Keeping Secrets in Seattle

by Brooke Moss

  I was relieved that I wouldn’t be wearing a chicken suit, and that Alicia had picked the right dress for my figure. Did she always have to do everything right? No wonder Gabe was marrying her. She was freaking perfect.

  “That dress is great.” I slid the photograph back to Alicia. “Who doesn’t like black? Black is slimming, right?”

  “Good thing.” Rose whispered into her mimosa.

  Marissa examined me with a grin. “Will you be bringing a date to the wedding?”

  I silently thanked God that I had a boyfriend. “Yes.”

  Alicia blinked in surprise. “Who?”

  “His name is Landon. We’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks.” I popped a stray grape into my mouth.

  Alicia’s mouth twitched. “Wow. That’s great, Violet. Does he, you know, have tattoos and stuff?”

  Rose frowned at me. “Should make for some interesting wedding photos.”

  I took a bite of my bacon and chewed it slowly, trying to think of a good response to that.

  Kate looked up from her BlackBerry and announced, “You can’t let just anybody in your wedding party. These pictures will be on your wall forever.”

  Alicia nodded. “True. I wanted to have my cousin in the wedding party, but—”

  “Naomi?” Marissa barked. “Ugh. She’s fat.”

  “Well, I wanted you girls first, of course,” Alicia said.

  Rose propped her chin on her hand. “You told me she would stick out like a hippo amongst swans.”

  Alicia glanced at me, her cheeks turning pink. “I didn’t think she was a good fit.”

  And…there was the girl I knew was inside of Alicia. It was clear by the way she shifted in her seat that I was starting to see the bitch underneath her super sweet candy shell.

  “Are there going to be any hot groomsmen in your wedding?” Kate asked, pushing her plate back.

  Rose grinned wickedly. “I second that.”

  Alicia laughed. “Well, Gabe’s friend, Lyle, is married. But Greg is single. Or at least I think he is.”

  “Is he cute?” Shawn called, fingering her licorice braids.

  “Sort of.” Alicia brushed her hair off her bony shoulder. “Not as cute as Gabriel, though.”

  All the girls nodded like obedient robots. “Not many men are,” Marissa pointed out, flashing her giant teeth.

  That’s for sure, I thought, looking down at my discarded bacon, forcing myself to picture Landon’s tousled faux-hawk and shining eyes. I needed to focus on the now. And Landon was the now.

  “And then, of course, there is Cam.”

  “Cam, who?” Marissa asked.

  Alicia’s gaze landed on me. “Cameron Hakes.”

  I saw a flash of light in my peripheral vision, and it felt like I’d been punched in the gut. I swallowed down the lump in my throat and squeezed my eyes shut. She couldn’t have mentioned another name that would have conjured up such a violent reaction. There was only one person on God’s green earth I hated so much it coursed through my veins with my blood, and that was Gabe’s other best friend, Cameron Hakes.

  “Tell us about him,” Rose squealed. “Is he rich?”

  Alicia’s eyes shifted back to her friend. “He’s very good looking. Blond, muscular, works as a sports writer in San Diego now. We flew there a few months ago to see him. He’s great.”

  I was going to be sick. Right here on the expensive linens.

  Kate sat up straight in her chair. “Is he available?”

  Again, Alicia looked at me from the corner of her eye. “He sure is.”

  I wanted to yell and scream my warning to the girls, Stay away from Cameron Hakes, he’s a monster. But my ability to form words eluded me. There were too many people around, too many sets of ears to hear what I wanted to tell them about Cameron. These girls had no idea what they were messing with. Flirting with Cameron was like flirting with a rattlesnake. Utterly and completely dangerous.

  “Good,” Rose said before downing the rest of her mimosa. “Nothing perks a wedding up like a groomsman to flirt with.”

  The floor swayed beneath my chair. I’d spent ten years working to get over that name, to forget that person, to wipe any and all memories involving him out of my brain altogether. Yet no matter what I did, no matter how independent I was, and no matter how strong I pretended to be, nothing could erase what had transpired between Cameron and me so long ago.

