by L. J. Woods
But I’m fucking impatient.
“Godfrey,” I snip and I see his body tense but he doesn’t look back.
After last night’s conversation, I’m starting to see Gabe in a new light. Well, an old light if you take into consideration that I’ve always had this stupid feeling of attachment to him. Even when we weren’t around each other. He’s like a security blanket. Whenever I was without Elijah, I knew he’d be keeping me safe.
Instead of joining the line to the busses with the rest of us, Adam and Gabriel disappear into the boys’ bathroom. I can think of only one reason.
“Is he ignoring you again?” Hazel asks, her phone ringing in her pocket. “Hard to keep the attention of a god.”
“Seems like you’re soaking in it though.” Her lips curl into her mouth as she pulls her phone from her pocket. A little white pill falls out with it before my eyes narrow. Hazel doesn’t seem to notice. Crouching to pick it up, it looks like that shit Gabe and I took that night at the rink. Holding it to her face, I ignore the other students glaring at me as I wiggle the little pill at her eye level. “Damn, Hazel. This looks like fun. I doubted you.”
Her eyes widen as she snatches the baggie from my hand, looking around. “Are you insane? Someone might see you!” she snips. “I’m not getting expelled or yard duty because of you.”
“Hey, it’s not mine. This shit fell out of your pocket.”
She stares at it in her hand. “I-it did?”
“How do you not know you have drugs in your pocket? Lemme guess, holding it for a friend?” That reminds me of what Gabe did to me before his drug test. “Wait, is this Adam’s?” Hazel’s phone rings again, her body stiffening as I get a glance at the screen.
Pastor fucking Godfrey.
“You can have it,” she says, staring at the screen on her phone. She puts it back in my hand. “I gotta go.”
“I thought you were helping him last night.”
Blue hair comes into view as I lean off the wall. Gemma. I haven’t seen her in days. She heads towards the dean’s office but she’s not in uniform. Gemma wears a blue fitted dress, curves and tits on full display like a badass plus-size model. Her head held high, she walks through the door.
“I was,” Hazel says, tugging on the cross of her choker. “What does it matter? I’m getting extra credit for all this and with my grades, I could use it.” Weird. As far as I know, Hazel’s a straight-A kid. “See you later. I’ll text you.”
As students get hoarded onto the busses, I keep my eyes on the office, waiting for Gemma to come out as I shuffle ahead in the line. If Hazel’s not my partner then I have plenty to talk about with Gemma.
I’m almost at the front of the line when she leaves, Dean McQueen’s hand on her shoulder. He gives it a tight squeeze as she wipes her eyes and lifts her head.
Is that the older man?
A student pushes me forward towards the door but I keep my eyes on Gemma. She doesn’t join us. She continues down the hall in the opposite direction with a thick envelope in her hand.
“Gemma!” I call, but she doesn’t turn around.
Fuck. So much for answers. So much for a partner.
Looking around, there’s no chance I want to be with any of the other sheep here in this flock. And while I want to be sober the next time I talk to Gabe, it doesn’t look like he’s talking any time soon. Looks like finding Hazel’s pill is my ticket through this trip. With a quick look around to make sure no profs have their eyes on me, I slip the pill in my mouth, swallowing it hard.
“Daniels, right?” The minute the pill goes down, Coach is in front of me. “And your partner?”
“I don’t need one,” I say, chin high. “I’m good on my own.”
“The buddy system never fails!” he announces, making me flinch with how loud he is. “Godfrey! You’re with Daniels!”
“Fuck,” he mutters. Whipping my head to the sound of his voice, he’s right by my side, hoodie over his head. Shades on his face. He clears his throat. “Uh, I can’t.” Not sure where Adam went but Coach ushers us out the door before either of us can protest.
There’s no hiding now.
Gabe goes ahead, boarding the big white bus. Climbing on behind him, I take a look around. This isn’t your average school bus. Leather seats sit on either side of the wooden aisle, Gabe heading to the ones towards the back, all empty. The lighting inside is almost romantic, dim and flattering. Following Gabe, he pushes through as everyone else scrambles for a seat. He has that wobble he had the night we first bumped into each other before he collapses in the seat near the window. His shades stay on, head hitting the glass.
