A Million Bodies

by Erica Pensini

"We support archeological studies that are underfunded. Now we're sponsoring a project in a small town, Monasteriumburg, not far from New York," the girl continues, and I shudder.

  "Do you know the town?" she asks, noticing the sudden change in my expression.

  "I?maybe, I can't remember," I mumble, lying.

  "We've created a nice documentary about the study in Monasteriumburg. I'll show you," she tells me.

  I follow the girl, hypnotized by the sound of her steps resonating in the hollow greyness of the hallway.

  Chapter 32

  "Here," says the girl, stopping in front of a metal door, grey and tattered.

  Theatre 503, reads a black label stenciled on it.

  The girl smiles at me, oblivious to the expressionless mask through which I am trying to conceal my fears.

  She produces a bulky set of keys attached onto a heavy metal ring, and the lock opens with a cavernous thump.

  "Here" she repeats.

  "Have a seat, I'll go to the other side to start the documentary," she adds, walking out of the room.

  To the other side?

  Large red pillows are scattered around the room. I pick one very close to the screen, in the center of the room. It wraps around my hips as I seat, and I cannot decide if I feel as if I am being swallowed by a carnivorous plant or cozily embraced by soft flesh.

  The screen rests inanimate for a while, before I hear a crackling sound behind me, and sepia colored images form on the screen, shapeless at first and then grainy but recognizable. A group of men and women are working around what appear to be remnants of an aircraft or a military device. It's strange how I seem to know the people in the documentary. I must be imagining. I am still rubbing my eyes to brush away the thought, when a voice breaks the surreal silence of the room.

  "I remember this?it was my spaceship," the voice whispers. And the voice is unmistakably mine.

  The group's eyes are transfixed onto the woman who just spoke.

  "Perhaps you need a break, Iris. You've been acting strange lately," one of the men says.

  It's uncle, I am sure.

  "Perhaps you need a break," intervenes one of the other team members, and that's Matt.

  "What are you talking about?" Uncle Ludwig retorts.

  "He's talking about the fact that lately you don't seem like your usual self either, Ludwig," another man replies calmly. It's Wilhelm.

  I look at the scene, mesmerized.

  "Iris?" I whisper.

  The Iris on the other side of the screen looks my way and bugs her eyes, incredulous.

  Then she turns towards Arthur, her gaze questioning and pleading at once. He looks at her, and then at me.

  "Arthur!" I exclaim.

  He freezes for a moment.

  "Arthur, why did you leave without me?" I ask, suddenly remembering his rushed morning departure.

  Instead of answering he looks in turn at me, on this side of the screen, and at the other me.

  "What do those remnants mean to you, Iris?" I want to know, addressing the other me.

  "Don't you remember them?" she asks.

  Leaving the red pillow, I move closer to the screen. From this distance I cannnot discern what I see on the screen, and yet - abruptly - an image impresses itself on my eyes and I remember.

  I am cruising in a sea of blackness punctuated by dots millions of years away from me. I press a button.

  "Arthur," I say.

  "Arthur will answer the call in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 seconds. You will speak to Arthur in 0 seconds," a female voice clearly enunciates.

  "Iris," Arthur replies.

  "Let's meet at point 503", I tell him.

  "I'll head there now," Arthur says, and a smile forms on my lips.

  "Great!" I exclaim.

  Yes, those are the remnants of my spaceship. I recall how the future used to be.

  "Yes, you're right Iris," I tell the other me on the opposite side of the screen.

  "We must cut this connection, it's too risky!" I hear, but I cannot place the source of the voice.

  "No, no!" someone screams in reply, and this time I can identify the speaker.

  The resemblance between the man who just spoke and me is startling.

  "Don't go, please don't go," he pleads, his fingertips pressed against the screen, on the side opposite to mine.

  "You can't go to the other side, not for now," Arthur intervenes, patting his shoulder.

  "Arthur, what is happening?" I want to know.

  "I cannot fully explain?" he replies hesitantly.

  "Arthur!" I insist.

  "We must cut this connection, it's too risky!" the voice screams again.

  "Arthur!" I repeat, my voice peaking.

  Arthur presses his fingertips against the screen, the same way my male alter ego had done, and I move my hands forward, impulsively, trying to embrace him.

