’ That’s crazy. Just for a book cover?

  ‘Exactly. So... I’m thinking with your photography and my graphic design we could make ourselves a little side business doing this. What do you think?’

  Wow. It’s actually an idea that’s not completely crazy. I feel bad for doubting her so easily.

  ‘Well... I was going to say that we shouldn’t involve ourselves in a business relationship,’ I admit.

  Her face drops. ‘Oh.’

  ‘But... for that sort of money I’d consider it.’ Her face lights up again. ‘How would we divide the money?’

  ‘Sixty, forty. I’d handle all of the advertising and reaching out to clients and once you’ve photographed you just send me the files and I do the rest.’

  It does sound good. And it’s not like I’m booked back to back with clients.

  ‘Okay,’ I shrug. ‘Why the hell not? If it means I get to pay the rent, it’ll be worth it.’

  ‘Great,’ she beams. ‘Now, we should probably do a few mock-up covers to show off our skills. I’ve already asked Nicholas, and he’s refusing point blank.’

  I giggle. I can’t imagine him wanting to pose around like a pretty boy.

  ‘But Jack is up for it as long as it’s nothing too risqué.’

  ‘Okay, great.’ I already know he’s mad photogenic.

  ‘I was hoping that you’d also ask Tom.’ She grimaces.

  Oh hell no.

  ‘What? Why the hell do we need him?’ He’d just love me begging him to take his shirt off.

  ‘Oh, come on, Alice. You know as well as I do that it would be weird for me to ask him. He might get the idea I’m trying to chat him up or something.’

  I roll my eyes. ‘He knows you’re with Nicholas now.’ Not that I reckon it’d stop him. The guy has no standards. I wouldn’t be surprised if he fucked his friend over.

  ‘Yeah, and you know how crazy jealous he gets. I don’t want to give him an excuse to think I’m still hung up on Tom.’

  It’s true. I’ve seen him sulk when Brooke flirted with a bartender. She just loves the attention.

  ‘I still can’t believe you ever slept with that Neanderthal.’ Who I now live with.

  She snorts. ‘Don’t diss it ‘til you try it. He’s great.’

  I really can’t imagine that. Surely with him just having one-night-stands, he’d be a selfish lover. Out for all his pleasure and not interested in yours.

  ‘What, better than Nicholas?’ I can’t help but ask. I’ve always wondered.

  ‘No! Of course not,’ she snaps. ‘With Nicholas it’s completely different.’ Her eyes become dreamy. ‘It’s so raw and passionate. He even...’ she stops to blush. Brooke blushing. Jesus, what is he into?

  ‘Brooke, I don’t think I have ever seen you blush. What the hell did you do? Did he buy you a sex swing or something?’

  She snorts a laugh. ‘No, nothing like that. He...’ More blushing. ‘Well he told me he wants us to live together.’

  I dribble out some coffee. ‘Oh my god, that’s amazing! Did you agree?’

  ‘Yeah,’ she nods, covering her face with her hair. ‘God, it all feels so girly and cringe talking about it, but... God, I’m fucking nuts about him. In fact, I don’t know how much longer I can cope with us living apart, so it makes sense.’ Brooke gushing about a guy is still so strange to me and now she’s so in love with Nicholas.

  ‘Really? So, what’s holding you back?’

  She sighs, slumping her shoulders. ‘He doesn’t want to leave his dad after the heart attack. He’s all better now, but he’s worried he’ll be lonely.’

  ‘Oh,’ I nod. I get why she doesn’t understand that. Like me, she’s not grown up close to her parents. We both got out as soon as we could. ‘And you wouldn’t move to Peterborough?’

  ‘Yuk!’ she screeches dramatically, like I just told her to consider Iraq.

  ‘It’s really not that bad!’ I snort. ‘And it’s so cheap you could probably buy.’

  ‘You move there, then,’ she retorts with raised eyebrows. ‘Besides, now that I’ve found my dad I don’t want to move far away from him.’ She only recently re-united with him after growing up not knowing who he was. ‘So…’

  ‘So...?’ I press. God, what has she done?

  She cracks a devilish smile. ‘I’ve put his dad on Tinder.’

  ‘You’ve WHAT?’ Only Brooke would be nuts enough to put a middle-aged man on Tinder when he has no intention of dating.

  ‘Yep,’ she nods. ‘I made his profile last night. There’s already been some matches.’ She starts taking her phone out of her bag.

  ‘You are fucking insane. He’ll never go for it.’

  She starts flicking through pictures. ‘But what if he does? Some of these are alright looking. Problem solved.’