When I sit down, I have to push his knee in so he doesn’t take up the entire row. Stupid move, Godfrey. You’re trapped now. “Nice shades,” I say.
He smiles, keeping his head on the window. “Thank you very much,” he responds like Elvis, slow and slurry. He’s already fucked up. Elijah had the same moves when he was rolling on something.
“You that bothered by our conversation that you needed to touch the sky?” Not judging him on the drugs. I’m judging him on his avoidance issues.
He brings his finger to his lips, leaning back with his chin tilted to the ceiling. Crossing his arms, I don’t have to lift his shades to know his eyes are closing. He’s not the least bit interested in having this conversation right now.
Fucking irritating.
“Don’t shush me!” Leaning closer to him, I give him a taste of his own medicine. “You didn’t mind when I was screaming your name while you had me against that cross. Or that shed.”
A hand falls to my thigh, his fingers walking up my leg. His head moves to my side, kinda hanging there. “Is that what you wanna do, Delilah?” he slurs. “Scream my name?” He chuckles and that makes me bite my lip. I’m happy he’s too fucked up to see it.
My grip tightens on my board, slumping in my seat.
This is gonna be a long trip.
“Shit.” The giggles kick in when I see how massive this Ark is.
“Almost as long as my cock,” Gabe chuckles and that makes me laugh too. Even if it’s the first thing he’s said since we sat on that bus, his cinnamon and tobacco sent teasing and tempting me the entire time.
The sun shines bright on the giant wooden boat the size of two football fields. The height of an apartment building. Squinting, my skin tingles, the heat of the sun warming my scalp. My laugh lingers, staring at the boat, my body feeling weightless.
The brightness dims, Gabe standing in front of me. He lowers his shades, his face god-like under the sun, a halo around his head. While his skin looks so soft to touch, glowing even, I know what’s happening here, and he calls me on it. “You’re high.” A smirk tugs at his lip. Students stand all around us, a couple of profs giving out instructions at the front of our small crowd.
“Aren’t you?” I shoot the question back, his pupils like two black orbs in his head.
He chuckles. “Enjoy the show, Dee.” With his hands in his hoodie, a slump in his shoulders, he walks ahead into the Ark like he’s not a care in the world. Like we’re not fucking partners.
Like we’ve talked about our fucked up situation.
“Gabe!” He doesn’t answer, disappearing through the doors and I don’t know why I call him. I don’t need him to get through this.
I don’t need him. Period.
That’s what drugs are for.
Avoiding the eye contact of my profs as we file in, I take a cue from Gabe and act like I belong here. Skateboard under my arm, I enter into the Ark, ignoring the assignment sheets at the front as the magic pill starts to blow my mind.
The wooden walls, ceilings and floors seem to breathe, the space moving in and out as I make my way through the entrance and up the first ramp. When I pass a dinosaur in a wooden cage, it winks at me, his head swaying back and forth. Moving to the next cage, a giant bird sits inside. It doesn’t look to be moving but when I stare, it spreads its wings. A giggle escapes me, my reflection i
n the glass shows my jaw hanging wide open. Flames erupt. Fire comes from his mouth and, “Coooocks.”
I’m tripping fucking balls.
“Amazing isn’t it?” Dean McQueen startles me. His hand falls on my shoulder again and it reminds me of Gemma. Or whatever the fuck he did to her.
The large bird squawks at him and I do the same, the feeling vibrating through me as horns grow out of his head. “Caw!” His brows furrow as I squawk but someone calls to me and while he’s distracted, I take off down the wooden hall.
I’m not sure how much time passes while I gaze at the exhibits, completely fucking out of it before I end up in a bat cave. It’s dark, the sounds of wings and squeaks in the ceiling. Swatting at the air, I dodge my imagination, making it out the other end where I’m in front of another cage. A blue whale. It looks at me, and when it speaks, it sounds like Elijah, its tail slapping around. Taking a step back, I stumble to the floor.