  Something like an electric shock flashes through my arms, I feel sucked into a new element, my head spins.

  "Arthur!" I scream, reaching to the other side to pull Arthur towards me.

  The screen deforms as Arthur's face pushes against it, and I pull harder, digging my nails in his back. Then I lose my balance, and Arthur and I tip over to my side.

  "We must cut, cut, cuuut, ccccccut, t, t, t" the voice screams and then crackles, agonizing.

  And all is quiet again. The screen is grey, the room disturbingly silent.

  "Arthur?" I gently say.

  Arthur, limp on top of me, doesn't reply.

  "Arthur?" I repeat.

  Again, no answer.

  "Hey, Arthur!" I call a third time, tipping Arthur over.

  Eyes closed, Arthur lies on the floor, motionless.

  "Arthur!" I shake him, but to no avail.

  Chapter 33

  "Arthur!", I scream one more time, tears rolling down my cheeks.

  Holding my hands over my ears I crouch, swinging myself back and forth, and think, Arthur cannot be dead. And yet I know he is.

  I keep rocking myself the way kids do, crushed by the pain, when I hear a sort of gurgle, muffled at first, then louder, accompanied by a fit of cough.

  "Arthur!" I exclaim.

  After a good amount of coughing he finally manages to say, "Iris, where are we?"

  At the sound of Arthur's voice my tension melts away in laughter and tears, and I hug him so tight it hurts.

  "What happened and where are we?" he asks again.

  "We're in Mine 503", I tell him.

  "The one where we didn't stop in the past because the road was blocked, remember?" I continue, noticing the blank expression on Arthur's face.

  "Oh yeah?" Arthur recollects.

  "And you were there" I add, pointing at the screen.

  "What?!" Arthur exclaims, bugging his eyes.

  "We need to get out of here, I'll explain later" I urge him.

  "Why do we need to get out of here?" Arthur wants to know.

  "Because it's not safe" I tell him.

  Arthur observes me for a moment, frowning in the peculiar way he does when he is processing too much information at once.

  "Wait?you said Mine 503?" he asks after a moment, and I nod.

  "This is where it all started" he states enigmatically.

  "What do you mean?" I ask, puzzled.

  "This is where my trip started. When I got into the time machine, I landed here. I walked around, and strangely enough I found a bike lying on the ground. I hesitated for a moment, but there was really nobody in sight and I decided that the bike couldn't possibly belong to someone. Or perhaps it did, but I took it anyways. Then I did something really odd, I don't know how I came up with the idea" he starts and pauses.

  The image of Arthur pedalling all the way to the center of the mine dawns on me. He is hovering above the ground rather than truly pedalling on it, in a surreal and yet strangely convincing picture.

  "Did you pedal all the way down to the center of the mine?" I ask.

  "How do you know?" Arthur starts

>   "In actual fact I don't," I shrug, "I mean, it doesn't seem possible to do so."

  "It doesn't seem logically possible and yet I imagined doing it and then I just did it", he tells me.

  "And what happened next?" I want to know.

  "The mine cracked open and I began to fall. The fall seemed endless. I thought I had either fallen asleep or died. The darkness was complete, and after a while it felt like I was no longer moving. I had reached a sort of internal peace and gotten to accept that I was dead when I found myself, suddenly and inexplicably, in the middle of a windy road," Arthur says and pauses.

  "What about it?" I prod him.

  "I remembered that road, I had been there as a kid. My family and I had gone for a trip to the Netherlands and we had camped around a place called Valkenburg. There was an old castle there, crippled and eroded", Arthur remembers.

  A sense of uneasiness dilates within me as I listen to Arthur's memories.

  "One day we rent bikes and cruised around Valkenburg, and landed in a street that reminded me of the one I saw today, at least at the beginning," Arthur starts.

  "And what happened next?" I ask.

  "Today the scenery changed as I biked and I found myself in an ambience that looked Dutch and yet-" Arthur attempts to explain and stops, unable to articulate.

  "Things might have changed since you were last there," I suggest.

  "No, that's not it. I had the eerie feeling that things were slightly out of place even when all the houses appeared built in the Dutch style. I dismissed it as a subjective perception till I saw a house which was most definitely American," he tells me.