  I get up and collect my bag from the back of the chair. ‘Whatever, don’t involve me. I don’t want to be involved when it all blows up in your face.’

  ‘It won’t,’ she says, sounding hurt. ‘Just ask Tom about the photos, yeah?’

  ‘Maybe,’ I call after me before slamming the door shut.

  Tom

  Dad called me today to find out how I was doing. Find out if I’d fucked up yet more like. The thing that I haven’t told the others is that my dad all but kicked me out. Told me he was sick of me treating the place like a hotel. Or did he use the word brothel? I’ve forgotten.

  Not even a happy birthday call to my mate back home, Charlie, managed to cheer me up, and he was complaining about his nutty family. I normally piss myself over that shit.

  I’m barely in the flat when Alice starts being nice to me. It’s unnerving as hell. She clearly wants something.

  ‘Why are you being so nice?’ I ask as she serves me a cup of tea.

  She looks hot as fuck today in black and white hounds-tooth cropped trousers, and a tight black t-shirt that’s just short enough to see a glimpse of her stomach. Her hair is scooped up with one of those head scarfs she likes to wear wrapped around it.

  ‘Can’t I just be pleasant?’ she shrugs with a wide grin, kicking off her red-and-white polka-dot heels and collapsing next to me on the sofa.

  ‘Okay.’

  She lets out a huge sigh. ‘Ugh, I can’t do it. Alright, there’s something I need to ask you.’

  I smirk. ‘I knew it. Go on then.’ She clearly wants a piece of Maddens.

  She turns to face me. ‘Right, well...’ She squirms awkwardly, twiddling with a ring on her finger.

  Wait a second. She does want to do a friends-with-benefits thing?

  ‘I know what you’re going to say,’ I nod knowingly, a grin splitting my lips apart.

  She frowns, her red lips falling open slightly. ‘You do?’

  ‘I do,’ I nod, trying not to come across as too arrogant. ‘You want to make a friends-with-benefits arrangement. That’s fine, but we need some ground rules.’

  She starts to smile. She’s happy I’ve said it for her. Then she bursts out laughing.

  ‘God, you’re such a tool.’

  ‘Huh?’ Wait, she doesn’t want my dick?

  ‘I don’t want to sleep with you, you twat.’

  ‘You don’t?’ I’m genuinely confused. I was sure she secretly wanted me. What the hell else could she want to ask me?

  She rolls her eyes. ‘Of course I don’t. Jesus, Tom, not everyone wants to shag you. It’s actually quite sad that you think that’s all your worth.’

  What the hell does that mean?

  ‘What I wanted to ask was if you’d mind posing semi-naked for a book cover?’

  I stare back at her. Is this another joke? Is she setting me up just so she can ridicule me again?

  ‘You want
me to what now?’ I blurt out, growing tired.

  She starts explaining that her and Brooke are starting a new business venture and they want me to be the model. Of course they do, I’m hot.

  ‘So, what exactly would I get out of this?’ I ask with raised eyebrows, my tongue suggestively at the side of my mouth.

  ‘Bragging rights?’ she offers weakly. I raise my eyebrows. As if I’d do it for nothing. ‘Okay,’ she finally relents, ‘we’ll also pay you a hundred quid if we sell the photo.’

  ‘That’s more like it.’ I could do with the extra cash. ‘And my pictures aren’t going to end up online for some haemorrhoid cream advert or something, right?’

  I see it cross her mind. Evil cow.

  She chuckles. ‘No, don’t worry. They’d be exclusively for book covers. Although now you mention that...’

  Knew it. I love when she tries to tease me. ‘And you’ll be taking the pictures?’

  She nods. ‘I will.’

  The thought of forcing her to look at my half naked body through a lens has a thrill going straight to my dick. She won’t be able to resist me for long after that.

  ‘Okay, I’m in. As long as you can control yourself.’

  She rolls her eyes. ‘Somehow I think I’ll manage.’

  It’s so sweet how she thinks she can resist me. Only a matter of time before she’s in my bed and I’m collecting my winnings from Nicholas.

  Thursday 18th October

  Alice

  Today I’m shooting Tom’s pictures after he finishes work. I’ve been looking around all day for inspiration of where to shoot and I’ve decided on the beach. It’s an easy all-rounder. He can take his top off, and look all muscly and pout, or whatever. He’ll probably freeze half to death with it being particularly chilly today. Added bonus.

  Jumping from foot to foot, I try to warm myself up as I wait for him. I wrap my coat around myself. I love this coat. I got it in a vintage market. It’s bright red with a leopard print fur trim and so comfortable. Coats these days are so cheaply made; you can really tell the quality in stuff made years ago.