  Scooping my purse up off the floor, I pushed my chair back. “Well, thanks for inviting me. Just let me know when and where to meet you for the fittings, and I’ll be there. And if you need help with anything else, please call me. I’m always happy to help out.”

  Alicia looked relieved. “I’m sure you are. I’ll be seeing you later.”

  I plucked the bacon off my plate as I stood. “It was a pleasure, ladies.” I started toward the exit, light coming through the glass doors like a beacon. I wanted to get the hell out of there and call Landon. I needed a serious dose of positive energy.

  “Oh, Vi?” Alicia called.

  I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth, and turned on my heel. Only Gabe called me Vi. Ever. “Yes?”

  Her face was kind as she got up from the table and approached me, but the frostiness in her eyes could have turned the marble floors into an ice skating rink. “I’m sorry about that.”

  My knees locked into the upright position while the rest of my body wanted to keel over. What did Alicia know about Cameron? Gabe didn’t even know the whole story. My bladder squeezed, making me need to escape to the restroom so I could lose control of all of my bodily functions at once. Underneath my weight, my ankles began to tremble, and perspiration sprouted from all my pores. Instead of replying, I just shook my head.

  She rubbed my arm with sympathy that felt more theatrical than sincere. “I’m sure it’s awkward for you to be in the wedding with Cam.”

  “What?” My throat clenched, and it was hard to squeak even one word out. I was not only going to be in Gabe’s wedding, but I was going to be standing next to Cameron Hakes while I did it.

  Her perfect chin went down, and her green eyes iced over. “You know, with yours and Cameron’s sordid history. Gabe and I are just hoping you can make it work. For our sake.”

  I spun around and stomped away, jetting past the hostess. Bursting through the double doors, all eyes in the Silver Cascade were on me as I practically ran past the windows, holding my breath, willing myself not to fall apart where they could see. I walked a full three blocks before I finally let the dam burst, my tears falling while I kicked the wooden post of a stop sign over and over again.

  “Son of a bitch.” The wood was still hard and partially frozen, and it tore open the toe of my shoe.

  Every single day, every single hour, every single minute since the night I was wound up in Cameron’s bedroom, I’d begun the process of preparing myself for the moment when I would face him again. Now I was going to have to stand next to him at Gabe’s wedding, pretending that everything was all right in front of the five hundred guests who would be watching me.

  I worked so hard at keeping the truth about what happened a secret from Gabe. I fought with everything I had inside to never reveal my most shameful mistake to anyone. Especially Gabe.

  My warm tears cooled in the chilly February air while I waited for the bus. I felt like the tiny, perfect bubble I’d created for myself had been popped, and now I was left exposed and raw.

  I saw the bus lumbering along from stop to stop from a half mile away, and dove into my purse for my BlackBerry. The bus came closer as I wiped the tears off my face. Taking a deep breath to cool down, I punched out a text message.

  I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU ASAP.

  Just as the bus groaned to a stop before me, I pressed send.

  Chapter Nine

  September 25, 2003

  I refuse to go back to school. My mom is mad. Really mad. She says that I need to learn how to put on a brave face and move on. But I’m not like her. I can’t pretend nothin
g happened. I can’t eat. Can’t sleep. Can’t think. I want to tell Gabe. He deserves to know the truth, instead of thinking I’m some sort of slut.

  I heard the roar of the motorcycle before I saw it. When I craned my neck out the door of the bus, I saw Landon riding up on his silver Harley, a bouquet of flowers sticking out of the saddlebag, a few loose petals flying out behind the bike. My mouth melted into a smile, and I jumped off the bottom step onto the pavement and ran over to his waiting arms.

  He grunted when I landed against him. “Hey, beautiful.” He pulled his helmet off. “I went to catch you at that Silver Cascade place but didn’t see you there.”

  I snuggled against his chest. I felt disconnected, like I was on the verge of floating away on the damp February wind, and Landon was my anchor. “You went to find me?”

  “Yeah. I took the afternoon off. It’s Valentine’s Day.”

  I looked up at him. Thoughts of Cameron started to scuffle back to the corner of my mind where they belonged. This was exactly what I needed. To be able to gaze into Landon’s warm brown eyes and have his arms around me.

