Keeping Secrets in Seattle

by Brooke Moss

  “Hi.” I gazed up at my best friend, and my eyes filled with unexpected tears. I’d missed this. I’d missed Gabe. Before Alicia came along, we’d met for coffee and doughnuts before work at least once a week. I hadn’t seen him since he’d come over to ask me to be in his wedding.

  He squeezed my arms. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  I shook my head and forced a little laugh as Gabe led me into his apartment. He’d hired my mom to decorate it for him after he bought it, and it was done in what I liked to call “minimalist yuppie.” Glass tables, clean lines, and black, white, and gray furniture that was all positioned to face his extensive high-definition entertainment system that got channels from as far away as Mars. A far cry from the flea market delight of my own apartment.

  We sat at his glass-topped dining room table, and I fiddled with my rainbow-colored gloves for a few minutes before looking up and into Gabe’s concerned eyes. “Nothing’s wrong. I…had a really good time downtown the other day. I’ve just missed hanging out with you.”

  His face relaxed a bit. “Me, too. You sure that’s it? Did you and What’s-His-Name have a fight?”

  “His name is Landon.” I glanced at him sternly. “And no, we’re doing fine.”

  “Sorry. So do you want some coffee?”

  I shook my head. “No, thank you. I’ve already had three cups.”

  “Three? Geez, Vi.” He looked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Gabe’s eyes were my weakness.

  I drew a long breath and set my shoulders back, feigning strength. “I want to talk about that night.”

  Silence. We sat in our seats, just breathing in the coffee-scented air. Gabe and I both knew what I was referring to.

  “All right,” he finally said, his jaw clenched.

  I looked out the window. “I want to tell you the truth about what happened between Cameron and me.”

  That name tasted rotten on my tongue, and I had to swallow the bile that rose in the back of my throat. This conversation was going to be about as pleasant as smashing my fingers with a hammer, but I had to do it. No way I was going to get through this wedding if I had to stand next to Cameron. Gabe had to decide which one of us he wanted in the wedding party more—Cameron or me.

  “First off,” I said, “when were you planning on telling me that Cameron is in your wedding?”

  Gabe’s eyes met mine. “I was going to, but Alicia beat me to it.”

  I looked up at him, opening my mouth to explain what was troubling me, but every word that came to the top of my throat just toppled back down. Over Gabe’s shoulder, I noticed that there were a handful of black picture frames that my mother had picked to go on his dining room buffet. I’d been bugging him to get pictures into those frames for the past year.

  Three of the six frames were filled. One was of Gabe and me at his twelfth birthday party, our heads thrown back, laughing hysterically. One was of Gabe and Alicia, shortly after he’d proposed. Her eyes were bright with tears, and she looked unbelievably happy, as did he. And the last was of Gabe and Cameron Hakes, their arms thrown over each other’s shoulders, both of them sweaty, a basketball under Gabe’s muscular arm.

  The chair beneath me suddenly swayed, and I felt sick.

  Gabe frowned at me. “Hey, what’s going on? Are you all right?”

  I stood, nearly knocking my chair over, and stomped over to the picture. After flipping it facedown, I turned to face Gabe, my arms wrapped around my middle. “I just want to know why Alicia brought Cameron up in front of everyone at brunch.”

  Gabe’s eyes flashed. “She brought it up at brunch?”

  “Of course she did.”

  He groaned. “I guess she thought it was better to get it out in the open. So you’d know that Cam was in the wedding, too.”

  “How can you still be friends with him after everything that happened?”

  “The same way I’m able to be friends with you, I suppose.” He looked at me with pain-filled eyes. “Vi, why are we discussing this?”

  I dragged a hand through my hair. “You need to understand what went on that night. Just because we never, ever talk about it doesn’t mean it never happened.”

  Gabe’s eyes pointed down at the table. “I thought I did know what happened?”

  My hand came down on the tabletop loudly, sloshing some of his coffee onto the glass. “No, you don’t.”

  “You slept with someone at a party while I was upstairs.” His voice was low and metered, but I saw his hand trembling as he fiddled with his mug. “I thought we were exclusive, but we weren’t. It was only our first date, and I was just a stupid, lovesick kid. I didn’t know that you liked Cameron.”