Someone calls my name, the voice warping through my head, sounding like a demon. My heart pounds as I look around the room, colours blurring together. Pushing myself off the ground, I pick up the pace.
“Delilah?”
That voice warbles in my ear again, echoing through my head in a deep bass. It sounds like Gabriel but the echoes sound like Elijah. An angry Elijah. My skin clammy, my breaths short, I look for the exit. I need to get the fuck out of here. I need some air. This pill is backfiring. Fast. I’m totally having a bad trip.
Backing into a wall, my back nudges a door open, a sign that reads “Employees Only”. I’m met with silence on the other side, the wood of the boat curving like I’ve found one end. Random supplies sit around me, a schedule and a whiteboard on the wall. It reminds me that I’m in a museum. Nothing more.
My eyes focus on the edge of the boat. It curves up like the ramps in a skate park. Smooth enough to ride. So I do. As soon as my board hits the wood, I’m flying like a bandit out of jail. The little breeze pushing through my hair tingles my face, waking me as I hit the edge of my new makeshift ramp. With a flip, I spread my arms wide, eyes closed as I feel the breeze on my skin.
When I open my eyes, Gabe’s staring right at me, his back against the door. His eyes catch mine and when he smirks, I trip.
Twenty-Three
Delilah
“Of course, you’re in a place you shouldn’t be,” Gabe chuckles, arms crossed. “That’s your thing.”
The board rolls until it hits the tip of his shoes. White and black sneakers with “Givenchy” in the middle.
“And leaving me is your thing,” I groan. Pushing up off the floor, I watch as he steps onto the board, his hands out wide like a fucking amateur. “While skateboarding is so not.” When I’m up, I walk towards him but the room tilts, and I wobble.
He reaches out, grabbing my arm. “You alright?” His voice sounds warbly like he’s trapped in a wall. “Saw you struggling out there. You’re the amateur.” He widens his eyes, dropping his jaw, mimicking the face I must’ve had.
“Really? You came here to make fun of me?”
“I called you. Wanted to make sure you didn’t do anything weird. So I guess I didn’t leave you alone this time, did I?”
I want to say something back. Something that puts him in his place but the room feels like it’s melting away, becoming dark and light again. “What is this stuff?” I ask. Gabe’s face gets bigger as he comes closer and my eyes widen, taking another step back that almost makes me stumble.
“You don’t know what you took?”
I shrug, holding onto his hands while the room takes me for a loop. “It had a snowflake on it.” He chuckles and it helps to soothe me. Still, I pull a hand away, pushing on his chest as I ask, “What’s so funny?”
“You.” He kicks my board to the tip of my Chuck. “Show me something.”
“Now?” Looking at my board, I step on it again, using his hand for leverage. He gives me a push and the motion somehow levels me out. Going for a small ride, Gabriel helps me to feel better, a welcome distraction as I watch him watching me. Gabe looks like a Roman statue in the middle of the room. Even while high he stands with confidence. Power. Wonder how he’d look on a board with all that new muscle. Holding out a hand, I step off. “Wanna learn how to Ollie?” Another laugh escapes me. “‘Cause I don’t think I can do one right now.”
His eyes narrow like he’s reading my insides. “Not gonna kill me with your new board are you?”
“Only because you bought it.” His laugh makes that knot in my stomach tighten. “Why’d you pick the alien on the back?” Holding out my hands, I give him something to hold onto as he steps on the board, warmth spreading through my skin as his grip tightens.
“‘Cause you don’t belong here.” It’s hard to pull away when his eyes are boring into mine, shades on his head.
We’re quiet, a comfortable silence as I bring him up the curve. Concentrating on his movements, the way his knees bend. “Put your right foot a little more forward.” The control I have over keeping him standing on this board puts me at ease. “Now, place your left foot way at the back, right at the tip.”
He does, but not without pushback. “You like telling me what to do, Daniels?”
“Well, you won’t talk to me so you’ll listen to my demands.”