  “Was that too…stalker-ish?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “Not at all. It’s perfect.”

  He rubbed my arms gently. “You seem sort of tense. I know you said you weren’t looking forward to today. Did the brunch go okay?”

  “No, it went all right. I suppose.” I tightened my grip around his middle.

  He pushed a strand of my hair back from my face and grinned warmly, eyes crinkling at the sides. “You suppose? Want to talk about it?”

  I thought about it for a beat. Did I want to share this with Landon? Were we at that stage in our relationship already? The stage where we started confessing our secrets? Was it time for me to admit all of my worst faults to Landon? I could see it now: Um, Landon, I tend to talk in my sleep, and I also sometimes drink coffee straight from the pot so that I don’t have to wash a mug. Oh, and I’m also in love with my best friend, and I have a whole treasure trove of secrets involving him, his other best friend, and my entire junior year of high school.

  Yeah…no. Too soon for that conversation.

  I looked away. “Gabe’s fiancée just brought up some old topics that have long since been buried.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  I held my breath. It was tempting. The thought of sharing my secret with someone made me wonder how relieved I would be. As quickly as those feelings came, though, they departed.

  “Nope.” I eyeballed the bouquet and glanced at him. I didn’t want to tell him about Cameron yet. I wanted to remain blissfully preoccupied. “Are those for me, or for your other girlfriend?”

  He laughed. “Well, she’s working late tonight, so…”

  “Two-timer.”

  “Silly girl, of course these are for you.” He handed me the daisies. “They reminded me of you. So colorful and cheerful.”

  I took the flowers and grinned. This guy was a keeper. “They’re beautiful.”

  Landon brushed his lips over mine. “Not nearly as beautiful as you.”

  I sank into his kiss, letting my worries dissipate beneath his touch.

  It was Landon who pulled away first. “I have a whole Valentine’s Day celebration planned out. We need to go.”

  “Where are we going?” I followed him to the back of his bike, where he unstrapped a small eggshell helmet.

  “It’s a surprise. But we’re going there on my bike, so you need to change your clothes.” He handed me the helmet and climbed onto his bike. “Hop on.”

  I gave him a sideways glance. “So you’re saying that a skirt is out of the question.”

  He released a low whistle. “As hot as I know you’d be in a skirt, jeans are more appropriate today.”

  “Oh, come on, gimme a clue.” I crawled onto the back of the bike and wrapped my arms around his middle.

  “No hints.”

  And true to his word, there were no hints. Instead, we went to my apartment, where Landon dove into my closet, emerging with a flannel shirt and a giant fisherman’s sweater, citing that I would “thank him later.”

  I smiled when he slipped into the bathroom before we left. Even though we’d only been dating a few weeks, he was already talking about our relationship in the long term. Instead of being allergic to such talk the way most guys were, he seemed to enjoy planning a future together.

  “Hey, hurry it up in there,” I teased from my kitchen. “This sweater is really warm.”

  He laughed from behind the bathroom door, and went to check my phone for messages. I sent Gabe a text message as I left the Silver Cascade, and then got too caught up in my Valentine’s Day celebration to answer his three calls.

  “Hey, Violet…it’s Gabe. Dude. What’s up with your cryptic text message? Sorry I didn’t get back to you quicker. I was at the grocery store buying groceries for Valentine’s dinner. Why anybody would want to eat a mushroom with the word ‘shit’ in the name is beyond me. But Alicia loves that kind of fancy crap. Whatever. So anyway, give me a call, and let me know what’s up. I’ll be around. Later.”

  I covered my mouth to keep Landon from hearing me giggle as Gabe rattled on. The sound of Gabe’s voice made a shudder go through my body, so I pressed repeat and listened to it again two more times.

  I heard the water running in the bathroom and pressed delete. It was time to chill out. Here I was, in my apartment with my new, good-looking and thoughtful boyfriend, and I was obsessing over a voice mail left by a taken man.

  “Get over it,” I muttered, making a mental note to call him as soon as I got home. Gabe would be up late. He always was. Unless Alicia was spending the night…in which case, he wouldn’t be able to talk. I had a sudden urge to throw up.