  “I didn’t.” My eyes filled again. “We were exclusive.”

  “Then why?”

  “I should have explained all of this so long ago,” I whispered.

  Gabe raked a hand across the top of his head. “Explained what? That you drank too much and had sex with my friend? Vi, I’ve had a long time to get over this. I’m okay now. I wish you could be as well.”

  My knuckles were white against the tabletop. “Gabe, that’s not what happened.”

  He leaned forward. “Then what did happen?”

  I mustered up every ounce of strength I could find and drew a deep breath. “I only wanted to embarrass him. He was always so mean to me. So I flirted with him. I didn’t know that…” My voice trailed off as I glanced at the tipped frame. I was choked on the overabundance of words in my throat, and my eyes blurred as I looked at Gabe. I wanted to tell him. Really, I did. But I knew deep down that the moment my secret came out into the open, everything Gabe and I had worked so hard to rebuild after I came home from Utah would be smashed into a million pieces.

  He shook his head. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  The buzzing in my head was almost louder than his voice. “This is just bringing up a lot of old feelings. That was a really rough time for me.”

  He sighed. “It was a rough time for all.”

  I gripped the table edge. “Gabe, that night…with Cameron…I—”

  The shrill ring of Gabe’s cell phone sounded, and I released an aggravated moan. Ten steps forward, eight steps back.

  He took the call and spoke to the person on the other end tensely. “Uh-huh, okay…yes, I’ll be right there. I’m about thirty minutes away.” He pulled his suit jacket off the back of his chair and slid it on. “See you soon.”

  He ended the call and grimaced. “That was my boss. I’m so sorry, but I really have to go. Um…can we finish this conversation later?”

  My shoulders drooped. This secret was burning a hole in my brain, and I had to get it out. But every time we got close to the truth, one or both of us toppled backward. Instead of helping Gabe see that Cameron had no place in his wedding, much less his life, I was bickering with him. We’d been sitting here for ten minutes, and I was going to be the stupid best man standing next to the devil incarnate.

  “Gabe, it was a miracle you made any time for me this morning,” I told him through clenched teeth. “You say we’ll finish this later, but will we?”

  He reached for my hand again. “Please don’t be mad. I’ll call you tonight, and we’ll set up a time to finish.”

  I nodded, just once. Every muscle in my body was too tense to offer more than that.

  The corners of his mouth tugged downward. “I know I’ve been unavailable lately, and I’m sorry.”

  Damn my stupid chest for tightening every time he looked at me that way. “We used to be together all the time. Everything’s changing. We never see each other, we never talk. I miss you.”

  He came closer to me, rested his keys on top of the table, and sat in a chair next to me. I suppressed a shudder when his hands enveloped mine. “I miss you, too, Vi.”

  “I always knew that someday you’d be getting married, but I always thought it would be…” I bit my tongue.

  He nodded, and brought my fingers up to his mouth. “I know. Me, too.”

&nb
sp; His chair squeaked as he stood next to me. “Listen, I’ll make sure that we talk soon. And I promise that we won’t be interrupted.”

  We were just a few inches apart, and I could smell his shaving cream again. I took a deep breath. “Agreed.”

  We walked toward his door.

  “Promise me that you’re okay?”

  I took a long, deep breath. Was I okay? My health was good. I still had a pulse. My secret was burning a hole in the back of my brain. I was going to have to find some super-human strength from somewhere if I was going to get through this wedding.

  “I will be once we talk again. Uninterrupted.” I pulled the door open.

  He scooped me into a stifling hug. “Whatever’s going on with you, I…I miss you. Okay?” He spoke into my hair, his breath against my scalp. The inappropriateness of the way he gripped me sank down into my core as his fingers spread against my lower back, holding me against his body tightly.

  Muttering my good-bye, I pulled away briskly and made a straight shot for the stairs. I couldn’t handle being that close to Gabe anymore. That was going to have to stop if I ever wanted to be able to move on.