“I don’t take demands,” his eyes meet mine, a bolt striking my core. “From anyone.” Pushing his weight to the back of the board, he’s way too wobbly to hold on and finish the exit before he tumbles. “Fuck.” Tripping over the board, he takes me down with him. My face hits his chest, his laugh vibrating through me, his body warm like a toasty marshmallow. When I try to push up, his hand comes to my back. “That’s harder than it looks.”
“So is trying to talk to you.”
Silence fills the room again. When I look up, his eyes wander the space. “He would’ve loved using this spot for one of his videos.”
“Elijah?” Looking around with him, a small smile forms on my lips. “Hell, he’d make the entire Ark his personal skate park.” A memory widens my smile. “Remember when he got in trouble for riding the rails at the church?”
Gabe laughs again. “My dad fucking lost it.” He puts on his best Pastor Godfrey voice, his fingers making my insides tingle when he walks them along my spine. “Those cost fifty-thousand!” He scoffs. “It’s all he cares about. Money.”
I sigh, “Isn’t that what all parents care about?”
“Mine are on another level.” As he speaks, his fingers make circles on my back and it’s hard not to think about the way he moves his fingers in other places. “They’d only care if I died. Not because I’m dead but because they’d lose money.”
“That checks out.” My head falls on his chest and I can feel his heart pounding, his breaths quick as his chest moves up and down. We’re hardly moving but I feel the same, like a thrill when we’re together. A thrilling comfort. “So why do you stay here? In Clementine?”
He shrugs. “If I can get drafted, I can get my life back. My folks control everything. My money included. If I’m gonna get any sort of independence, I need to make my own money and if I can get drafted, I can start doing that. Our team is one of the best. Happens all the time and my time is coming.”
“Is that why you flipped your shit when I broke your sticks?”
“That’s why I gave you a blindfold baptism.”
“Stop trying to make that a thing!” I slap his chest.
“It’s a thing,” he chuckles, one that makes me feel like my insides are coiling in on each other. His head hits the wood. “Fuck, I should’ve eaten before I did this. I’m hungry but I’m not. You know?”
This is the chattiest he’s been and while I shouldn’t be entertaining this, I use it to my advantage. “Gabe …”
“Yeah.”
“What are you on?”
“Molly. Blow.” He shrugs.
Since the first time Gabe got high, that’s all he’s ever been. High. Knowing what I know, he’s mixed a concoction of his
own. “That it?”
“For now.”
His quick answers make me dive deeper. “You ever worry about what happened to Elijah?” The question pours out without it feeling foreign or heavy, the room a soft glow with light peeking in through the wooden slats. “Even after you went to rehab?” His body stiffens before he lets out a long exhale. But he doesn’t answer. And after giving him a few minutes, he still doesn’t. I look up. “So you’re gonna pick and choose what you answer?”
He looks down at me, his eyes roaming my face, my stomach fills with flutters again. “It’s the only thing that takes my mind away.”
I’m lost in that fucked up gaze and he won’t break the spell. Won’t look away. “It took your best friend away.”
“You blaming me for it?”
Doodling on his chest with my finger, I take a second. I’ve blamed Gabe the entire time, but after finding out he was in rehab over the summer, is that fair?
“If you weren’t there, then no.” A long exhale escapes me like I’m letting it all off on his chest. The blame. The guilt I wanted him to feel. Taking Gabe out of the equation, the only person I can really blame is myself. “When I took that trip with Nix.” Gabe’s hand tightens on my back when I say his name, but I let that go, too lost in my thoughts. “I thought you’d take my place, and I thought something really fucked up happened and I blamed you for it. Since you didn’t call or write or anything, I blamed you some more. Meanwhile, you were away in fucking rehab.” Burying my face in his chest muffles my voice. “God.”
“And you still blame me?”
“Oh, yeah. Totally. I blame you for telling everyone about my mom. I blame you for tying me the cross. I also blame you for dunking me in a literal cesspool.”
“Don’t think you deserved it?”
Fucker. “Deserved you bullying me?”
“You started it.” Gabe’s laugh makes me vibrate on his chest, the memories of his antics filling my head. Filling me with a burst of fire again. As he continues, that fire moves from my core all the way to my hand, my palm coming to his face.