  “Ready to go?” Landon’s deep voice came from behind me and made me jump.

  “Oh, you scared me,” I burst out.

  “Sending me a text to tell me to hurry it up?”

  I slid the device into my jeans pocket. “Exactly. Let’s do this.”

  “No, wait.” Landon held up two hair bands. “I found these in your bathroom. May I?”

  I nodded, blushing. He swept one side of my hair into a ponytail, then moved to the other side, where he gathered the remaining hair into another one. Every time his fingertips brushed the skin on my neck, an excited shiver ran up my spine. When he was finished, he leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose. “We’ll be on the bike for a while. Don’t want you to get tangles.”

  A brief memory of Gabe kissing the tip of my nose as he’d left me at my locker one day in high school flitted through my mind.

  I curbed it by throwing my arms around Landon’s neck and mashing my mouth against his. The heat between us flared instantly. Landon’s breath caught in his throat, then released in a long, warm sigh as I pressed against him. His arms went around my waist underneath the sweater, his callused palms pressing against my skin. My insides stood up and took attention.

  “Whoa.” He pushed me back by the hips. “You really know how to get me going.”

  I tried to close the space between us. “That’s a bad thing?”

  Taking me by the wrists, Landon held me a foot away. “Not bad. Just dangerous.”

  I lowered my eyelids. “Don’t be such a wuss.”

  His expression changed from heated to determined. “Oh, I’m no wuss. We just have plans.”

  With that, he laced his fingers through mine and led me out my apartment door. The ride into the Cascade Mountains was cold but beautiful. Though the roads were clear and dry, both sides were blanketed in crisp white snow, and the scent of pine permeated my nose as my head rested on Landon’s leather-clad back. The air was crisp, but he was warm, and it comforted me to know that he was real, instead of some high school memory I was clinging to.

  It was almost an hour before we pulled off the main road and wound our way up into the thick pine trees. We passed a small mountain lake that reflected the trees and sky like a mirror. “Where are
we going?” I yelled over the roar of the engine.

  “It’s a surprise,” Landon called.

  The gravel road curved around the water, coming to a dead end in front of a log cabin with a long deck running the span of the entire house. The front was covered in river rock, and I could see through the front window that the entryway was lit up with a giant antler chandelier, and there were several animal heads mounted on the walls.

  Landon slowly brought his bike to a stop, then climbed off with a proud grin on his face. He removed his helmet and helped me with mine.

  “Where are we? Whose house is this?”

  He lifted my helmet and smoothed down my hair. “This is my parents’ place.”

  “Your what?” I looked down at my mud-splattered jeans and old sweater. “You brought me to meet your parents?”

  He laughed. The sound was deep and rugged, and it made my knees knock together. “No. They’re out of town. You’ll meet them soon enough.”

  “Oh, I will?” I looked around in awe. “Wow. This is nice.”

  “My dad built it right after he retired. He and my mom go to Arizona every year for the winter, and I come out here every few weeks to check on the place while they’re gone.” He took my hand and walked me to a porch swing. “I want you to wait here. I have to get a few things ready.”

  “Okay.” I sat down.

  “Stay here, beautiful.”

  I nodded, and off he went, letting himself into the cabin. I listened to pots banging, and a door being opened and shut several times, but stayed where I was, engrossed in the beauty around me. The wind rustled the trees over my head, and I even saw a deer cross the driveway a hundred yards away. I didn’t hear a single sound besides Landon puttering around on the other side of the cabin and some frogs croaking in the long grass surrounding the water.

  I could get used to this.

  He finally approached from the opposite end of the porch. “You ready?”

  I let him lead me through the house to the backyard, where he’d placed several bales of hay around a giant fire pit, and a bonfire was now burning. There were some trays of food, a bottle of wine, and two glasses sitting on a blanket waiting for us. Landon had brought out speakers for his iPod, and it was playing some soft acoustic music. He’d lit a dozen paper lanterns to illuminate the path down the back steps, and dropped a few dozen more daisies like the ones he’d given me earlier all over the bales.