  I look at him with a questioning gaze.

  "American?" I ask.

  "Yes, the house was American or North American, but certainly not Dutch. And I felt like I knew the house," he tells me and stops, struggling to continue.

  "Tell me about it," I prod him.

  "I entered that house, and I figured it was your house. You lived there as a kid," he sighs.

  "Me?!" I exclaim.

  "Yes, but it wasn't this you, it was another you, living in another life," he tells me.

  I start to understand.

  "Where was the house?" I want to know.

  "In Boulder," he says.

  "How can you be sure the house was in Boulder?" I want to know.

  "I was your father's friend, and I had gone to your place to see him. At a point in our conversation he said, 'Boulder is a neat place, but it can get boring', and that's why I am sure I was in Boulder" he explains.

  "Did you see me?" I need to know, and I shiver as I wait for his answer.

  He nods.

  "And?"

  "And you started playing grownup with me," he tells me, without looking at me.

  "You mean?" I start.

  "You took my hand and told me things I would have preferred not to hear," Arthur says.

  "Ok Arthur, why don't you tell me the whole story?" I snap, impatient.

  "You took my hand and you started to flirt with me when all of a sudden the ceiling of your room cracked," Arthur continues, raising his eyes and steadying his voice.

  "Another crack?and what did you see?" I ask.

  "Beyond the ceiling there was a room shaped just like yours and yet furnished in a completely different manner. You were up there, and you were an adult. You looked down through the crack, but you didn't see me. There was a man in the room, I sensed that his presence made you uncomfortable. He told you that your life would change forever if you jumped in the room where I was," Arthur says.

  "I remember?so it wasn't a dream?" I whisper.

  "I don't know anymore," Arthur replies.

  "I ignored the man's words and jumped down?" I say.

  "No you didn't, not right away at least" Arthur replies.

  "Yes I did," I insist.

  "No, I'm the one who climbed up" Arthur objects.

  "So what happened to young Iris who was with you in the room?" I want to know.

  "I?I left her behind," Arthur fumbles, dropping his head.

  "You left little Iris behind?!" I exclaim incredulous.

  "Well, I wanted to go up first and then bring her with me, but-" he starts.

  "But?" I urge him, grabbing his arms.

  "But when I looked down little Iris had become a boy," Arthur says at last.

  Chapter 34

  "I?I had become a boy?" I whisper.

  Arthur nods.

  "You know, I had a dream about my father telling me that I carry my brother within me. I didn't understand his meaning?but now?who am I?" I say, talking to myself.

  "You are Iris, and you are a woman," Arthur replies.

  I shake my head no, and I feel tears pooling in my eyes.

  "Why are you crying?" Arthur asks.

  I cannot get myself to answer.

  "You haven't heard the end of the story," Arthur objects.

  I look at him expectantly, hoping for a new turn.

  "When I leaped to the room on top you saw me, and stopped short for a moment. Then you looked down, and it was then that you saw the little boy. He saw you too, and gripped you with his pleading eyes. His eyes resembled yours and yet they didn't, they were defenseless, and with their lost expression they sought comfort in your determined gaze. The man beside you told you, "If you jump down, your life will change forever." And as soon as he said so, you jumped," Arthur tells me.

  "What happened next?"

  "You became the little girl I left in the old room before exploring the parallel world above," Arthur says.

  "I did?" I ask, relieved.

  "Yes, you did. You took your brother's hand and looked at the man in defiance. "My life will change forever, and so will yours," you told him. When I called your name your eyes filled with sadness for an instant, but then you smiled and said we'd meet again," Arthur says.

  "And I was right," I reply, smiling.

  "I didn't have the time to answer you because the man grabbed my wrists, and pulled me away from the crack. I tried to break free, but his hands clamped my wrists as if they were made of steel and he dragged me to a room I hadn't noticed. In a corner, on the floor, there was a trap-door and he pushed me down with a strength that was unhuman. It was dark inside. I thought he'd dump me in there and lock the door, but instead he stepped in, and closed the door behind us. There was no light at all, and I don't know how he managed to lead me down the stairs as I kept stumbling and falling. After walking downwards for an indefinite amount of time we reached a level," Arthur remembers.