  Chapter Eleven

  November 1, 2004

  I hate going to school. I hate the way I have to look over my shoulder all the time, watching out for that bastard Cameron. I don’t know how the hell Gabe can stand that piece of garbage. He tortures me…every…single…day. Someday I’ll get revenge. Someday I’ll make him pay, I swear it…

  My phone buzzed as I climbed the steps to my apartment, and I fumbled through my purse to grab it in the dimly lit hallway. It had to be Landon, calling to say good night. This is what having an adoring boyfriend was about. The late night calls, the cute little text messages, the impromptu tickets to Victoria, B.C. he’d presented me with…

  Aw, hell. It was Gabe calling. It was a whole lot easier not to obsess over him if he didn’t call me late at night. We still hadn’t finished our conversation, and over a week had passed with us sidestepping the topic altogether.

  Squeezing my eyes shut and mouthing a curse word—or two—I pressed talk. “Hello?”

  Gabe’s deep voice rang through the phone. “Hey. How’s it going?”

  I will not get into a long, drawn-out, borderline inappropriate conversation, I told myself. “Not bad,” I squeaked. “How ’bout yourself?”

  “I’m good. Drowning in wedding hell around here.”

  I rolled my eyes at the mention of The Wedding of the Year. “My mom told me it’s turning into quite the lavish affair.”

  He made a sound that was a cross between a scoff and a snort. “Yeah. Seems to be. And it’s breaking the bank.”

  I climbed the steps to my apartment. “Wait…isn’t the bride’s family supposed to pay?”

  “Alicia wants us to be self-sufficient.” Gabe’s voice had a bitter edge. “We’re trying to cover most of it ourselves.”

  About a dozen red flags went up in my mind. “Dude. My mom said the wedding is at the Royal Regency Hotel. How can you afford that?”

  “We’re getting by,” he said defensively. “You only get married once, so we might as well do it up right.”

  “Unless you’re my mother.”

  “Ha, ha, ha. Seriously, though, stop worrying. I’ve got it under control.”

  “Fine. So…whatcha calling me at ten-thirty at night for? Is this the only time of day Alicia gives you phone privileges?”

  “Okay, ease off. I have a favor to ask, a wedding request, and I think I may have heard a rumor about you.”

  “Oh, yeah, what rumor?”

  “I’m sure I heard your mother say that you were looking into a couple of positions in Portland.”

  I fished my keys out of my purse. “Um…well, yeah. I actually sent my résumé to a salon where my friend works.” I failed to add that the idea of seeing him and his waifish wife around the city was the number one reason why I was considering it.

  “Why would you do that?”

  I gulped as I turned the key in the lock. “Just a change of scenery, I guess.”

  “I’m fairly certain that my ears doth deceive me,” Gabe said. “There’s no way you would leave the Emerald City. You wouldn’t really leave…would you?”

  I grinned, letting myself into the darkened apartment. “Remember my friend, Chloe? She opened her own salon and she’s looking for a lead stylist.”

  “Is she the one with the dreads?”

  “That’s her.”

  “That’s really cool, Vi.” Gabe’s voice had dropped an octave, and he sounded sad. “You’re perfect for the job. So…if she offers you the job, are you gonna go for it? What does What’s-His-Name think about this? Should I plan on wrapping your knickknacks in bubble wrap soon?”

  I shut myself in my bedroom and started to undress. “His name is Landon, and I haven’t decided yet. No need for bubble wrap just yet.” Pulling a T-shirt over my head, I looked down, realized that it was Gabe’s, and grimaced.

  “Well,” he went on, “you can’t leave me. How can you make logistical decisions like this without my input?”

  I climbed into bed with the phone pressed to my ear. My insides were whirling like a helicopter. Gabe cared about where I lived? “Whoa, sorry. Didn’t realize you still wanted input in my logistical decisions now that you’re a claimed man.”

  “First off: Just because I am no longer a wild mustang doesn’t mean I will be walking around in shackles,” Gabe announced proudly.

  I pulled my quilt up over my body and grinned. “Whatever, my friend. I hate to burst your bubble, but you are now an obedient quarter horse.”