  He pauses and shakes his head for a moment, as if attempting to clear his mind.

  "What is it, Arthur?" I ask.

  "He called Ludwig's name, and your uncle appeared," he continues.

  "My uncle?I dreamed about that too. Uncle Ludwig?" I whisper.

  "It's not a dream, Iris," Arthur tells me.

  I am about to ask a question, but he raises his finger.

  "Wait, let me finish. I don't understand the whole picture, but I am starting to see a pattern. So Ludwig appeared, carrying a torch, and a dim light spread in the room. We were in a library. Do you remember the library?" Arthur asks me.

  "Which library? The one we reached from the cemetery?" I ask.

  "Exactly. See, if it was nothing but a dream we couldn't have the same memories," Arthur reasons.

  "You're right?" I nod slowly, trying to makes sense of what is happening.

  "Ludwig told me, 'You're here to re-write to book.' I couldn't understand his meaning, and I sat silent. 'I was born second, after the king, and that was utterly unjust,' Ludwig continued. I shrugged, and he smiled bitterly at my indifference. 'I studied ways to defy the destiny,' he went on, and the man who dragged me there nodded, then looked at me and added, 'You spoiled it all, but now you'll correct the damage you've made.' I asked what damage they referred to. Ludwig shook his head, as if he could not conceive my forgetfulness. The man beside me had momentarily released his grip, but suddenly he pushed me down on a chai
r. Ludwig placed in front of me the book we've been after all this time. 'Now it's the time to read it,' Ludwig told me, 'And to change it.' He opened it and, at the same time, the man laid his hands on my skull. I felt a shock run through my whole body, and convulsed, and suddenly I found myself in front your naked body, holding a surgical scalpel in my hand," Arthur tells me.

  Chapter 35

  I picture the scalpel slicing my skin and instinctively press my hands tight against my stomach.

  "I am so sorry Iris," Arthur tells me, his eyes filled with sorrow.

  I shake my head without speaking and crawl backwards, my hands still pressed against my stomach.

  "They gave us no choice," Arthur defends himself.

  When I am at a safe distance I stop for a moment and slowly pull up my shirt to look at a mark I had since my birth, a long thin line running from my pubis all the way up to my breasts.

  "What did you do to me?" I manage to whisper.

  I feel betrayed, lost, and infinitely lonely.

  "Your uncle was holding a knife against your throat. I remember each of his words. 'Now, if you don't want her dead you will have to separate Iris from her brother,' he told me. When I asked what he intended to do with your brother he pointed at an ampoule lying on a table. It contained a dark embryo, floating in a black fluid. Your mother was tied on a chair beside it, and stared at Ludwig with hatred. 'We should have destroyed you and your creation, Ludwig,' she said gelidly. Your uncle laughed. 'We didn't because we are not criminals, but that was a mistake,' she continued. 'But you did kill me, he objected. 'No, we did not kill you. We trapped the venomous seed you wanted to become your successor in an indeterminate state and didn't allow it to develop for a second time. We could not afford having a second Ludwig in this world,' I replied. 'Is it so, doctor? Well, now you will take Iris's brother out of her and place it in the same ampoule where the embryo of my future self is now.' I stood there, frozen with the scalpel in my hand. 'Now, have a look at that corner,' Ludwig continued, and I saw the queen, lying in bed, eyes closed. 'My successor should go back to where it belongs, and you are going to return it to the womb from which you treacherously eradicated it and stole it,' he told me. I stood there, frozen. 'Let's not waste any more time, get started with Iris, doctor', he urged me. You understand we had no choice?" Arthur pleads.

  "And so you took my brother away from me. You did it. Why do you say that we had no choice?'" I ask.

  "I saw no way out. I took the scalpel and brought it to my throat, and said I would rather die than do what he wanted me to do," Arthur tells me.

  I want to trust Arthur, but a part of me can't.

  "I was ready to slice my throat when your mother stopped me. 'Don't. Give me the scalpel, I'll do it,' she said. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Ludwig turned pale. 'I know you want to trick me, but I won't let you,' he said with an unsteady voice. She calmly replied that she couldn't trick him since he was holding a knife on her daughter's throat. Then she stood up," Arthur continues.