  “A quarter horse? Not cool.” He sighed. “Have you discussed moving with your new boy toy?”

  I sucked in a sharp breath. “His name is Landon, and no. Not really.”

  Gabe paused. “Trouble in paradise, Vi?”

  “No. There is no trouble in paradise,” I said, biting my lip. “In fact, we’re going on a trip together. He surprised me with tickets to Victoria, B.C. tonight.”

  “Wow. A trip? Already? Sounds like it’s getting serious.”

  “Yeah, it’s serious. I mean, getting serious.”

  “I don’t mean to pry.” Gabe paused. “Isn’t it moving a bit too fast?”

  I scowled at the phone. “This from the guy who got engaged on some sort of hormone-induced whim? Are you kidding me?”

  “It wasn’t a hormone-induced whim. But this trip sounds like one.”

  “What does it matter to you if I go to Victoria with my boyfriend?”

  Gabe’s voice softened. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “Just…let me worry about my own love life.” I rubbed my eyes and turned off my lamp. “What’s the favor you wanted to ask?”

  “Can you come give me a haircut Saturday afternoon? Alicia said my hair is getting too shaggy. I keep telling her it makes me look rugged. Like the Marlboro man.”

  I snorted. “You do not look like the Marlboro man. Yes. I will cut your hair on Saturday.” Gabe had been mooching free haircuts from me from the moment I started cosmetology school. Not that I minded. And we could have our conversation about Cameron.

  “Thanks.”

  I pretended that my heart didn’t tumble when he said that. “So what was that wedding request, anyway?”

  “Alicia needs you to come to a dress shop for a fitting with her bridesmaids. She wants you to try on the dress she picked out. I told her that you really dig animal prints and plaids, but no go. I imagine she’ll be putting you in something very proper. Sorry about that.”

  “Nice try.” I snickered. “I’ve already seen a picture of the dress. No plaid in sight.”

  Trying on dresses in front of the girls I’d met at brunch sounded like about as much fun as getting a root canal without pain meds. I suddenly had the urge to step outside my apartment and walk in front of a bus, just so that I had a relevant excuse not to go. Which reminded me, the dress was going to be a gigantic expense I’
d forgotten to plan for. I groaned loudly.

  “I don’t want to,” I whined.

  “Come on. For me?”

  “Okay, fine. But you owe me.” I dragged a hand down my face. “Brunch with those girls was…well, let’s just say I was like a lamb led to slaughter.”

  “Alicia means well. She really does,” Gabe said. “Just go to the dress shop on Coupler Boulevard, Saturday morning at ten. Give Alicia a chance. She will grow on you.”

  I made a gagging sound. “She’ll ‘grow on me’? Now you’re comparing your fiancée to a fungus? Nice. No comment.”

  Gabe laughed again. “Okay. I’ll tell her you’re coming. And Vi?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I really don’t want you to move. I would miss you so much.”

  This was the point at which I wanted to climb underneath the blankets on my bed and scream. “I would miss you, too, Gabe.”

  “’Night.” His velvety voice made my middle tighten.

  “Good night.”

  After closing my phone, I set it on the side table and squealed into my pillow. There was nothing better than talking with Gabe right before bed. My day was complete. Just as my eyes started to droop, I heard my phone buzzing again. Another message.

  “Gabe, you dork.” I giggled and opened the phone.

  It was an e-mail from Landon.

  “Whoops,” I said. “Forgot all about you.”

  Hey, beautiful…thanks for the wonderful night. Can’t wait to go to Victoria with you. But I need to see you much sooner than that. How’s Saturday looking for you? Love you…

  --Landon

  Landon was the one I was supposed to be thinking about while I fell asleep. He wanted to spend Saturday with me, but Gabe needed a haircut. And I wanted to try to get the rest of my secret out. Quite the conundrum. I needed to be a good, loyal girlfriend and spend the day with Landon…but I missed hanging out with my best friend.

  I shook my head and pulled my quilt up over my face. I would figure it out in the morning.

  …

  There was something about being around Alicia’s bridesmaids that made me feel like I was back in junior high school. All that was missing was the acne and training bras.